Lost In Thought.

My passenger seat has a place for you, only you.

My passenger seat was once filled with your body.

My passenger seat held your laughter, your sleepiness, your adventurous curiosity.

My passenger seat once held one of the people I could be myself around.

My passenger seat, I look over at it and wish you were there. I wish I could hear your laughter again, see your eyes get bigger because of beautiful scenery. I want to see your pretty little head sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat.

My passenger seat briefly held a moment of time where you and I shared a moment. And the thoughts that ran through my head, ugh I hate being a hopeless romantic.

I saw you in my passenger seat and I wanted nothing more than to just drive. Drive with no destination. I wanted to see your hair fly, whisper with the wind. I wanted to see the sunset behind an alluring being. So delicate, so charming of what you are. A genuine soul. A person with pure intentions.

My passenger seat holds onto a piece of you. A piece of you that I’ll remember.

My passenger seat is empty now…

The destination is no more, you were the destination. You’re not around, what’s the point. My passenger seat is empty. We want you back, I want you back. I want the destination to be you again.

Let’s go back to the summer of 2020 for a second.

Imagine. You’re lying in your bed. The room is dark.

The only light is being casted through the cracks of the door. The room is on the colder side. You are under your blanket trying to maintain your warmth.

And You try to not think about things that’s been bothering you that week or day or your current situation. But, knowing yourself, you allow those thoughts to overcome you. And you began thinking about a particular person. And you shouldn’t be. And the thought of this person definitely makes you smile. Gives you butterflies as well. The more you think about them, the more you think about how wrong it is. But the question of “well, what if?” lingered in your thoughts. You tried so hard to get rid of the thought of this person but no matter what, this person was in your every thought. Always on your mind. In a pitch black cold room this person made you smile. But you know it’s wrong because 1-they were seeing somebody and 2-there was no chance. No matter the chemistry you two shared… while lying there you go over everything that led to the moment…

And just like that you are brought back to the summer of 2020; When you saw them, you just wanted to hear them talk or laugh or just have them notice you made your day. Despite the troubles between you two, you still wanted to be close to them. Even when you tried to be mad, you couldn’t because their laugh was so cute and sweet, you couldn’t stay mad. The sight of them made you nervous but happy. Deep inside all you wanted was for them to notice you. The least little bit. You went out of your way to text them just because you wanted to talk to them. Even if it was a silly little message, you made the effort. Even on your bad days, you still wanted to talk to them…

That summer you learned a lot about how to get in touch with yourself as well as feeling some type of for somebody who you has zero chance with. That didn’t stop you from learning all you could about them. You tried to learn the little things about them so you could show them that you could put in the effort and try to save the little bit of friendship that was left. And then somewhere along the way the way things went south. As much as you wanted to save the friendship, it wasn’t the same no matter how much you wanted it go back to the way it used to be. At one point they were a part of the source that caused your happiness, and now you can’t even speak to each other. I deleted their number, however, I can’t bring myself to delete the conversation. I some times go back and read the conversations, a catch myself starting to smile because I miss them. And then I quickly snap back into reality and I shed a small tear. I cherish all the alone times we shared even if it wasn’t long, I still think about it. There were time where I wanted to open up completely to them, but I felt like they weren’t interested so I caught myself. I didn’t want to bother them with talking about me, but I could listen to them talk about themself and what interests them all day long. If only they knew the things i write about them…

It’s 1:30, I’m laying in bed.

I’m supposed to be winding down.

But instead I found one of our old conversations.

I can’t seem to get you out of my head now.

Looking back at your photos, tears start to fill my eyes.

A tear rolled down my face.

My heart is beating faster.

My mind won’t slow down.

My breathing is becomes faster.

The thought of you puts me in a different atmosphere.

The sight of you brings a smile to face, all the while with tears in my eyes.

I want you so bad.

I tried to move on.

I did.

Briefly.

It’s always the small things that brings me back.

Our messages, I reread them.

Your actions.

Your affection.

I cry a little more.

I’m tired.

I’ve been thinking about you nonstop lately..

You’ve been in every thought.

In every one of my favorite songs.

In every thing exciting.

In the moments where I was feeling down.

You’ve been running around my heart like it’s a marathon.

You’ve been in moon, the sun rises, the sunsets.

It’s been awhile since we’ve last spoken.

It’s been awhile since we’ve last seen each other.

If I were see you again, my heart will literally shatter.

I’ll end up playing clean up with the pieces.

I wish I could say I’ve moved on, but when you’re running through my mind, it’s hard to.

There is nobody like you.

There is nobody as soft as you.

There’s nobody as smart as you.

There’s nobody who’s smile will melt my heart like yours.

There’s nobody quite like you, and I think that’s what I really fell for.

You denied me and then again you did things to me.

You played hard to get but intentionally made me jealous.

You and I played each other.

I posted 36 times in 2021

11 posts created (31%)

25 posts reblogged (69%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.3 posts.

I added 65 tags in 2021

#lesbian - 11 posts

#gay girl - 11 posts

#queer girl - 11 posts

#single - 11 posts

#love - 11 posts

#poetry - 7 posts

#ambers poetry - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 13 characters

#ambers poetry

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Overtime.

Once I’m interested, I’m fully invested.

I wanna learn about your likes, your interests, your doubts, your worries, everything.

I wanna make you smile.

You deserve to smile.

If that means putting in overtime, I’m willing.

I wanna hear your laugh, the sound that’s so pleasing to my ears.

I wanna see your smile, the sight that’s so bright and so clear as to why I try so hard.

I wanna see the twinkle in your eye.

I wanna see those dark brown eyes looking at me.

Because at that moment, I understand why.

Why the effort is so worth it.

Baby, overtime isn’t much when it comes to you.

I’m willing to give you all my time.

If you want me to put in terms that you’ll get, baby, I’m putting in overtime.

4 notes • Posted 2021-04-19 00:32:15 GMT

#4

A year.

I remember when I started to fall for you.

I remember the moments that I knew it would hurt to fall.

It was towards the end of the year, and I fell... hard...

It was unexpected.

It was hard at first coming to terms with it.

I tried so hard to deny it.

I tried my hardest to hide it.

The following year, things changed.

A few short months into the new year, it felt different.

The year went on, mid way through, things went south.

We went from being friends to not even speaking.

We went from laughing to being frustrated.

We went to missing each other to not even caring.

I went from hearing from you almost everyday to not at all.

A year can change a whole lot. Especially between two people.

The connection was there, but along the way, it disappeared.

In a year, growth can happen, change can happen, feelings can change, and people change.

That year can make a big difference.

It opened my eyes to the kind of person you are.

As much as I wanna like you, it might be best that I don’t...

A year, wow, that’s all I can say...

4 notes • Posted 2021-04-18 23:03:43 GMT

#3

Girls like you.

Why do girls like me fall for somebody like you?

Why do girls like me fall for girls who aren’t obtainable?

Why do girls like me fall for girls who are unavailable?

Why do girls like me go after girls who aren’t interested?

Why do girls like me like girls like you who has the prettiest smile?

Why do girls like you often times have the most lustrous eyes?

Why do girls like you make it so difficult for girls like me to move on?

Girls like you are a blessing and curse.

However, I like girls like you...

4 notes • Posted 2021-02-19 19:54:43 GMT

#2

A dream.

There’s no use in lookin back and wondering what might have been.

I can’t find ways to let you go.

I’ve never had a dream come true until I met you.

I pretend that you aren’t always on my mind.

You’ll always be special to me.

No matter where life takes me to.

You will always be the dream that fills my head.

You will always be the one I’ll never forget.

No matter how I try, I can bring myself to say goodbye.

I pretend this is a dream and one day I’ll wake and things will be different.

The funny thing about dreams is that you can go to escape reality.

You are my dream.

You are what I want in this real version of life.

The only place I’ll see you and be with you is in my dreams.

5 notes • Posted 2021-02-02 23:05:23 GMT

#1

Phases.

I go through phases with you.

Some days, I’ll be so happy to see you. So happy to hear your voice. So happy you’re around.

I’m happy with you being close by. I like having you close to me. I like hearing your laughter. I love to hear your voice. I like the roughness yet softness of your fingertips gripping my arm. My mind wonders to a very promiscuous place. You definitely make my heart skip a beat on those days.

The other days, I get so annoyed.

I get annoyed that you talk about other potential romances. I get jealous that you don’t speak to me first. I get annoyed that people hear from you before I do. I get annoyed that you are the only person I want to talk to but can’t. I get annoyed that you are literally always on my mind. I hear a song, instantly think of you. I hear a quote that reminds me of you, I want to send it to you. The most annoyed I get is that you aren’t mine. I get annoyed that I can’t wake up to you every morning. I get annoyed that I can’t talk to you all the time. I get so annoyed that you are always on my mind. It’s annoying falling so hard and so deeply for somebody and for them to not feel the same way. It’s hurts.

With you, there are phases. At times, you’re all I want. At times, I don’t want to see you. At times, hearing your name irritates me. At the end of the day, the phases all disappear and I’m focused on wanting you...again...

6 notes • Posted 2021-01-27 22:01:53 GMT

I posted 36 times in 2021

11 posts created (31%)

25 posts reblogged (69%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.3 posts.

I added 65 tags in 2021

#lesbian - 11 posts

#gay girl - 11 posts

#queer girl - 11 posts

#single - 11 posts

#love - 11 posts

#poetry - 7 posts

#ambers poetry - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 13 characters

#ambers poetry

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Overtime.

Once I’m interested, I’m fully invested.

I wanna learn about your likes, your interests, your doubts, your worries, everything.

I wanna make you smile.

You deserve to smile.

If that means putting in overtime, I’m willing.

I wanna hear your laugh, the sound that’s so pleasing to my ears.

I wanna see your smile, the sight that’s so bright and so clear as to why I try so hard.

I wanna see the twinkle in your eye.

I wanna see those dark brown eyes looking at me.

Because at that moment, I understand why.

Why the effort is so worth it.

Baby, overtime isn’t much when it comes to you.

I’m willing to give you all my time.

If you want me to put in terms that you’ll get, baby, I’m putting in overtime.

4 notes • Posted 2021-04-19 00:32:15 GMT

#4

A year.

I remember when I started to fall for you.

I remember the moments that I knew it would hurt to fall.

It was towards the end of the year, and I fell... hard...

It was unexpected.

It was hard at first coming to terms with it.

I tried so hard to deny it.

I tried my hardest to hide it.

The following year, things changed.

A few short months into the new year, it felt different.

The year went on, mid way through, things went south.

We went from being friends to not even speaking.

We went from laughing to being frustrated.

We went to missing each other to not even caring.

I went from hearing from you almost everyday to not at all.

A year can change a whole lot. Especially between two people.

The connection was there, but along the way, it disappeared.

In a year, growth can happen, change can happen, feelings can change, and people change.

That year can make a big difference.

It opened my eyes to the kind of person you are.

As much as I wanna like you, it might be best that I don’t...

A year, wow, that’s all I can say...

4 notes • Posted 2021-04-18 23:03:43 GMT

#3

Girls like you.

Why do girls like me fall for somebody like you?

Why do girls like me fall for girls who aren’t obtainable?

Why do girls like me fall for girls who are unavailable?

Why do girls like me go after girls who aren’t interested?

Why do girls like me like girls like you who has the prettiest smile?

Why do girls like you often times have the most lustrous eyes?

Why do girls like you make it so difficult for girls like me to move on?

Girls like you are a blessing and curse.

However, I like girls like you...

4 notes • Posted 2021-02-19 19:54:43 GMT

#2

A dream.

There’s no use in lookin back and wondering what might have been.

I can’t find ways to let you go.

I’ve never had a dream come true until I met you.

I pretend that you aren’t always on my mind.

You’ll always be special to me.

No matter where life takes me to.

You will always be the dream that fills my head.

You will always be the one I’ll never forget.

No matter how I try, I can bring myself to say goodbye.

I pretend this is a dream and one day I’ll wake and things will be different.

The funny thing about dreams is that you can go to escape reality.

You are my dream.

You are what I want in this real version of life.

The only place I’ll see you and be with you is in my dreams.

5 notes • Posted 2021-02-02 23:05:23 GMT

#1

Phases.

I go through phases with you.

Some days, I’ll be so happy to see you. So happy to hear your voice. So happy you’re around.

I’m happy with you being close by. I like having you close to me. I like hearing your laughter. I love to hear your voice. I like the roughness yet softness of your fingertips gripping my arm. My mind wonders to a very promiscuous place. You definitely make my heart skip a beat on those days.

The other days, I get so annoyed.

I get annoyed that you talk about other potential romances. I get jealous that you don’t speak to me first. I get annoyed that people hear from you before I do. I get annoyed that you are the only person I want to talk to but can’t. I get annoyed that you are literally always on my mind. I hear a song, instantly think of you. I hear a quote that reminds me of you, I want to send it to you. The most annoyed I get is that you aren’t mine. I get annoyed that I can’t wake up to you every morning. I get annoyed that I can’t talk to you all the time. I get so annoyed that you are always on my mind. It’s annoying falling so hard and so deeply for somebody and for them to not feel the same way. It’s hurts.

With you, there are phases. At times, you’re all I want. At times, I don’t want to see you. At times, hearing your name irritates me. At the end of the day, the phases all disappear and I’m focused on wanting you...again...

6 notes • Posted 2021-01-27 22:01:53 GMT

We’re standing in a crowded room, the silence is killing me.

Simple miscommunications led to our fall out.

And I’m dying to know is it killing you like it’s killing me.

You’re doing your best to avoid me.

I search the room looking for an empty chair.

We can pretend this meant nothing.

I’d tell you I miss you but I don’t know how.

We can act like we could careless the most, but I’d put my stubbornness aside if you’d rather love than fight.

We could’ve had a great story, but we had a falling out. And it’s tragic.