it should've been me

Cam had been out since he was fourteen years old and even then he'd never had much in the way of a personal struggle for acceptance. He'd just known it as a fact and it wasn't his issue how the people around him dealt with it – which meant he occasionally needed to be reminded that it wasn't so simple for everyone. Especially Greg, who'd been blindsided by the whole thing when he'd first confessed his feelings. "Sorry, I'm doing it again," he let out an apologetic laugh, referring to the way he tended to move as if they were on the same level. "The whole pride parade thing has never been my vibe either but I get it and I want it for the people who need it, you know? I'm just... I'm happy." Again, without any tricks this time, he slipped his hand into Greg's so they could head back to the bar. "How can I help with the figuring out?"

"I know. And I'm happy it's here. Everyone deserves to feel happy and safe when they're showing the rest of the world who they are." It just made him realize that when it came down to it he wasn't really sure of who he was. He trailed behind Cam without hesitation, taking a seat at the bar once they were close enough. "You can't solve all my problems for me, Claymore. Sometimes I have to do things on my own, and this is definitely gonna be one of those times. All I need is for you to be patient with me. And maybe to smack me out of it if I start zoning out in public again."

Cam gave Greg's hair a quick tug for teasing him about talking in third person, never above a childish tactic. Then it was back to business when it came to reassuring him about the whole situation. "I'm not babysitting," he grinned, amused by the way he never quite seemed to get it, "I'm making sure no one swoops in on my man." If he let himself think about it too hard he'd start getting overprotective about the way Greg's self esteem was always fighting against him, but he was right, they were supposed to be having fun. "If you're not into it, you're not into it. The whole point is that you get to be whatever you want, no judgement. If you'd rather go home and hit up netflix my only request is that we have one more drink first. I'm not quite done showing you off."

"That's not possible." The idea of anyone trying to make a move on him had went right over Greg's head. He knew he was decent enough to look at, but he wasn't exactly giving the vibe that he was single and ready to mingle. He wasn't sure what vibe he had aside from unsure. People were attracted to confidence and that was the last thing he giving off at the moment. "I'm not not into it. I'm just still working on it. Or on myself I guess. I'm still trying to figure out who I want to be and how I need to get there. Honestly, I think I'm just getting into my own head about everything so I'm ready for the drink. Or ten. You seem like you're having fun."

"Have you been studying mermaid lore or is this a long standing hobby I didn't know about?" Everyone knew Cam was more perceptive of Greg than anything else in the world, and that night was no different. It was a moment for him too, being at a very public pride party with the guy he'd been in love with since they were kids. "To be honest I couldn't tell you who's influencing who there," he grinned wickedly, brushing a glittery hand through Greg's hair as an excuse to pull him closer again. "They're your sheets too and anyway, this is all a problem for tomorrow Cam. Right now Cam is busy. Let me know if you need a time out, okay? I know it's a lot in here."

"I read sometimes." Greg groaned dramatically when Cam ran his fingers through his hair but the softness in his gaze made it clear it wasn't something he was actually upset about. "They're your sheets until you clean them. But that's a problem for future Cam. Do you think right now Cam is going to keep talking in third person? Because if he is current Greg might need another drink. I'm fine. You definitely don't need to babysit me all night when you should be having fun. I'm just... I'm taking it all in."

"Sounds like propaganda." Cam chuckled, attention drawn to where someone had smeared a hand covered in glitter down his shoulder on their way past. Other than that he was in his standard uniform of jeans and a tank, but his shoes were relatively new so he considered it his 'going out' outfit. "Like how they made Shrek into the bad guy when all he wanted was some peace and quiet." While he couldn't have cared any less about dressing for the occasion he caught the way Greg was plucking at his pants and discreetly moved into action to steal his hand, pulling at him to try and rub off some of the glitter. "Here, if I'm gonna have this shit on me for life I'm bringing you down with me."

"The mermaid was the villain in that too. Remember how quickly she tried to swoop in on Shrek when he was on the beach?" It wasn't so much the outfits as it was that this was the first Pride event he'd ever been a part of as something more than a supporter. He was overthinking it. Thankfully being around Cam was the one sure way he knew that ended with him focusing on something else. Greg opened his hand, instinctively ready to intertwine his fingers with Cam's until he felt the grit of the glitter. "I expected this from Trevor but not from you. You realize you're just making this worse for yourself, right? Because this stuff? Never coming out of your sheets."

"Who cares if you look weak?" The answer was right in front of him, but it didn't fully sink in until Cam said it out loud. It was about Ace and the gang. No matter how hard Greg tried to ignore that aspect of his life, there was no denying that as time went on it only seemed to grow. Maybe at one point Cam had tried fighting off the Claymore label and the stereotypes that came with it but they weren't there anymore. He was different, and it took seeing him in action for Greg to finally realize that. "I'm not laughing either. You know I would do the same thing for you in a heartbeat. We protect each other." He turned his hand, not hesitating to intertwine his fingers with Cam's once he reached for him. "I'm not mad at you. I just-" Greg stopped, not knowing how to finish the thought out loud. The last thing he wanted was to hurt his feelings, but Greg hadn't had to put an effort into filtering his thoughts around his best friend in years. "I don't think I've ever seen Cam the Joker, Ace Claymore's little brother and the prince of the greasers or lost boys or whatever the fuck you guys are calling yourselves now. I've only ever seen you." He shrugged one of his shoulders, unsure if there was a better way to explain it all. When he thought of Cam he pictured the kid who'd helped him study, and the one who'd had so many backyard camping trips he'd lost count. He saw the guy who welcomed him back with open arms after he'd disappeared when things were bad. "It was just weird. Are you- should I be worried?" Greg's brow furrowed as he raised his free hand to rest against the side of Cam's neck. "I know that probably sounds hypocritical considering I've actually shot at someone for you but... I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I care because I'm scared of what happens if these people think they can use me to get to Ace. And these aren't even the worst of them. And-and you, I can't..." It wasn't often that Cam was unsure of what to say, but all he could offer Greg in that moment was a shrug in the hopes he didn't have to explain how much he wanted to keep him out of harm's way. It was so simple, everything boiled down to protecting each other.

Greg ran his thumb along the side of Cam's neck as he listened. As much as he disliked the situation, he understood it, though it was still something he found himself struggling to accept. "It's true." He dipped his head just enough so they were at eye level with each other. "It freaks me out. I remember how against this you all were for so long. It wasn't what you wanted- it definitely wasn't who you wanted to be. And now that you're okay with it I don't know if I should be relieved that you feel better, angry that you were forced into it, or working on some plot to try and get you away from it before something else changes. I don't want you to change because it's easier or other people make you. I want you to change because it's something you want and I... I guess I just worry about what happens if we both change too much." It was the first time he'd admitted it out loud, but saying it felt like he finally rolled a giant weight off his chest. What if they turned into different people? Even worse, what happened if those people turned out to be the type who didn't even like each other all that much? Greg knew he was overthinking it, but it was something that had crossed his mind more than once. "Do you ever worry about that?"

If Greg had learned one thing about spending an extended period of time around the lost boys it was that sometimes not offering up a reaction was the best choice he could make. Normally he did a great job at it. He could easily let most insults roll off his shoulders considering most of his friends talked shit as if it were their second language. He'd heard it from the lost boys before Cam seemed to take off in their ranks, to Trevor when he'd accidentally locked Miguel outside in the rain, reminding him again that he was a terrible uncle. And while the roughhousing wasn't his favorite thing to deal with he'd learned to accept it. He'd done a decent job of tuning Cam's friend out altogether until the blade came into play, but before he could even attempt to focus on something else in hopes that the other boy would get bored Cam reacted. And when Cam reacted, Greg felt himself tensing instinctively.

Cam didn't take pride in unearthing the side of himself he'd spent his whole life trying to prove he wasn't– the Claymore that people mentioned with distaste and apprehension, that Sid and Ace and his father had perpetuated before him. Greg was the last hope really, that maybe he could be seen as more than that. Pressing a knife to someone's throat was hardly going to help though, and he hated how invigorated he felt as they were walking away. Maybe it was some sort of fucked up karmic retribution for never going through an identity crisis when he realised he was gay; now he was trying to figure out if he was morally corrupt beyond salvation.

"Who cares if you look weak?" The answer was right in front of him, but it didn't fully sink in until Cam said it out loud. It was about Ace and the gang. No matter how hard Greg tried to ignore that aspect of his life, there was no denying that as time went on it only seemed to grow. Maybe at one point Cam had tried fighting off the Claymore label and the stereotypes that came with it but they weren't there anymore. He was different, and it took seeing him in action for Greg to finally realize that. "I'm not laughing either. You know I would do the same thing for you in a heartbeat. We protect each other." He turned his hand, not hesitating to intertwine his fingers with Cam's once he reached for him. "I'm not mad at you. I just-" Greg stopped, not knowing how to finish the thought out loud. The last thing he wanted was to hurt his feelings, but Greg hadn't had to put an effort into filtering his thoughts around his best friend in years. "I don't think I've ever seen Cam the Joker, Ace Claymore's little brother and the prince of the greasers or lost boys or whatever the fuck you guys are calling yourselves now. I've only ever seen you." He shrugged one of his shoulders, unsure if there was a better way to explain it all. When he thought of Cam he pictured the kid who'd helped him study, and the one who'd had so many backyard camping trips he'd lost count. He saw the guy who welcomed him back with open arms after he'd disappeared when things were bad. "It was just weird. Are you- should I be worried?" Greg's brow furrowed as he raised his free hand to rest against the side of Cam's neck. "I know that probably sounds hypocritical considering I've actually shot at someone for you but... I just want to make sure you're okay."

Cam had always drawn a line between what he'd deemed his 'real life' and his greaser one but the more time went on the harder it was to deny that they were now very nearly one and the same. It wasn't fair to keep an entire half of himself locked off from Greg, though he couldn't lie and say he wasn't afraid of disappointing his boyfriend. For the most part it was fine, being down at the tracks, even if people kept making stupid quips because Greg was a square by their standards. He was always prepared for that, firing back his fair share of sarcastic barbs as a friendly warning for them not to get too comfortable. It was all good natured, Cam wasn't called the Joker for nothing– which he supposed extended to the switch that flipped in him when one of Ace's errand boys with delusions of grandeur took it too far.

If Greg had learned one thing about spending an extended period of time around the lost boys it was that sometimes not offering up a reaction was the best choice he could make. Normally he did a great job at it. He could easily let most insults roll off his shoulders considering most of his friends talked shit as if it were their second language. He'd heard it from the lost boys before Cam seemed to take off in their ranks, to Trevor when he'd accidentally locked Miguel outside in the rain, reminding him again that he was a terrible uncle. And while the roughhousing wasn't his favorite thing to deal with he'd learned to accept it. He'd done a decent job of tuning Cam's friend out altogether until the blade came into play, but before he could even attempt to focus on something else in hopes that the other boy would get bored Cam reacted. And when Cam reacted, Greg felt himself tensing instinctively.

No matter how much Jamie tried to enjoy being outdoors he still couldn't handle the heat. It was like he wasn't built for the sun and his body wanted to reject the warmth. He let out a sigh unsure what to do. He was already in a tshirt, how much cooler could he get? " This weather is an actual nightmare. I have no idea what to do other than just go inside and not come out till October. "

"Spoken like a man who has no roommates." Greg sighed wistfully. As much as he loved his friends there were times when he wished he had a bit more alone time. Or at least time that he didn't have to worry about Miguel eating his shoes if he left his bedroom door open while he showered. "I think we're halfway there if it helps. Or at least I think we are. It's hard to imagine it getting any worse than this."

“Anyone ever told you that the harsh fluorescence of a convenience store in the middle of the night really brings out your eyes?” Cam was being a shithead of course, happily buzzed after leaving the party with Greg. It felt nice, being carefree for once, and he was obviously trying to prolong the moment by suggesting they walk home instead of catching an uber. “Figured we could get some snacks to go with this,” he raised the bottle of whatever it was he’d scooped up on the way out, inspired by his brother. “Midnight picnic. Like a- like a date. Very romantic.” @lachancegreg​

“I might’ve heard it once or twice. Usually from my grandma’s friends, but it still counts. And if you think that’s dreamy you should see me grab something off the top shelf.” Greg sighed playfully as he ran his fingers along the shelves of candy. “Are you trying to get me drunk here Claymore? I don’t have to drink to go on a date with you. Just saying.”