Chapter 4: Shallows, Tides and the risk with both
Pairing: Tonowari x fem!avatar!reader
Summary: We get a little glimpse into Tonowariâs mind since he met you, and his equally as powerful feelings.
Meanwhile in the present, you havenât spoken to your Oloâeyktan since that day. Feeling frustrated and at war with your feelings you enjoy time with your family and friends. A girls night, a party talking with single men of the clan sounds fun right?
Tonowari doesnât think so.
Warnings: Angst, guilt and emotional whirlwind, Jealous Tonowari (yum), Emotional Cheating (Tonowari to Ronal. Sorry Ronal!) Longing, sexual tension. Talk of Heat/Rut themes.
Word Count: 6.7k
Author Note: Sorry for the lateness! I was sick as a dog for a week and a half then waiting for the smut fairy to bless my mind. This chapter got wayyy longer than expected (like 12k oops). I wonder whatâs coming in the next chapterâŚ? (Pun intendedđ) Hope you all Enjoy!
Tonowariâs POV
Training harder, swimming longer, pushing further. While everyone else thought it was just their Oloâeyktan preparing the clan and himself for the war that seemed to echo on the horizon the chief knew it was more than that, so much more. From the moment he saw you on the sands of Awaâatlu standing with your family. Supporting your nephews and nieces, standing strong beside your brother and sister. Tonowari knew he was in trouble.
You were beautiful, yes of course you were. Tall, slender but with curves heâd never seen before; curves that took everything in him not to stare at like a curious boy or worse a lustful man. Even the thought of being caught staring troubled him, he was Tonowari. A feared and respected Oloâeyktan of a great clan. Praised due to his sense of duty, restraint, honour and five minutes in the presence of this newcomer. A newcomer born of the sky people no less and he was harbouring thoughts of great shame, thoughts sinful for an already mated Naâvi.
But it was nothing he told himself. Nothing but curiosity to someone new, someone different to himself, to his people. He would do his duty, train the newcomers, help them learn the Metkayina way. But still this⌠this feeling was there. Perhaps it would have been easier if it was just the way you looked that incited him. The beauty in your long curls, the clothes you wore that seemed to tease him, how you held yourself with both an air of confidence and humidity. Friendly and warm but no less fierce.
But it wasnât just how you looked. It was there when he listened to you speak, about your upbringing, your family, relationship with Eywa. So polite, dutiful to your family and the clan. With a fierceness he always admired in others. It was there when he saw the determination in your expression when he trained you in their ways, how dedicated you were to learn, to prove yourself. And Tonowari would always admire a strong will, dedication, hard work. It was there in your softer side, the maternal side that came out when he saw you mothering your nieces and nephews even when you spoke to his own daughter. When you spoke about your desire for a mate, for a familyâŚ
And the way you spoke to him. Not just as an Oloâeyktan but as a man, as a friend. Not afraid to laugh with him. Tease him even. Something even clan members heâd known for years wouldnât be game enough to do. The understanding in your tone, he felt seen and that terrified him. Because it had him questioning when he last felt like that. And that thought was dangerous, he had friends, family, children, a mate. And yet when was it?
So he tried to ignore it. Everyday.
He nodded respectfully. Praised when it was needed. Instructed when it was needed. Gave encouragement but also wisdom. But those moments still happened.
It also didnât help with how well you were adjusting to this life. How you moved in the water like you were born to it. How your bonded took to you so naturally. How even with the judgments of the clan, of his mate, it didnât stop you from proving herself. You didnât hide from the eyes, you stood tall.
He did what he could, what he thought would help. Kept busy, buried those thoughts, those feelings. It is nothing. It is nothing He repeated again and again. When he slept at night beside his mate. When he prayed to Eywa. When he undertook his duties with the same dedication he always did.
But while he fought with the truth of his feelings, buried them deep. He was naĂŻve, a fool in his own words, to think he was the only man in the clan that noticed you. He saw it at the communal gatherings in lingering glances over the evening meal. In the turning of heads when you passed by the warrior training sessions with a basket full of kelp from the harvesting ponds. Perhaps too engrossed into your duties to notice them but he did. He knew that look.
The interest behind their gaze, the same interest that Tonowari was working very hard to forget about. How he snapped that them for whispering about you. Some might of seen it as brotherly, respectful even but it was anything but. How he cursed himself for telling the warriors that you werenât interested in courting just yet âToo focused on settling into the clanâ he told them. Because he knew it was a lie. You had already told him you wanted to find a mate, wanted a family.
He was just protective he tried to convince himself. Those warriors werenât ready to court a woman like you. It was his duty as Oloâeyktan to protect you from those not worthy of you? Right?
No. He knew better than that. He was jealous. Jealous because he knew one day one of the men would speak to you, charm you, prove himself and one day you would find someone you deemed worthy to be your mate. Your future.
And that thought was haunting. Because why did the idea of seeing you find your mate make him feel physically ill. Make his muscles tense and anger heat under his skin. Because it meant he couldnât have you. But he couldnât have you anyways!?
And then there was the guilt.
How it ate at him. He was mated. He had children, and another on the way. It was shameful, disgraceful, a sin. Disrespectful to everything Eywa had already blessed him with.
Mated Naâvi didnât have feelings for another who was not their mate. Admiration sure. Respect of course. But not feelings, desire, want. Eywa would not let it. To be mated was a great blessing from the all mother, to have children an even higher blessing. He could never betray the sacred vow he made before Eywa to Ronal all those years ago and yetâŚ
By Eywa why did that part of him want to?
Why did it feel like Eywa wanted him too?
When he sat behind you to teach you to ride your skimwing why was he thinking of the warmth of your body in front of him, your hand on his own?
Why was he so proud when you accomplished what you set out to?
And most scandalously why was it your body, your face that he thought about then he was alone and frustrated. Not his mate.
Then there was the day you mounted your Skimwing for the first time, the day you took him on your Ikran, the day you⌠kissed.
It made him questioned everything he knew. Everything he knew about passion, desire, right, wrong and more importantly about Eywa. Because the heat was something she gifted, a blessing she gave to those she thought worthy. Then why would she give him the ability to scent yours? Him a mated Naâvi, as unreachable as possible. Be the one that knows of your most vulnerable time of lifeâs journey. It was fucking with his head.
Oh and that guilt⌠it only got worse when he thought about you, about how he acted around you. Why did I say yes to the ride on her Ikran? Why do I care so much? Why do I take any chance I can to touch her even unconsciously? Why canât I stop staring at her breasts? At the way her hips sway when she walks? And why am I dreaming of ravishing her late at night while I sleep beside my family? Yes it was ridiculous. A man of his years and experience, feeling brought down to nothing but a hormonal, naĂŻve boy.
That day in a moment of weakness, everything he had tried to bury, to push aside, the mask he had on whenever he was around you. It all rather dramatically, collapsed.
He couldnât stop how his body reacted, the control he maintained in this duties as Oloâeyktan was lost like sand to the morning tide. Never before had his body reacted in such a way. Not in the few times Ronal had symptoms of her heat in their lifetime, no they were fleeting. His rut like a thin layer under his skin, there but never fully showing itself. Never fully unleashing. But one whiff of your scent and he almost fell to his knees. He couldnât be close enough to you.
He remembered holding you during the Ikran flight as it came to an end. Remembered his body stiffening when he first smelt it. His face right next to your neck. You shifted and denied feeling unwell when he asked you but he couldnât believe what he smelt, what he felt. Then you landed and it only got worse. Everything felt like a haze, his body heated from within. And you said his name and he couldnât help the groan that escaped his lips. He hadnât experienced desperation like that. The need to be close to you. To want you. To claim you. To have you in everyway a man like he wants his woman.
Then the kiss⌠oh Eywa. His hands didnât know where to go first, his lips not much better. It was like he was a younger man again, the urges, the desire but even then he doubted heâd ever had a kiss like that. One with so much passion, fire. He knew it was wrong, he knew you knew it was wrong. But you seemed just as desperate as him, just as pained. And if feeling you in his arms didnât feel so incredibly right. You felt like a gift from Eywa like the kind of passion he dreamed about as a young man, before duty and the clan overtook everything.
The sweet sounds of your moans when he grasped your soft flesh, how he groaned when he finally touched some of the parts of you heâd dreamt about. Your breast, your hip, thigh, ass. And the strong grip you had on him. Your long feminine fingers moulding into his muscles like you too never wanted to let go. But as much as he didnât want to stop, he knew he had too, especially when he felt your core shift against his own. His hardening manhood aching under his loincloth.
It was torture breaking away from you. From his muscles to his soul, it felt unnatural. Which only made the guilt afterwards worse. He broke his vow of loyalty to his mate, his pregnant mate. Years he had waited and they tried for another child after Aoânung and Tsireya but it never happened. Until now; and now when he should be at his happiest minus the stress of the impending war. Now heâd found comfort, desire, home. In the arms of another.
And so he did the only thing he thought he could do. He said nothing. Kept busy. Went about his days and nights like normal. But it wasnât normal, things had changed.
He found himself looking around every corner looking for you. His ears flicked when he heard others speak, always listening for your name. But nothing. No sight of you, no word. He knew he needed to speak to you; it was the right thing to do. But what am I going to say? Or more pressingly what if he couldnât stop himself in your presence again, if you kissed again would he be able to pull away this time? A stronger man could, but you had made him question everything he knew about his own strength.
And what if your heat returned? But this time your full heat? If it left you calling out in pain, calling out for a mate that couldnât have you. No. He would do anything but not that. He would not leave you to suffer alone, couldnât. And if that happened. If you both finally gave in to your feelings, your desires, the heat between you. What would become of him? Of you?
He was Oloâeyktan the standard of right and wrong in his clan and yet⌠you had his mind wanting to find a way to hold you and never let go.
A few days had passed when he saw you again.
Vivena/Your POV
You let the sea surround you. Finding peace within the water. You joined your clan sisters, the other women in collecting oysters under the surface of the reef. The reef starting to flicker with light as the dusk darkened both above and below. Â With a Txampaysye [Gill Mantle] collected to your queue and your shoulders you moved calmly along the reef. Hands working with measured ease only stopping when the girls caught your attention. First it was Tuk swimming around you, watching you work then tugging on your shoulder with a childish grin when she wanted you to watch her dive. You nodded and watched her as she swam around the coral before looking down to find Kiri.
You smiled watching her play with the fish with a grin you oh so missed seeing on her face since you moved here. The small school of fish followed the movements of Kiriâs arms with grace and for a moment you thanked Eywa for this moment of peace. As Tuk swam back over to you, you noticed Ronal swimming closer to Kiri. Her eyes tracked on the movements of both girl and the fish.
She looked curious, unsure. Ronal glanced back, meeting your soft eyes as they watched your niece. You knew she realised you had caught her watching Kiri. And you also knew that Ronal would have questions. Ofcourse she would.
And they came once you were back on shore and on your way to your home, after dropping off your bag like the other women. Your feet stopping on the woven pathway at the sound of your name.
 âVivenaâ You turned at Ronalâs voice. âCome with meâ You werenât keen. Frankly you were exhausted after the day youâd had but followed the Tsahik regardless. To her mauri. Tonowari would be there. Ah Fuck.
You hadnât seen him for a few days since that moment. The moment you let your strength and will crumble to your hormones and your tongue down the Oloâeyktanâs throat. That day you had all but ran to Neytiri and told her of your flash of heat, of course leaving the part out about Tonowari and your discretions. Truthfully she was delighted for you that perhaps your mate was on his way. But noticing how tense you seemed, she didnât question when you asked her to help you make a herbal tea with haste to rid yourself of any lingering effects. You were grateful for your sister that day. And for the tea that had since become a staple in your mauri. You werenât going to risk that kind of flare up again.
And so your days went about as normal duties, friends, family. Avoiding Tonowari. You knew he would want to speak to you at some point. You knew you needed too. But you hoped to delay that conversation for as long as possible. It was bad enough that your nights, your dreams were full of him. Your days didnât need to be too.
And the guilt. That wave that hit you every time you so much as looked at Ronal⌠you buried it behind a mask of patience, duty, a kind smile. Only letting it out when you were alone in the air high above Awaâatlu.
âMuntxa [Mate]âŚ. Vivenaâ Tonowari nodded in greeting as you both approached. Straightening from his seating position at the sight of you. You nodded in respect but avoided his eyes.
âSitâ You did.
âWhatâs this about Tsahik?â Oh you knew what it was about.
âJakeSullyâs daughter. The elder one. Sheâs different tooâ Your frustration flared as you stretched your sore muscles. You were overdoing it.
âThereâs nothing different about my niece Ronalâ
âYou saw her like I did. How?â You took a breath.
âThereâs not much I can tell you because we donât know. Kiri has always had a very special connection to Eywa. Stronger than me, then any Tsahik Iâve known. She feels her more strongly. Their hearts beat as oneâ Ronal wasnât letting up. And you could feel his eyes on you.
âBut.. she controlled the fish. They moved as one together⌠a connection I understand but this is beyond thatâ You needed to put this to rest. Protect your family.
âYes it is. But it is the will of my family that this conversation ends hereâ The clan leaders straightened their postures sharing looks. âKiri needs to find her place as a young woman and as a new member of the clan. The last thing she needs is her clan members whispering about herâ You stood. So did they. âWith respect to you both. This conversation and what you have seen Tsahik must stay between as and Kiriâs parents. This is Jake and Neytiriâs wishâ Ronal seemed ready to rebute, to question but her husbandâs words beat her.
âAs you wish Vivenaâ Tonowari nodded and you finally met his eyes. Only for a moment but godsâŚ
âIf it is Eywaâs wishâ Ronal added.
âGreat then if I am no longer needed, I will retire for the nightâ You nodded in respect before turning to leave. You caught the split second Tonowari hesitated; he went to say something but stopped himself.
You turned your back and walked away. No. This endâs here. I will forget about him, about what happened.
Oh hun, if only it would be that simpleâŚ
¤   ¤   ¤
You were in your mauri getting ready for the gathering that evening. Running your comb through your curls. You werenât a hundred percent sure what it was for, but youâd heard someone mention it was to celebrate the impending arrival of Tulkan. Either way you looked forward to it. You needed to get out of your own head, stop thinking about him.
âOh Eywa, Vivena where are you?!â You heard Utäniâs familiar voice outside your mauri.
"Utäni I'm here. What is it?" She was in your home as quick as the words left your lips.
"You better be coming to the gathering tonight!" Utäni looked like she was going to burst. Dramatic excitement displayed in everything from the way she moved her body to the tone in her voice.
"Yes Ofcourse why?"
"Akoâtey asked Luhaya if you were coming tonight"
"Really?" Oh you remembered Akoâtey He was one of the most attractive warriors. The one you first saw when Jake mounted his skimwing, and fell off. If you wanted to get over him, Akoâtey was a very good option. But youâd heard the women talk, he was prized among them so there would be competition and you werenât keen for that kind of drama âWhy would he be interested in me?â
âWhy wouldnât he be? And frankly who cares! Itâs Akoâtey! And it gets better! He's not the only one! Apparently, some of the other warriors want to as well" That got you standing.
"But why now? They've all had opportunities to speak to me before tonight?â
"That's the thing! Akoâtey said the Oloâeyktan told him you weren't interest in potential courting as yet, focused on settling into the clan. Why in Eywa did you say that?! It's Akoâtey!" What?
"I...I didn't. I mean he must of misunderstood me..." or the more scandalous reason, he doesn't want me to be courted. The fuck?
"Strange indeed. But that's no matter! It's Akoâtey!" You couldnât help but laugh "Arghh! You lucky woman!"
âOk ok, I better work out what I'm wearing then.." You dug through your bag of clothing, sitting the clothes you were still working on to the side.
"Ohhh what's that?" You turned to Utäni. Her eyes wide, fingers tracing fabric as she admired the net dress with sea shells you had almost finished making. Her fingers touching the shells as the first rays of moonlight from the doorway reflected off the surface.
It was part of a set. A breast covering in blues and greens that wrapped low on your shoulders and across your breasts, showing a delightful cleavage. With a matching loincloth that was dripping in sea shells and knots of flowing fabric and what beads and feathers you still had from home. Then came the dress over it. Inspired by a human dress, in a translucent colour with net like material the Elders had shown you how to make. Material that shimmered of the same sea shells you found with the girls. You were almost finished it, just a few more shells to sew in.
"Oh Eywa wear this!" You considered it for a moment. You knew this outfit would cause a stir. And youâd worked hard the last few moons to not do precisely that, to fit into the clan and for the most part it was working.
But to walk into a very public gathering wearing something⌠while made in the Metkayina way⌠something so⌠so uniquely flattering and well flirty.
You thought of Tonowari for a moment and what Utäni said âthe Oloâeyktan told him you weren't interest in potential courtingâ Did Tonowari say that? Did he tell the warriors not to court me? Was he⌠jealous? Well this definitely wouldnât help his cause. And you did want to find a mate and forget about the chief. And like the humans say âbest way to get over someone is to get underââ
âCome on please!â Utäni cut off your thoughts. You looked over the dress. Well whatâs wrong with a bit of attention? After all I want to find a good mate. Someone strong, handsome, kind, dependable⌠fuck Iâm describing Tonowari.
You know what? Fuck him! We both know nothing can happen there. He's mated. It must have been a trick of the heat or something. It's been days and nothing. And how dare he tell the hot single men I'm not interested? Yeah fuck him. I'm single not him. And by Eywa I'm going to look hot and Iâm going to find my mate!
"If you can help me finish sewing the last few shells then I'm inâ Utäni shrieked in joy.
Lets do this.
¤   ¤   ¤
The night had well and truly set in. The gathering beginning as the moonlit the sky and the bioluminescence of the coral and sea life under the woven platforms grew bright and reflective. From your mauri you could hear the sound of music and laughter in the air.
Neytiri and the girls were resting in your mauri. Helping you get ready while Utäni and Luhaya had gone to ready themselves. You were almost done. Dressed and seated on the floor while Neytiri did your hair. After helping raise you and after two daughter her hairstyle skills were second to none. Tuk was sitting close beside you. Admiring your outfit with wide eyes. Her fingers tracing the seashells in the fabric.
âTuk stop playing with your aunties dress youâll loosen the threadâ Tuk only rolled her eyes and continued.
âI donât know why I canât go with aunty..â She whined.
âBecause aunty doesnât need a silly, whiny child with her when she tries to pick up menâ Kiri remarked from her spot in your hammock.
âKiriâ Neytiri scolded her. Earning Tuk to stick her tongue out at her sister.
âI donât even know why sheâs trying. Men are Skxawngâs [Idiots]â Kiri added. You and Neytiri laughed.
âJust because your father and brothers are one doesnât mean they all areâ You added making all of them laugh.
 "You better be ready!" You heard Utäni from the entrance, just as Neytiri finished and gestured for you to stand.
"Yes come in" Utäni and Luhaya opened the flap of your mauri, walking in. Both wearing their favourite Metkayina designed breast coverings and loincloths.
"Oh great mother....." Luhayaâs mouth dropped opened. Utäni looked like she wanted to squeal.
âWhat?â You straightened out your dress and found the small mirror by your bag. One of a few human things you brought with you. Using it to check your appearance, your dress. Well fuck meâŚI look like a Metkayina manâs wet dreamâŚ
âYou look beautifulâ Tuk pulled at your dress before getting shooed away by her mother.
âYou look perfect!â Luhaya added.
âOh Eywa Akoâtey is going to loose his mindâ Utäni added.
âThey all willâ Luhaya laughed.
âWhoâs Akoâtey?â Tuk asked you innocently.
âNo one daughter.â Neytiri changed the subject. Reaching down to the ground before turning back to you. âHereâ She looped your precious Eye of Eywa necklace over your head and under your curls. The jewel hanging freely, resting against your breasts. âBeautifulâ She smiled. You loved Neytiriâs smile. You hugged her.
âThankyou tsmuke [sister]â You had one last look in your mirror while everyone got ready to leave and the noise of voices and conversations erupted. You did look beautiful. Your eyes appeared large, the green deep against the complexion of your skin. Your curls were mostly out and long down to your waist with your queue. But not without the beads in a couple of your locks from your home clan, and a new one made of beads and shells from your new clan; forever telling your story. Your necklace went well with your uniquely flattering outfit, the jewel complimenting the glimmer of the sea shells, reflecting any light that touched them. Plus you had on all your usual jewellery and accessories like your beaded arm band, anklet and your song cord tied onto the edge of your loincloth and hanging down your hip.
"You look like a princess" Tuk giggled. You ruffled her hair.
"Dadâs going to have a fitâ Kiri stated matter-of-factly. You all burst into laughter.
It was time to head for the gathering. You said goodbye to Neytiri and the girls. Tuk whined again, getting scold by her mother. Neytiri said she might join you later after the children were in bed. You nodded hopeful for her support with a clan that were still partly strangers.
You, Utäni and Luhaya laughed as you walked.
âI thought you said all the male warriors were stuck up Skxawngâs [Idiot]?â You turned to Utäni.
âHey! Ma Eaopu is a warrior and he isnât a skxawng Utäni!â Luhaya bumped into her.
âYeah but thatâs Eaopu. Heâs just wellâŚEaopuâ Utäni smoothed over. You all laughed. You looked up from your conversation to the sound of your nephews approaching.
"Aunty...." They both stopped in their tracks. Neteyam looked shocked.
"No! Aunty why?" Loâak groaned dramatically.
"Excuse me Loâak?"
"We are already getting shit from the other boys about you and you go and wear that?" You laughed, the girls joining.
"Sorry nephews, your Aunty needs to find you an uncle" Utäni and Luhaya laughed harder. Your nephews wanted to hurl.
With sad, unnerved and frankly devastated expressions the boys headed for their mauri, likely ready to tell on me to their father haha. All well Neytiri will keep them in check.
A harmony of music and laughter hit you as soon as you arrived at the communal gathering area. The large mangrove roots that held the woven mauriâs and structures were alight in vibrant coloured decorations, while below the bioluminescence of the water was just as beautiful, giving the whole area a moody but welcoming atmosphere of celebration. Where the water met the sand, flamed torches lined the ground. The flames dancing in the mild breeze.
Adults young and old conversed together, drank, danced. Just being merry the way, the Metkayina does.
Oh and how you smirked at the looks you got while the girls whispered and giggled.
Both men and women looked at you. A varied range of emotionsâŚcuriosity, shock, envy, wonder and, on some of the men in particular desire. Even if they tried so hard to hide it. You heard whispers, comments but you didnât give it any mind. Simply laughed with your friends.
Eaopu, Luhayaâs mate joined your little group, handing you all a drink. He laughed placing bets with Utäni on who would be the first to approach you. You liked Eaopu he reminded you of some of your male friends back home, he was odd but kind and doted on Luhaya like she hung the moon.
âOh we have a winnerâŚâ Eaopu laughed into his cup.
And it seemed once the first got the courage, the rest followed. First there was Zayâtu, nice looker but too cocky and such a flirt youâd never seen Utäniâs eyes roll back so far. Then there Oeyu, he was even more boastful. âOh Iâm great at this, Oh Iâm great at thatâ Yeah, NO. Rawnm was nice, a little shy, a bit nervous and slow to conversation.
A few of the women seemed more than a bit put-out by the attention you received, one particular bitch named Ipäni made a jealous comment about your outfit but you didnât even have time to reply before Utäni told her âThe shallows are always going to be jealous of the tide when the tide brings in more fish and stands many feet higher off the groundâ Well damn girl⌠Considering Ipäni was at least a few feet shorter than you and stormed off pretty quickly the target hit its mark.
There were other men in amongst all the mingling with your friends and the other clan members you knew but no one that stood out, at least not until Akoâtey and his friends showed up.
You were talking with some of the seamstresses when Utäni and Luhaya all but dragged you into the dance. You were grateful for itâs similarity to Omatikaya dancing so you didnât look like a fool. You swayed and danced to the rhythm with your friends, laughing, smiling but you knew why the timing. Akoâtey was standing nearby with his friends, watching the dancing. Utäni and Luhaya were on to it. Sneaky, smart little bitches haha
After the dancing and a breather by the fire Akoâtey approached you which happened to coincidently time with Utäni and Luhaya stepping off to find Eaopu.
Oh Akoâtey, now he was a catch. Tall, handsome, nice shoulders and kind with his words, not boastful and could actually maintain a conversation. And by the looks a few of the other young women gave you and his conversation you knew you werenât the only one to think that. You had almost forgotten about him, about Tonowari as you laughed with Akoâtey and his bright smile.
Well, that was until a familiar voice called out to you.
âVivena!â Tsireyaâs bright voice called out and you turned to see the chiefâs daughter running over to you before slipping into a hug.
âHi Tsireya!â You hugged her back. She stepped back with a grin before noticing Akoâtey.
âOh my apologies for the interruptionâ She nodded to him.
âOh its fine Tsakarem. Vivena was just telling me that sheâs going to join us warriors for training soonâ
âOh yes father mentioned that. You should Viv! Youâll be greatâ Your father mentioned it ofcourse he did. Oh fuck now Iâm thinking of Tonowari again. Thanks Tsireya⌠âOh I love your dress Viv. Youâll have to show me how you made itâ She smiled.
âI think your father would kill me if you got around in something like this Tsireyaâ You laughed, Akoâtey joined you. âAnd perhaps your mother would as wellâ The laughing continued.
âNo he wouldnât. Oh thereâs father nowâ Fuck. You followed her line of sight and saw the Oloâeyktan standing with a few of the elders off to the side. Damn why does he always have to look so good. I mean yes Akoâtey is handsome, hot even but Tonowari heâs that and his entire presence commands a room, he literally screams âDaddyâ. No Viv stop it! Remember what Tonowari did. Tried to scare off suitors! Focus back on Akoâtey.
And so you did. Well at least tried to. While Akoâtey talked, you saw Tsireya approach her father, talk to him. You saw the moment Tonowari looked up and saw you by the fire and you had to grip your cup and advert your eyes to not swoon. The look he gave the same as he always did. A stoic, neutral expression to anyone else but you knew better. You saw the deepening of his gaze, his fists clenching at his sides. The speed in which he took a swing of his drink and adverted his eyes, much like you did at the same time.
And as if Eywa wanted to personally torture you tonight you also saw the moment he started heading in your direction.
You thanked Eywa for small miracles as he got held up talking with a few clan members which gave you time to respectfully end your conversation with Akoâtey.
âIâll see you at warrior trainingâ
âYou willâ He left with a smile and a wink that would have given you butterflies if your head wasnât already focused on avoiding the chief. You wove yourself through conversations with a nod and a kind smile, finding a quiet space to yourself as you drank and watched the dancing in front of you.
The quiet however didnât last. A large shadow befell at your side. One tall, broad and distinctively Oloâeyktan shaped. You nodded briefly and respectfully acknowledging his presence, but kept your eyes forward on the dancing and mind sharp on the reasons you werenât happy with him.
âYou enjoying your evening Vivena?â His words always so smooth.
âI am thankyou Oloâeyktanâ You stayed silent. It was hard enough just being so close to him, let alone in a public setting. You heard him exhale.
âYou look beautifulâ You sucked in a breath glancing his way.
âThankyou. But please donâtâ
âWhy? itâs the truth. Iâd never lie to youâ You could feel the sincerity in his voice along with the tracking of his eyes over your form. You looked away, forward to the dancing.
 âYou told the other warriors I wasnât interested in courting or finding my mate yet. Why?â You shifted your stance. A moment passed, he exhaled again.
âI told them you needed time to settle into the clanâ You looked to him.
âAnd why would you say that?â His ears tilted back, only slightly but you noticed. His stoic façade cracking if only for a second. You turned back towards the fire. Taking a swing of your drink.
âYou know whyâ You let out a huff. Your fingers toying with your necklace. âIâve been looking for you. We need to speak. Aloneâ You didnât dare meet his eyes.
âNo we donâtâ Now he shifted his stance âWe forget about that day. Blame coincidence. Timing. It does not do us well to ponder on what can never be. We both have our duties to the clan, to our families. I will not bring shame on either of our loved ones for whatâŚâ You stilled. Hesitated. Not wanting to say the words. âFor a crush, trick of the heat---"
âDesireâ He cut you off. You looked at him. âWant. Call of one soul to anotherâ You grasped but hid it well with a cough. Turning away from the tenderness in his blue eyes. From the fire reflecting back at you.
You looked over to where the girls were standing with some of the other women. âThe girls call meâ You lied turning back to the chief. âThis ends here. It is decidedâ
âWhat if your heat returns?â His voiced rougher than normal but still just as authoritative, just a strong.
âI will handle it. Mask it. Fly away for a few days if I mustâ He went to say something but you stopped him âAnd you will forget about me. About my scent. Iâll start warrior training like we discussed, Iâll see you during the lessons with the other warriors. But not alone. Never aloneâ You took a breath âYou will focus on that what you have always, your clan, your family. And I will do the same. In time Iâll find a mate and this will all be forgottenâ
âVivâŚâ
âNoâ You couldnât help the slight crack in your voice. Your emotions not without their hold. âWe must be strong⌠Realistic.â You saw your perfect moment, a few warriors approached Tonowari. You turned towards him, quickly nodding in goodbye. âIâll see you in warrior training. Thankyou Oloâeyktan. Enjoy your eveningâ Then you walked away before he could say anything. Your face strong, emotionless. But heart cracking under your skin.
You spent the rest of the celebrations talking, mingling. The girls, other clan women, Akoâtey spoke to you again as well as a few of the other warriors. You laughed, smiled. Wore a good mask. And drank. Oh you had a few drinks. You were glad the Metkayina alcohol wasnât as strong as the Omatikaya or youâd be pissed. In the sand somewhere. Thankfully you were just relaxed but not drunk, thank god.
You were standing with Utäni, Luhaya and Eaopu when Rawnm joined the conversation. Again rather awkwardly but you gave the guy credit at least he tried. He stood beside you mostly listening as you all conversed.
âHow do you find riding a Skimwing to your Ikran? Is it much different?â Rawnm asked. The others waited for your reply. Well half waited, both Utäni and Luhaya were pretty drunk. Both hanging off each other and you and Eaopu.
âWell yes but depends what you---â You stopped as the men straightened their postures, eyes turned to behind you with a polite bowing of heads.
âOloâeyktanâ Eaopu nodded. Ah shit. You could just about feel his presence against your back.
âEvening. Good to see the ladies have enjoyed themselvesâ Tonowari spoke, no malice just calm observation.
âYes I will take them homeâ Eaopu added holding on to his mate.
âIâll help Eaopuâ
âNo its fine you chat with Rawnm. See you tomorrow forest girlâ He joked, you chuckled watching Eaopu direct the girls home as they yelled back to you how much fun they had, that they love you and âYou still look hotâ Thanks UtäniâŚ
Rawnm appeared to be quietly shitting himself under the chiefs gaze. You still didnât look back.
âRawnm you may goâ The man, well boy didnât linger. A quick âbyeâ to you and he was off. Tonowariâs presence didnât ease from behind you.
âCan I help you Oloâeyktanââ You sighed. Crossing your arms and finally turning to face him. Not. Happy. And just buzzed enough that your manners were slipping and your ability to care about your tone of voice limited.
âYou can stop ignoring meâ
âIâm hanging out with my new friends and trying to speak with potential suitorsâ You shook your head âThis is not your businessâ
âYou mean talking with unsuitable single menâ You all but glared up at him âRawnm lost us a catch on his last hunt, he is slow to react, slow to the killâ You scoffed. Two can play this bitch.
âAnd Oeyu?â
âHotheaded. No patience. He whines like a child when he doesnât get his way. You will eat him aliveâ
âZayâtu?â
âGood warrior but with women heâs a flirt. Two failed courtships. Many broken hearts. He will give you his all then leave as soon as heâs bored. JakeSully would kill himâ
âFor Oloâeyktan you donât speak well of your men. And Akoâtey?â He sighed, hesitated.
âAkoâtey is a good man. Good family. Loyal. Dependableâ
âWonderful. Iâll go talk to him again thenâ You went to turn but your direction was blocked by his arm.
âHeâs not for youâ
âWhat?â You were angry now. âWhy? Whatâs wrong with me?â
âNothing is wrong with you. Heâs just not good enough. Doesnât deserve youâ He paused âNone of them doâ
âAnd who does?â You turned to him fully. Emotions pouring out from the look in your eyes. Tonowari flinched like you wounded him. Like actually flinched. Whipped. âYou right?!â You saw his shoulders sag, well Tonowariâs version anyway, the man was still built like fucking home tree. His eyes softened, his own emotions visible. He too was fighting in his own head. He too was exhausted.
âFucken hells⌠Goodnight chiefâ You couldnât be around him right now. Buzzed. Emotional. Frustrated. No.
So you did what you did best, bolted into the forest. Before your will power to not hug him, kiss him, fuck him or hit him won out.
But you didnât know he followed youâŚ
Too busy cursing his name. Fuck my feelings! Fuck him!
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