what route do you take? land or sea?

a quick and poorly written ramble about Raphaël Cadieux

" Seven days is excessive. Can you give me a reason I should let this team go without me when we both know that every warm body makes a difference on these excursions. " He stops walking then, hand lifting to pull his glasses free so he can wipe them down with his shirt.

(quiet storms, heavy hearts, and reaching out even when the hands shake)

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐒 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐌𝐔𝐂𝐇

“I didn’t want to be alone today… can I stay here awhile?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong, I just feel heavy.”

“Please don’t ask if I’m okay. I won’t be able to lie convincingly.”

“Everything feels too loud. Can we just sit in silence?”

“I’m trying, I really am… but today is hard.”

“Can you just hold me? I don’t need answers, just… quiet.”

𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏 𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐄

“I don’t need fixing. Just don’t leave.”

“Tell me something good. Anything. Just distract me.”

“I don’t want advice… I just want you to listen.”

“Please don’t treat me like I’m fragile.”

“I know you’re worried. I just don’t know how to explain what’s happening.”

“Can you walk with me? I don’t trust myself to be alone right now.”

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐎𝐍’𝐓 𝐄𝐍𝐃

“I haven’t slept. Every time I close my eyes, it gets worse.”

“It’s 3AM and I’m still awake… talk to me?”

“I hate nights like this. Everything hurts more.”

“I didn’t mean to call this late, I just… needed a voice I trust.”

“Can we stay up together? Just until my mind settles.”

“I keep overthinking. Say something—anything—before I spiral.”

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍, 𝐏𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂 & 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄

“I can’t breathe. Stay with me—please.”

“Don’t touch me yet. Just talk to me until it passes.”

“I didn’t know who else to call. I’m scared.”

“Sit with me on the floor… it helps.”

“Can you count with me? I just need to focus on something real.”

“Hold my hand. Tell me I’m still here.”

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

“I think something’s wrong with me.”

“I don’t want to burden you, but I can’t keep pretending.”

“I’ve been hiding this for a long time.”

“I’m not okay, but I want to be. I just don’t know how.”

“I need help… but I don’t know where to start.”

“You said you’d stay. Did you mean it?”

𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄, 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 & 𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐘

“Today was better. Not perfect, just… better.”

“Thank you. For not giving up on me.”

“I’m trying new things. I just wanted you to know.”

“I think I laughed today. Really laughed.”

“You make it easier. I don’t understand how, but you do.”

“Stay close. I’m learning how to breathe again.”

"Please don't," Ashe begged tiredly as he rubbed his face in distress. Why was every expeditioner he knew absolutely bat shit insane at the worst of times-- and why did that usually work to make sure they came out to the other side.

" I survived a Noir before, I can survive going off the rails. " Though, even as he says this Raph can hear Leo's voice in the back of his head making some snide comment about how he'd never been on the rails in the first place. It's an accurate enough comment that Raph is glancing over his shoulder to make sure his partner isn't actually there shaking his head in the same disappointment.

No. Leo was off doing something else today. Good.