Laura

I’ve had a fun Pride weekend but I’m so relieved that I made the decision to barely drink and not do any drugs this year. I only had 1 drink while watching the parade yesterday and then just had a cocktail while we were at the concert today. We got there for 1pm so I decided to leave before Diana Ross finished her set as by 9:30pm I was just so tired from being out all day. I also wanted to miss the rush of thousands of people leaving at the end and I’m glad I did instead of forcing myself to stay. It’s 11pm and I’m all showered, in bed ready to sleep and know I definitely won’t wake up feeling horrible tomorrow. I think my body is still physically going to take a couple of days to recover though as one of the mini stages this year had line dancing to pop music and we were there for a good 30 minutes. It was a lot of fun, and my outfit was perfect for the occasion, but my legs were aching so much afterwards,

I got 2.5 hours sleep and I’m in an £20 Uber on my way to my appointment. I did have to drag myself out of bed but I didn’t want to have to reschedule the appointment as it would then be another couple of weeks before I’d be able to rebook. I should get to the hospital 1 minute before my appointment time so I’m hoping I don’t have to trek through the hospital. After my appointment I should have time to quickly grab some breakfast somewhere before I need to get the bus to the other side of Brighton for my counselling session. Then after that I can go home and maybe I’ll risk having a short nap. I have a nail appointment at 3pm so don’t want to end up sleeping for too long. Maybe I’ll just try stay until the early evening. It’s Brighton pride this weekend so I need to have energy. My Uber has taken me through the busiest parts of town so at least I can enjoy seeing all of the pride decorations. I might be biased but I think Brighton Pride is one of the best as you can tell that the entire city is just positive vibes and acceptance.

I’ve ran out of melatonin for the past few nights and now I’m still awake at nearly 4am when I need to be up at 7:30am and out of the house by 8:30 at the latest. I did take some of those expensive Olly magnesium gummies at 10pm to help me sleep but they obviously didn’t do anything. I’m hoping I can at least get a couple of hours sleep and just accept that I’ll probably feel like crap tomorrow.

I got a lot done yesterday, went to the gym and had a massage in the evening and I wanted to continue my productivity today. But it’s not to be as within 5 minutes of waking up I had really painful period cramps start. I’ve already taken painkillers and been using my heat pad and tens machine thing but it’s still barely making a difference. Maybe I will just spend the day reading in bed, but it does look like the sun is out so it would be nice to be able to go and read my book outside. I also like how the advice on helping period cramps is to go for a walk or do some gentle exercise but how are you supposed to do that when you’re in so much pain?! I can’t really go for a walk when I can barely get myself out of the fetal position.

I managed to get outside at 2pm and then fell asleep at the beach 5 minutes after I got there. It did feel like a nice nap but now my face is a bit sunburnt. I’ve eaten some proper food today and had a lot of water so I think I’m over the worst of the comedown now. I only had 1 alcoholic drink and not even much substances so luckily it hasn’t been too bad. I might do a big room tidy up tomorrow and then I’ve got a pole class in the afternoon. I’m really hoping that I can get more than 6 hours sleep tonight as I feel like thats what my body and mind needs the most.

I’m currently feeling 100 years old as I’m on a packed bus and some teenager offered me their seat. They were about 12 so maybe I just look really old to them. If I’d of known this bus was so packed I would have just waited for the next one but I’m hoping the 20 minute journey will go by quickly. It does feel like bad timing that I’d spent a lot of my counselling talking about I’ve felt very overwhelmed by noisy and busy places this past week and then immediately after my counselling session ends I find myself in that scenario.

I’ve needed to go and put my washing into the tumble dryer outside of the past 3 hours but I can’t get myself to move away from my fan. I do actually need to fall asleep soon as it’s nearly 1am and I need to get some water so I’ll just do both now and hopefully manage to sleep for a few hours. I’ve been slowly sorting out my room this past week but now the heat has made it feel impossible to do anything again. I’m going to set myself the goal of taking some bags of clothes to the nearby donation bin tomorrow so at least I’m still making some progress. Why must I be cursed by both ADHD plus hoarding tendencies it’s the worst combination. In my final ADHD and ASD report it did state that the only symptoms of OCD I showed were hoarding tendencies and I just looked around my room and couldn’t even deny it. I’m sure once I’ve got rid of most of my possessions that I don’t even use I will be cured. Definitely something to discuss about in counselling tomorrow.

I forced myself to go into big Tesco earlier as I wanted to get myself a steak to see if having it before my period would help me feel less exhausted. I also got myself some potato dauphinoise and tenderstem vegetables so I can have a proper fancy dinner. I even got some peppercorn sauce as well. Of course I couldn’t be bothered to actually cook it earlier so now I’m preparing my dinner at nearly 9pm.

I really wanted to go swimming today but I just couldn’t get myself to leave the house. I’d packed everything in my bag and had my shoes on and for some reason I still couldn’t get outside. I think it’s just a combination of knowing that everywhere is going to be busy and then the heat just makes it feel harder to cope with. I think it’s better that I’ve stayed inside as I’ve only had 2 litres of water so far today which probably isn’t enough if I was going out in the sun. I’ve got a counselling session in town tomorrow morning so I’m going to take all of my beach stuff with me and then just go straight to the beach afterwards. I can get the bus down to where my sauna place so hopefully it’ll be less busy down there as I think most people can’t be bothered to go down that far.

Hmm very doubtful that I’m going to get much sleep tonight as I’ve taken 10mg of melatonin and don’t feel tired plus it’s still 30° in my bedroom. Might just have another melatonin and hopefully I’ll be able to sleep for longer than 5 hours.

Another day of me not making it to the gym. It’s so frustrating as I really do want to exercise but I can’t get myself up at 6:30 to go when it’s quiet but I also can’t deal with going later on when there’s 150 people already there. I guess I’ll just wait until the heatwave is over and hope that it quietens down. I’m also so bloated from constantly drinking water and my period is due at the weekend so that’s definitely not helping me feel very good about myself. I went to the beach for 3 hours today but I got an Uber there and back as I couldn’t face the 15 minute walk each way. I think tomorrow I’m going to go to the beach early and try to do a walk in the shade and then go swimming properly before a little bit of sunbathing. It’s going to be 33° here so I don’t want to be out in the afternoon sun as even with my ugly new beach umbrella I think it’ll still be too hot. Also I saw 2 different peoples umbrellas blow away in the wind today while at the beach so I need to make sure that doesn’t end up happening to me.