late night thoughts

sometimes i wish i never met you we were so young so so young but i thought i knew i though i knew that we worked together whatever we had it worked but apparently i was very wrong we haven't talked in years and i haven't the slightest idea why i still think about you i still wish you would talk to me say you're sorry say you hate me say you love me say you wish we could go back just say something instead of just catching my glance staring just a bit too long and looking away to your girlfriend who i hear is no good for you but what do i know i don't know you at all i wish i did but i don't and that kills me

at every school dance i think of you and what we could have been

it has taken me too long to realize that I can not let the sadness drain out with blood I can not let the sadness drain out with sweat I can not ignore the sadness and replace it with hunger the sadness lives in my bones and it stays some days it doesn't show itself but other days I can't move I can't think because it consumes me I can feel it crashing over me like waves over the sand and it takes pieces of me into its waters

I don't think every understands quiet as well as they say they do not everyone has woken up wanting to tear their skin away wanting to be anywhere but in their own body not everyone has greeted their friends and family feeling like their in a movie feeling absolutely nothing feeling so little emotion that everything and everyone is distant not everyone has walked through days, weeks feeling numb feeling so numb that the only thing that seems to help is dragging that one thing across the dull too big too awkward too sad too small too constricting too emotional skin

I can't imagine you doing what I do on nights like these when I cry till there's nothing left and my nose runs and my nails scratch my skin and I can't seem to catch my breath I can't imagine you thinking what I think on nights like these when I question my purpose wondering if I'm needed wondering if I'm wanted wondering if anyone truly cares I can't imagine you feeling what I feel on nights like this the worthlessness the hatred the emptiness the sadness but I've heard the odds are 1 in 6 1 in 6 do exactly what I do 1 in 6 think exactly what I think 1 in 6 feel exactly what I feel I don't know how to live with those odds