your average kazuha enjoyer

attempting to free yourself from the ropes by squirming around, you threw a sneer at his direction, "let me go, you bastard...!" he chuckled mockingly with a smile, "ah, ah, no can do, bunny." lohen stopped behind your form to lean down, "not unless you tell me where it is." his breath suddenly hitting your ear made you shiver with unfortunate delight, causing you to stutter, "w-what are you t-" he suddenly cut you off.

"you know what i'm talking about," he said, voice echoing ominously throughout the room as he sauntered over to the table, picking up a gun and twirling it around his finger.

"how about this? what if we play a niiiice, fun game?" he slowly walks over, stopping directly in front of you to drag the gun across your body in such a teasing manner—fuck, now's really not the time to be getting horny over this, but you just can't help it. the fear of what he might do had you frozen, shuddering in anticipation and slight want, no matter how shameful it felt.

you glared up at him when he tucked the barrel of the gun under your chin to tilt your head up. "hmm, a game of russian roulette, perhaps? you seem to be enjoying yourself, even while tied up and held at gunpoint," he scoffs with a mean grin, "you're such a dirty whore."

all you could do was stare to the side with embarrassment from his words that made your cheeks flush dark—you'd rather die than admit to the vice captain how you were enjoying this, but there's really no point if he's aware anyway.

"come on," lohen spoke, nudging the barrel towards the corner of your mouth, "open up. unless you want me to force that mouth of yours open." your eyes widened in disbelief and slight fear—this fucker really wasn't joking. reluctantly, you opened your mouth, giving small kitten licks as your senses were immediately flooded with the taste of iron.

"thaaat's it. get it all nice and wet for me," he drawled. a muffled whimper escaped your mouth as lohen suddenly shoved the gun deeper into your mouth, causing you to choke until he swiftly pulled it back out. the barrel glistened with your saliva and he paused for a moment to observe it. "ugh—you fucking freak," you spat out, a small line of drool dribbling from your lips.

"i'm the freak? have you even seen yourself? i bet you're sopping fucking wet down there," lohen giggles, reaching down to palm at your crotch. suddenly, he brings out his dagger to slice open your trousers, leaving you practically exposed for him to see. "h-hey, wait—!"

"oh? looks like all that bravado of yours is gone," lohen brings the gun towards your throbbing cunt, slowly dragging it up and down to coat it with your slick. before you knew it, he slowly inserts it into your wet hole, groaning as he heard a soft 'squelch.' letting out a loud moan, all you could do was babble incoherent words as you stared down at his hand in slight fear, yet excitement all at once—this entire situation was absolutely incredulous to you, though it's not like you could really think straight at the moment.

"oh, fuck! look at you, coming undone just from this? you really are some pathetic, dirty animal" he coos, quickly picking up the pace of his pumping hand as he berated you. "come on, i know you're close. cum for me, bunny," you threw your head back, immediately releasing all over the barrel as you let out a dragged whine, and all the shame of what just occurred flooded your brain.

all the thoughts left your head as you heard a sudden click. he turned the safety off.

there's no way. there's absolutely no fucking way. you glanced up to see a sadistic expression and a crazed grin on his face. "wait- wait, you wouldn't, please—"

"you've got a one in six chance, bunny. how good's your luck, hmm?" shutting your eyes closed, your soul practically left your body as—

click.

"hah. looks like you really did get lucky," he laughed loudly upon seeing you suddenly pass out. was it from the exhilaration? the fear? he'll find out soon enough, don't worry.

Your irritation was beginning to show now that you weren't also satisfied enough by his unaffected demeanor and wanted more of a reaction from him. You ramped up the intensity to its highest level, where the pulsations become almost overwhelming.

Your face contorted in a mix of anticipation and amusement at his unyielding stoicism. Surprisingly, Lohen hesitantly squirmed in his seat, a slight grimace crossing his features as he finally showed a crack in his cool facade. Finally!

The belt around his waist draws out a vibration enough to hear, seeing as the simulator motioned into waves. It was a small victory, but enough to satisfy your need for a reaction from him.

"How was it?"

Lohen looks at you, his face grimaced. "Babe, are period cramps really this painful?"

You let out an indignant huff, nodding. "Well, yeah—"

"Because," he drawled, leaning back despite the device making his abdomen twitch, "it really felt like having an upset stomach."

What the fuck did he say?

"Huh?"

Lohen, oblivious to the danger he had just stepped into, lifted a shoulder in a careless shrug.

"You know. Like when you eat something questionable and spend the next hour contemplating your life choices." He flashed you a crooked grin. "Unpleasant, certainly, but I wouldn't exactly classify it as the legendary agony you've all described."

He followed his sentence with an amused laugh; you didn't join in with his amusement. You just stared at him with a look that may quantify as an invitation for murder.

"Lohen."

"Yes, babe?"

"You mean to tell me..." You stared at him in disbelief, clutching the controller tighter. "You just compared my monthly suffering to food poisoning?"

His grin widened, somehow. "I'm saying," he corrected with infuriating confidence, "that perhaps you lot have a tendency to dramatize—"

You launched the controller at his head. "YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" you screeched.

Lohen yelped and barely managed to catch it with one hand. "Wha—Hey?!"

"I swear I'm going to kill you!" You ran after your lover, who was now sprinting away in fear. For the first time, this is the only time Lohen feared death, no less from his lover.

"Lohen!" you shrieked, chasing after him through the hallway. "GET BACK HERE!"

Lohen nearly tripped over his own feet trying to put distance between himself and your rapidly approaching figure. Despite the simulator still strapped around his hips and set to maximum intensity, self-preservation apparently outweighed pain.

Now, he reached a dead end. Slowly, he turned his body to face you, with his arms innocently raised, and a pleading look in his eyes. But the belt buzzed violently, causing him to finally wince. He must have accidentally pressed the button to increase the intensity further.

"Oh, gods," he hissed, grabbing his abdomen for half a second before remembering you were trying to murder him. "Could we perhaps discuss this like civilized adults—?!"

"To hell with your civilized discussion!"

"Hey, hey, kids! What's the commotion here, eh?"

A booming voice abruptly cut through the chaos. Both of you froze, then turned your curious gazes to the familiar voice. Honestly, Lohen thought it was an angel coming to save him from his impending doom, but to his dismay, standing a few feet away was Varka.

Meanwhile, the Grand Master carefully took in the scene before him. Lohen, disheveled and pale, was clutching a mysterious controller while wearing some strange contraption around his waist. …Is that a period cramp simulator? Then you, breathing heavily with murder in your eyes.

Varka sighed. Must he be punished with unrowdy behavior even during his rare moments of peace? He slowly turned toward Lohen. "What did you say?"

Lohen straightened. "...I may have implied that period cramps aren't quite as devastating as they're often described."

The room went quiet.

Varka blinked once, and he gazed at you, who was also looking back at him with anticipation. Then he let out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "...Son."

Lohen frowned. "What?"

"Whatever you did," Varka said, voice carrying the exhausted wisdom of a man who had clearly witnessed too many foolish decisions throughout his life, "you deserved it."

"What?"

He ignored Lohen's confused look as he turned to you, gently patting your shoulder. "Whatever you're trying to do, continue," he said, his tone filled with encouragement.

"Grand Master?!"

Your smile went wicked after receiving the green light of the Grand Master himself. "Gladly, Grand Master."

Varka looked at Lohen one last time, giving a mock shrug. "Could've saved yourself a lot of trouble if you just kept your mouth shut,"

35/45

mindblowing orgasms duo. forget astral projection, these guys will have you transcending the universe and becoming a separate entity.

unlike their younger counterparts, these two liked to take things slow. breaking your mind and body was a much greater satisfaction than pure physical release. they were both quite meticulous and cunning in their approach, cornering you in the lab, making you feel trapped and anxious.

45's method of getting you needy and pliable was simple. a few drops of his newest creation right into your tea, and in an hour or so, you'd be knocking at their door, suffering from a huge headache and a mess between your legs.

35 inspected every inch of you, berating you for your stupidity. it's your fault for not paying attention to your drink. he'd undress you slowly, as 45 came to hold you in place, his fingers exploring the parts of you that ached the most.

they sat you on the table afterwards, naked and flushed, circling you as you begged them to do something. 45 caressed your hair, whispering how you had to prove how much you needed this. your hands couldn't provide you with much relief, causing them both to chuckle at your whining. 35 urged you to go faster, calling it a pathetic display.

by the time they started their own clothes off, you'd already be a quivering mess, your mind and body thoroughly exhausted from the various 'tests' they have conducted.

65/og zandik

the grandpas sure had a way with words. getting them both in the mood was quite rare, but the act itself felt more rewarding than anything else.

zandik liked to watch how 65 touched you. the way he stripped your clothes, bent you over and took you right before his very eyes. if the segment was being too rough, the man had no issue with using his cane to slow him down. he wanted to enjoy himself for as long as possible.

his hand naturally headed straight to loosen his pants, pumping himself to match 65's thrusts. his free hand wiped the drool from your chin, licking his fingers clean as he savored your taste. hearing his name fall from your lips, even when 65 was pounding into you, was enough to make both his heart and cock throb.

once zandik was sufficiently prepared, you climbed on top of him, while 65 held you by the hips, making you ride the old man. he liked watching the original lose himself in you, especially now that he was the one setting the pace for both of you.

zandik always grew more vocal when he was about to cum, which was the perfect time for 65 to push you even harder down onto him, wanting to see you milk the old man until he was begging you to stop.

the thought of you getting pregnant aroused 65 immensely. he respected the original far more than the others did, and the thought of either of them knocking you up made him want to breed you until you were leaking with his seed.

45/65

both of them are incredibly patient, planning out your encounters to the very last detail. they had specific tastes and desires only you could satisfy. ropes, wax, whips, gags, anything was on the table. literally. they wanted to feel you from the inside out, and they had the tools necessary to drive you mad.

45 took his time tying you up, 65 helping him tighten up any loose knots. shibari was a guilty pleasure of theirs, seeing you hanging from the rope, tied up and helpless, made them feel like you only existed for their pleasure, wanting to make this moment last forever.

one of them trailed a feather over your skin while the other placed a cloth over your eyes, making every sensation feel ten times stronger. they played around, making you guess which one of them was touching you. if you guessed right, you'd earn a reward. but, if you didn't...

with a quick flick of the wrist, 45 hit you with the crop, causing a stinging sensation to spread all over your body. the more mistakes you made, the harsher he'd become. his ego sometimes got the best of him, so 65 had to step in until the other calmed down.

sessions with them lasted for hours, you could easily lose yourself if they weren't careful enough. you begged them to let you free for a few minutes, needing to use the bathroom. they pretended not to hear you, even as tears started to form in your eyes from the embarrassment.

warm fluid spilled over your legs, dripping down on the ground as they both laughed. 65 came closer, patting your face mockingly. how pitiful you were, staining yourself and the floor. 45 perhaps took a sample for the sake of research, but it was better if you did not ask about it later.

18/35

yeah, good fucking luck. this might be the worst combination you could've picked. 18 didn't get along with the others that well, but his relationship with 35 was probably the worst one.

35 overheard that you had plans with 18 later, and he just so happened to have something important for you to help him with, which ended up with you sitting in his lap, warming his cock as he finished up on paperwork.

18 came barging in, demanding to know why you didn't show up, only to see 35 smugly pressing his hand on your stomach, keeping you from moving. the younger segment was pissed, but he couldn't do anything about it. 35 had authority over him, and getting him mad usually didn't end well.

you couldn't stand staying still any longer, trying to seek even a little bit of relief. 35 wasn't happy with that, pushing you from his lap directly onto the floor. he nudged you with his boot, a cruel grin on his face. you needed to be reminded of your place, and for 18 to see what he'll never get to do.

your mouth trailed up 35's boot, licking and sucking on the leather. 18 hated how hard he was getting from looking at you being on your knees for another man. he finally spoke up, demanding to join in on the fun.

the sex had no emotion in it. it was a power play, with 35 making sure both of you knew that he was the one in charge. if he told you to stop, not orgasm, or quit moving altogether, he expected immediate compliance.

og zandik/25

an unusual duo, but it happens more often than you might expect. 25 was more daring and energetic than the other segments, and he had plenty of ideas in that wicked brain of his.

you shared a room with zandik, the two of you sleeping peacefully, getting some well earned rest. neither of you heard the lock getting picked, footsteps slowly coming up towards the bed.

25 climbed in quietly, pulling the blanket away from your legs, making sure neither you or the old man woke up immediately. he was craving your body, missing the taste of your fluids on his tongue.

he gently removed any bottoms you were wearing, taking a deep breath as he savored his favorite scent. his mouth worked you enthusiastically, not caring if you woke up at this point.

your squirming and the wet noises coming from the foot of the bed ended up waking zandik, as he glared at 25 for disturbing his rest. but as you already know, the old man did enjoy watching his segments fuck you.

When Zandik gives 18 permission to use you (for an experiment of course — to see how much you could handle, what else would it be?), he goes wild. All those nights having to jerk off alone with a pair of your panties pumping his aching cock where he had to use his imagination. Imagining you on your knees, one hand gripping his balls and the other holding the shaft as you run your tongue from the tip to his balls and back up, or you on your hands and knees on his bed, back arched so deliciously that your ass is enhanced even more. Oh yeah, he was gonna devour you.

His movements are definitely rushed. Poor baby doesn’t know what he’s doing. His grabbing at your breasts quite roughly and sucking so much. Your entire neck is covered with adoring bites. When he goes down on you, he can hardly contain his excitement. At first he gives experimental kitten licks on your clit, red hues gazing up from blue eyelashes as if waiting for your approval. Your soft moans is all he needs before he eats you like you are his last meal.

He hooks your thighs over his shoulders with a firm grip to keep you from moving. His tongue moves frantically, from your clit and down your folds before slipping inside your cunt, moaning against your pussy. He’s so messy but it feels so good !! He replaces his tongue with two fingers and pumps in and out and attacks your clit, sucking and nibbling just enough and loves how you writhe from his touch alone. It makes him feel proud and he wishes the other segments can see this act.

He’s so desperate it’s almost pathetic. His hips grind against the mattress in a weak attempt to pleasure himself and small whimpers emit from his lips. His moans alone as he devours you is enough to send you over the edge.

When it comes to the official act and he finally gets what he’s been longing for, he almost finished on the spot. Choked gasps leave his pretty mouth as he stares down at you in almost disbelief. He can hardy contain himself at this point. Your cunt squeezes around him graciously and continues to swallow him until he bottoms out, his flesh against yours. A small “Zandik” leaves your lips and its enough for him.

His thrusts are fast pace, his hands are roaming everywhere on your body, from circling your overstimulated clit that causes you to cry underneath him, to your breasts where he rolls the mounds between his fingers, to your neck where slender fingers grip the sides in attempt to cut off some air.

Your pussy is so warm and welcoming, as if you were designed perfectly just for his cock, a complete opposite of his hand and a spare panties that barely had your scent on them. You just take him so well and he lets you know how much of a good girl you are, and oh don’t forget he thinks you’re the prettiest woman he has ever seen in his life, especially when you’re begging for him to fuck into you harder. Despite being inexperienced and fast with his movements, he will make sure he tastes every inch of you before its the next segments turn.

25

Probably the most stuck up one besides Omega. In fact, he was probably the meanest one who thought he knew everything. This was the stage of Zandik’s life after being expelled from the Akademiya and pursuing other research with the Fatui, so it would make sense in some twisted way that he was mean and stuck up.

Unlike 18, this segment was more sneaky with his gestures. You’d often come and help inside the lab with the other segments or Zandik and 25 would be incredibly jealous. If you were beside him, he might accidentally knock over vials near you, and of course he would immediately blame you for being so careless and stupid, he’s just so mean to you. But as planned, you’d get on your hands and knees to clean it and would never notice the way this segment would stare you down.

Like 18, he would desperately jerk off but this time to the thought of you crying and it turned him on so much. He wondered if you would cry from physical pain or emotional pain (which he could do both) and that would make his desire for you grow. Sometimes he would sneak into your room when you are sleeping and just watch. He wanted nothing more than to strap you down and use you there but even he knew his limits with Zandik around.

After 18 had his fun with you and it was 25’s turn, you were definitely in for some form of torture (or pleasure)

Instead of the comfortable setting in 18’s room, this segment takes you to the lab as if you were his patient. At first he does a general assessment but don’t mind his wandering hands in between your thighs that graze against your cunt and flick at your clothed clit. The doctor is working of course ;)

He definitely loves to tie you down to the table completely naked. It’s so humiliating to be the only one nude while he is still dressed, but the way he looks at you behind glasses is enough to slightly wash away that shame.

At first he teases you. He blows hot air on your pussy and watches you squeeze around nothing. “Wow, you’re practically begging for me already and I haven’t done anything. Aren’t you a slut?”

He looms over you and leaves so many marks on your skin, sometimes even drawing blood but would lick it clean as some sort of apology. He’d stare at you and lick his lower lip to wipe off the little but of blood.

Besides his fingers, his scalpel is probably his tool of choice when playing with you. The sharp tip drags ever so slowly against your skin and the coolness of the blade causes your breath to hitch. Excitement or fear, you weren’t sure what you were feeling. Occasionally he might accidentally dig in ever so slightly to see the beautiful crimson color you produce and enjoys the face of pain you make. But don’t worry, the doctor will make you feel all better !!

Whenever he was satisfied from examining you, he fucks you without care. This segment really only cares for his own pleasure and doesn’t care about yours. He could go about his day even if you didn’t finish. He just wanted to use you to his heart’s desire.

When his desires began to grow more, his actions also began to become more perverted. He would press his bulge up against you from behind when trying to reach for something on a higher shelf. Sometimes his hips would grind into the curve of your ass and love the small gasp you’d produce. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy his little antics.

Omega seemed to have no shame at all. Unlike 18 and 25, he would jerk off to you while you were sleeping. His hand would pump over the tip of his cock, using his pre-cum as lube to fasten his motions. You usually slept in no shorts, much to his approval. He’d stare between your legs intently, wondering how warm you must’ve felt, how tight you were, how much your pussy could take. All these thoughts and those wandering eyes of his helped push him over the edge and he’d finish on your blanket (he would’ve rather it been your face). In the morning you were curious about a specific stain on your blue blanket, but thought nothing much of it.

When given permission from Zandik (finally), he was quite overjoyed but never showed it and you would never admit it as well.

In the prime stage of his life, everything to Omega felt as if he was on a continuous hunt for a new hypothesis in hopes to gather more data for a new conclusion that was far better than the first. So naturally, he takes this as an opportunity to see how much you could take.

He takes you to a room with a huge mirror in front of the bed. The thought of getting fucked in front of a mirror by one of your beloved’s segments was enough for a small wet spot to appear in your panties.

35 has you on the bed, completely nude with him behind you with your legs spread open. This position causes embarrassment to wash over you, but the way his hand rubs your clit in small circles is enough to forget about your emotional predicament.

He continues to play with you, cooing in your ear about how you’re aiding him so much in his study. He praises you for being his good little subject while three of his fingers are pumping in and out of your aching cunt, but you can’t answer. All you can muster is moans of his names and the occasional whimper and “feels so good..” orgasm after orgasm is drawn out from your tired body and even the smallest flicks of your clit has you wailing to him. Oh you looked so pretty in the mirror he can’t help but grin and imagine how fucked out you’d be on his cock.

He may be selfish and care about his own pleasure, but he was more obsessed with your pleasure and wanting to draw out as much as possible. He takes you from behind, holding your wrists behind your back with one hand and uses you as leverage to fuck himself deeper into you. From this position, he’s able to abuse that spot. Each rut of his hips causes your breast to bounce and he loves it. His other hand rubs fast and sloppy circles on your clit and that’s enough to make you cum for the nth time. If you weren’t focused on the mirror, he’d grab your chin and force you to stare, a mask staring at your reflection. Even if you couldn’t see his eyes, you knew they were washed with lust, maybe more than yours.

He may be the most selfish and care about his pleasure only, but he definitely cares about your own (in the name of science of course).

45

This segment was on the opposite end of the spectrum when it came to selfishness, which you came to the conclusion that age was a factor in this.

45 is more of a charmer. He’s way more talkative (in a nice way) and is able to hold simple conversations with you. The one thing you love about him is how attentive he is to you. Sometimes if you were in lab with all the segments and you tried voicing something, the segments were too busy arguing with one another to listen, but he would always give you his undivided attention.

If you weren’t in lab, he would greet you with a kiss to your hand. Not often, but it was a sweet gesture on his end. Unlike the younger segments, he never made physical advancements on you, he would however continue to make flirty or… inappropriate comments.

He always gave you compliments. He complimented if you did something new with your hair, or your outfits (which was usually standard lab safety outfits) or whatever stood out to him. However, his favorite thing to compliment was your intelligence. In his eyes, nothing was more outstanding than a beautiful woman who was highly intelligent. And that was dangerous.

When it’s 45’s turn, he’s sure to let you know how overjoyed he was. You knew he was not one for physical advancements, but he surely becomes touchy now. His hands roam all over your body when he has you in his bed. He squeezes at your breasts and swallows your moans when kissing you, moving his hands down the rest of your body to your ass before giving a firm spank.

He has you on your knees, a gloved hand tangled in your hair and moving your head to meet in time with his thrusts. Strings of curses and praises leave his mouth and his words cause your thighs to rub together in anticipation. “Someone so beautiful and intelligent on her knees to suck someone’s cock, you love that, don’t you?” The tip of his head hits the back of your throat and with a whimper, he holds your head with both hands on the side of your face and holds you in place, finishing with a loud groan and head tilted back.

He doesn’t neglect you at all, which was one of his best qualities. His face is deep in between your legs, his nose nuzzled against your clit as he breathes in your scent, moaning about how good you smell. His tongue does wonders from sliding in between your folds, to barely putting the tip in your cunt before moving up to your clit. His motions aren’t rushed like 18, but planned and executed with purpose.

When he was satisfied with how you looked, he helps you get on top of him. Strong arms are wrapped around your back as your breasts are pressed up against his chest, your head falling into the crook of his neck. He thrusts up into you, the head of his cock bumping into your cervix. It’s so much, too good, it doesn’t help the fact he’s whispering in your ear and blowing hot air.

His thrusts are so rough, his balls slap against your skin that leaves stinging sensations. This segment is obsessed with his lips on yours, and probably the only segment that kisses you while fucking. It’s not romantic in the slightest, but your mouths together form a melodic song that turns him on even more if possible.

After a day of locking himself in his house, he had come up with his very own poison. Made from the remains of a dendro slime, mixed with a few crushed petals of Dendrobium, and a generous splash of expired alcohol stolen from the Cat’s Tail.

He didn't know if it was truly toxic. In fact, he just mixed random ingredients he found revolting.

He wasn't planning on truly poisoning you after all. In its current concentration, it would merely cause temporary numbness (maybe).

And so he placed a cute little package in front of your house (he stole the documents that held information of those working under the Grand Master to find your address). Inside the package was a plate of Hash Brown he had cooked himself.

Of course, the poison was sprinkled on top as well.

He knocked on the door to your house and hid in a bush nearby.

He watched the door open, a shiver of excitement going down his spine.

But when you stepped out, his eyes widened. You weren’t what he had imagined. Not old, not bitter, not hunched over with tired eyes and stained robes.

You looked... young and composed. Normal in fact.

You glanced at the package, shrugged, and brought it inside.

The next day, he had half hoped there would be some commotion. Instead, nothing happened.

Lohen found that significantly more unsettling than if you had screamed.

Did you not open it?

Did you die?

Worse, did you throw it away?

By the second day, irritation curdled into curiosity again, and curiosity dragged him back to your house.

He hadn’t even reached the door when something stopped him.

A box.

His box.

He stared at it, then at the note pinned neatly on top.

It read-

---

Observation Log

Possible dendro slime derivative.

Taste profile:

Slight bitterness.

Floral aftertaste.

Perhaps traces of alcohol.

Symptoms:

Tingling lips.

Mild numbness in fingers.

Onset approximately twenty-five seconds.

Conclusion:

Sloppily made poison.

---

He stared at the handwriting. The faint smell of alcohol lingering on the hastily ripped paper.

'..... Sloppy?' he scoffed, annoyance creeping up into his face. He crumbled the paper, staring at the door with a sadistic smile.

"Fine then. I'll show you real poison."

The next morning, another box appeared at your doorstep.

Like last time, you took it into your home. You had no idea who was delivering these, but the last package being drenched in a mild toxin made it interesting enough for you to open.

You tore open the box.

This time, it was a plate of mushroom pizza.

"Oh, that looks delicious." you muttered to yourself, noticing the unusual purple coloring on the crust.

You reached and held a piece of the pizza near your mouth. And without a care, you took a huge bite from the area where the coloring was the brightest.

The following day, Lohen returned to find another note on your doorstep. This time it was more detailed than the last.

---

Observation Log

Low concentration of Aconitum.

Taste profile:

Initial sweet-bitter note.

Followed by burning sensation.

Symptoms:

Numbness.

Dizziness.

Loss of strength.

Conclusion:

Good posion. Easily countered.

Although, I liked the taste of the pizza.

(attached are my other observations)

---

There were six pages attached.

Six.

Lohen stared, flipping through the pages with a smile. "God. She's insane."

This started the exchange of poisons and paper notes.

The next package that Lohen put on your doorstep had a small note of his own.

---

To the Medic

Firstly, fuck you.

Secondly, you missed a secondary ingredient. (Hint : It was Naku weed)

Thirdly, thank you for complimenting the pizza.

I made it myself.

---

Your response appeared the next morning.

---

To the Poisoner

1. Rude.

2. I did not miss the ingredient. Naku weed has no toxic properties. Just color.

3. The posion on the crust was obvious. Are you perhaps new to this poisoning thing?

---

Your responses pissed the Vice captain even more. Because how dare a lowly medic like you have the audacity to critic his cooking?!

He tried even harder after that.

More precise blends. Better masking. Controlled dosages. Carefully calibrated ingredients. Tried perfecting the recipe so you couldn't find any faults.

Everything.

After making sure everything was perfect, he delivered the next package. A plate of Northern Apple Stew.

The reply next day was written in a crumbled paper with messy handwriting.

---

Rules for Future Poisoning

1. No explosive diarrhea.

2. No permanent injury.

3. No organ damage.

4. No blindness.

5. No poisoning children.

6. Food should remain edible

---

Lohen rolled his eyes at the rules. "Killjoy." To him these rules just were unnecessary boundaries that ruined his fun.

But he never wanted to stop this exchange between the two of you. It was much too entertaining for him.

Unknown to him, that night ended with you locking yourself in your room. Having non stop diarrhea for hours.

Soon the notes became longer than the poisons themselves.

One morning, the package you opened had a plate of Cream Stew.

And this time the note attached had a list of ingredients used.

---

Current Theory

The toxin should produce localized muscle weakness.

Estimated duration:

Two hours.

Possible side effects:

Dizziness.

Drowsiness.

Complaining.

Will you be able to guess what I used (Y/N)? °^°?

---

Three days later Lohen received something he could only call a report.

A dossier.

Twenty-two pages which included diagrams, charts, annotated symptom timelines.

And corrections.

So many corrections.

---

Page 14: dosage error.

Page 17: please stop using kitchen spoons as lab tools.

Page 19: “Did you eyeball the concentration?”

---

Unfortunately Lohen had. And he hated that you noticed.

Months passed and somehow it became a routine.

Your medic colleagues grew increasingly worried seeing you drowsy every other day.

"Do you know who keeps sending you poison?" one asked.

You shook your head. "No, not really."

"Shouldn't that concern you?"

You looked confused. "Why?"

"Because they're poisoning you...?"

You blinked. Honestly, if the person wanted to kill you, they could have used other deadly toxins. Yet, they always made sure to use small doses and non lethal ingredients.

You smiled to yourself. "They are very considerate actually."

"... Oh." the medic froze.

You tapped a finger on your cheek. "They also have lovely handwriting."

"..."

The medic walked away. Unable to continue the conversation.

Lohen, meanwhile, was also not doing well.

Varka had his suspicions when he first saw the crazed man laughing while tasting the exotic plants he had ordered.

One day, while Lohen was away on a mission, he broke the lock of his drawer and read through all the papers in there.

Papers about toxic plants. Possible ingredients. And of course, all the notes you had written to him.

He ran a hand through his hair. "What the hell is happening in Mondstadt?"

Varka immediately dragged Lohen by the collar and pushed him into the store you worked in to apologize.

You looked up from your desk and instantly recognized him as your mysterious poisoner.

Not by his face. But by his hands.

The stained fingertips. The chemical burns. The ink marks. The quiet proof of obsession.

"Oh," you smiled softly. "It's you."

Lohen blinked.

Varka shoved him forward. "Apologise to the lady Lohen."

Oh. So his name was Lohen.

The boy looked deeply offended. "I don't want to."

"Apologize." The Grand Master repeated, his gaze cold.

Lohen sighed dramatically. Then glanced toward you. "...Sorry for poisoning you."

You immediately shook your head, a small laugh escaping your lips. "There is so need for apologies. I should be thanking you actually."

Silence.

Even Varka froze.

You continued, brighter now. "The poisons were genuinely fascinating."

Varka looked horrified.

"I learned to make dozens of new antidotes!"

Lohen stared. Mesmerized.

"Also the toxins were quite creative! Honestly, every morning became something to look forward to."

Varka took a breath, and turned his gaze to the ceiling, perhaps praying to Barbatos why they allowed these two people to exist.

"Also the notes were fun!" you added, opening your drawer and placing a the stack of notes you had carefully stapled.

Lohen wasn't even listening anymore.

Because you were smiling.

At him.

Because of him.

Because he had poisoned you.

It was a stupid conversation. The girl in front of him was grateful for poisoning her. It was reckless, idiotic and yet...

At that moment his heart made some several terrible decisions.

He realised.

With a lot of hesitation...

That-

'Oh.'

'Oh no.'

'You were kinda cute.'

He had known your name for months. Known where you worked. Known your habits. Your favorite medicinal herbs. The way your handwriting became messier when excited.

But seeing you in person? Actually talking to you?

He was finished.

Absolutely in love.

That night he didn't sleep. Instead he sat at his desk surrounded by herbs, powders, vials, and failed formulas, staring at his next experiment like it might hold divine answers.

Most men wrote poetry.

Most men gifted flowers.

Most men confessed.

But Lohen was not most men.

He lifted a vial of deep red liquid, watching it swirl under lamplight with a manic smile. "If she barely liked the last one... I'll just make one that is even better."

And thus began the greatest romantic pursuit in history.

Not through gifts or heartfelt letters.

But through an escalating series of increasingly sophisticated poisons.

Lohen's new life goal was simple.

Create a poison so fascinating, so beautiful so perfect....

That when you tasted it—

You'd fall hopelessly in love with its creator.

Unfortunately for him, the only thing you fell in love with was the chemical composition.

Fin

😭 😭 😭 I CANT WITH THIS GUY. I FEEL LIKE HE'S SOMEONE WHO'D GIFT YOU A BOMB CUZ HE LOVES YOU.

Some of the ingredients used r actually toxic while others r just bs. I tried making it as Canon as possible but I'm sure there r some mistakes. Sorry abt tht.