damned to loving you
Ex!Itoshi Sae x Model!Reader
chapters: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 8 , 9 , 10 , 11 , 12 , 13 , 14 , 15 , 16 , 17
synopsis: he thought becoming the best meant leaving her behind. now, every match, every event, every city somehow brings them back together, as though fate refuses to let them become strangers. no matter how far he runs, every path seems to lead back to the one person he was never supposed to lose.
Genre: Romance • HEAVY Angst • Slow Burn • Lovers to Exes to ? • Regret • Jealousy • Fashion • Football • Second Lead (Kaiser) • Bestfriend Hugo and Loki
A/N: prep yalls tissues. kaiser ily😩
It happened quietly.
Just as everything important between the three of you always seemed to.
Not after a fight.
Not after another misunderstanding.
Not after anyone confessed.
Simply...
On an ordinary afternoon.
Paris.
A campaign wrapped earlier than expected.
You stepped out of the studio carrying your heels in one hand, your coat draped over the other.
It had been raining snow all morning.
Now the streets glistened beneath the pale winter sun.
Your phone buzzed.
Kaiser: coffee plan still up?
You smiled.
You: duh! where tho? cant pick a place:/
His reply came almost immediately.
Kaiser: the place with the terrible jazz.
You laughed.
Only one café fit that description.
Twenty minutes later.
The little café was almost empty.
Soft jazz played through old speakers.
Exactly as terrible as Kaiser remembered.
He was already seated by the window.
One espresso.
One untouched croissant.
And for you—
A vanilla latte waiting exactly the way you liked it.
He looked up as the bell above the door rang.
"...Late."
"I was five minutes late."
"I suffered."
"You'll survive."
"I don't know."
You laughed as you sat across from him.
"I've missed this."
"So have I."
For a while...
Nothing felt different.
You talked about Fashion Week.
About Hugo accidentally appearing in the background of your campaign photos because he'd wandered into the wrong building.
About Lorenzo somehow convincing security that he was "part of the decoration."
About Loki texting the group chat at three in the morning simply to announce that French toast should be considered a national treasure.
You laughed until tears formed in your eyes.
Kaiser watched quietly.
Smiling.
Memorizing it.
Eventually...
The laughter faded.
The conversation slowed.
Outside, snow had begun falling again.
Softly.
Silently.
You wrapped both hands around your cup.
"...Kaiser."
"Mhm?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
"I know."
You frowned.
"...You do?"
He nodded once.
"You've had that face all day."
"What face?"
"The one where you keep pretending you're thinking about work."
You sighed.
"...Am I that obvious?"
"To me?"
He smiled.
"Always."
You looked down.
Turning your cup slightly.
"I don't know how to say this."
"You don't have to."
You looked up.
"What?"
He leaned back comfortably.
Almost as if he had rehearsed this moment long before you had.
"I know."
Silence.
"You know... what?"
He smiled gently.
“The reason you asked me here.”
Your heart began beating faster.
"Kaiser..."
He shook his head.
"No."
"Let me talk first."
For once...
There wasn't an ounce of arrogance in his voice.
Only warmth.
Only affection.
Only...
Acceptance.
"You remember what I told you?"
He asked.
"'You're not a prize.'"
You nodded.
"I meant it."
He looked out the window for a second.
"I've spent almost two years trying to convince myself..."
"...that if I loved you enough..."
"...you'd eventually love me back."
A small laugh escaped him.
"Turns out..."
"...that's not how people work."
You opened your mouth.
"I'm sorry—"
"No."
He interrupted immediately.
"No apologizing."
"But—"
"I said no."
His tone wasn't harsh.
Just firm.
"You don't apologize..."
"...for falling in love."
The words caught in your throat.
Because somehow...
He'd made it easier.
Again.
Just like he always did.
Kaiser smiled.
"You know what's funny?"
"What?"
"I think..."
He looked directly at you.
"...I stopped trying to be chosen."
You blinked.
"When?"
He shrugged.
"Somewhere between watching him apologize..."
"...and watching you smile."
A pause.
"Really smile."
You felt your eyes sting.
He noticed immediately.
"Absolutely not."
"What?"
"No crying."
"I'm not—"
"You are."
"I'm trying not to."
"I know."
He sighed dramatically.
"You never listen."
That made you laugh through the tears.
"There."
He pointed triumphantly.
"Much better."
Silence settled again.
Comfortable.
Familiar.
The kind only best friends could share.
"Kaiser..."
You whispered.
"I don't want to lose you."
He looked almost offended.
"Lose me?"
You nodded.
"I mean..."
"...everything's changing."
He smiled.
"No."
"It isn't."
You frowned.
"It is."
He shook his head.
"I'm just changing jobs."
You blinked.
"...Jobs?"
He pointed at himself.
"I've been promoted."
"Promoted?"
"Mhm."
"From hopelessly in love with you..."
He placed a hand dramatically against his chest.
"...to devastatingly handsome best friend."
Despite yourself...
You burst into laughter.
"Oh my God."
"I know."
"I'm amazing."
"You're unbelievable."
“I’ve heard that before.”
Your laughter slowly faded.
Replaced by something quieter.
Gratitude.
"So..."
You asked softly.
"...We're okay?"
Kaiser looked at you as though the answer had always been obvious.
"We've always been okay."
Another pause.
"You were one of the best things that ever happened to me."
His voice remained steady.
"I'm not going to ruin that..."
"...just because the ending wasn't the one I imagined."
For a while...
Neither of you spoke.
The snow outside had begun covering the sidewalks.
People hurried past the café window.
Life kept moving.
As though nothing inside this little room had just changed.
Then—
You smiled sadly.
"...Promise me something."
"Hm?"
"...When you meet someone."
"...A girl who's crazy enough to put up with you."
He laughed.
"Tall order."
"You know what I mean."
"I do."
"...Promise me you'll let her love you."
His smile stayed.
But something behind it...
Shifted.
He looked down at his cup.
Turning it slowly between his hands.
Then he asked quietly—
"...Do you really think I can?"
You frowned.
"What do you mean?"
Another silence.
Long enough that you thought he wouldn't answer.
Then—
"I've spent so long..."
"...imagining a future that had you in it."
He laughed once.
Embarrassed.
"...I don't actually know how to imagine one that doesn't."
Your breath caught.
"I know that sounds pathetic."
"It doesn't."
"It kind of does."
He smiled.
"I know I'll move on."
"I know life keeps going."
"I know one day..."
"...I'll probably meet someone incredible."
He looked out the window.
"But..."
His voice dropped.
"I hope she forgives me."
You blinked.
"...For what?"
He smiled sadly.
"For meeting her..."
"...after you."
Silence.
"I don't think it'll be fair."
He continued quietly.
"Because she'll deserve someone..."
"...whose heart is completely hers."
His fingers tightened around the coffee cup.
"And I'll spend a long time..."
"...learning how to make mine that way."
You shook your head immediately.
"Kaiser—"
He cut you off with the gentlest smile.
"It's okay."
"No."
"It isn't."
"It is."
He looked at you.
Completely calm.
"I don't love people halfway."
"I never have."
"And..."
He laughed softly.
"I don't think I'll suddenly become good at it."
A tear slid down your cheek.
"You deserve to be someone's first choice."
He smiled.
"I know."
"You deserve someone who looks at you the way—"
"I know."
"You deserve—"
"I know."
Every answer...
Was gentle.
Every answer...
Was accepting.
And somehow...
That hurt more.
Because he wasn't arguing.
He already believed every good thing you were saying about him.
He just didn't believe he'd be ready to receive it yet.
Then—
He reached into his wallet.
Pulled out something old.
A tiny, faded instant photo.
The edges were bent.
The colors had begun fading.
You immediately recognized it.
The two of you.
Taken years ago in Milan.
Both laughing because the camera had gone off too early.
You gasped.
"...You still have that?"
He looked down at it.
"Mhm."
"I carry it everywhere."
Your eyes widened.
"Kaiser..."
"I tried throwing it away."
You looked at him.
"...What?"
"Twice."
The café suddenly felt very quiet.
"The first time..."
"I stood in front of the trash can for ten minutes."
A tiny laugh.
"...Then I put it back in my wallet."
"The second time..."
"I made it all the way home."
"I put it on the kitchen counter."
"I stared at it for an hour."
Another quiet smile.
"...Couldn't do it."
He turned the photograph over.
On the back...
In your handwriting...
Were four careless words.
don't lose this, idiot
You had written it as a joke.
Years ago.
Neither of you remembered it.
Until now.
Kaiser traced the faded ink with his thumb.
Then smiled.
"I guess..."
"...I listened."
He carefully slid the photograph back into his wallet.
Not because he was choosing the past.
Because it had become part of him.
A memory.
Not a hope.
He looked back at you.
"You know..."
"I don't think loving you was the hardest part."
You waited.
"It was accepting..."
"...that one day..."
"...I'd have to become the person cheering the loudest..."
"...when someone else got to hold your hand."
Silence.
"And I will."
He smiled.
"I promise I will."
A tear finally escaped.
He noticed.
Groaned dramatically.
"I specifically requested no crying."
"You don't get to request things."
"I absolutely do."
"No."
"Fine."
He reached across the table.
Not to hold your hand.
Instead...
He flicked your forehead.
Lightly.
Exactly the way he always did.
"There."
"What was that for?"
"For making me emotional."
"You were emotional first."
"I was elegant."
"You were definitely emotional."
"I reject that accusation."
You laughed again.
And Kaiser smiled.
Because if there was one sound he wanted to remember...
It was that.
Not your crying.
Not your heartbreak.
Your laughter.
The same laughter he'd spent months protecting.
Even knowing...
It would never belong to him.
The café had grown quieter.
Outside...
The snow continued to fall.
People came and went.
Coffee cups were replaced.
Music changed.
Yet somehow...
The little table by the window felt untouched by time.
Neither of you spoke.
There wasn't anything left to explain.
Not anymore.
For so long...
The silence between you had been filled with words neither of you were brave enough to say.
Today...
The silence finally felt complete.
Kaiser took another sip of his espresso.
Cold.
He'd forgotten to drink it.
"...Still terrible."
You laughed softly.
"You always say that."
"I keep hoping it'll improve."
"It won't."
"I know."
Another quiet moment.
Then—
"...Do you remember Milan?"
You looked up.
"The rain?"
He nodded.
"The train station."
You smiled before you even realized it.
"You missed your flight."
"You distracted me."
"I bought you gelato."
"You dropped yours."
"You laughed at me."
"You had chocolate on your nose."
"I did not."
"You absolutely did."
You both laughed.
The memory came back so vividly it almost felt real.
You remembered running through narrow streets while it rained.
Sharing one umbrella because yours had broken.
Kaiser insisting he knew a shortcut.
Getting both of you completely lost.
Then buying two gelatos as an apology.
You'd laughed so hard your stomach hurt.
It had been one of your happiest days.
"I never thanked you."
You admitted quietly.
"For what?"
"...For giving me memories that didn't hurt."
Kaiser looked at you.
You continued.
"When everything with Sae still felt..."
You searched for the word.
"...unfinished."
"...You never tried to replace him."
He stayed silent.
"You just..."
"...gave me somewhere to breathe."
Your eyes met his.
"I don't think I would've healed the way I did..."
"...if you hadn't been there."
Kaiser looked down at the table.
For the first time...
He couldn't find one of his usual jokes.
Because hearing those words...
Hurt.
And healed him.
At the same time.
"You know..."
He spoke quietly.
"There was one thing..."
"...I was always jealous of."
You frowned.
"...Sae?"
He nodded.
"I envied the version of you he got to know."
Silence.
"The girl who waited outside training."
"The girl who followed him everywhere."
"The girl who smiled before he'd even said anything."
A small laugh escaped him.
"I never met her."
He looked at you.
"I met someone stronger."
Someone quieter.
Someone who carried heartbreak so gracefully that most people never noticed it at all.
"I met the version of you..."
"...that had already learned how to survive."
Your vision blurred.
"Kaiser..."
"You know what that means?"
You slowly shook your head.
"It means..."
He smiled.
"...I never got the easy part."
"I got the privilege."
A tear rolled down your cheek.
This time...
He didn't stop it.
"I watched you rebuild yourself."
He continued.
"I watched you become someone who could stand on her own."
"You learned how to be happy..."
"...without waiting for anyone."
His smile became softer.
"And..."
"I'm really proud of you."
The words shattered something inside you.
Not painfully.
Gently.
Like finally setting down a weight you'd carried for years.
"I wish..."
You whispered.
"...I could've loved you the way you deserved."
Kaiser closed his eyes for a second.
Then smiled.
"I know."
He reached across the table.
Not to hold your hand.
Just to lightly tap your knuckles.
"You tried."
You nodded through your tears.
"I really did."
"I know."
"I wanted to."
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
He laughed quietly.
"...You're apologizing again."
You let out a watery laugh.
"I am."
"You never listen."
The waiter approached.
"Would either of you like another coffee?"
Kaiser looked at you.
You looked at him.
Then...
Almost at the same time—
"No, thank you."
The waiter nodded politely before walking away.
You watched him disappear.
"...That's it."
You murmured.
"What is?"
"The last coffee."
Kaiser followed your gaze.
"...Yeah."
Neither of you had planned for it to be.
Neither of you had said this would be goodbye.
But somehow...
You both knew.
There wouldn't be another café like this.
Another conversation like this.
Because there didn't need to be.
Kaiser stood first.
You stood a moment later.
Neither of you moved toward the door.
Instead...
You looked at each other.
Years.
Countless flights.
Different countries.
Different time zones.
Birthdays.
Arguments.
Inside jokes.
Missed calls.
Late-night drives.
Fashion shows.
Football matches.
Shared meals.
Shared silences.
Somehow...
All of it fit into one look.
Without saying anything...
You stepped forward.
And hugged him.
Tightly.
Much tighter than you ever had before.
Kaiser froze.
Just for a second.
Then his arms wrapped around you.
This time...
He didn't hold back.
One hand rested gently against the back of your head.
The other around your shoulders.
Like he was trying to memorize what it felt like.
Neither of you spoke.
Because words would've ruined it.
After a long while...
You felt him laugh quietly.
Barely above a whisper.
"...You're getting makeup on my coat."
You let out a tiny laugh against his shoulder.
"You'll survive."
"I don't know."
"You've survived worse."
"I have."
His smile slowly faded.
He took one careful step back.
Looked at you.
Really looked at you.
As though committing every detail to memory.
The way your eyes crinkled when you smiled.
The tiny scar near your eyebrow.
The ring you always absentmindedly twisted when you were nervous.
The face he'd fallen in love with.
The face he'd eventually have to stop searching for in every crowd.
Then...
With all the warmth in the world...
He lifted a hand.
And fixed a loose strand of your hair behind your ear.
Exactly once.
The same way you had done for him so many times before.
"...There."
His voice was almost inaudible.
"You always liked fixing my hair."
You smiled through your tears.
"So now we're even."
He nodded.
"...Yeah."
A long silence settled between you.
Then he smiled.
Not the smile he gave cameras.
Not the one he wore after scoring.
Not the arrogant grin that challenged the world.
Just...
Michael.
"If..."
He began.
"...there's one thing I want you to remember..."
You waited.
He looked at you with eyes that held no regret anymore.
"Never spend another day wondering if you're too much."
Your breath caught.
"Because the right person..."
He smiled.
"...will think they were lucky you chose them."
You closed your eyes.
A sob escaped before you could stop it.
Not because your heart was breaking.
Because it was healing.
And somehow...
That hurt too.
Kaiser reached up one last time.
Pressed his forehead lightly against yours.
Just for a second.
A goodbye.
Nothing more.
When he stepped back...
He smiled.
Brightly.
Like he always had.
"Go."
You looked at him.
"...Where?"
He chuckled.
"You already know."
You turned.
Outside the café window...
Across the street...
Standing beneath the falling snow...
Was Sae.
He hadn't come inside.
He hadn't interrupted.
He simply stood there.
Hands tucked into the pockets of his coat.
Waiting.
The way you used to wait for him.
You looked back toward Kaiser.
He gave you one small nod.
As if to say,
It's okay.
I've got you from here.
You smiled at him one last time.
Then walked toward the door.
The little bell above it chimed.
Cold winter air rushed inside.
You crossed the street.
Step by step.
Toward the person you'd spent months trying to forget.
Toward the person who had spent years learning how to deserve you.
Kaiser watched until you reached him.
He saw Sae take your bag without a word.
Saw you naturally fall into step beside him.
Saw the distance between your shoulders disappear as you walked.
Neither of you looked back.
You didn't need to.
Because the goodbye had already happened.
Kaiser remained standing behind the café window.
Watching the snow settle over the footprints the three of you had left behind.
He smiled to himself.
A little sad.
A little relieved.
Then, so quietly that no one else could hear—
"I'm glad..."
"...it was you."
He turned around.
Walked toward the opposite end of the street.
And for the first time since he'd met you...
He wasn't walking away because he'd lost.
He was walking forward.
Because he had finally found the strength...
To let the love of his life be loved by someone else.
