23 and tired

my favourite game as a kid was hide and seek attention

spaghetti? oh no i only eat swaghetti sir

There were two professors like this in my department and I was one of like 20 people who was taught by both of them so there was a very small gang of us who knew that Professor Brick Wall and Professor Overshare were married with two kids.

what a beautiful wedding

said a bridesmaid to a waiter

yes but what a shame

the poor grooms bride is a llama

What other website am i going to see posts where the op talks about “bam! Free bees!”

whats wrong with you? you got some sort of……..some sorta syndrome? you got a syndrome or something? youre tryna tell me youve got like, a syndrome

[goes to doctor]: whats wrong with me doc. tell me the ‘prognosis’ doctor: well, its looking as if you have some kind of syndrome [thinking] hmm.. thats not good

i diagnose you with symptoms syndrome

sorry to say but it seems you’ve got problems disorder

imagine getting beat by the diamond russian squat boys and they say ‘drag his ass to the hole’

next time i feel bad about my belly i’ll remind myself that marilyn monroe, one of the most beautiful women in history, had one too

Some people wonder why people fight wars, but I have no trouble imagining reasons for people to just haul off on each other.