“they tried to kill each other” yes and? do you have a problem with true love

Reciprocal murder attempts are fine. One-sided murder is problematic in a relationship, though

They do say that a relationship is doomed to fail unless both parties are putting the same amount of effort in.

“No” lmfaoooo

I heard my brother say he was going to dairy queen so I suck into his car and he has no idea I’m in here

he asked his friend what he wanted and I popped up from the floor ‘I was thinking about a milkshake’ I have never heard two teenage boys scream louder

I’m not even going to lie, I judge people, and I judge them hard. if I see a person with some wacky ass clothes on or a girl wearing bright blue eyeshadow up to her super thin arched sharpie looking eyebrows ya I’m judging them because I personally don’t agree with their choices, but I keep my mouth shut and keep my damn opinions to myself because I’m not a piece a shit who wants to put others down. it’s perfectly okay to not agree with someones choices, but there is absolutely no reason for you to tell them that you think what they’re doing is wrong or to tell them that you don’t like how they look or dress or act. THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON FOR IT. stop talking shit and then defending yourself by saying “oh well i’m just stating my opinions!!! freedom of speech!!!!” you’re not just innocently stating your opinions, you’re being a jerk. 

I want this on a shirt

i want to get this on a shirt then wear it to school

fam if donald trump wins the election you gonna catch me in canada drinkin bagged milk and flexin with free healthcare

As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost

hey guys i’m starting school soon so if anyone wants to come to my house and kill me that would be cool

I didn’t think that could get worse than #6 but holy shit dodged a bullet.

“skinny jeans are out, bootcut jeans are back in!” yeah maybe thats how it is in the berenstain universe but here in the berenstein universe we like our skinny jeans just fine thanks

Iconic

When i was a kid my mom and i had a code word to let her know when i needed her to say no. For instance if a kid at school asked me to come over and stay the night but i really didnt want to, id call my mama and ask her, and then end it with “please, Mom?” I never call my mama Mom, just Mama or Moomoo, so she would know immediately to say that I was grounded or had too much homework or some other bullshit. We also had a system the other way around, so if i called her to see how her date was going and she needed an out, she would call me babydoll and id tell her i heard scary noises and was frightened and needed her to come home or something. Anyways, my point is that every family should hqve a system of codes to keep them safe. Go do that.

i hate when ur in public somewhere and something goes mildly wrong/something inconvenient happens and the nearest baby boomer tries to get you to complain with them

what does this even mean

It’s called small talk, older people don’t have their nose buried in phones and in recent human history it was customary to talk to people