Kyle Wakefield

If you buy a hardback of Conjoined Angels and notice that the wings on the cover have weird extra layers of feathers around the spine area just... don't worry about it. Just enjoy the same number of pages as mass-market paperback in extra-thick recycled paper plus 115gsm colour section and don't WORRY about it

Being an indie author has many downsides but reading a scene which you know is going to get called an overindulgent and ridiculous shark-jump, going "hell yeah" and leaving it to go to print untouched is not one of them

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Finally putting to bed my joke about wishing Sole and Ersilio had fucked each other as I remember that their friendship is so bodily intimate that them fucking would've been utterly gauche

Completely forgot about the bit where he snaps Sitha's mother's spine to get her to stop misgendering him. Genuinely what the hell is wrong with him

Kerblam.

I drafted everything from "When his fever broke" to the end of part 2 in one sitting on Valentine's Day 2023. The next day I got up and went to buy lunch and twenty paces from my house I grabbed a fence and stared at the pavement for ten minutes because I thought I was going to throw up. The passage I was recalling from the draft as I clung to that fence is STILL IN THE BOOK. Self-editing my left NUT

It's funny again. Thank God

I've been advised not to speak about Chapter 21 without a lawyer present

I finished the book last night and I guess the least vain way I can put this is that I really thought distance was going to put me in line with a lot more of the common criticisms. I went in thinking I'd spend the whole time screaming at myself to get to the fucking point, but it was still paced right for me. I went in with a billion jokes prepared about being rarepairpilled about your own book and letting a side character derail the plot and tone of the third act and I STILL think Malacresta's a hottie, the present sections are meant to be pulpy and comedic and the blackmail storyline's the only reason it all worked. I've been struggling to absorb concise writing since I could read and tucking dollar bills into that historically inaccurate green palazzo/hose combo since January 2023 and three years didn't fix it. Sorry. Maybe next year!

Lowkey the common praises I'm equally out of line with. I wrote this book to cope with a lot of pretty lethal despair and because I had an idea for a heavy-metal slammer of a horror story and the way it talks about transness was never, and still isn't, in my top ten favourite things about it. Sole's transness was just Macbeth's ambition to me, you know? Seems my would-that-be-fucked-up-or-what instinct is the Little Engine That Could

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Finally putting to bed my joke about wishing Sole and Ersilio had fucked each other as I remember that their friendship is so bodily intimate that them fucking would've been utterly gauche

Completely forgot about the bit where he snaps Sitha's mother's spine to get her to stop misgendering him. Genuinely what the hell is wrong with him

Kerblam.

I drafted everything from "When his fever broke" to the end of part 2 in one sitting on Valentine's Day 2023. The next day I got up and went to buy lunch and twenty paces from my house I grabbed a fence and stared at the pavement for ten minutes because I thought I was going to throw up. The passage I was recalling from the draft as I clung to that fence is STILL IN THE BOOK. Self-editing my left NUT

It's funny again. Thank God

I've been advised not to speak about Chapter 21 without a lawyer present

I finished the book last night and I guess the least vain way I can put this is that I really thought distance was going to put me in line with a lot more of the common criticisms. I went in thinking I'd spend the whole time screaming at myself to get to the fucking point, but it was still paced right for me. I went in with a billion jokes prepared about being rarepairpilled about your own book and letting a side character derail the plot and tone of the third act and I STILL think Malacresta's a hottie, the present sections are meant to be pulpy and comedic and the blackmail storyline's the only reason it all worked. I've been struggling to absorb concise writing since I could read and tucking dollar bills into that historically inaccurate green palazzo/hose combo since January 2023 and three years didn't fix it. Sorry. Maybe next year!

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Finally putting to bed my joke about wishing Sole and Ersilio had fucked each other as I remember that their friendship is so bodily intimate that them fucking would've been utterly gauche

Completely forgot about the bit where he snaps Sitha's mother's spine to get her to stop misgendering him. Genuinely what the hell is wrong with him

Kerblam.

I drafted everything from "When his fever broke" to the end of part 2 in one sitting on Valentine's Day 2023. The next day I got up and went to buy lunch and twenty paces from my house I grabbed a fence and stared at the pavement for ten minutes because I thought I was going to throw up. The passage I was recalling from the draft as I clung to that fence is STILL IN THE BOOK. Self-editing my left NUT

It's funny again. Thank God

I've been advised not to speak about Chapter 21 without a lawyer present

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Finally putting to bed my joke about wishing Sole and Ersilio had fucked each other as I remember that their friendship is so bodily intimate that them fucking would've been utterly gauche

Completely forgot about the bit where he snaps Sitha's mother's spine to get her to stop misgendering him. Genuinely what the hell is wrong with him

Kerblam.

I drafted everything from "When his fever broke" to the end of part 2 in one sitting on Valentine's Day 2023. The next day I got up and went to buy lunch and twenty paces from my house I grabbed a fence and stared at the pavement for ten minutes because I thought I was going to throw up. The passage I was recalling from the draft as I clung to that fence is STILL IN THE BOOK. Self-editing my left NUT

It's funny again. Thank God

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Finally putting to bed my joke about wishing Sole and Ersilio had fucked each other as I remember that their friendship is so bodily intimate that them fucking would've been utterly gauche

Completely forgot about the bit where he snaps Sitha's mother's spine to get her to stop misgendering him. Genuinely what the hell is wrong with him

Kerblam.

I drafted everything from "When his fever broke" to the end of part 2 in one sitting on Valentine's Day 2023. The next day I got up and went to buy lunch and twenty paces from my house I grabbed a fence and stared at the pavement for ten minutes because I thought I was going to throw up. The passage I was recalling from the draft as I clung to that fence is STILL IN THE BOOK. Self-editing my left NUT

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Finally putting to bed my joke about wishing Sole and Ersilio had fucked each other as I remember that their friendship is so bodily intimate that them fucking would've been utterly gauche

Completely forgot about the bit where he snaps Sitha's mother's spine to get her to stop misgendering him. Genuinely what the hell is wrong with him

Kerblam.

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Finally putting to bed my joke about wishing Sole and Ersilio had fucked each other as I remember that their friendship is so bodily intimate that them fucking would've been utterly gauche

Completely forgot about the bit where he snaps Sitha's mother's spine to get her to stop misgendering him. Genuinely what the hell is wrong with him

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Finally putting to bed my joke about wishing Sole and Ersilio had fucked each other as I remember that their friendship is so bodily intimate that them fucking would've been utterly gauche

Completely forgot about the bit where he snaps Sitha's mother's spine to get her to stop misgendering him. Genuinely what the hell is wrong with him

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Finally putting to bed my joke about wishing Sole and Ersilio had fucked each other as I remember that their friendship is so bodily intimate that them fucking would've been utterly gauche

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him

I've got a whole very serious short story about how little Nene used to think little Malacresta was a godchild too because the allegorical autism was calling to the actual autism but I think mostly it's extremely funny that little Sole and Ersilio and Lalo and Ario were like "Nene scares us because he stares weird and talks weird. On an unrelated note, We Love Our Pal Malacresta, who stares weird, talks weird, and has seven hundred identical beach rocks in his bedroom each of which he loves like a brother"

Okay, I lied. I'm reading cotmof. I'm on Chapter 12: The Hammer, a chapter I've not really been known to have strong feelings about

I think I bought the wrong The Church of the Mountain of Flesh. This one is a comedy

I made the joke four days ago but he kills an elderly man with a hammer and then goes home covered in blood and cuts himself a bob with microbangs. Nobody has ever been as funny as him