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“Say no to bad dates, bad friends, and bad ideas. Stop going out when you’d rather stay in. Don’t do things that make you unhappy. But don’t be afraid to say yes to spontaneous nights out, new adventures, and facing your fears. Because it’s true what they say, life is short, and it’s passing you by right now while you read this. So if there’s anything you want to change in your life don’t wait. This is your moment.”

“I’m tired of being with other people and pretending it’s you.”

“They say, “It’s his loss.” They’re right. You lost more than I did, even if you don’t realize it. I lost someone who didn’t care about me. You lost someone who cared more about you than she ever will. So don’t call me when it hits you. Don’t call me when you change your mind. I loved you, but you lost me.”

Sometimes I think I’m over you. Sometimes I’m so sure that I’ve forgotten you that I rejoice at my ability to move on. “Thank god” I think to myself. “Thank god I’m finally over this.” But then there are other times. Times when I’m brushing my hair in the mirror one second and then the next I’m collapsed on the floor and crying that you’re not here anymore. Times when I’m in my car and I think about the fact you’re going to get a new job and I’m never going to get to hear about it. There are times when I’m sitting in my room, quite content with my own company, and it hits me. We’re strangers again. There are some moments when I am glad that you left. But there are others when I know that if you were to show up at my door, I would take you back in a heartbeat.

“I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I’d catch myself just walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I’d seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I’d realize that you weren’t there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me.”

And you’re the love of my life and I’m not yours and that’s just that. There is nothing I can do. I can’t make you love me the way I am in love with you and that hurts so much. But I hope, god I hope that you find someone. I hope that she’s the love of your life and you’re hers. I hope her eyes light up when you tell her you love her and I hope she cries from laughter from your stupid, stupid, stupid corny jokes. And I hope that when you wake up in the morning, you aren’t greeted with a hole in your chest because when you turn over the person you love most in this world isn’t there and I hope that she’s there. I hope she’s there.

And if 5 years down the line you pass by my new love and I on the sidewalk, I hope you know it’s no coincidence that he wears the same cologne as you.

Can we just pretend the last six months never happened? Can we go back to tickle fights and ordering too much take-out together? Can we just look up at the stars and remember how in love we were? Because I still remember it all, but the real question is, do you?

I think I wanted it to be you so bad that I ignored all the signs that it wasn’t.

I love the way you say my name. I wish I could hear it more often.

I am so scared to admit how much I miss him because I know that he’s not coming back. Accepting that means accepting that I have lost the sun in all my storms, the warmth in all my cold, the bright light that kept me safe. It means moving on and living a life without him. And that’s a life I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for.

I miss the safety of your arms. The way you would hold me close at night. But I think I miss the way you used to look at me most. I don’t know if I will ever find someone that saw me the way you saw me.

But I’m okay now. I thought I’d be enveloped in that sadness and yearning for you forever. Yet I suddenly found myself happy again. I found myself not thinking about you anymore and laughing and truly feeling alive again. Yes, I still miss you from time to time. I think a part of me always will because I loved you both as a signficant other and best friend. And that’s okay.

I wish we had fought the last time we saw each other. I wish everything hadn’t been so perfect before you left me. I wish you hadn’t told me you loved me and held onto me so tightly before you suddenly decided you were done and tired of me. I wish that burning memory of saying goodbye to you with the expectation of seeing you again soon would all go away.