dust on the wind

The squeeze helped, as did Kyla being near. And he scooted closer and pulled her to him as best he could with one lame arm. “ Thank you.” Was murmured, again, but this time into her hair. He pressed a kiss there, and closed his eyes. “You’re always safe here, okay? And you, uh.. obviously didn’t wake me up.” He paused and squeezed her close, an easy reciprocation to the hand squeeze she’d given him. “Just– Let’s get some rest okay? And we’ll figure the rest out in the morning..” 

He was too tired to protest, sitting lamely in his bathroom floor. “We– I don’t know.” It was all he could muster on the subject. And he was exhausted. After a few minutes of just letting Kyla brush at his head, he was starting to feel a bit centered– yet that metaphorical ache was back in the physical pain’s place. On shaky legs, he rinsed his mouth out with water and mouthwash, too out of it to try and actually brush for the moment. “I’ll.. uh– I think I can.. I can get the stuff to clean it.. can you help?” Anything but talking about the actual elephant in the room. He didn’t want to be the subject of pity or attention. 

After a bit, the mess was clean and he was laying on his stomach in bed, facing Kyla. It was easier, since he could hide his face. But his body felt weak from the wracking pain and sickness. “I just.. I don’t see how someone could look at me, see that, and still decide to be friends with me.. or – love me. I guess.” He murmured, face half-hidden by his pillow. “What did you come over for, Ky?” 

“It’s okay, just go back to bed. I’ll take care of it.” She quickly shooed him back towards the bedroom before she cleaned up the mess. Once that was done, Kyla, kicked off her ripped tights, did her best to scrub away the remains of her makeup before curling up in bed next to her friend. “I’m here. I’m looking at them, and I’m not going anywhere.” She reached out to take his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. “You said you weren’t gonna throw me off. Means I’m not gonna do that to you either, okay?” 

It took him a moment to calm down, and though he was still in pain, it was more bearable. Like it had been before– Instead of trying to get up and move again, he just collapsed against the wall, looking up at Kyla, exhausted with red-rimmed eyes. Why was it always him? Would Daya even try now? More tears started to pool in his eyes and he wiped them away quickly. “Thank you.” Kyla was so good to him, even after seeing them, but did they gross her out? “I can’t– I.. I don’t know what to do. I can’t– I can’t hide this. They’re so.. they’re so ugly.” His voice cracked on the last word. “Please, just.. Why am I always the one?” 

He blinked. In shock. “No. I didn’t– I..” And moved from the bedroom, immediately to the bathroom, despite the shocks of pain he was still in. Looking in the mirror, he stumbled backwards for a moment, hit his back against the door and cried out in pain. Then emptied the contents of his stomach on the floor. Once again. On all fours, sweat still roiling off of him, he felt the tears coming now. How the fuck? They were so– Grotesque. His stomach turned again and he swallowed down the urge, and instead the tears fell. 

Backing up to his knees, he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, a wrenched sob tearing itself out of his chest. They matched him. That was the point of the mutation, wasn’t it? It was supposed to match the person. Daya felt everything too much so she was cursed with— And now he was. More wrenched, broken sobs. Ugly, broken things. Just like him.

All he could do was nod. They’d agreed no funny business a couple of nights ago, and Jasper knew she wouldn’t be the type to be weird about it while he was in such obvious pain. He stood, on wobbly knees, and made his way to the bedroom, making a silent note to himself to thank Emily for insisting on a bedroom instead of a studio. In the room, there was a slight struggle to get his shirt off, even with Kyla’s help. “Uh, my back’s been hurting for about a week?” But the cool air on his skin helped immensely, and there was a relief to it. Like being set free. And it was just then that he could feel something different. Something.. he could move. 

Revealed to Kyla were two medium size wings, looking like they hadn’t quite finished growing but also looking malformed. One was smaller than the other, the membrane between two of the small bones tattered like it had been ripped. The other wasn’t much better, but they were darker in skin tone to the rest of his body. “Wh– what’s that? 

She helped him remove his shirt and she couldn’t stop the gasp that slipped from her lips as the wings unfurled from his back. It was undeniable what they were, but they weren’t the sleek kind of wings that people thought of. “Huh?” Her brain took a second to understand what Jasper was asking, and truthfully, Kyla had no idea what to say. “Um.. they’re... Jas, you have w-wings.” 

Jasper was pushed back to the couch, even despite his protests and pulling away from her to prevent her hand feeling how gross he felt. But he couldn’t quite think, much less speak to push. But he would later. “I– I’ll ask you again.. later, so we can talk about it. O-okay?” He stuttered his way through it, but slumped back against the couch– A mistake. He hissed and lurched forward. 

As much as he didn’t want to burden her with whatever was going on, he couldn’t hide the amount of immense pain he was in. “It’s my b-back.” Curling in on himself and leaning forward, his back was in full view, though his shirt was drenched with sweat and clinging to him oddly. Rather than the usual smoothness, there was a new texture underneath. 

He hadn’t been sleeping. Instead, curled up on his bathroom floor, sweating and fighting off the pain in his back by chewing ibuprofen. It hadn’t helped, and only served to make him vomit up the contents of the medication and his dinner that night. Something felt like it was ripping in his back, but he couldn’t see or feel anything back there. Other than the excruciating pain.

Then the knock came on the door. Glancing to his phone on the floor and wondering why whoever it was didn’t text first, he took his time in getting there– holding his torso and leaning against the doorframe to pull it open to see Kyla. It was a look not unfamiliar to him and his lips parted in surprise, despite the pain wracking his body. “K-kyla? Are y-you.. are you ok-.. okay?” 

Kyla opened her mouth to apologize as soon as Jasper opened the door, but she stopped herself when she saw the pained look on his face. This was different from the thousand yard stare and Sadness that she was accustomed to. This was actual physical pain, and some instinct in her gut yanked at her. With a frown, she gently nudged him back into the apartment. “Yeah, I’m fine. What’s going on with you?” she said softly. 

Jasper: It's fine.

Jasper: I do get it. And it's okay if you don't want to or would feel weird.

Kyla: thats the thing. it doesn't feel weird. and i don't remember the last time that happened to me

Jasper: Thanks for last night. You're a great friend, you know. And I'm not going to forcibly throw you off. I like having you around.

Jasper: It's up to you. But I know how hard it can get.

[ left him on read bc that's a lot of Emotion ]

Kyla: hey sorry for like, not getting back to you yesterday

Kyla: i mean you get it, right? bein a switch and no one wants you so you just kinda bounce around until you find a hole that kinda fits

Jasper: I'll be okay. Eventually, I guess.

Jasper: Thanks, and.. of course, yeah. I.. don't want to lose what little I do have, ever. And you and Malia are important to me.

Jasper: Just no orgasms, yeah. Cuddling, though, that's a must. And I'm sorry in advance if I cry all over you. And, uhm, you're still welcome at my apartment any time. Literally, you can move in.

Kyla: well for now, drinks and hangovers to help chase it all away

Kyla: y'aint gonna lose me, jasper. im like one of those parasites. you gotta forcibly throw me off if you want me to leave

Kyla: cry away my guy. i hear my shoulders are bony but they work for crying on

[ ... ]

Jasper: Yeah, I'm.. not really okay right now.

Jasper: I kind of want to talk about it. So I won't get shit faced or anything, but.. need the liquid courage, you know?

Jasper: I.. think so? I'm not really sure what I'm doing or anything, but.

Jasper: It helped for a little bit, and it was fun, but now I just feel.. bad. And I don't want that to become a coping thing, you know? I just want a friend.

Jasper: And a hug, probably.

Kyla: im really sorry buddy

Kyla: ye first round is on me. whatever you need

Kyla: i get it. and i appreciate you tellin me instead of getting all weird about it, you know?

Jasper: Bad, yeah. We kind of yelled at each other?

Jasper: But there was some good, too.

Jasper: I.. don't know if I'm doing the right thing anymore, but yeah. Opal.

[...]

Jasper: If we stop sleeping together, we're still going to be friends, right?

Kyla: :(((

Kyla: do you wanna talk about it tonight or do you wanna forget for tonight?

Kyla: yeah, course. normally i dont really keep in touch but you're actually a friend

Jasper: Hey, uh.

Jasper: I talked to Daya about what you said.

Jasper: Do you want to go get a drink?

Kyla: yikeys that bad?

[ ... ]

MALIA: so like 😬😬😬

MALIA: that whole thing was super awk huh

KYLA: SUPER AWK MY FUCK

MALIA: 😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️ i love uoy too duxde

MALIA: like uhhh

MALIA: broek

KYLA: eff okay does he need like surgery or anything