Personal blog

My heart hurts for something I'm not even sure I want. What if I'm missing out on the biggest part of my life? I have always believed that everything will happen for a reason and fall into place when the time is right, but I also worry that maybe what I believe in could be wrong. We may live our life and wait for things to fall into place, but what if we missed our chance to become the person we were supposed to be while waiting for things to come into place? I feel like I'm thinking in a big circle and worrying about things that have nothing to do with anything, but writing it out seems like it may make sense later. Or maybe looking at it, I will be even more confused. I have been really worried about what happens after death and the feelings that will come when my loved ones pass on.. It is weird to think that someone who is here and alive today may be gone from existing tomorrow. It still freaks me out and gives me anxiety when the thought crosses my mind. I am not always comfortable with expressing my feelings to people in person, but if they are gone from my life, or if something happens to me, I would want some people to know how much they had an impact on my life and how often they were in my thoughts and helped to make my decisions. I started to get into a "what's the point" kind of stage where everything seemed pointless. I couldn't understand why we work so hard for things when they won't mean anything once we are gone. In 100 years everyone we know will most likely be gone and it is just really depressing to think that way. I have tried really hard to keep my mind occupied with other things and keep thinking happy thoughts, but sometimes my curious mind wanders too far and reaches the death topic. I want to be happy, and I will keep looking to collect moments full of joy, laughter, and good company. A positive future.

I miss this. I wish I had more fun while I was there. The people you decide to spend time with in your life really matter and I'm definitely choosing more wisely for future events. Despite no one going to the stages I wanted, missing my favorite two DJs (Hardwell & Calvin Harris), someone getting gum in my hair, throwing up and feeling sick the 2nd and 3rd nights, not getting there early to ride the rides, and not getting carnival food..I had a lot of fun. The music was amazing, the stages were amazing, and the lights/fireworks were amazing. This first edc experience gave me a list of things to do to make my next big events close to perfect and I have learned a lot. When you don't have plur vibes, you aren't going to give yourself the chance to have a good time. Spreading the most positive energy I can into my upcoming events and throughout everyday life so I can aim towards being a happy person on a regular basis.

Yesterday on my way to edc Las Vegas day 1!

100 pieces ready for EDC!

Cupcake singles!! <3

Seahorse cuff ^^

Flower crown for my sister!

Edc Edc Edc. Almost nothing else on my mind these days.

Kandi for EDC!

EDC prep! Kandi game stepped up.

Armin's San Jose show at the SAP Center was the most amazing one I've been to so far.  Not only was the music good, but he had so many of the featured violinist, singers, pianists, and bands come out to perform. He also had lots of acrobats and dancers that were really entertaining to watch. The amazing lights, screen visuals, confetti, and the huge happy ping pong balloons also helped to make the whole experience one to never forget.  I was blown away with how great of a show Armin put on and I was extremely thankful to have gotten the chance to attend.  It was just so..INTENSE! <3<3

The new kandi I made last night for Armin tonight! Super excited to be in a state of trance! <3