...furthest thing from perfect.

I think we all say the same thing every month, “this year flew by”. But what happens when you have major milestones coming up that you mentally keep track of as to how fast the year has really flown by? As I sit here having casual conversation at how fast this year has gone, my eyes well up. The year no longer starts on January 1st. My new year starts on October 15. When my year restarted on that day, I became a different person. Someone unrecognizable.The numbing feeling lingered on. For months. The rash decision making. For months. The loneliness. For months…. every negative feeling possible, latched to me like a leech. Who the fuck was I? I wanted gone. I didn’t want to be in this world anymore. Because how does one keep moving on from a blow that big? Fuck anyone else and how they cope. How could YOU move on? But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it to my family. To her. I was alone to make big girl decisions. When did i become so big? Why now? None of it was to happen at that time. But life waits for no one. Feeling alone while not really being alone is sad. But I was a big girl now so I decided. Yeah I decided. On the most important decision I could have ever thought of. I took my life back. I was alone again. But this time, alone with ME. My worst enemy. We fought, we cried, we loved. But after some time, I gave into me. Me won. I won.

most of us are angry most of us are strangely more alike than we’d like to believe

most of us are empty most of us are simply more alive in the scenes of our dreams

then there’s you

you’ve got something I’ve been wanting

you’re so new

you’re my salvage you’re my balance

you’re so new

most of us are hurting most of us are searching someone to love someone to understand

most the time i’m fighting multiple voices residing in my head

then there’s you you bring silence to my violent truth

you’re my salvage you’re my balance

you’re so new

it hit me like a tidal wave knew that i was in love with you right away turned all my days into brighter days even when people say what we do is not ok

according to what the people say who cares what other people say

man fuck what other people say

i'mma ride for you baby if you gon ride for me

cuz i know that what we share is real and I feel so confident in

all you say

when you say

you’ll never leave you’ll never leave please never leave

yea, i believe you

most of all i am thankful you are just what i prayed for you are what i was made for

yes, im for sure

most of all i just want to mean the most to you most of all baby im just tryna grow with you i just wanna go with you

cuz you bring so much hope to the picture

some of us do find the one to fall in love and off of the fucking face of the earth with

some of us DO deserve it a love thats true and perfect

some of us been through it all before

some of us do still come back for more…..