𝗪𝗛𝗜𝗭 / 𝚔𝚒𝚍.

     “i knew it … you break my heart roha,” he comments, dramatically clutching at his chest and then acting as every following word was a gunshot to his already broken heart. it’s a bad performance honestly, and he’s sure this is the reason he could never become an actor. (among other things … obviously.) but he’s never been able to tell a lie, every thought of his so clearly written across his face. he’s an open book, most of the time, and he likes to think that that’s his charm though he’s sure some people would probably think otherwise. either way, he knows roha is only joking and teasing and that’s what causes him to give his friend a playful nudge with his shoulder to show that everything that he’s said is also only in jest.

     if only all friendships were this easy.

     he’s glad his dramatic acting performance hadn’t upset his ice cream though, and he goes back to munching on the cone happily before roha slings an arm around his shoulder. noah grins, leaning into his friend and he really does enjoy any and all types of skinship, especially when it’s initiated by the other party. “it’s in my backpack—i’ll grab the bag for you after i finish my ice cream,” he promises, before his eyes widen at his friend’s offers. “oh—no no, i really don’t need anything in return. in fact, you’re doing me a favour by taking the pastries off my hands!” it’s true too, because he’s been working at the bakery for so long now that he feels like he’s been overdosing on carbs since he was first hired. he can’t get sick of the pastries though, of course not, but he also does think he should probably cut back, if only for health reasons and nothing more.  

     also he’s allowed to eat a pastry for free everyday when he’s at work, so it’s not like he’s lacking in quantity or variety either. “i can’t eat all of them anyway. don’t worry, really.”

" i’m not gonna lie to you, i never thought i’d be a heartbreaker, so knowing that i somehow broke your heart makes me feel kinda cool, ” he teases, shaking his head back and forth; soft laughter reverberating from his palate. “ bae roha: good boy gone bad — coming soon to a cinema near you !! ” it seems as though the two of them forever exist on a similar wavelength, and as noah over-dramatically clutches his chest, roha laughs even more; glad that he’d pulled himself out of bed to see him tonight. bonds like this remind him that being so reclusive isn’t good for him, and even though he’s prone to self-isolation, he should really consider coming out of hiding more frequently to soak up human contact, especially if it’s from people like noah. ever since they were kids, roha’s always thought that hanging out with noah felt like he was walking beneath the springtime sun; blanketing him with warmth. if noah’s the sun, then he’s the moon. that’s how it’s always been: a perfect balance.

with his arm wrapped around slight shoulders, noah leans into him; he smiles and blushes a little at the returned contact. “ well, the offer’ll still stand. even if it’s not homework or anything, i’m here for you. ” he smiles, knowing that he may not be able to offer much, but he’d still try his best for his beloved comrade. “ see what i mean though ?? not only do you smell like fresh baked pastries, but you also give them to me... for free. seriously, i wish i had more to give you sometimes, but you know. i’m lame and can’t really do anything worthwhile. ” self-deprecating humor is a strong suit of his, even though he’s been trying not to crack jokes at his expense anymore. his brother told him that doing so makes him look weak. he’s not sure if that’s true or not, but he figures it’s still a good practice to adopt. for now anyway.

“ what do you wanna do after this, huh ?? if you want, we can go back to my dorm and play video games ?? that, or we can stay out and go on a walk, i dunno. what do cool kids like you do these days ?? a loser like me wouldn’t have any idea. ” clearly not talking badly about himself is easier said than done, but he’ll get the hang of it...

it’s become a common occurrence for roha to be absolutely dumbstruck by the sheer number of stunning people that are walking around campus. never in his life had he imagined that going to school would feel as though he’s traipsing through the pages of a manhwa, but here he is — finding himself gazing at all of the beauty and feeling as though he’s a troll in comparison. with his hair always a mess, his outfits sloppily thrown together, and a dopey ( often nervous ) grin painted on his face, he can’t help but feel incredibly inferior. there’s a part of him that wonders how the hell he’s going to ever find romance when he’s seemingly not as put together as other people near his age, but he rationalizes that by telling himself that fraternizing with gorgeous individuals isn’t why he’s at kyungwon university; his mother’s and father’s voices forever in the back of his mind reminding him that he’s meant to graduate at the top of his class and carry on the bae family name with honor, pride, and dignity. this is largely why most of his free time is spent fiddling around with his guitar, or getting lost in extremely difficult video games, or sleeping in stowed away stairwells.

today, though, he’ll be meeting up with his music club comrades, and because he finished up his homework and had nothing better to do, he arrives obnoxiously early; setting up the snacks he agreed to bring on the refreshments table so they were ready for whoever wanted to dig in. right when he’s finished doing so, he hears the door open, and curious as ever, he turns his head to see who it is... and when he’s met with him, his eyes grow wide; mouth immediately running dry with nerves. roha’s been noticing jaemin ever since he started attending these get-togethers, and there have been a few times where the older student has caught the younger gazing at him, and well, it always ends in an awkward blush and bow in return. how does anyone have the courage to talk to someone who looks like that ?? he’ll never understand, but being that he’s the obvious junior in the situation, he knows he can’t exactly be rude and ignore his club-mate, so he bows towards him; smiling as he trembles.

     it’s late and he hadn’t had time to run home and shower before it was time for him to meet with roha. they’ve had a long history, though only of friendship, and it’s something that noah treasures greatly. he’s always had a lot of friends, though only a few had ever become good friends, and that’s what roha is to him. they’ve had their differences, but noah doesn’t mind—not when he thinks that’s what makes the other boy so special to him. 

     “it was good,” noah replies easily, sighing softly afterwards. he was the one who was locking up for the night tonight and had ended up staying later than he had planned, which had foiled his idea of showering before meeting his friend today. his mom had called, which was the reason he had ended up stalling, still updating her about what he was supposedly learning about in his major. part of him really wanted to tell her what had happened, and that he had ended up not following through on his end of their deal but he couldn’t bring the words up. 

     this was a never-ending point of contention for him and he decides it’s not something that he wants to talk about right now.

     instead, his focus is on the ice cream and his company of one of his best friends. licking at the top of his ice cream, smiling as the flavour—a rainbow sherbet—hits his tastebuds. “you’re only hanging out with me because i smell good?” noah asks, his tone of voice fully teasing as he nudges his friend in retaliation, eyes bright. “oh, i brought you some leftover pastries too—i want a muffin for breakfast but you can have the rest!”

“ yes, noah... i only hangout with you because you smell good, ” roha returns, his eyes rolling playfully as he continues digging into his dessert. there’s a level of comfort between he and his comrade that he doesn’t have with many others, and he’s thankful to noah for allowing him to just... be himself. “ that’s, like, literally the only reason, too. like, i actually think your personality sucks and find you to be kind of creepy. ” it’s said in the driest possible fashion, his sense of humor an acquired taste. luckily though, he knows that noah understands that most of what he says is in jest and he shouldn’t be taken so seriously. truth be told, that’s largely apart of the reason that roha clung so closely to noah whenever he was in seoul. he always felt like anyone really understood him, but all of that changed the instant the two of them met, and the thought of his friend possibly ditching him for other friends felt like the worst thing in the world. now he’s able to look back and laugh about his past behavior, and he hopes that noah does the same. at the end of it all, it was out of love.

with a triple scoop of his coveted salt-flavored ice cream piled high in a waffle cone, roha takes a seat on the vacant curb outside of the parlor; stretching his legs out onto the road. it’s been so hot outside lately that the only time of day he feels comfortable leaving the comfort of his dorm is when the moon takes its rightful place in the velvet night sky. there’s added bonuses ( and even more incentive for him to get some fresh air ) if there’s a promise of frozen treats and good company, too, and tonight, he just so happens to have both. he’s known noah for a long time now, and it’s crazy to him that, despite his comrade constantly traveling back and forth between korea and australia throughout their childhood, they’ve managed to still stay linked. being pals with a someone for as long as they have has its pros and cons. at least in roha’s opinion. for one thing, they know one another well enough that conversations are seldom stiff and uncomfortable, but at the same time, they’ve also witnessed one another’s painfully awkward phases. though, looking back on it, he can honestly say that noah didn’t seem to have one. well, not one that roha noticed much. however, the same can’t be said vice versa. he knows that for a fact.

he remembers feeling enraged with jealousy whenever noah would make plans to hangout with his other friends, and although the other handled it with grace and didn’t seem bothered by it much, roha feels embarrassed that he would get so mad about it back then. even his brothers would get onto him about how immature and annoying he would act whenever it came down to sharing noah with others, and in retrospect, he totally sees their point. sadly, this is something he still struggles with, but luckily for him, he’s grown up a lot since then, and feels like he has a better grasp on his emotions now. instead of succumbing to those scarlet feelings of anger, he can rationalize with himself in a way that he never could as a kid, and he hopes to prove to noah that he’s better adjusted nowadays. so, as they sit side-by-side and indulge in their desserts, roha looks over to him; his elbow nudging his arm.

to cut to the chase, roha’s absolutely terrified. never in his life did he think he’d have access to cannabis, nor did he ever think he’d be interested in trying it due to the multitude of horrifying stories he’s been told about it in school and by his parents, but having been an avid fan of all genres of music for a long time now, it’s no secret that many of his favorite artists — especially those in the west — have “ stoner albums, ” and they all claim to have ample inspiration when under the influence of what they call a “ medicinal herb ” and “ natural substance. ” in truth, the differing views on it from a cultural standpoint intrigues him, too. he has no idea why those in the west think of it as something good and beneficial to their mental state, whereas people where he’s from claim that those who use it are “ sick ” and “ need help. ”

it’s a topic that he’s wholly ignorant about, and he doesn’t like not having the knowledge to form his own opinion, so when a friend of his mentioned that garam was a dealer on campus, he’s been trying to work up the courage to ask him about it, but doing so in person seems daunting in every possible way. thankfully though, a mutual pal of theirs passed along the other’s kakaotalk information, and after typing out many versions of the same message to send him, roha pieces together a string of them that seem okay. well, they’re “ okay ” by his standards, which aren’t very high.

배로하— hey! i hope it’s cool of me to send this your way... — 7:43. i hear you’re a dealer? — 7:43.

배로하— sorry if that was insensitive... — 7:47. i’m just... curious. if you know what i mean. — 7:47. i haven’t tried before but i’ve heard it’s helpful, idk. — 7:48.

despite the fact that he’s a recent high school graduate and no longer living at home with his parents, roha still finds his relatives meddling in his personal life more than he’d like them to. sure, it’s always been hard for him to branch out and make friends, but that doesn’t mean he’s wholly incapable of doing so. that, and most of the time, he prefers to enjoy his own company, and that’s something he wishes that other people would respect about him more. he has no issue keeping himself entertained in solitude, and while he understands that contact with other humans is important, it’s not exactly at the top of his list of priorities. sleeping, creating music, and completing assignments often take up the first three slots there, and he has no qualms in keeping up with that trajectory either. however, this morning, he received a text from his eldest brother, royi, “ daring ” him to kickstart a conversation with the first person he lays his eyes on once he leaves his dorm for the day, and although he was tempted to ignore it altogether, he was threatened with some extremely well-played blackmail — something that roha’s kept as a deep dark secret since childhood that royi somehow discovered by accident. now, he feels extra forced to do as he’s told.

" it’s one of those things where, like — i can be literally anywhere, and i do mean anywhere, and i’ll be hit with an idea for, like, a chord progression or a specific riff, and then it’s like, a mad dash to find a pencil and something to write on so i can scribble it down immediately so i don’t forget it. i like — it honestly is like a lightbulb going off above your head, and then there’s all the excitement that comes with it, especially when it works, and like, i guess you can call me kind of ‘ obsessive ’ in that i need to see my ideas through when they happen, and i won’t stop working on things until it’s done. like, school work ? what’s that ? if i’ve got something in my head, i like, need to get to my guitar and start brainstorming... and it’s honestly the thing i love most about music, to be honest.

Just Hansol’s luck that there should be someone sat on the stairs absolutely within hearing distance to have noticed Hansol sobbing right around the corner. He’d intentionally found somewhere private so no one would have to know about how affected by his own stupidity he is. It isn’t that he’s ashamed to be seen crying, in fact he’d cried in front of lots of people before—rather, it’s about why he’s crying. He’d gotten himself into this mess, and to be crying over feels pathetic; he knew how it would end. 

“N-no, we don’t know each other. I’m sorry for disturbing you I didn’t realise anyone was in here-” He’d thought he’d gotten over the worst of the tears, but being confronted by the realisation that his little moment hadn’t been as private as he’d thought it was brings fresh tears to his eyes and his bottom lip trembles as he begins to cry all over again. “Sorry I- I’m sorry.” He tries to wipe the tears away as fast as he can. He doesn’t want to make this guy uncomfortable, but they just won’t stop. 

“Can I… Can I sit? Just for a second?” He asks, sharp inhales breaking his sentences in half. He doesn’t really wait for an answer, he just sits on the stairs and pulls the cuffs of his shirt over his hands, using them to wipe at his eyes, pressing his palms against them after a moment, no longer bothering to wipe the tears away and instead just tries to stem the flow from the source. Quiet sobs make his shoulders heave, and he hopes the man beside him doesn’t think he’s a real weirdo for this. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t meant to disturb you. I just… I thought no one else was here.” He explains through his tears. He hopes he doesn’t go telling people about this—but then he supposes he probably doesn’t know Hansol’s name, or why he’s crying, so he can’t exactly tell everyone ‘Hansol’s crying because he’s a stupid idiot who fell for a guy who will never like him back’. 

being met with an onslaught of emotions this potent is usually enough to rouse anxious feelings in roha, but for some reason, he remains calm. the beret atop his head may be a bit crooked, he’s roaring out yawns excessively, and it’s clear that he’s still adjusting to being lucid after slipping into a beautifully deep rem cycle, but at the same time, he’s oddly composed. most of all, he’s just confused. did he do something to upset this mysterious stranger ? he has no idea how he could’ve done anything like that given that he was asleep only moments prior, and if he’s not mistaken, he doesn’t think he’s ever met the individual before him until now. none of this is making sense, but despite that, he nods when his new “ friend ” asks him if he can sit down.

moments are like these are when roha wishes he wasn’t so hopelessly awkward. normal people would be quicker to comfort someone who is upset, but he hasn’t really said or done anything. at least not yet. is that rude of him ? deciding to stop acting like an inanimate object, the older of them scoots in a little closer and timidly drapes an arm around the other’s shoulder. “ is this okay ? ” he asks, not wanting to overstep any boundaries, but when he’s given an apology, his brows furrow. “ i, uh — um... it’s okay ? i mean, to be fair, i’m the idiot who chooses to sleep in public places like this... that’s on me, not you. ” he admits, shrugging. “ are you okay, though ? i’m guessing not because, i mean, you’re crying right now. that was a dumb question... i guess more what i mean is, like... do you wanna talk about what’s going on and why you’re crying in a stairwell, or do you just need a second to let things out ? ”