OoHjaejae

I learned more about love on those few months than I leaned on my entire life. Not the kind of love you have for your family, your friends, the people you look up to. The kind of love that makes you go “oh, i kind of want to spend my whole life with you”. I also learned the hard way what “heart pain” is. Most of the days were fine, even great I would say, it was good to feel everything, it was good to feel a love I never felt before, it was good to have someone. But truth is I never had her, she was never mine but I was hers. Oh I was truly hers, I gave her every piece of me and I would give her more if I could. I learned that that’s a funny thing about love, you give, you give everything, you give everything until you are left with nothing. The day I realized she was being happy with someone and doing just fine without me, that was the day it hurt and from that day on I could only hear my heart breaking and breaking every time. This is a part people don’t often tell you. Sometimes your heart is not gonna get broken at once, it’s not gonna be fast, it’s not gonna be easily over. Sometimes your heart will slowly get broken, you will start to know what words you want to avoid to not listen to your heart cracking one more piece. And sometimes, sometimes even when you know all of that, even when you know this is bringing you pain and this is slowly breaking you, you won’t leave, you will choose to stay. What a weird thing humans do, we stay and we let ourselves get hurt. Sometimes we choose love.

I learned more about love on those few months than I leaned on my entire life. Not the kind of love you have for your family, your friends, the people you look up to. The kind of love that makes you go “oh, i kind of want to spend my whole life with you”. I also learned the hard way what “heart pain” is. Most of the days were fine, even great I would say, it was good to feel everything, it was good to feel a love I never felt before, it was good to have someone. But truth is I never had her, she was never mine but I was hers. Oh I was truly hers, I gave her every piece of me and I would give her more if I could. I learned that that’s a funny thing about love, you give, you give everything, you give everything until you are left with nothing. The day I realized she was being happy with someone and doing just fine without me, that was the day it hurt and from that day on I could only hear my heart breaking and breaking every time. This is a part people don’t often tell you. Sometimes your heart is not gonna get broken at once, it’s not gonna be fast, it’s not gonna be easily over. Sometimes your heart will slowly get broken, you will start to know what words you want to avoid to not listen to your heart cracking one more piece. And sometimes, sometimes even when you know all of that, even when you know this is bringing you pain and this is slowly breaking you, you won’t leave, you will choose to stay. What a weird thing humans do, we stay and we let ourselves get hurt. Sometimes we choose love.

You broke my heart over and over again, like it was nothing. Like I was nothing.

You didn’t just break my heart, you weren’t real with me. You couldn’t just tell me you didn’t love me, you lied and said you did. I asked you several times if you felt the same about me and you said you did. I’ve been giving you my all and you couldn’t even give me honesty. You didn’t know how to tell me, but somehow it was better to let me worry about why you were acting different and why you started treating me like shit. I don’t understand. But I hope you’re happy now without me and I hope you feel better now that you got it off your chest that you don’t love me and I hope you find someone that can make you happy because I couldn’t.

It’s not like I even miss you anymore, I’m just disappointed in how you let things turn out…

I know it’s hard for you to talk to anyone right now, but how much do I wish I could tell you this: love isn’t everything. You don’t always have to live on the feeling of being in love. You are not a half of a whole seeking for your perfect other half; you are whole. You could be capable of creating masterpieces if you tried to reach for the sky. So please don’t get stuck in your hopeless circle, waiting for love - you are so much more than that person you said you are.