Film Credits

ivy's first verse

oh, you wanted me!

silence

to the glimpses of us

to the empty spaces

one last night

no words

losing our mind

i found what's lost

is this a home?

your hands,

my cheek,

my mouth,

in the mood for love

we walked away (apart);

no good to be around

the story so far

we had come to the film credits

casts me and you

-Resherche

Photography Submissions By Ijahehehehe

By Egg Beetles

I woke up at 11.30 this morning, feeling a bit pressured because I got lots of final assignments but didn't feel like doing it; instead, here I am writing some dumb things. My morning routine is usually just the same every day; I wake up and then go downstairs to have a morning smoke with my mom and aunties if they are at home. 

After a mandatory morning smoke with the family, there are two possibilities of how my days will go. The first one is staying at home doing nothing, being literal human trash, and the second one is I take a bath then do nothing at a coffee shop. If I choose to go outside, there normally are two reasons why I'm doing it. The first one is I have someone to go out with me (i don't like going out alone), the second one is one of my aunts is being rather annoying and I rather avoid any ugly confrontation by sipping an iced americano in some pretentious coffee place.

It got me thinking because most of my functioning life was spent either at home or a coffee shop, where did people go before there was a coffee shop?

My functioning life was started when I was in high school (my pre-high school life was just me being a hikikomori and antisocial kid, I never go out and I don't have friends) I still remember that every time school is over, my broke self will go to this warung kopi with my friend and then we smoke and drink cheap instant coffee for hours. If we had extra cash, we would go to this overpriced-edgy coffee place in Jl. Anggrek or Jl. Progo rather than the usual warkop.

Why coffee shops? There is one conclusion that I had in my mind right now. It could be because I lived in Bandung, where most of the people loved hanging out outside, it is a very social city yet the people have this slow and relaxed approach to almost everything, compared to our neighboring capital city, Jakarta, where the people always seems to be on a rush and so busy with their lives. 

There are many great public places in Bandung, from art galleries to the city forest. But, because it is a slow-social city, people rather spend many hours talking with their friends at a coffee shop than doing anything else. Plus, we have a lot of coffee shops in here. Sometimes, it is easier to find a coffee shop than a minimarket/ convenience store.

I enjoy spending time at a coffee shop. But, I got one thing that I hate the most about Bandung coffee culture: Most of the full-time workers are very underpaid

I have many friends working as a barista in Bandung because I used to work at a coffee shop when I was still in school. Out of the 10 baristas that I know only three of them being paid by minimum regional wages. Kinda sad innit?

Oh, and I've just read something interesting about coffee culture in the 17th century. Back when coffee houses started appearing in London, it was considered inappropriate for a woman to visit a coffee house. So there were many petitions started by the wives who had lost their man to a coffee house, they claimed that coffee can cause impotence among other things, which was not true.

Oleh Liebestraum 

Bukan fakta yang diragukan, atau bahkan dipertanyakan, ini sih menurut saya. Sebagaimana manusia lahir dari rahim seorang ibunya tidak akan pernah bisa terlepas dari ikatan abstrak tersebut, hubungan anak dan ibu. Irigaray berkata, ah sial lupa dalam karya yang mana, relasi ibu dan khususnya anak perempuan dapat dilihat sejak si ibu mengandung. With your milk, mother, I swallowed ice. Ikatan ini, sebagaimana anak perempuan dan ibunya tidak akan pernah bisa memutuskan hubungan dan kasih sayangnya begitu saja. Ditekan, ditekan, ditekan, dan ditekan terus menerus sehingga perasaan tersebut tidak terlalu mendalam atau meluas. Dalam kepercayaan yang menjadi mayoritas di negara ini juga, surga manusia berada di bawah telapak kaki ibunya. Wow, hubungan yang kompleks dan menyebalkan.

by Sarah

Hi dad,

It’s almost a year we barely speak and see each other. Pretending like we didn't exist when we were in the same roof is tiring. I know that you’ve been hurt since day one you was born and much more after married. What a life! You carry all the burden, for the entire time and you keep all the stories by yourself because your kids are more excited when mom share her’s. You always be the one who listen and dodge. That's what made me love and hate you at the same time.

A lot of times my mind only stuck with the memories when u let me down, when actually much of time you made me laugh. Im sorry that I made u cry which means I’ve crossed the line bcs I know you never easily get hurt.

It’s sad seeing your hair turns white, you getting skinnier, and seeing wrinkles and that tired face. Im just a young adult full of ego, at the moment I choose silence as the better act for us, it’s a gap from hurting each other’s feeling. Im not forgetting you, I always put our special memories like when you took me to barbershop and mom was so mad when she saw my haircut, when u put a small chair on the top tube of the bicycle bcs that’s the only transport we had and we always had a great time and many others good memories about you. I always wanna be your little daughter because I was happier and that time might be the last time I feel happy for all the time in my life. But sadly I grow up and time was so rough to us. I'm mentally not okay, and i hope by this silence we can heal each other.

Although you aren’t a great father, a great dad is much more enough for me.

by Fraughtory

by Miranda Julistika

But who, do you think, is causing us pain? Is it the pandemic; the virus spreading, the paranoia of getting sick; or the people—the things they’re showing off to us (or we just thought they do when actually, they really didn’t mean to)? Or, is it just us—our own selves—that keep causing us pain, because we constantly comparing ourselves with others, feeling pressured to achieve this, own that, do this, have that, and feeling like we have no one to talk things out, no one to listen to us, and no one willing to comfort and convince us that everything’s going to be better in this bitter time?

No good things ever come from romanticizing a painful situation. Pandemic sucks, and people do, too, most of the time. Yes, both can be such pain in the ass. But we can still be hopeful that the vaccine to abolish this virus will soon be found, as soon as we will find the people who will show us their genuine acts of kindness. Or maybe, just maybe, we have found them. But again, it is us who bring ourselves pain because we tend to give attention to the people and the things that don’t really matter rather than the ones who do. But it’s okay, whether or not we have found them. It’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to feel pain. What’s not okay is believing that no good things ever come from pain.

by Miranda Julistika

Plans are canceled, dreams are postponed. As hurtful as it sounds, that’s the truth most of us must deal with this year; 2020. Making new year resolutions is something I have never done anymore since I was in high school. However, entering 2020 felt different. It felt wonderful to me that I wrote down three things I wanted to happen this year. I was hopeful about this year, despite the mega floods that hit several cities in Indonesia on the first day of the year, World War III issue that occurred days after, and the COVID-19 outbreak that started in Indonesia earlier in March. Until the last one started to snatch my hope and dreams, one by one.

The pandemic turned out to be the thing that aborted my long-awaited trip to Tokyo for an international conference. Luckily, my wish to graduate this year was granted, even without a chance to say one last proper goodbye to my college friends and the city I’ve lived in for almost four years, Malang. And of course, without a graduation ceremony—something that I have listed and wished to happen. The pandemic has terminated two out of my only three plans throughout the year. The last one being getting a job. And it seems like I started losing hope and that one, too. But I wasn’t the only one losing things. People lost their jobs and even their loved ones because of the virus. We face the days feeling insecure; not knowing when our turn to lose what we have will come. This time of uncertainty brings us to pain, because to be honest, we feel the most sad when we are confused.

What worsens this is how we seem like having no one beside us. Some of us do, literally, considering the current situation where we are expected to lessen physical contact with others as an effort to reduce the spread of the virus. Take me as an example. At first, I didn’t think staying home for months would bother me, since I am the kind who enjoys being home and having least interaction with people. But I was mistaken for not noticing the difference between staying home (and doing other things) because we wanted to and because we are forced to. Now, forced to stay home as much as we can, conflict between me and my family members started to appear. Even the smallest thing became something that seems worth fussing over. And I can’t just go out to have a cup of coffee or a pint of beer with my friends easily to escape from that shitty reality. Here I realized, even the people we’d take a bullet for, can bring us pain, too.

Connecting with my best friends online became the best option for me to stay sane. Bless the internet for this. I am able to share things and exchange stories with them. Not meeting them physically feels just fine. Until the same thing that connects us—the internet—suddenly turned evil, by showing us an update of our friend’s new job. The culinary business they just started. The tie-dye kit they just bought. The master degree they are pursuing. Or golfing as a new hobby they are currently engaging. Everyone is being productive while we’re being left behind. We feel like we got left behind, because people seem to have whatever it is that we don’t. And for this, we—once again—feel what we recognize as pain.

oleh Syarif N.

Semua memang makin meriah kalau pake sok-sok-an, terserah mau sok-sok-an sejak di pikiran atau langsung bertindak sok-sok-an.

Tema bisa dibeli, judul bisa dicatat, tinggal isi saja dengan air liur sok-sok-an, dan jangan ketinggalan dahak manis agar semakin menggiurkan. Sajian tadi lebih asik ditampilkan oleh sang ahli sulap, terserah mau sulap model apa, sampai sajian tadi terhidang menjadi tahayul tanpa celah. Siapa yang tidak nyaman jika mampu mengungkapkan sesuatu dengan lancar? Tentunya lebih mudah dari memilih antara pipis atau menuntaskan kantuk dengan posisi nyaman. Saran sok bijak dari saya supaya makin lancar dalam ungkap mengungkap adalah.... yak! Kita harus sok-sok-an.

Salah satu dari untaian kata kata mutiara Ki Hadjar Dewantara yang sama saja seperti kata-kata lainnya yang ingin memerdekakan manusia melalui pendidikan. Begini katanya "setiap orang adalah guru, setiap tempat adalah sekolah". Keren. Air liur Ki Hadjar Dewantara nampak manis dan segar, tinggal diolah dengan sotoy dan sok-sok-an akan menjadi tahayul tanpa celah. Bangku reot, gerbang angkuh, toilet pesing, rapot merah, barang mana yang bisa membuat cacat tahayul pendidikan? Atau cerita tentang siswi SMP yang pulang dari bidan aborsi dengan wajah sumringah? Yak rasa sok-sok-an dari seorang terdidik mana mampu membuat cacat tahayul pendidikan?

Seorang bocah cadel sok-sokan menjajakan suara di sekitaran lampu merah. Penuh percaya diri si bocah yakin mendapat kepingan uang. Seorang pengendara motor dengan yakin suara bindengnya lebih baik ketimbang si bocah cadel, meski kupingnya kupingnya tertutup helm dan deru knalpot. Hidup kayanya engga bisa dilepaskan dari tahayul yang diciptakan diri sendiri. Semua rupa tahayul memang mampu membuat orang menjalani hidup, atau memang saya saja yang hidup dari segala rupa tahayul? Atau semuanya memang tahayul? Atau kamu sok-sok-an ga percaya tahayul? Hati-hati nanti malah jadi tahayul buat kamu.

by Habibullah

Rain·bow : an arch of colors formed in the sky in certain circumstances, caused by the refraction and dispersion of the sun's light by rain or other water droplets in the atmosphere. any display of the colors of the spectrum produced by dispersion of light.

a wide range or variety of related and typically colorful things. 

(source : merriam-webster.com)

"Since the early 1990s it's become ubiquitous. "It shows the diverse spectrum within the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) community, but also reflects the diverse spectrum of the wider community." (bbc.com)

In this 2020 Pride Month, we still often seeing someone discriminated based on their gender and sexual identity, even though being and born with a minority identity isn’t anoption, so we prayers with our religious sisters to pray about this situation. she prayed 

 oleh Destty Yohana Sari

Selamat telah bertemu dengan tulisan berantakan ini, semoga kamu selalu dikuatkan dan menguatkan.

Akan ada satu hari kamu akan tahu jawaban dari gundahmu selama ini, doa yang kau panjatkan sesaat setelah perasaanmu bergemuruh tak menentu, ketika kamu menyadari satu hal yang tak biasa.

Jika banyak orang di luar sana selalu bersiap menyambut perasaan jatuh cinta dengan sebanyak mungkin euforia, mengapa kamu nggak bisa sesiap itu menyambut patah hati?

Dengan setumpuk perasaan sederhana yang berujung lengkungan manis dibibirmu?

Padahal kamu tahu, resiko seseorang jatuh cinta ialah kecewa dan patah hati. Dan satu hal yang harus kamu pahami bahwa; tidak semua perasaan harus berbalas.

Setulus apapun perasaanmu, sebesar apa pedulimu, sejauh mana kamu berusaha menjadi pendengar yang baik, sesabar apa kamu tetapi jika dia memang tidak akan pernah punya rasa terhadapmu atau dia menemukan seseorang yang tepat dihatinya. Kamu bisa apa?

Jika selama ini kamu sudah berusaha menjadi sebaik-baiknya teman, pendengar yang baik, diam-diam memahami apa yang dia rasakan, dan dia dengan sangat sengaja mematahkan hatimu, bagaimana?

Kamu pernah setulus itu menengadahkan tanganmu meminta padaNya agar namanya ditulis indah dalam skenario yang sama denganmu.

Toh, tidak semua perasaan harus berbalas. Kamu harus benar-benar siap jika dia menemukan pilihannya, meski itu temanmu sendiri dan terlihat jelas di depan matamu.

Mungkin, kamu tidak akan pernah percaya jika bisa sesiap itu dengan patah hati.

Sebegitunya menjadi legowo dan sekaligus tersenyum setelah sesakit-sakitnya. Tidak ada yang tahu dalamnya isi hati manusia.

Sejatinya, hidup memang soal berjuang. Dari perjuangan-perjuangan tersebut kelak kamu akan belajar.

Belajar tersenyum walau sakit, belajar menerima walau tak ingin, belajar terlihat baik-baik saja walau terluka, dan belajar mengikhlaskan walau berat.

Satu lagi, jangan pernah berharap kepada manusia. Bukan tempatnya jika kamu tidak ingin jatuh ke lubang menyakitkan.

Mungkin, yang bisa kamu lakukan adalah merelakan.

Merelakan jika dia bukan untukmu,

Merelakan bahwa dia bukan yang terbaik untukmu,

Dan percaya bahwa semua sudah dipersiapkan sebaik mungkin oleh Tuhan,

Dan ucapkan

Selamat datang.

Bahwa aku sedang merayakanmu, sama seperti mereka yang bersorak sorai merayakan pesta ulang tahun atau pesta kelulusan. Aku berjanji tidak akan mengulang kesalahan yang sama, di mana manusia senang sekali mengulangnya. Ini hanya dunia, kusebut bagian indah rencana Tuhan.

Terima kasih sudah bersinggungan garis takdir denganku.

Mungkin, kau akan membaca ini lagi ketika hatimu sudah benar-benar pulih.

Selamat bertambah matang. Selamat mendewasakan diri. Selamat menjalani ratusan Skenario yang bermacam rupa. Selamat untuk segala-galanya.

by Anak Baik

Kenapa gula harus manis? cabai saja boleh pedas

Lalu kenapa harus senang? kalau yang lain bisa sedih

Kemudian kenapa harus kamu? meski yang lain ada

Akhirnya semua diletakan pada tempatnya yang membosankan,

"Yang rapi" kata bu guru

Bel pulang tak berbunyi padahal sudah waktunya,

"Ditunda" perintah kepala sekolah, meski harusnya tidak perlu.

by Bismoko Nizaar A.

Kita semua lupa

Berpikir yang terburuk

Untuk bersiap akan apa

Malah mengamini agar terpuruk

Terpalang benci dan ego sendiri

Sindir menyindir malah jadi hobi

Indonesia yang memiliki jati diri

Sayang, hal itu hanya frustasi

Percuma punya niat baik

Apabila memang tak ingin dibantu

Percuma menjadi heroik

Apabila semua bebal seperti batu

Hidup memang tidak adil, katamu

Lantunkan itu sebelum tidur

Agar kelak kita bertemu

Di alam yang subur dan makmur

Puisi ini bertemakan sindiran terhadap netizen masa kini, khususnya pada saat pandemi COVID-19. Akhir-akhir ini sering kita lihat pemerintah membuat kebijakan dan peraturan untuk menyikapi pandemi ini. Namun sayang, netizen Indonesia seolah-olah mengamini agar semua cara pemerintah dalam mengurangi penyebaran gagal.

"Wah Indonesia sudah jadi top Asia Tenggara nih, ayo kejar top global!"

"Ah, paling gabakalan selesai, toh pemerintahnya lambat."

by Andhika Muchlis

Aku pernah mempersiapkan tempat.

Tempat yang semuanya sudah lengkap dan tersusun rapih.

Dulu, tempat itu pernah dihuni.

Beberapa waktu kemudian, penghuni itu pergi dan tidak pernah kembali.

Sampai saat ini, tempat itu masih tertutup rapat.

Tidak seorang insan pun pernah memasukinya.

Mungkin, penghuninya lupa bahwa ia pergi dengan membawa kunci.