It's hard to process a relationship that was really fucking happy.
I felt loved, connected, grounded. I felt like I had known them for lifetimes. We were out in the sun, in the sand, under the water. Grit in the picnic food, sweat rolling down our backs until we cooled ourselves in the river. We fell asleep like two kittens melting into each other's warmth. Kissing them so deeply that I tasted their soul. Smoking weed on the deck in the full moon, just knowing that I'd found what I was looking for in life. I was healing, I was living, I was right where I needed to be. I was really fucking happy.
But I started to feel the cold while the summer heat still blazed. Little doubts, worries that never quieted, feeling them evade the bare honesty I thought we were built on. Hearing them say one thing and seeing another. Trying to silence my intuition, but it screamed into my ears. I hung on to us with white knuckles, but I was drained to the core.
Was it fucked from the beginning, or did it just spoil in the hot sun? Either way, it's venus retrograde, and I miss my summer love.
