♡ IMMORTAL!

the smell of ddukbokki lingered in the small dressing room, the savory scent quick to reach the rookie’s nose. it has been weeks since she last had the spicy snack or any sort of snack in general – all in preparation for her big debut. although the new soloist was well aware of the strict diet she was supposed to be on, her mouth couldn’t help but water at just imagining the taste of the street food. clutching her signed album in hand, ana looked around to check her surroundings before approaching the spread of food on the nearby table. taking a stab at one of the spicy rice cakes, the idol quickly plopped it in her mouth before suddenly being startled by the sound the footsteps approaching her from the hallway, the nineteen year old practically spinning in place. with a sharp bow and her mouth full, she pushed the rice cake into the ball of her cheek rushing out her greeting. “hello! i’m rainbow entertainment’s new soloist, ana! please wish me luck on my debut!”

          once  he  was  finished  with  the  takes  for  his  stage,  he  decided  that  he  was  due  for  some  much  needed  snacks  while  he  waited  for  everyone  else  was  getting  ready  or  getting  their  filming  done.  he  genuinely  doesn’t  expect  anyone  else  to  be  snacking  since  his  was  one  of  the  first  stages  of  the  evening  filmed,  so  he’s  slightly  flustered  when  he  realizes  there’s  another  person  at  the  table  already  eating.  he  thinks  about  turning  back  and  just  waiting  until  it  was  clear  to  come  back  . . .  unfortunately,  she’s  already  noticed  him.  ‘  oh  no,  ’  he  thinks,  ‘  act  cool,  just  act  like  a  cool  senior  !  ’

          he  isn’t  used  to  talking  with  strangers  without  the  presence  of  one  of  the  other  members,  but  he  assumes  putting  on  a  professional  smile  is  enough  to  hide  his  own  nerves.  it’s  just  unfortunate  for  him  that  he  finds  her  to  be  the  cutest  girl  he’s  ever  met,  stuffed  cheeks  and  all.  “  it’s  nice  to  meet  you,  and  congratulations  on  your  debut  !  ”  he  bows,  clapping  his  hands  to  emphasize  before  his  eyes  widened.  “  ah,  i  -  i  mean  —  good  luck  on  your  upcoming  stage.  i  can’t  wait  to  see  you  perform.  ”  he  backpedals  again,  realizing  what  he  said,  “  no,  what  i  mean  . . .  i  meant,  i’m  sure  you’re  excited.  i  was  for  mine,  at  least.  ”

IF  SOOJIN  WAS  BEING  honest,  before  she  had  become  an  idol  herself  ,  she  had  always  thought  that  the  extreme  ways  in  which  fans  reacted  to  dating  confirmations  was  some  weird  sort  of  inside  joke  .  there  was  no  way  people  would  be  that  self  entitled  that  they  believed  their  dearest  celebrities  should  stay  single  forever,  right  ?  she’d  been  naive  to  the  lengths  fans  would  go  to  sabotage  their  ‘faves’  relationship  up  until  the  moment  shiloh  and  ryuusuke  had  gone  public  ,  cyno’s  more  dedicated  fans  going  out  of  their  way  to  create  whole  accounts  just  to  attack  the  kindest  woman  soojin  had  ever  known  ,  and  while  shiloh  and  ryuusuke  had  remained  happy  and  strong  despite  the  onslaught  after  the  announcement  ;  soojin  knew  that  that  wasn’t  always  the  case  for  everyone  else  .

AND  PERHAPS  THAT  HAD  been  why  she’d  been  so  anxious  about  going  public  about  her  relationship  with  minho  (  if  one  could  even  call  it  that,  they’d  never  actually  discussed  getting  together  .  it  had  just  sort  of  happened  )  ,  but  after  a  lengthy  conversation  with  shiloh  who  had  reassured  her  that  ,  even  if  they  were  greeted  with  resistance  ,  it  would  go  away  eventually  ,  and  a  meeting  with  both  risa  and  minho  —  who  was  also  preparing  for  his  comeback  ,  talk  about  horrendous  timing  —  regarding  the  dispatch  article  that  had  recently  dropped  ,  they  had  given  the  company  the  go  ahead  to  confirm  their  relationship  .  but  let  it  be  known  ,  if  soojin  ever  caught  the  journalist  who  had  gotten  the  drop  on  them  ,  she  would  probably  be  given  jail  time  for  crimes  against  humanity  .

EXTREME  REACTIONS  OR  NOT  ,  the  grounding  weight  of  the  bouquet  in  her  hands  reminded  her  of  her  current  mission  —  feet  following  the  familiar  hallways  of  the  music  bank  building  ,  eyes  searching  for  the  door  of  waiting  room  #19  .  two  doors  down  from  waiting  room  #17  —  the  room  stella  had  used  the  most  over  the  past  near  nine  years  —  and  a  whole  row  of  doors  down  from  the  wall  full  of  signatures  ,  she  would  reach  out  with  her  spare  hand  to  push  down  on  the  handle  and  open  the  door  with  the  aid  of  her  shoulder  .  bowing  her  head  in  both  greeting  and  apology  to  the  stylist  who  had  jumped  at  the  door  opening  ,  the  onyx  haired  vocalist  would  raise  her  hand  to  adjust  her  mask  as  her  eyes  landed  on  the  figure  of  her  now  very  public  partner  ;  his  eyes  still  slightly  red  as  he  sat  on  the  couch  ,  admiring  the  well  earned  trophy  in  his  hand  .

          he  doesn't  always  pay  attention  to  the  replies  he  receives  from  the  service,  only  replying  to  the  funnier  messages  every  now  and  then,  but  recently  he's  been  flooded  with  a  large  amount  of  messages  —  most  curious  about  the  recent  confirmation  of  his  (  formerly  )  secret  relationship  with  soojin  ;  some  congratulating  him,  some  disapproving  them  together,  some  loving  them  together,  and  enough  voicing  their  surprise  he  has  the  ability  to  get  himself  a  partner.  he  left  a  lengthy  message  when  the  new  initially  dropped,  wanting  to  wait  for  everything  to  quiet  down  before  going  back  to  his  regularly  scheduled  storytelling  of  the  day,  but  instead  everyone  is  convinced  he's  started  a  new  streak  of  being  inactive  again  due  to  the  unwarranted  exposure  of  their  relationship.  something  about  being  upset  that  his  comeback  was  ruined  by  the  revelation,  though  it's  far  from  the  truth.

          if  anything,  his  comeback  with  rover  was  his most  successful  release  to  date  since  his  solo  debut  back  in  2019.  some  may  even  say  the  ‘  scandal  ’  had  only  boosted  the  popularity  of  it,  enough  that  he  was  able  to  garner  his  first  win.  he’s  seen  many  alongside  his  brothers  in  duke,  but  it  was  a  different  &  unfamiliar  feeling  to  achieve  one  on  his  own.  although  the  filming  for  music  bank  had  finished  and  his  encore  stage  had  long  been  over,  the  man  was  still  reeling  from  the  adrenaline  of  it  all,  still  trying  to  wrap  his  head  around  it.  he  sent  photos  to  the  group  chat  shared  between  duke  and  stella,  and  although  he wouldn’t  admit  it  . . .  there  was  really  only  one  person’s  reaction  that  he’s  waiting  for.  while  he  waits,  he  can’t  help  but  continue  to  admire  the  trophy  in  his  hands  —  where  will  this  be  displayed  ?

the thought of kyuri spending hours on end just to write to him brought a sense of comfort to joon’s heart. considering how much pain he had put her through and just how much he had asked from her the night he was stopped, joon figured that kyuri would want nothing to do with him – he wouldn’t blame her for that either. however, knowing that she thought of him everyday since then and even took the time to get into contact with him despite all that, it only made the male realize how much he didn’t deserve her or her mercy.

“no… they were perfect, kyuri. thank you.” he assured her with a gentle smile. unfortunately, the smile slowly fell out of place when the other mentioned his soon-to-be departure. joon could only nod at the hero’s disappointment, finding himself a bit disappointed as well. after all, joon could only assume that the both of them felt cheated. with it being a year since they have seen each other and only getting this short amount time to actually see each other before he leaves again, it was almost as if they were being punished.

“i… didn’t expect to leave so soon either.” he admitted, recalling what the doctor had told him only moments before. he was to be released in a week and to zhen no less. although the hero had been with him almost everyday since the day he was admitted into rehabilitation, joon couldn’t help but feel a bit confused as to why the older male would want to take custody of him over the authorities or the academy. “they haven’t really told me what’s going on. all i know is that i’ll be leaving with zhen next week and that i’ll be gone for awhile. i don’t even have a clue on how long ‘awhile’ will be.”

realizing this as he spoke, joon felt a tug in his chest, his heart feeling uncomfortable and tight. it was a suffocating feeling and joon hoped that whatever this was, it was his own feelings and not the psychotic part of him that he has worked so hard to suppress and erase. “but…” joon started after a moment silence, his hand against his aching chest while his gaze moved to meet the woman’s in front of him. “no matter how long i’m gone this time – i’ll come back to you, kyuri. i promise. i’ll come back better and stronger than i am now.”

he took a moment for a breath. “i won’t give up until i have repaid everything to you, kyuri. you have my word.”

               ALTHOUGH SHE DIDN’T SMILE AT HIS STATEMENT, her cheeks grew warm at the small compliment and she knew she can’t try hiding it without being obvious. she couldn’t imagine how lonely it must’ve been for him to spend the majority of his time in this room by himself, except for those times when he had those close to him visit. she’s glad that their friends were able to get her letters through to him, and even happier knowing that the staff never tried preventing them from bringing more. she wanted him to know she still cared, and that she’d wait to see him again. she just didn’t expect that their long-awaited reunion would be so ... short. she’s disappointed in herself, but doesn’t let it show; perhaps if she had fought harder, she could have seen him earlier.

               “apparently it was decided earlier this week... zhen requested it himself from what i heard.” she doesn’t know the details either, and technically she was never supposed to know. it was supposed to be classified intel between zhen and mincheol, however minho happened to just accidentally eavesdrop the two while they were speaking ... which led to this moment. minho is either really bad at keeping secrets, or he felt pity for their circumstances, but regardless, she’s thankful for letting her know. she knew she had one last chance to see him and she needed to take it. “i’m sure you have nothing to worry about. at least you’ll be able to get out of this room and get some fresh air. i have no doubt that any place he brings you will be a lot better than here.”

               she knows the cameras in the corners of the room are on and listening, but she doesn’t care. she’s been in this room for maybe a minute now and the blonde already feels like she’s suffocating. how joon was able to survive in this room for as long as he has... she’ll never understand. his next words cause tears to form in her eyes, his words hitting her harder than she expected. this was unfair. the entire situation ... is cruel. deep down she knows why they needed to be separated, and she’s forced herself to accept the decisions made, too. however, she’s waited so long to see him and now that he’s in front of her, there’s so much that she wants to say but they don’t have a lot of time anymore. it feels like this would be her last chance until the next time they meet, whenever that may be.

               “i can’t believe this,” she mumbles more to herself, shaking her head and wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. “stupid ... stop talking like we’re already saying goodbye. i just got here!” the young woman tries to joke, but there’s no smile on her face. even when minho first broke the news to her, she also couldn’t help but cry then, too. how unfortunate for the hands of fate to continue to separate them, just when she thinks they could be closer? “i’ll wait for you. i’ll always wait for you. i have waited so long already ... just come home soon, okay? we’re all waiting for you.”

the tension was thick between them, awkward and unsure. it was obvious that they didn’t know exactly how to approach each other. after all, the last time they were face-to-face, they left off at a bitter end – joon beginning for kyuri to end his life while the kyuri was merely moments away from accomplishing his selfish request. honestly, the male wasn’t sure how he would respond if he were able to see kyuri again. but hearing her voice and seeing her for the first time in a year, it lessened the anxiety pounding heavily against his chest.

a faint quirk of a smile appeared on joon’s lips at the other’s feeble words as she explained how much she had to fight just to come see him. “sounds like you.” he couldn’t help but comment quietly, a sense of fondness and familiarity in his voice. however, seeing the young woman stand awkwardly by the door, the other quickly motioned for her to sit down in the chair beside him. “you don’t have to stand around, you know? have a seat – please.” he assured her, probably sounding a bit too polite for her liking.

joon’s eyes wandered to the letters that laid stacked on the table beside him, feeling a little embarrassed that kyuri saw them laying out in the open. “of course i kept them…” he reassured her, his gaze leaving the letters to focus on kyuri instead. “they helped me… a lot. they’ve kept me sane while i’m here.” joon admitted rather openly though his tone carried a bit of sheepishness to it. looking rather apologetic, he continued speaking. “i’m sorry i didn’t reply to any of them. i really wanted to, but… you know…”

               THE  INTENSITY  IN  THE  ROOM  IS  BEGINNING  TO  MELT,  she thinks, as conversing slowly but steadily becomes less awkward for the both of them. with that, the previous anxiety she felt about not knowing what to expect also begins to disappear. she can tell from his voice that he didn’t hate her, which was one of the fears she had about coming in today. she couldn’t help but have some part of her believe the idea of being put on the list of unapproved visitors, while proven to be the fault of her family, could’ve also been influenced by him as well. she really had nothing to worry about. “i wanted to come earlier, really,” she starts, beginning to move towards the chair, “i tried really hard to get them to budge, but as you can imagine, it was a losing battle from the start.”

               as she sat down, she thought about all of the letters she had written for him. she made a calculative effort to confirm when her friends were going to see him, and tried to write a letter that was current so he didn’t feel like he was missing much. she filled in the blanks between letters and tried to add information on as much as she could — letters could’ve been three times the length if she wanted to truly overwhelm him. in fact, she would’ve sent letters every day if she could — she stopped attempting to make ‘direct’ contact after the first seven letters were returned. she has a box filled to the brim with letters left unsent, which will most likely never reach him out of embarrassment. she eyes him for a moment, a small, fond smile on her lips as she notices how much he’s changed.

               maybe one day she will find the courage to show all of the letters to him.

@servphics​

it has been a year since he was locked up in this room, the walls a bright white complimenting the metallic machinery around him. for a year, he wasn’t allowed to walk in and out, having his meals and medication brought to him while doctors and psychiatrists entered and left his room freely while he could not. very occasionally, zhen would arrive along with soojin or minho to come and visit him though the visits were limited to half an hour at time. the days in the white room never ended, time nothing but a fragment as joon would slowly lose count of the seconds, minutes, hours, and days. according to zhen on one occasion, he looked like nothing but an empty shell – breathing, but no longer living.

there was one thing that had sparked any hope in this dull prison, the letters he would receive from kyuri whenever soojin or minho visited. the letters weren’t long at all, being rather brief but enough to bring some sort of comfort to the broken young man. of course, he wasn’t allowed to reply to any of the messages, being told that he could alter his progress to healing if he made contact with the subject of obsession when he was brainwashed. but he continued to keep the letters on his bedside to read whenever he needed to mentally escape from the present; and thankfully, for him, they never stopped coming.

“you’re being discharged next week and being released to the custody of zhen.” the familiar, but calculative voice spoke as they scratched their pen against the notes they were carrying around. joon looked up in surprise at the doctor before him, unsure on whether or not he had heard right. but seeing the stern, but tired eyes look back at him, the younger male could only assume that he had indeed heard right.

“he’ll be your caretaker from now on as you finish your recovery. crazy fool.” the doctor tsk’d before stopping his scratching and placing his pen into the front pocket of his lab coat.  “but why–” joon was interrupted as the doctor chose to cut him off.

“you can ask him yourself. he’ll be coming by tomorrow to brief you in on what’s been decided by both the academy and the city police. meanwhile, if you have any loose ends to tie up with your sister or your friends, i suggest you tell zhen to bring them by when you get the chance. from what i hear, you won’t be seeing any of them for a while.” with the wave of his hand, the doctor walked towards the door to leave joon back to his thoughts. “oh. you have a visitor waiting for you. she wasn’t on the list of the approved visitors, but she insisted on seeing you. seeing as it’s your last week and all, we’ll make an exception this time and send her in.”

furrowing his eyebrows, joon could only nod as he stared at the doctor’s departure, confused as to who the doctor could be referring to. taking a deep sigh, the male swung is feet over the bed so he was completely sitting up, stretching out his stiff neck and shoulders. it was only a few moments later that he heard a couple of knocks against the door before it completely opened, joon looking up once more only to be caught by surprise. it was the last person he had expected to see, after all, the familiar sight of long blonde hair and a pair of icy eyes – though if joon could remember correctly, the shade of blonde was definitely much lighter than a year ago and her eyes were much less cold. at least, when they landed on him. in that second, the man could see in her eyes a flickering of… remorse? pain? or was it something else.

“kyuri…” he spoke quietly, not over the initial shock of seeing the other for the first time in a year. swallowing thickly, he continued to speak, his voice becoming a little stronger. “kyuri, what are you doing here? i thought…” joon trailed off, unsure how he should proceed to talk to the other after everything that has happened. after a moment silence, he lamely changed the subject. “i got your letters…”

               WHILE  SHE  WAITS  TO  BE  LED  TOWARDS  HIS  ROOM,  she feels her stomach bubbling as she bounces eagerly on her toes. her mind is currently racing with a million different thoughts and emotions, serving as a distraction from the uneasiness she feels while she sits alone in the waiting room. it wasn’t entirely quiet, but she didn’t feel comfortable being all by herself. her mentors offered to accompany her when she refused to ask the likes of her friends, much less her twin, yet at the time she foolishly declined their offers. now that she was actually here, she probably should’ve brought someone like zhen along; perhaps she wouldn’t have had to make a fool of herself by arguing with staff for nearly half an hour to be able to see him before he officially leaves her — again.

               as footsteps approach, her attention shifts to the stranger nearing her — his doctor, she presumes — clipboard in hand before they sigh. the doctor seems tired, but she can’t bring herself to care enough to ask them about it. her mind focuses on the idea of seeing him again, different scenarios playing out in her head as she follows silently behind, keeping a safe distance from the professional to further avoid meaningless conversation. she’s scared, excited, and sad all at the same time. anxiety eats away at her with every step taken; unusual and unfamiliar for her. she’s typically so cool and aloof, yet here she is — her legs ready to give out as they near his room. the doctor turns to face her once they stop at his door, voice quiet as they tell her they’ll go in for a couple minutes before allowing her visit to start.

               as soon as they disappear behind the door, she’s alone again. minutes feel like hours; she’s been longing to see him for a long time now, envious that she was the only one who couldn’t see him for the entire year that he’s been in here.

               the doctor comes out again, mentioning another staff member will come to wait outside — as precaution, so they say.