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It is not like performing a traditional tarot spread. You need a conversation with your deck instead.

• There are ten things to ask. Overhand shuffle your cards for every question.

• The card on top and the one at the bottom of the deck are the pair that gives every answer. Read them together.

• Note down each answer, as you need to put them back. The deck should always have 78 cards each time you ask.

THE CONVERSATION

PRESENCE

Is my soulmate presently in my vicinity?

SEMBLANCE

What does my soulmate look like?

NATURE

What kind of person is my soulmate?

SETTING

Where will I meet my soulmate?

INSTANCE

When will my soulmate and I unite?

EXPRESSION

How will my soulmate treat me?

BLESSING

What will I love most about my soulmate?

BLIGHT

What will bother me most about my soulmate?

PURPOSE

What will my soulmate teach me?

DESTINY

Will my soulmate be my life partner?

SAMPLE CONVERSATION

PRESENCE

Is my soulmate presently in my vicinity?

Not yet (The Hanged Man), but he soon will be (Three of Wands).

SEMBLANCE

What does my soulmate look like?

He has long wavy locks (The Chariot) and an athletic build (Knight of Wands).

NATURE

What kind of person is my soulmate?

He is charismatic, cheerful and optimistic (The Sun) with strong Leo energy (King of Wands).

SETTING

Where will I meet my soulmate?

Online (Eight of Wands + Page of Swords).

INSTANCE

When will my soulmate and I unite?

Between three weeks (Three of Swords) and a month (Ace of Cups).

EXPRESSION

How will my soulmate treat me?

He will shower you with presents and attention (Six of Pentacles + The Empress).

BLESSING

What will I love most about my soulmate?

That he is everything you ever hoped for and imagined (Judgement + The High Priestess).

BLIGHT

What will bother me most about my soulmate?

That he can be jealous and possessive at times (Four of Pentacles + The Devil).

PURPOSE

What will my soulmate teach me?

What it is like to love deeply and be loved as much in return (The Lovers + Ten of Cups).

DESTINY

Will my soulmate be my life partner?

When performing the Celtic Cross, there are three positions that can reveal when the event will happen: The Advice, The Ultimate Outcome, and The Underworld. Acknowledge all these possibilities. But your intuition will tell you which is most likely.

THE MAJOR ARCANA

The Fool – Whenever you are ready

The Magician – It has already begun

The High Priestess – You know exactly when

The Empress – During harvest season

The Emperor – It is almost done

The Hierophant – It is finished

The Lovers – As soon as you make the choice

The Chariot – In just a few moments

Strength – The minute you accept it

The Hermit – Only after you meditate on it

The Wheel of Fortune – During your first or next Saturn Return

Justice – When you least expect it

The Hanged Man – When the circumstances change

Death – Whenever it is ready

Temperance – After the storm

The Devil – It is happening right now

The Tower – Soon, unexpectedly and suddenly

The Star – The more you believe, the sooner it will happen

The Moon – It cannot be determined at the moment

The Sun – In the summer or by sunrise

Judgement – Soon and inevitably

The World – In divine timing

THE MINOR ARCANA

THE SUIT OF WANDS

Ace of Wands – One day

Two of Wands – Two days

Three of Wands – Three days

Four of Wands – Four days

Five of Wands – Five days

Six of Wands – Six days

Seven of Wands – Seven days

Eight of Wands – Eight days

Nine of Wands – Nine days

Ten of Wands – Ten days

Page of Wands – As we speak

Knight of Wands – End of November to most of December

Queen of Wands – End of March to most of April

King of Wands – End of July to most of August

THE SUIT OF CUPS

Ace of Cups – One month

Two of Cups – Two months

Three of Cups – Three months

Four of Cups – Four months

Five of Cups – Five months

Six of Cups – Six months

Seven of Cups – Seven months

Eight of Cups – Eight months

Nine of Cups – Nine months

Ten of Cups – Ten months

Page of Cups – Very soon

Knight of Cups – End of February to most of March

Queen of Cups – End of June to most of July

King of Cups – End of October to most of November

THE SUIT OF SWORDS

Ace of Swords – One week

Two of Swords – Two weeks

Three of Swords – Three weeks

Four of Swords – Four weeks

Five of Swords – Five weeks

Six of Swords – Six weeks

Seven of Swords – Seven weeks

Eight of Swords – Eight weeks

Nine of Swords – Nine weeks

Ten of Swords – Ten weeks

Page of Swords – Now, behind the scenes

Knight of Swords – End of May to most of June

Queen of Swords – End of September to most of October

King of Swords – End of January to most of February

THE SUIT OF PENTACLES

Ace of Pentacles – One year or one season (3 months)

Two of Pentacles – Two years or two seasons (6 months)

Three of Pentacles – Three years or three seasons (9 months)

Four of Pentacles – Four years or four seasons (one year)

Five of Pentacles – Five years or five seasons (15 months)

Six of Pentacles – Six years or six seasons (18 months)

Seven of Pentacles – Seven years or seven seasons (21 months)

Eight of Pentacles – Eight years or eight seasons (2 years)

Nine of Pentacles – Nine years or nine seasons (2 years and 3 months)

Ten of Pentacles – Ten years or ten seasons (2 years and 6 months)

Page of Pentacles – It will take quite a while

Knight of Pentacles – End of August to most of September

Queen of Pentacles – End of December to most of January

King of Pentacles – End of April to most of May

To Help You Remember:

Wands are days, because they are fire, and fire moves fast.

Swords are weeks, because while a sword is quick to cut, it first requires some thinking on the warrior’s part.

Cups are months, because they are water, and water flows with the moon, which completes a cycle in roughly a month.

Pentacles are seasons to years, because they are seeds, and some seeds only require a season to grow while others need a year.

The timings for the Major Arcana and the Pages are related to the cards’ meanings. Once you know the meanings, you know the timings.

The Kings, Queens and Knights are the Zodiac signs’ birthdays:

King of Wands – Leo (Fixed Fire)

Queen of Wands – Aries (Cardinal Fire)

Knight of Wands – Sagittarius (Mutable Fire)

King of Cups – Scorpio (Fixed Water)

Queen of Cups – Cancer (Cardinal Water)

Knight of Cups – Pisces (Mutable Water)

King of Swords – Aquarius (Fixed Air)

Queen of Swords – Libra (Cardinal Air)

Knight of Swords – Gemini (Mutable Air)

King of Pentacles – Taurus (Fixed Earth)

Queen of Pentacles – Capricorn (Cardinal Earth)

Interpreting the last card does not mean you are done. You have ten more things to do before the reading is through.

1. Count the Major Arcana.

The more there are, the stronger the reading’s predictions will impact the querent’s life. If there are none or just one, almost none of it will matter in the long run.

2. Note the sequence of the Major Arcana.

If the querent is asking about someone, and the major arcana are between 0 and 16, that person is not meant to stay in their life. If the question is about a dream or an opportunity, and the cards fall between 17 and 21, it will manifest completely.

3. Count the cards from each suit.

The presence of all suits predicts a balanced outcome. More Wands mean strong passion. More Swords mean anxiety or manipulation. More Cups mean the heart is running the show. More Pentacles mean wealth is about to diminish or grow.

4. Mind the aces and the tens.

Two or more aces mean the situation is only just beginning. Two or more tens mean it is now coming to a good or bad ending.

5. Note the multiples between two and nine.

Twos mean clever decisions are of paramount importance. Threes speak of infidelity or the need for cooperation. Fours guarantee stability, just as sixes do harmony. Fives and sevens spell difficult challenges, but eights and nines promise that the labor is almost over.

6. Regard the ruling colors.

A dominant black predicts burdens and hindrances. Red and yellow combined ensure passion, clarity and manifestation. Blue and white together advise that the solution can be found through spirituality and intuition.

7. Count the court cards.

Nine times out of ten, court cards are people, not influences. They are doing the manipulation or they need to be manipulated.

8. Notice the suits of the courts.

Wands and Swords are friendly. So are Cups and Pentacles. Any other combination spells rivalry and obstacles.

9. Watch where the cards are facing.

Is the woman in The World looking at The Tower? A tragedy has to occur before success can take over. Is the King of Cups facing away from his Queen? Their relationship is suffering. His love for her has begun fading.

10. Look at the bottom of the deck.

Anyone serious about tarot needs to master the Celtic Cross. Here is why as well as how.

Why It is Superior

There are a myriad tarot spreads. You can make your own, or use none. Just pull as many cards as you like and read them as you want. As with food and fashion, we each have a preference. But there are reasons the Celtic Cross deserves so much reverence.

1) It respects you and your question.

The Celtic Cross is not designed to give rushed, biting and abrupt answers. It recognizes that your question is important to you. So it takes the time to explore every detail of your situation before giving you advice and a prediction.

2) It kindly proves itself to you.

Fortunetelling involves powers beyond the natural. Powers that only a few can truly harness. To minimize the trickiness of the business, the Celtic Cross states what you already know: your past, hopes, fears, pains, secrets, goals. If it accurately describes these things, you can trust its promise of what tomorrow will bring.

3) It allows for great interaction.

When interpreting a spread, it is crucial to look at how the cards are connecting. Is the Page of Cups offering his chalice to The Magician? Is the Knight of Swords on his way to attack the King of Wands? The way the Celtic Cross is laid out lets many interactions come about.

How to Perform It

It has dozens of variations. Each reader has a fancied version. Below is what my elders taught me. I use it faithfully.

1) The Hierophant (reversed) – The Present

What is happening at the moment?

2) Three of Wands – The Problem

What needs to be remedied?

3) Two of Pentacles – The Past

What led you to where you are?

4) Seven of Pentacles – The Near Future

What happens next?

5) Seven of Swords – The Conscious Goal

What does your mind want?

6) Four of Wands – The Buried Truth

What lies in your subconscious?

7) Eight of Swords – The Advice

What will the Fates have you do?

8) Six of Swords – The Environment

Where are you in the broad view?

9) King of Pentacles – The Hope or Fear

What does your soul crave or dread?

10) Queen of Wands, Nine of Wands, The Sun – The Ultimate Outcome

What does the future hold, after all is said and done?

11) The World – The Underworld

What lies beneath that can help or hinder?

How to Interpret It

STEP 1: Read the cards in the above order, one by one.

Then read the Ultimate Outcome cards as one: The Queen of Wands is reprimanding the man in the Nine of Wands. But he is supported by The Sun. All will be well for the querent in the end.

STEP 2: Compare the Near Future with the Ultimate Outcome.

The man in the Seven of Pentacles has put life on pause, anxiously awaiting what is next. Then it comes: first, it will be bad (Nine of Wands), then he will be glad (The Sun).

STEP 3: Compare the Buried Truth with the Hope or Fear.

If it is a positive card, it is the hope. Otherwise, it is the fear.

The two positions are aligned. A buried need for stability (Four of Wands) and a desire to be solid and steady (King of Pentacles). The querent is clear about his wishes.

STEP 4: Compare the Conscious Goal with the Ultimate Outcome.

It all happens as hoped for. The querent wishes to get away with something (Seven of Swords). And after a bit of scuffle (Nine of Wands), he does (The Sun).

STEP 5: Compare the Advice with the Ultimate Outcome.

The querent needs to stop acting the victim (Eight of Swords). Once he moves forward, he will face the punishment he fears, yes (Queen of Wands and Nine of Wands). But it will all work out (The Sun). No rainbow without rain.

STEP 6: Close the reading.

a (maybe a little silly, but effective godsdamnit) warding spray for getting bullshit the fuck out of your space. particularly effective for use after having unwanted visitors.

Materials:

an empty spray bottle

blessed/charged water of your choosing (i recommend storm water or waning moon water)

herbs of your choosing - anything associated with banishing, warding off negativity, and cleansing - black salt, burdock, eucalyptus, etc, I also used lemongrass bc it's spread around the home "to ward off snakes" which i thought was appropriate

Instructions:

put all that shit in a jar

shake that shit up

like aggressively shake it, we are not talking about friendly vibes here peeps

㋡🥀

Pick up cheetos so my fingers don’t get dusty

Clean out my gutters

Hold my boobs whenever I’m going up/down stairs

Keep petting my cat whenever she walks away while simultaneously begging for pets

Turn on my TV (remote is currently broken)

Smack my (consenting) friends’ asses from like 10 feet away

Important image for all your wizard memeing needs