Warnings: crying, lots of crying, panic attacks, mention of relapse, Dean being a sweetheart, use of baby and sweetheart, breakdowns, betrayals, mention of trust issues.
Author note: based on my irl experience. I know having trusted friends is hard but do not hurt yourself in the process of getting over them. So here's a little bit of comfort for whoever needs it. Also please reblog, likes don't do much but reblogs help a lot!! Thanksss <3
Song inspo: You're my Destiny
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"Sweetheart, please please talk to me. Don't shut me out. I can't stand to see you crying like this." Dean's voice came from the other side of the door, desperate and laced with worry but I couldn't even reply.
The panic attack continued, I couldn't breathe, my vision going dark slowly. The last thing I remember before my vision died was that somehow I flicked the lock of the bathroom.
I woke up after who knows how long and found Dean sitting right beside me. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He asks, still worried as he passes me a glass of water.
"Exhausted." I reply, my voice slightly strained as I look around to see everyone standing around my room looking equally concerned. Just then the memories come flooding back of how I was sobbing uncontrollably and my eyes tear up again.
Dean immediately notices and pulls me in and everyone takes the cue to leave without being noticable. "Hey, hey, talk to me baby, please."
I couldn't control myself longer and I breakdown again. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. It's just I got a text from my friend saying she can't leave her other good friends for me and everything and blocked me before I could even reply-" I sob. "And she was my best friend, Dean. Best friend!"
Dean doesn't say that I'm overthinking or being dramatic, he just holds me against his chest, letting me rant.
"And and I didn't even ignore her! She was hanging out with the girl who clearly despises me, and the feeling was mutual, and she knew everything that girl did yet... Yet she chose her not me. She chose her, Dean!" I cry harder, who wouldn't after such a betrayal by your so called best friend who was with you since you were like 4.
"I've got you, Baby. Let it all out. She doesn't deserve you, okay?" Dean tries to reassure me but I'm too broken to listen it.
"All my friends do this, Dean.. they just- they just always exclude me or they just cut ties with me once I introduce two people to each other. Why... Why am I never enough?!"
"I know, sweetheart, I saw how they avoided you last week, I thought it was about that stupid photo thing."
"I hate it all.. I hate myself, Dean." I say, the sobs getting slower but I can feel that I'm shaking.
I'm not looking at Dean but I can feel that his heart is breaking seeing me like this and he just pulls me closer. I eventually calm a little, luckily not going through another panic attack.
I zone out, looking out on my desk towards the pen stand. As if sensing my relapse thoughts, Dean gently turns my face towards him.
"You've got me, you know?" He says, his voice so soft it almost breaks me.
"I know. But I need my friends too.." I trail off again.
"You have Hannah and Allie."
"yeah but they're bestfriends and everyone's got everyone and I'm the back up friend-" He cuts my rant off with a slow kiss on my forehead and I immediately melt into him.
My chest still heavy from all the feelings but now warmer because of the rants and my very patient boyfriend. He cups my face and wipes off the tear streaks with surprising gentleness.
"You'll find friends, okay? A new bestfriend even. And Hannah and Allie love you. They are your bestfriends too. Okay? Now no more overthinking or I'll have to force Tucker to make you your comfort food." That last line brings out a small smile on my face.
"That's my girl." He grins back, it wasn't his usual I'm-too-proud smirk, but rather a soft boyfriend-like smirk. "Promise you won't cry again?"
"Promise, your majesty." I say, feeling better. I know I scared him with the black-out but I won't bring it up right now and ruin the smiles-after-crying-for-hours vibe.
The rest of the evening surprisingly doesn't go by in interrogations from everyone but rather in a cuddle and home movie date. Dean scared everyone away without threats- again a surprise to me- and stayed close by to me all day as if to make sure that he'll hold me when and if I break again. And for now, I've let myself forget my so called best friend and pretend as if she never existed because she doens't have a boyfriend like mine.
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Guys whoever is struggling with sh or anything like that, I'm so proud of you for even trying to let go of it and this does not make you weak. Stay safe and do talk to someone trusted about it.