AS IF.

when bae comes back

@kukanorrow

                 SLEEPING IS  ———  Gradually getting better. Even if it were an extra hour, it was more then the usual hours he had been getting as of late. Sleep, had seemed to be, for the longest while now, in a disagreement with him. 

He’d take what he could for now, it’s bound to get back to normal at some point ( Not as if he needed to think that to ‘reassure’ himself. But, there had been less of the ‘feeling’ to push himself to his limits with mission after mission. )

…So why was nothing like it had been before he were sleeping? At first, the freeshooter believes he’s just not recalling things properly - that he must of done a spot of clearing things up before he dropped asleep in the comfort of his bed. 

Yet, he could of believed that if it hadn’t been for the extra layer of warmth on his bed. Not remembering something as simple as an EXTRA blanket, he was sure something like that couldn’t slip by him. ( Where had it come from anyway? He did only have the one, not like he actively tried seeking for warmth when he slept. ) 

Hazily, he’s tracing a hand across his face, rubbing in between his eyes, to rub the sleepiness away.  How long he had slept, was the least of things on his mind currently. Even the fact his room was more…tidy wasn’t on his mind either ( The snipers properly. Their the only ones after all, that would - could even step into his room. No one else was welcomed after all. That was the most logical conclusion he could come too… )

A yawn escapes him, as he’s throwing the covers to the side, while his other hand tosses weaves of his hair other his shoulder, so that it all dangled down his back. His movements are slow, sloppy even, as he pulls himself off of the bed.

His attention is drawn towards his desk ( ‘ Alright, did I leave ma’ reports on the desk…or even fill em’ out? ‘ Is the thought circling around his head. ) What he was expecting to find, was obviously either filled out or not filled out reports sprawled across the desk.

What he found instead, atop a small and neat pile of reports, was a single note. That hadn’t been there. From what he could even tell, it wasn’t even his hand writing. So how had it gotten there in the first place? So he picks it up, to deduce it’s source.

‘Dropped in to visit you. Found you asleep. I’ll be back in a few hours, take care until then. Your reports are on the desk. ~Xig.’

…….!

It takes a moment ( it’s been a while…after all. ) But the note, it’s WRITER becomes clear to the nobody. In a way, he looks dumbfounded at the note. Yet, at the same time, perhaps ‘reassured’. Whatever this was, the freeshooter couldn’t help but smile and chuckle at the note.

“ Since when haven’t I taken care of ma’self? “ With a joking jab at the note, he places it down upon the desk and deters his attention away from it.  Scratching at the back of his head, as yet another yawn escapes him. 

Xig shrugs again, though nods along with what his twin said. It was true enough, and made more sense than just about anything else that was going on. Nice to have some logical company, for once.

“So, this is where we’re all meant to end up, huh? Makes sense.” He chuckled, letting his eyes close. Sure seemed like this was where they all played out. “Makes you wonder, though, doesn’t it? Must be a pretty important role to play, if we keep getting tossed in it. … And, which one of is is doing it right?” That one actually made him think. So many different versions of themselves… How many were there? How many of them were out there, now? He knew of himself, obviously enough, and he knew of the twin across from him. Couple others, too. Each of them a little different - or a lot different, depending on which you thought about. There had to be a reason for it, right? There had to be one of them that would come out on top, right? Couldn’t be all of them. That just didn’t make sense. He could hope that he was the lucky number two, or whatever they’d call themselves, but, he can only assume that all the others feel the same. Much as any of them could feel, anyways.

“Whatever. Guess all we can do is keep on dancing to whatever tune we’ve got, make it a good one.” He reached out to snag the bottle back, splashing one last mouthful into his glass. He gave the alcohol one last swirl, then held his glass aloft.

“How ‘bout a toast, then?” Anything to lighten the mood. He had had enough of all this heavy junk.

“To us, the others, and whatever it is we’re supposed to be doing.”

        FATE  ——— His comment about the subject reminds him all to much how, it’s a fickle thing to control. Rather, it’s beyond your control once you let it slip between your fingers. It’s enough to stir him into taking a whisk of his drink, to numb his thinking. 

“ Bound t’ be th’ case if next t’ every ‘us’ is in this position. “ Whether different circumstances, where they were in regards to the timeline. All of them had found themselves IN THIS position. It be guessing territory, as to whether or not they’ve been in this position for the same amount of time, whether some of them are in this role shorter or longer then others. Or even the WHY, why they had this position. ( The deeper the thinking, the more what if’s popped up. Such is the reason, that this was just another thing that shouldn’t be thought too much into. Otherwise your in for one headache. )

Yet, his twin besides him beckons him to think even more. “ Well, we all got t’ do our job right haven’t we? “ He could see why this role could be important, just like how every gear was a key component in making something run. But whether they were doing it RIGHT? If this was a time to feel, then ‘uneasiness’ would be eating away at him. A thought of doubt creeps up on him, whether his means of serving Xehanort were correct, whether he was doing it in the right way. But it had to be right, for everyone’s sake. It had to be right, it was all he could do anymore.

It’s enough doubt to make him down more of his drink, to let the alcohol distract him from his mind processing more then it should. Sometimes, being able to think, was more trouble then it was worth.

“ A toast eh? “ The freeshooter is paying enough attention to see the twin raise his glass aloft. Anything to diminish the heavy subject? He’d jump on that boat.  “ Now ya’ talkin’. “ Is the best reply that comes t’ mind, while disguising just how much he was happy with the ‘subject change’.

He hummed, drumming his fingers on the table beside them. That wasn’t the reaction he’d anticipated, but it wasn’t too far off, either. Definitely something to stash away for a rainy day. He took a sip of his own glass, hesitated only a second before draining the rest of his brink and discarding the glass for the time being. A casual answer, of course, after a moment’s hesitation - it would make sense, in any other context. None of them were particularly fond of opening up about where they’d come from. Some of them didn’t even know. That wasn’t this, though. Xig wasn’t clueless; That was one thing they had in common. Hm.

“Yeah, fair enough. Guess that’s the one consistency across the board, eh?” Or, one of the few details that never seemed to change, much. Weird how that turned out. Maybe it’d be worth checking the library out, just to see if they had anything relevant. Never knew, in a place like this. He shrugged, then reached over to pick up the bottle, swirling it around in his hand before offering it out to the twin at his side.

“You need a refill, or are you good?” It had been a while since he’d had a good drinking partner, so, might as well jump on the chance while he had it. Was this still considered drinking alone? The thought brought a slight quirk to his lips. and he let out a soft huff of amusement. Before it could be focused on, he followed up with a secondary comment.

“You’d think one of us would’ve had something different in mind, somewhere along the line,” he says, folding his arm behind his head as a makeshift cushion.

“But, suppose if they did, they wouldn’t be here, would they? … Funny, how that works.”

          " I suppose “  ——— A half smile rest’s on his lips, as he offers a reply in ‘agreement’ to the twins words. It's obvious, that there had to be some consistency across the board if ALL of them seemed to be in the same situation, one way or another ( or better yet, to have the same or similar personality. Things had to be different somewhere though, of course. He doubted that the ‘same’ reality could exist across the board exactly the same.  It’s easy enough to believe that to be true, using their scars as an example. )

Didn’t change how sour it ‘felt’, to touch into the subject of the past. Least, thankfully, it was easy enough to avoid answering in great detail. Curiosity was to be excepted he supposed, after all, it isn’t everyday you ‘run into yourself’. With his mind detaching from these thoughts ( no point dwindling over it. ) He catches onto the sight of the twin swirling the bottle around, before offering it in his direction.  

 “ Refill huh? “ He muses to himself, glancing over the almost not-touched drink. It’s contents soon emptied as he downs the rest, with a exasperated sigh afterwards. He takes the offered bottle and fills his glass himself. “ Sure - don’t mind if I do. “

“ ...Something different in mind? “ Topping off his drink, the secondary comment catches his attention as he rest’s the bottle by his side. It, were an interesting thought. How, one of them could of had something else in mind, wanted something different. That such a simple thing, could’ve changed whether they’d be here right now. He takes a drink, before offering a reply.

                TIMES HAD BEEN TOUGH  ———  As one could say anyway, least, he figured it’s how someone could ‘ describe ‘ this situation. The late nights, lack of sleep, the thoughts, pondering over numerous things ( his past, the idea of opening up...Xehanort. ) It, weighed him down, made his shoulders feel heavy. Tiring him out, fasten then it usually would do so.

But, he found himself in his room, after another long day. But, today was DIFFERENT. He wasn’t sure why, whatever made him suddenly do so...but after so long, a certain box had found it’s way into the light of day. Surfacing after who knows long... ( It’s exact contents escape him, rather...he’s only focused on ONE certain thing. His other remnants of the past, yes..he had torn them apart. Gotten ridden of them, But not these. )

TWO darts,, of different designs, kept together with an elastic band. One seemed rather old, toy-like in design. The other, seemed more, personalised.  Or your run of the mill dart, one any adult would used, while the other seemed befitting of a CHILD. 

They, the darts  ——— were from his past ( slowly, deep down, he’s becoming more accepting of Braig...maybe. Deep down anyway, forgetting who you were...is just simply forgetting what you’ve done, good and bad. To forget could risk, forgetting whoever he was now... he wouldn’t let that happen. He was, still  ——— himself...sorta. ) 

The darts though, they had came from...people that would be ‘ dear to the heart. ‘  The toy one, from some...gift, a birthday...he thinks anyway. But THEIR there, by a little kids side. He’s...jumping up and down ( excited ? ) at seeing the gift at hand...something he had eye’d ( right..? ) and they then, surprise him. It’s hard to remember, why they got it, whether he had wanted it or not...it’s too far back in the past...it’s foggy, so hard to recall..... 

Yet, the past felt...close still, when he held these in his hands. ( the other, right, Diago. Did he make this dart...a set of darts? Hadn’t he joked about the set he owned was ‘ boring ‘... for him, for Diago to just drop this on him a few days past his birthday...before he just left, leaving him in a daze.... )

These were  ——— it was better to forget. Lingering on the past wouldn’t hurt anyone....

                                                                       YET.

           Besides the restless nights...how loud his thoughts are...conflicting emotions....

                   👗 Send one in and Xigbar will put something together for you

    Send ‘hc + a word’ that you want a headcanon about my muse involving that word

Sleep, sleep is quite the factor with Xigbar. He either sleeps or he doesn’t, there isn’t really a in between.  It’s a difficult concept for Xigbar to grasp, compared to how sleeping used to come so naturally to Braig ( even if he’d just sleep at the drop of a hat, or it would take some time. Whether he dreamed or not, or even had a nightmare. He still GOT sleep. )

Sleep seems to be something that Xigbar has lost a grasp over. Whether he wanted to or not. At best he ends up laying in bed for hours on end, not really sleeping ( Do nobodies technically need to sleep? That could be debatable but there is something about recovering energy - their power through sleep. So their all ready for their missions. )  

Xigbar seems to act on whatever energy he does have or just pushes through, even if on some days he isn’t performing to his usual standards, he still gets the job done some how ( one way or another. ) It can though, lead into him taking longer then he set out to do with certain types of missions or coming back a lot more battered then he might usually be from say, missions involving dealing with a heartless.

“General errand-boy stuff for the coot, huh? Yeah, that sounds about right.” Once again, stretching one arm over his head, craning his neck to the side until it let out a series of satisfying pops. With a sigh, he glanced over to his twin - a mirror image, some might say, but, not quite. There were Differences - more than he’d care to count, without writing them down. Of all the things that were weird about this situation, the weirdest one was that he couldn’t figure this guy out. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Maybe it was both. Who knew? He let his head fall back against the couch, resting his gaze on the ceiling. Was this how other people felt, talking to him? …. Him-him? Either way, he was sure this was going to be an interesting conversation. After all, with two Xigbars in one room, how could it be anything but?

“Say, twin, humour me a really weird question for a sec, would you?” He asked, tilting his head to the side and scratching at his scar. He’d spoken with other duplicates in the past, and, while it was weird, there was one consistency he’d noticed across the spectrum: No two realities, if that was the proper term, were the same. Interestingly enough, it seemed like all the differences were centred around them. It was something he was definitely interested in learning more about.

“What was your Garden like?” He folded his arms behind his head. “Before all this,” he waved his arm in Xig’s direction. “Went down. What was it like?” Ah, but, that might be too vague. Maybe a bit of direction would be necessary?

“Like- I dunno. What’d you do there?” It wouldn’t clarify much, sure, but he didn’t want to make the limitations too constricting. Besides, better to make sure this line of questioning wasn’t about to get him shot. That would ruin his day.

“If you don’t mind my sticking my nose in, of course.”

           " Yeah, “ He pauses for a second “ Th’ coot sure doesn’t know how t’ let off with th’ errand work.  “  ——— There’s a nauseating feeling to using the word ‘ coot ‘. But if it meant not cluing the twin into anything ( least, not right off the bat ) then he’ll put up with it. He smiles ( grin and bear it ), with a slight wave at his response. Before he takes another drink from the glass. 

What he thinks of this twin, is still up in the air, something is different about him ( obviously ) but he couldn’t shake just how he seemed to be just like any of the other Xigbars out there. Maybe that was just down to association ( all because of the THAT scar. It meant that, even with how different they were...the same thing played out as if on script.  So why, why wasn’t HIS to script? Why couldn’t he share the same scar like all the others. Right, this was why he preferred not associating with them... )

 “ ... Huh? Humour you? “ He hadn’t been paying much attention to the twin, lost in thought. He tilts his head with the shrug of this shoulders, before his gaze falls upon his glass once more. “ ur...sure? “ What TYPE of question was it though?

          ‘ —— your garden like? ‘ It’s enough to make him focus his attention on the twin, fingers loosely gripping the glass now. As he half-vacantly listens and watches him at the same time. WHY? What had made him curious about that - about Radiant garden? What was their to gain, from asking HIM about it?  ....Not giving him an answer though, would be considered more suspicious then giving him an answer. 

WILL HE FITE YOU OR NOT?  LET’S FIND OUT SHALL WE?

           He’s gonna  jab him in the forehead and proceed to flee. Wheres the fun in making it an easy fite? May as well as give the big guy a run for his money and make him run AFTER his fite.  This happens in a matter of seconds, all while Braig snickers at his ingenious plan ( heres to hoping Ael doesn’t figure out his game plan )

BONUS;

From the numerous times i’ve drawn Xigbar and shown his scars, his lower back is the least scarred section of his body ( albeit there’s one scar but that’s about it. Compared to everywhere else on his body. ) Some scars were from as Braig, when he was a kid, while some of the bigger scars were gained from other people ( while some scars, Xig’s the case of, even though he himself doesn’t view it as a means to hurt himself, usually he doesn’t know why he does it other then to do it because he can. It’s complicated. ) 

However he got the tattoo is a mystery ( whether it’s like how Axel somehow has tattoo / markings or Xigbar got it some other way. ) It’s usually the case he forgets he has it or just doesn’t really think too much about it, unlike how he usually does think about his scars ( aka how he usually keeps himself privy to himself and doesn’t let anyone else see his scars ( unless say your SOMEHOW close to him. ) )