apl sauce

baseball fights are better than hockey fights because everyone expects a fight in hockey. baseball fights are some real hater shit

Hey sorry if I’m kinda weird I was supposed to be dead by now

finding out you spent most of your life dissociated is a HUGE bummer

i thought shit didnt stick to me cuz i was slick but its cause i wasnt there #LAME

sorry i failed facial recognition in the mirror 3 times and got locked out of my brain for 24 hrs

I hate having an internal monologue. Girl shut the fuck up.

*takes a drag of a candy cigarette* I never thought I would make it to this many

[Stomping around the kitchen talking into a landline phone] Oh, look who came crawling back. You nevah call, you nevah write, but now all of a sudden you've got time for your poor, sick mother. What kind of trouble did you get yourself in now? Was it that wizard and his tomes again? Oh, no, I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna hear about any "unspeakable curse" or any "demon runeblade" or any "infernal demon-knights of Kal'Nurothas" or whatevah. You're just like your fathah.

"Ma! Ma, there'sa fuckin DRAGON outsideah the apahtment! MA!"