kryztella

i AM THE BLUR OF DESTINATIONS BETWEEN TWO POINTS ON A MAP

answering the question: where am i?

the action of mindless monotony

complete contrasts, including the map of my mind (black and whites, sharp and soft)

i’m the liquor of delight

when it’s not enough

and bottles multiply

this is not my cry - 

this is their cry

this is the bite,

not enough to be polite,

i am chased,

self made photobooth

POCKET YOUR WORRY

Halsey’s on my spotify, again. It’s been like this for nearly two weeks. Their entire discography, actually. I seemed to find the correlation between the timeline of events in my life with her albums and when they were released. I know I related at the time, of each, but even so looking back I can visualise everything happening according to the tracks. The lyrics themselves have always spoken true to my own experiences at the present moment.

I found myself creating and fully picturing my life with the soundtrack, like a bad musical, partly performing and showing visuals of possible recreations. This started while I was at work with my headphones in as I edited the garments we had shot.

Then I went home, poured a drink, and reorganised the songs slightly according to my own exact timeline. I performed.

Mostly in my head.

Every single song.

Now each track throws me right back to what I imagine in my head, the personal events.

I fear that my ridiculous reality disappoints my dreams.

I long for my slumbers, and my state asleep. My dreams know me better than my lovers. I can only control so much awake, but it’s left to my brain to connect the dots in my own distant fantasies - I enjoy that more. I am obsessed with sleep.

Awake, I live my life in a constant slideshow or what has been, and what could be. I live through my past profusely. I recount every step in this exhausting journey. Every trauma locked away in my rusty cabinet.

I believe in that self to be somebody eventually.

I feel I am a star locked inside my own vision of a nightmare. Maybe I was in the past. I feel I should be, but not in this body.

But I live as though I am, in my mind.

ALBUM WRAP UP

serendipity 

[ ser-uhn-dip-i-tee ] noun

so you find yourself looking out at all the blue, and you say you never want to leave. except i never have to. 

ALBUM WRAP UP

am i more ashamed, of the one ashamed?