hey everyone, just wanted to give a lil update as to why iβve not been around to plot and write. there might be some heavy stuff in this update so take caution. tw: mental illness, weight loss, physical pain.
so yeah, just wanted to put up a little post and explain why iβve been MIA when i had so many amazing ships and exciting plots i wanted to write and was really getting back into roleplaying again. but things have been super tough these past few weeks. iβve been recovering from my laparoscopy and have recently gone back to work, which has taken its toll on me. my iron levels are still really low and a blood transfusion may be imminent.
i guess the thought of going back into hospital is having a big effect on me because i really donβt want to go back in. all the physical stuff i could deal with; the blood tests, the surgery, the being nil by mouth (not being able to eat anything), fluids and antibiotics being pumped into me, all that i can deal with. but it was the lack of privacy, the being on a ward with nine other people who are all equally ill as me, the being woken up by people vomitting and crying in pain throughout the night (which, no lie, was me on my first few nights) but itβs so hard to go to sleep, and during the day they have the bright lights on so itβs impossible to get sleep under them. youβre not allowed to pull the curtains shut around your bed because the nurses come back and open them because they have to be able to see you. i guess itβs the constantly being watched and having no privacy that really affected me, especially having lived alone for the past year and a half and not being used to having a constant audience, especially when iβm at my most vulnerable. and they wake you up at 6am for medication but visitors are not allowed until 2pm and only until 4pm. so youβre alone for most of the day and itβs hard.
so yeah, i can tell thatβs weighing heavily on my mind because iβm not able to sleep and i keep getting migraines and nosebleeds.
and also, my weight has plummeted again. iβm back to being way below what i should be for my height and age. itβs a stress thing and iβve been through it before in my teens when i got alarmingly small because of anxiety and stress. i didnβt think i was at that stage again but the doctors in the hospital mentioned it a few times and my work colleagues have started noticing too. my work mates mean well and donβt want to hurt my feelings, but itβs kinda frustrating when you have health issues youβre trying to work through and they dismiss it as you beingΒ βso skinnyβ. like yeah dude, my ovarian cyst that ruptured and set all these events in motion is definitely because of my weight and not related to my hormones at all. it doesnβt help that i work with mostly guys that really donβt understand how these things work. like my manager legit said,Β βso is it something to do with your kidneys?β and i was likeΒ β...no. it literally says on my doctors note itβs because of my ovaries.β
so yeah, iβm trying to work through all my issues right now and get back on track and hopefully get to a place where i feel better both mentally and physically. but i really wanna be around to plot, so even if i canβt bring myself to write, i am going to try to log into here and discord more often to keep up with my partners. if youβre okay with plotting and chatting instead of writing (only for now until i get myself back together) then please feel free to message me on here or my discordΒ kravitzwrites.#1801
also iβm sorry, i know i said this post was going to be small but i failed. anyway, hope youβre all good and staying safe. thanks for being understanding and patient while iβve been away <3