Upon A Butterfly’s Wings

To be a woman in India is doubly difficult . In a country called “Maa” , a million and some men expect mothers , sisters , daughters and wives to stay in boxes restrained by the chains of humility, dignity , honor and respect , only to be trotted out as tributes for the same when needed , pulled by puppet strings with their voices muzzled.

To be a woman cricketer in India is the dreaded triple threat . You have to fight for space every inch to the top even as the dreaded “why must women play cricket” and “ why waste money” shackle your feet and strangle your breath . To have a seat at the table and to even be served a fraction of what your compatriots are entitled to comes with larger than warranted criticism and hate . To be a woman cricketer in India is to be a man’s vessel for his ego and honor . Every victory is an answer for some man and some team’s loss . Every accomplishment polishes some other man and cricketer’s halo and every failing dents yours doubly so . Their battles become yours , their insults yours to avenge , their burdens yours to carry doubly so and yet your hard won sporting honors theirs to bandy about .

To be a woman cricketer of minority faith in India is walking knife’s edge on a mountain taller than Everest . People expect you to be their burden of beast even as they kick you down one step at a time . They hate you for being who you are , they hate you for having the same rights as they do and they hate you even as you bear their crosses even if it’s not needed for you to do so and even when you do so with a lot of grace and a smile .

Our girls have had a tough World Cup . The match in Pakistan was an exhibition of hatred that didn’t exist previously in this flavor of the sport . Three closely contested tough games that India lost was all it took for the girls to be buried under tons of putrid rotting filth that men’s expectations and ego spawned . Equal pay , equal trolling one said . Another said too much was given too fast when all that was given was a seat at the table , a wooden one , the barest of bare minimum with a lot of inflated fan fare and yet the girls played on , played on and won against the best Australian team across genders and generations that was all but guaranteed a win .

Jemi has had a tough World Cup . Often a victim to the whims and fancies of absurd selection calls and some form of institutional neglect in nurturing a generational player , she has fought . She has fought under immense pressure and anxiety, played at any position the team has deemed her responsible for and played with immense grit and some amazing skills . Having been told of her batting position a mere five minutes before coming on to play , Jemi fought at number 3 with all that she possessed and so much more . She fought against the match situation , fought for the team’s win , fought for her girls and for her team and for her countrymen who thought she was fair game for threat of sexual assault and so much more just because she is firm in her faith and Jesus who while being a different vessel of faith than Ram is still a vessel of faith that the constitution grants you access to. Nimble feet , stunning shots and some exquisite running later , India won and the girls rejoiced , only to rest on a different bed of arrows with shackles to match .

Jemi was compared to Gambhir , Harman to Dhoni . Someone wrote a Paen to Mazumdar for bringing the women to glory when he couldn’t do that as a part of Indian men - even at the zenith of accomplishments , women are second class citizens in the country and the man receives credit where none is due . People celebrated Jemi and reviled her the next minute after she chose to be vulnerable in public . You see , Jai Hind and Jai Shri Ram is fashionable, but thank you Jesus is not . The very same people that threw her to the dogs basked in borrowed glory without having the decency or courage to say sorry . The girls played with all they had and more for honor and glory and for themselves only to be shackled with more chains and more asks when none are needed .

you have a female lead that is a butcher by profession . She is determined not to lose her parent’s business , to keep her self respect and self worth and to eke out a respectable living for herself and her kid sister .

She reacts by instinct and more often than not acts without thinking - in that she rescues a man left for dead from the snow , marries him into her family in a scheme to keep her property and falls in love with him without knowing who he is or what he was running away from or fighting with.

She is also street smart , very much aware of who is friend and who is foe and who can help and who cannot .

She falls in love with the man , fights for him and with him < she has a talent for close combat and knives > and follows him into battle following the destruction of her idyllic village and livelihood thanks to the vagaries of nobility and war .

Now this man , who she loves and follows into war ends up being a Marquis and he has a good enough reason to not disclose that to her but despite numerous signs indicating that there is more to her man than that is being let on , our girl remains blissfully unaware and in love. One can reason that away to PTSD and relief at reuniting with a loved one after having exchanged words but she goes on to recklessly parade a very valuable war time hostage in front of the enemies as a bait for food - putting the life of her husband and others at risk , unaware of the larger strategy at place acting from rage and unawareness . She is taught a lesson , a light one at that which she then ignores by drugging said husband and taking his place in warfare , unintentionally placing everyone’s life at risk and intentionally placing her husband’s career at risk - despite promising everyone that she’ll learn the rules and adhere to the same .

Then she discovers that her husband is the war god Marquis and then they fight and they make up and she then deserts her husband’s army to go rescue her friend and her kid - whose significance as war hostages / figure heads she is unaware of , leading other soldiers to desert with her and causing her husband to send an elite squad of soldiers for protection .

She then discovers her background, wants to learn and fight the good fight and goes ahead and drugs the guy leading an army / squad simply because he’s grieving and may choose to die in battle wherein she could very well be out of depth and die causing her husband to go mad ending up in others facing similar consequences.

She willfully and constantly promises to learn and do better and fails to do that every single time and miraculously gets promoted and is hailed a brilliant strategist despite not knowing the ‘S’ of strategy and the plot armor keeps plot armoring around her because she is the Jade .

At this point in time , the relentless deification and Mary Suing of Chang Yu is taking away the joy of the show from me and the last episode where she chooses to go back to beef she is marinating when the representative of the King is reciting an imperial edict was the height of it . Even if she knows that her husband is the Marquis , she must know that a messenger of the King theoretically has higher standing and disrespecting him puts her husband , her friend and herself at risk of imperial revenge / punishment.

If you were a kid that grew up in TamilNadu in the mid to late 80s, you ended up yearning for a certain type of movies even as you became a serial film watcher or cinephile or something in between - the action pot boiler with broad strokes that you watched and rewatched on DD , Sun or KTV , one where the generic plot of the movie worked for you because you loved and lived and thoroughly enjoyed that moment.

You watched some good films , many great ones , some mid ones but yet your heart yearned for the 80s action masala potboiler like you yearned for your Amma’s Sambhar and potato curry even as you wined and dined in Michelin restaurants

You loved the Chiranjeevi cameo in Mapillai , loved Prabhu teaming up with Kamal in Vetri Vizha , sat through some tightly written captain movies and whistled through Baasha . You loved amaidhipadai even as you loved Baasha. You loved these movies despite multiple rewatches not because they were always great but because they reminded you of a moment , a capsule , a few seconds where a few of you or hundreds of you clapped , whistled and cheered .

You loved Coolie , not because it’s Lokesh’s best or even Rajinikanth’s and not because it made you happy by bringing back the cool stars from your childhood and then frustrated you in equal measure thanks to the minimal screen time they got. You loved Coolie, not because of Anirudh’s score or the stunt choreography or because Shruti Hassan was named Preethi and you expected Sathyaraj to play to the gallery with that repeat of a Preethi , Preethi dialogue and were disappointed when it didn’t happen .

Then we knew , but didn’t know if he was ever going to make a come back .

Then he did and we wondered if he was ever going to be as good as he was .

Then we saw glimpses of greatness but it was very frustrating that they remained glimpses

Then came that 99 in Bengaluru , so close to that magic number yet to far.

And then came Stupid , Stupid and Stupid and

Finally , today , came that flip , that mischief , that discipline and that abandon

Rishab Pant, the test batter has so many alter egos and we saw so many of them at their finest today .

It’s been such a such a short yet such a long journey and at the end of that race to 100 , I laughed and cried and groaned .

You watch them bat and admire how ridiculously easy they make it look.

You watch them bat and love that there are gazillion of runs to make between them in the years to come.

You watch them bat in whites , in color , in form and out of it , in song and in struggle , in wins and losses , at home and overseas.

You watch them bat as runs ebb and flow , you watch them bat for glory and for honor .

You watch them bat as they cross milestones - 100s , 200s may be a rare 300 but they do come.

You watch them bat as years go by - from boy to man , from a newbie to a senior , from a good player to great and from a talent to a legend.

The years go by and so do games and some day suddenly you realize that the runs aren’t coming as fast as you want and there are more droughts than drizzles and you realize that their time at the crease is coming to an end.

You watch them bat , cherishing every run , every minute at the crease and every presser that gives a little more insight into what keeps them going and what does not.

You watch them bat and suddenly you don’t - because the boys you adored and the men they became , decide to step away from the game .

You suddenly feel old and mostly feel empty . You feel you don’t have it in you to keep following the game because there is such a thing called life - laundry , groceries and school pick-ups .

Kaanchi was celebrating their prince's return. Parakesari Aditya Karikalan had slain the Rashtrakoota king Amoghavarsha and had avenged his grand uncle's death at Thakkolam. The mighty sword of the Chola kingdom was returning home in victory and if that was not a significant cause for celebration , the young tiger , Arunmozhi was hastening to Kaanchi to welcome his brother and celebrate with the people.

All of Kaanchi was rejoicing , except for one person . All of Kaanchi was rejoicing , except for her mistress. Nandini Devi was fighting a migraine and severe irritation towards her idiot in law , who left no occasion to barge in on Kaanchi and provoke Vaanathi , the little moon of Kaanchi who was sister and daughter rolled into one.

Aditya and Nandini had known that they were going to be childless. Second chances in a kaalachakkaram seldom happened without sacrifices and Soodhani had demanded that they sacrifice their progeny and vamsakulam for a chance at forgiveness and life together and they had acquiesced. Just when they had reconciled themselves to Soodhani's harsh punishment , her benevolent grace bestowed Vaanathi into their care .

Their first days had been anything but calm . Vaanathi hated anything to do with the other members of the family and had thrown a tantrum worthy of royal brat when she had been introduced into Arunmozhi's circle. Full of simmering rage and quiet sorrow , Vaanathi had done everything she could to drive the young prince away even as the grand dames of Pazhaiyarai joked about childhood love and early marriage. Caught between brother and ward , past memories and current dilemma , Aditya and Nandini had been clueless about their next steps until the distant rumbles of war shifted their base to Kaanchi.

Days at Kaanchi were anything but peaceful , but there had been a sense of security , content and peace within the fort walls . That too had ended abruptly with the arrival of Arunmozhi and his unwanted chaotic courtship of their darling. It started when Arunmozhi had requested a message from Vaanathi for her beloved uncle enroute to Eezham. Soon , messages were flying back and forth between the southern coastlines , with the prince flying into fury and panic if any of his messages went unanswered but choosing not to answer pointed questions Nandini or her husband had asked of his intentions.

When an irritated Vaanathi had resorted to single line replies , the messages had been replaced by extravagant gifts. The softest silks , whitest pearls and ivory laid combs seemed more like appeasements than symbols of affection and their arrival had only stopped when her husband had indicated to his brother that those tokens were being donated and sold off to raise money for the karungalpani of the surrounding temples.

Despite these outwardly gestures of rejection , Vaanathi seemed to have feelings for Arunmozhi and the depth of those feelings had been exposed when Nandini's maternal family had requested an appointment to appraise her of mutual affection between Kuzhali and her brother-in-law. That night , they had found Vaanathi crying out in agony and pain , waves and waves of untold misery and unspoken grief washing upon her despite the comfort of Nandini's words and assurance of Aditya's arms.

Within the safe space of their chambers , their kanmani had broken down and finally revealed about her continued and wretched existence within the Kaalachakkaram. Her unsuccessful pursuit of love , the ensuing heartbreak , the unrelenting cruelty of her husband's silences whichhad caused Vaanathi to block her heart in this life ; Arunmozhi's cryptic messages and gifts that had yet again lead her to open her heart up , only for a cruel slap to land in the form of Kuzhali's alliance. Her last attempt at evading love had failed and the heaviness of unacknowledged and unrecognized feelings caused their crescent moon unrelenting pain.

Vaanathi's revelation had left them seething and angry. It had taken Aditya and Nandini centuries of prayers for a chance at a new beginning, and here was their kin carelessly squandering away Emperumaan's benevolence and unconditional love. As Vaanathi sobbed her way to sleep that night , Nandini and Aditya made a solemn vow to give their darling reprieve from pain and guard her from the thorns of Arunmozhi's shadow.

It was this promise that was causing Nandini an unmitigated migraine. Arunmozhi was coming to Kaanchi and protocol mandated Vaanathi's presence despite their promise to guard her from heartache. Nandini was pained by Vaanathi's descent into grief and so was the object of her desire , if his sorrowful glances were proof worth going by.

Accompanied by Panchavan Mahadevi and Kuzhali , Arunmozhi had descended upon Kaanchi and had sent Vaanathi into hiding. While his handsome presence , constant cheer and overt friendliness encouraged other women to present their suit , Ponni's son continued to look for his idhaya raani , eyes gazing at her with deep love and longing and something akin to worship during the few glimpses he had of her at the temple each morning.

Dreading yet another repeat of longing eyes and mournful gazes Nandini had confronted her brother-in-law a week later, only to be at the receiving end of a truly perplexing conversation about Sivaperuman's second chances and Kannapiraan's blessings of love interspersed by love confessions to Vaanathi and fervent denial of a relationship with Kuzhali .

Arunmozhi vowed that he loved no other than Vaanathi and blamed ignorance and suspicions for centuries of misery and mistreatment. He had begged the gods for a last chance , praying to any deity who would listen, only to be rewarded by his beloved's indifference. The sincere confession of his past mistakes and fervent assurance of Vaanathi's happiness moved Nandini enough to respond thus :

"Maithunare , kaadhal velipadutha vendiyathu. Sollal , Seyalal appattamaaga velipadutha vendiyathu. Kaadhal nambappada vendiyathu , potrapada vendiyadhu , edhuthu theriya vendiyathu . Thangilin sandhegamum , mounamum en kanmanyin idhayathai kurudakkivittana.

Samudrakumariyin ellai meeralgalukkum , panchavan deviyin elanam mirka sorkalukkum neenagal kurudagivittadhal , en kanmaniyin kaadhal oomaiyaagi vittadhu. Ungal kaadhalai appattamaaga velipaduthungal , adhu vazhiyil irukkum innal , thandagal ellavatraiyum murikkum arumarundhaaga maarum".

Arunmozhi followed her advice to the T. In the days that followed , he made a public vow to stay monogamous , in a move reminiscent of Aditya. He then negotiated a betrothal for Panchavan Mahadevi with the next unmarried prince in line to the throne , only to turn around and bequeath the said throne to Kandaradithar's line. A public rejection of Kuzhali's affection soon followed , with Arunmozhi stopping her cousin from shadowing him. In a decisive tone , much like that of her beloved husband , Arunmozhi had denied all feelings but friendship towards Kuzhali and vowed to marry Vaanathi and no other.

Her crescent moon had smiled that day. Nandini had seen such joy and love in her kanmani's countenance that it had reminded her of the beautiful moon on a Chitra Pournami night. Vaanathi's journey of love had began but had a long way to go. Centuries of hurt were seldom undone by a single gesture , but the overt glances , entwined hands and secret embraces she and Aditya had interrupted in the last few days indicated that her pseudo daughter and her idiot brother in law were well on the way of a fully healed , emotionally fulfilling journey of love.

It was the wedding of the century . After all it is not everyday that the favored prince of the kingdom married his sweet heart , a woman of grace , beauty and royal background.

There was revelry on the streets : At every corner of the street the town heralds were shouting out what was happening at the wedding ceremony. The traders were offering their wares at a hefty discount and the koothu dancers were making merry and were pulling in innocent bystanders to join the fun. The women of the street were decked in finery , and were rejoicing as if it was their son who was getting married.

The houses were freshly painted and decorated with numerous festoons, the streets filled with eager citizens , who wanted to have a glimpse of the newly wedded couple. The Othuvar’s voice could be heard from the temple , where he was singing praises to the Lord Shiva – for having brought this young couple together. It seemed to one that the royal palace was decked like a new bride – a new bride who was waiting for her husband to come and claim her hand.

Amidst all this revelry , very few people noticed that the queen who was supposed to host the celebrations was currently not in the palace , a palace for which she was the sole mistress ; a palace where her enlightened and softhearted husband ruled as the king.

As a kid , kuzhali had always wanted to become a queen one day. To the amusement of her father , she would demand that the family address her as the future queen – a queen who would be adored by her husband , a queen who would be toasted by the nation and a queen who would have a say in the governance of the nation. Her parents had brushed off her ambitions as an innocent kid’s irrational dream and had assumed that kuzhali would reconcile herself to the reality , once she grew out of childhood.

Sadly , it was not to happen. The more her parents wanted her to realize the reality – the more entrenched she was in her dreams. She believed from the bottom of her heart that one fine day she’d meet a handsome prince , who’d whisk her away from her house into the high seas , marry her and give her all the happiness unlike the docile , timid Amuthan- her cousin who liked her and whom her parents wanted to marry her off to.

When the matchmaking process between her and Amuthan had reached its zenith , she had taken a vow at the Shiva temple , that she would marry a prince or die a spinster , but would never marry a common man . Call her arrogant , but at that point , she strongly believed that Lord Shiva would listen to her pleas and help her achieve her dream. Little did she know that she’d achieve her dream by paying a huge price- her love.

The first time she met him was still fresh in her mind. He was looking for a means of transport to Eezham and she had volunteered to row him across – This prince , who was the apple of his sister’s eye , the pride of the Chola nation and the son of Ponni – who was called Arulmozhi.

She had a tough time rowing that day – The seas were rough ; the wind was hard and the night was dark – yet she did not feel fatigue , as she was gazing into those brown eyes , which seemed to have thousand questions for her – questions which she answered with glances of her own.

By the end of the journey , she was so captivated with Arul , that she had taken on the name that he’d bestowed on her ; Samudra Kumari – The lady of the high seas ; and had refused to answer to Kuzhali. He had made promises that day – promises not to forget her and she had assumed that this God of hers in a human form , will not forgo his vow. How wrong she had been.

Months passed while she had irrevocably fallen in love with this man , who was fighting a war ; a war with a rival country and a war with his scheming relatives who wanted to usurp the throne from the rightful inheritors. She waited and watched – for news about her hero , for news about her God , who would claim her as his victory prize , once he was done slaying the demons.

Little did she know that her demon slayer would be captured by another – she did not know that demon slayers were not captivated by strong women . They preferred damsels in distress, who had a tendency to faint seeing their own shadow. The truth was driven into her like a nail , brutally and painfully , when she’d seen her prince and the kodumbaloor lady talk – when she heard that her God wanted to marry the Kodumbaloor chit , despite the fact that vanathi had made a vow , not to be crowned as a queen – a vow which she had goaded vanathi into taking.

Samudra Kumari had died that very day – murdered by the very man who’d given her the nom de plume. She burned – with jealousy , anger and helplessness. She burned seeing Vanathi charm her prince into submission. She burned as she controlled her urge to go and push Vanathi back – back into oblivion where she deserved a place. She burned , until her anger died and until what was left of kuzhali was a broken woman – a broken woman with her dreams shattered by the very man who helped shape them.

She had given in to Amuthan then – the timid , docile Amuthan , who worshiped the ground her feet tread , who treated her like a crown jewel, who turned out to be the son of a Chola King , and a worthy successor of the crown.

She became the Queen of the priced Chola throne , a queen who was worshiped by her king , feted by her subjects and lauded by her ministers – yet she burned. As she stood on the banks of cauvery , in the wee hours of the day Arul was getting married – Kuzhali the queen burned , burned with jealousy for the Kodumbaloor lady who had managed to capture her God’s heart.

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PS : I am huge fan of Ponniyin Selvan and like a few crazy PS fans , I would have loved it if poonkuzhali had married prince Arulmozhi. This is a small take of what I think PoonKuzhali would have felt seeing Arul getting married to Vanathi

PPS : I do not intend to demean Kalki or Ponniyin selvan with this work :) This work has been fleshed out from my imagination and I hope I’ve not offended loyal Ponniyin Selvan fans on the blogspace.

Vaanathi was an odd child , as odd as one could be, after living through the same life for thousands of years. Treading the line between non-interference with fate and active interference was a fine balancing act , and with time came practice , but even with practice Vaanathi found it difficult to disguise her interference as premonitions or signs from the divine in this life time , as she was just five years old.

Her earliest attempt to save Periappa had left him so spooked , that he had escorted her to Pazhaiyarai, wanting to find a solution for her premonitions and soothsaying. Pazhaiyarai was home , but twenty five year old Vaanathi inside her five year old physical self was terrified at the prospect of surviving the palace and its politics , without the twin shields of age and wit, not that she'd been great at survival even otherwise.

At Pazhaiyarai, Vaanathi had always felt less than when compared to other palace women. She was often called Arunmozhi's Idhaya Raani, but that epithet was one of scorn and derision. She was many things in her lifetimes : Kundavai's beloved sister; Vandhiyar's Maaya Kannan and Kodumbalur Kula Vilakku ,but not her beloved's heart and never her beloved's desire . In the beginning , she had blamed her vow for the distance in her marriage but repeated cycles of the same cursed existence had taught her otherwise.

Arunmozhi continued to live in Tanjai , with visits to Pazhaiyarai few and far between. While his initial visits made her hope, his later visits had filled her with anger , dread and misery. "En Idhaya Raani" , he'd say with derision , "Idho , en andhapurathu's raaniyai ungalidam oppadaikkiren. Neengal , dayai koornthu nam vaazhvil ivalai anumadhikka vendum" , and Vaanathi , would be left helpless even as the other woman looked at her empty self from the corner of her eyes with something akin to pity and scorn. With every wife Arunmozhi thus introduced , Vaanathi had died a little inside , until all that was left of her was a living husk filled with anger and sorrow. Try as she might to change the outcome , every life had been more of the same until this one , where she had decided to live her best life , love be damed.

As she peeped from behind her Periappa's legs , familiar yet unfamiliar faces greeted her with differing emotions. There were some new faces too , faces that she'd never seen in Pazhaiyarai , faces that seldom held joy, serenity or content , faces that reminded her of the fate that awaited her if she didn't interfere .

Aditya Anna and Nandini stood by the corner , immersed in themselves , oblivious to the world around them. Vaanathi had stared at them , until Aditya Anna had reached for her , only to lift her up and ask why she was staring at them . "Andha raani migavum azhagaaga irukkiraal " she'd said , only for Anna to respond that Nandini was his Idhaya Raani and his newly wed wife.

The Chakravarathy had laughed then and handed her over to Nandini's care and the only thing that had prevented Vaanathi from screaming bloody murder was her resolve to stay away from Arunmozhi. Even as Nandini took her from Anna's embrace , Vaanathi had wanted to turn away . Every instinct that she possessed warned her away from the Pazhuvur Paambu , but this Nandini seemed different and in her Vaanathi saw a way out of heartbreak and heartache.

The years that followed in Kaanchi were a welcome relief from constant heartache. Vaanathi grew up amongst war and chaos, but it was a very welcome change from those years in Pazhaiyarai. The Vaanathi from Kaanchi was Aditya's beloved princess and Nandini's chella kuzhandai . The childless couple had directed all their love and affection towards the orphaned Kodumbalur princess and Vaanathi had responded in kind , refusing to leave them for the comforts of Pazhaiyarai or even the company of beloved Akka. Nowadays , Akka was also a constant presence at Kaanchi. When she was not governing behind the scenes , Akka loved spending time with Vandhiyar and Vaanathi was overjoyed to have Akka's company without the looming shadows of Arunmozhi's suspicions and disinterest.

The years in Kaanchi had come to an end like all good things did. Arunmozhi was in Eezham when the conspiracy to crown Madhurantaka and imprison the other princes had come to light. Even as they were making plans to march to Tanjai, word had come of Arunmozhi's drowning and with it a sense of dread and fear.

Nandini departed for Kodiyakkarai , seeking intelligence from Thirumalai ; Anna and Malayamaan Thatha marched to Kadambur to foil the plans for a revolt ; and Akka headed to Pazhaiyarai to break the news to Paati and seek her help. With increasing trepidation , Vaanthi watched her loved ones scatter even as she wished for them to stay put and stay alive.

A missive had arrived days later. Arunmozhi had survived and was being treated for an ailment in secret . Anna , Akka and Nandini were on their way to Naagaipattinam but needed someone trustworthy to handle Arunmozhi's care in the interim. Even as her instincts warned her away , Vaanathi made her way to the viharam and submitted herself to the care of the monks and will of the Gods.

As days blended into one another ,she tended to Arunmozhi, comforting him through the periods of delirium where he cried out for his love and repented his callous actions. Even as her heart hurt with those cries, Vaanathi had been thankful. His cries had strengthened her resolve to stay away from him , even as her heart continued to fall for him.

As exhaustion of the body and heart stole upon her , Vaanathi continued to pray. She prayed for deliverance from Kaalachakkaram, she prayed for Arunmozhi to unite with his one true love , She prayed for Anna and Nandini's happiness as well as Akka and Vandhiyar's well being. Vaanathi continued to pray even as Nithra Devi stole upon her. Vaanathi continued to pray even as she slept , beggaring her happiness at the cost of other's delight and then she woke up.

Vaanathi woke up at Arunmozhi's cry , only to be crushed into his embrace seconds later. They hadn't met in this lifetime , yet Arunmozhi looked at her with those familiar eyes and a wide smile . As tears and love choked his throat, Arunmozhi spoke of unending misery through multiple lifecycles . As longing oozed from every single pore of his physical being, Arunmozhi spoke of his unending love. It didn't make things all right though : A few words of love paled in comparison to centuries of regret and Vaanathi remained unmoved even as Arunmozhi wept.

The next day , he'd beseeched her to walk by his left and his blinding smile at her acquiescence had been a balm to some of her wounds from the past. As Anna , Nandini and Akka had watched , Arunmozhi vowed to honor her , cherish her and have her but no other. As Vandhiyar had laughed , Arunmozhi called her the queen of his heart.

As Arunmozhi helped her up the elephant , to the cheers of the crowd, Vaanathi started hoping in her heart. As the elephant moved forward among the crowd , Vaanathi started hoping in her heart - she hoped for trust , she hoped for love and she hoped for a better tomorrow.

The crowds swelled like the waves did. Arunmozhi had hoped to leave Aanaimangalam in stealth and disguise , but Rakkama’s maneuver had left him no other option than a public departure among the subjects of the country. As Gajakesari weaved between the crowds with languid and leisurely strides , Arunmozhi’s mind attempted to weave a thread of reasons for Samudrakumari’s disturbing outbursts and behavior.

For a long time , his feelings for Samudrakumari had been an ambiguous bundle of admiration , friendship , trust and something more. In her , he saw someone equal - she could go toe to toe against some of his warriors physically, row a tiny vessel in storming seas to safety and exchange witticisms with the best among his companions. Her vivacity, unfettered by the stifling royal rules and unbound by palace etiquette enchanted him. Her loud smiles and open flirting made Vaanathi’s doe like eyes and cryptic letters seem washed out in comparison and he found himself falling for Kuzhali , even as his heart belonged to Vaanathi. He found himself falling for Kuzhali , even as people noticed. He definitely knew Kondumbalur Maama did - their conversations off late had never failed to involve Vaanathi and during those conversations , maama’s piercing gaze drilled through to the conundrums within his heart , creating feelings of shame and guilt. 

In a desperate attempt to keep his integrity intact , Arunmozhi had started bringing up Vaanathi in his conversations with Kuzhali , but they never seemed to help. Anytime he mentioned Vaanathi, Kuzhali would respond with a litany of complaints against Maama. More than once he’d tried to bring this up with Maama , only to be met with silence and a disappointed piercing gaze. Taking silence as an admission of guilt and greater ambitions , he committed himself to securing Samudra Kumari’s hand , happy to see her bloom fuller with confidence and fill with pride. 

He was planning to express his feeling and request Kuzhali’s hand , but a missive had come from his homeland and disastrous events had followed him home. Back at Naagaipattinam , Akka had beseeched him to marry and in response , he’d taken Akka to meet the woman he’d deemed his companion and equal , only to see her true colors exposed through her horrific statements to Amudhan. 

He had struggled to come up with a suitable explanation when Akka had remarked “ Kaadhalukkum, porundha kaadhalukkum ulla vithiyaasthai kel Arunmozhi. Unmai Kaadhal edhaiyum edhirpaarkaadhadhu , evaraiyum , ennilaiyilum thunpuruthaadhadhu. Porundha Kaadhal innikkum , perum kalippai alikkkum , aanal , adhan vazhi ponaal kasappu than enjum” .

Akka had talked to him at length about Nandini , the conjectures about her relationship to them and what led Sembiyan paati drive her out of the palace. Akka had also talked about the stifling palace etiquettes and about how women like Akka and Vaanathi found a way to express their thoughts and excercise their rights within that framework . While they might seem like caged parrots and pampered pets , they were tigers on prowl , wily enough to wait for the right time and the right prey Akka had said.

Akka had gone on to tell him that while she did wish for Vaanathi to become her sister by law , she was freeing Arunmozhi from any compulsion or promise to honor that wish and that even if Arunmozhi wanted to marry Vaanathi someday , she may not be willing. Apparently , his disinterest and discourtesy , combined with Kuzhali's pointed retorts regarding Vaanathi's purported ambitions had turned her away from the suit. A few weeks prior , heck even a few hours prior , Arunmozhi would have felt relief at that statement but at that moment , Akka's words hit him like a ton of bricks.

He had never made any promises to Kuzhali and even his overtures of friendship had only been that. While his heart had swayed towards her , it had been held back by the implicit promise to Vaanathi and Akka and because of that , he'd never given any hopes to Kuzhali. Therefore Kuzhali's taunts and threats to kill Vaanathi and her hatred towards the women in the palace had shocked and disgusted him.

Arunmozhi believed in the benevolence of love. He felt that love in itself was a blessing , which doubled in quantity when returned. He held the reins to his heart but if the heart he wanted didn't return his feelings , he'd still count his blessing and move on. He was very sure that Vaanathi felt the same way, for her conduct and composure reflected his beliefs.

Visiting Vaanathi in private as he left for Eezham was tantamount to a promise made in front of all his family and the Chola nobility. Vaanathi had acted on it , sure ; but it had only been to express her love and inquire about his wellbeing in tacit , discrete ways. He had scorned honest expression of love and care for open flirting and broad overtures from someone who should have known better. if it all someone had a right to rage , it was Vaanathi .

Not following through his promise meant the end of a certain road for her. Chola nobility wouldn't accept a prince's discarded fiancee for bride , the strength of the Kodumbalur army not withstanding. His scornful action towards Vaanathi in public and private had been indicative of a promise being scorned. Yet the Kodumbalur princess had not raged . She hadn't complained either. She had borne his scorn and disinterest with equanimity even as she had nursed him to health.

As his thoughts cleared the clouds around his heart , Arunmozhi had no doubt as to which woman suited him better. As he started making plans to placate Vaanathi and get back into her good graces, he saw Thirumalai beckon him from a distance , signaling him to rush to the Josiyar's house . Arunmozhi whispered something into Gajakesari's ears and the gentle elephant feigned madness and started to run.

A few hours and a lot of plans later , Arunmozhi reached the josiyar's house and was about to enter when he heard Pazhuvur Thatha , Akka and even Vaanathi make plans to save Anna and enquire about Periamma's welfare. He was about to enter the humble cottage , when Kuzhali's scorn filled voice taunted Vaanathi.

Even as he made plans to interrupt , Vaanathi's stately voice called out thus " Indha kandathilirundhu Ponniyin Selvar meendu vandal , meendu vandhu tannichaiyaaga ennai manakka viruppam therivithaal.." Fearing what she was going to say next , Arunmozhi kicked the door open and entered shouting "Akka , naam kadamboorukku udane sella vendum , illaiyel vibareetham nigazhndhidum". Looking at Vaanathi , he implored her to accompany them for safety was in numbers.

As they made haste towards Kadambur , Arunmozhi couldn't help but look back at Vaanathi , seated upon Gajakesari , in royal splendor. He had convinced her to accompany him by using his glib tongue, convincing her that people needed a spectacle to convince them about the heavy presence of royalty at Kadambur and that her presence would aid him in that. Leaving her no space to answer , he'd rushed her towards the Ambaari , winking at Akka , even as she smiled at him full of surprise and joy.

The skies were clear and so was Arunmozhi's heart . Vaanathi was more than his equal and it was him that needed to match her expectations and return her love. Parameswaran had tested him and Arunmozhi had come out of that test , with clarity and fresh perspective and intense love. With his heart cleared of all clouds and confusion , his love for Vaanathi shined through his heart like the rising sun upon the eastern horizon and Arunmozhi made a vow to forever stay true to his maanvizhiyaal.

His prior promise may have been one of secret intentions and tacit implications , but he was making a new promise now. The woman riding behind him on the Ambaari was the queen of his heart and wife to be . There was someone else before , but there would be no one after. He was letting the whole Cholanaadu aware of the fact , willingly and full of love . He had more than enough time at Kadambur to reiterate the same to his lady love.

Even as they rushed towards Kadambur to prevent untoward incidents , Arunmozhi was full of joy - Parameswaran had come to his rescue in the nick of time and may be he will for Anna as well. May be Kadambur would help Anna find his Idhaya raani , once the impending disaster was averted. He turned back and smiled at Vaanathi and urged Gajakesari to go faster. As the elephant rushed ahead , Vaanathi looked back at him , all smiles and a little anger and he absolutely loved being the subject of that loving stare.

Arunmozhi Varman opened his eyes for 25678424th time. He slowly looked around his bed and recognized that he was back at the Choodamani Viharam and let out a relieved sigh. In all his travels , this was the first time his wishes had been been granted and he was very thankful to Parameswaran for this chance

His very first time in the Kaalachakkaram , Arunmozhi had traveled back to the day Rajendra was made crown prince. His ten year old son had looked so detached from his other children and co-wives , and had looked at him with such apathy and dislike that he had nearly wept. He had spent the years thereafter attempting to mend his bridges and build a decent relationship with his son , but until the very end, their relationship had been that of a ruler and his subordinate, with his son seeking paternal affection from Vandiyar and familial love from the Irukkuvel clan.

The next few times around , He'd had traveled back to when Rajendra was but a baby and Vaanathi had left him for heavenly abode. He'd tried to get Panchavan Devi to nurture and bring up Rajendra, convinced by her vows of love and affection. He had been deceived by her act of maternal love until her excessive coddling of Rajendra and strict discipline of Raja Raja had proved that false. He'd then wisened up and handed Rajendra's responsibility to his sister and brother-in-law who'd become his parents in all but name and had raised him to become a wonderful prince.

With each cycle into the Kaalachakkaram his discontent had increased and it had taken him fifty cycles of reliving his life to realize that his discontent came from being viewed as nothing but a royal scepter by his wife and children. He was always the Udayaar that granted lands , privileges , grants and favors. He was the throne that always gave but seldom received . Fate and circumstances had distanced his loved ones from him. The people that enveloped him love and affection had either departed from the mortal plane or had been distanced by the repulsive aspects of his scepter. Despite the discontent , displeasure and tiredness , Arunmozhi kept fulfilling his duties to the throne and country like an automaton , understanding that Parameswaran had a reason to lead him into the kaalachakkara but blind to the purpose his lives were solving and the action that would take him out of it.

His mechanical existence had come to an end another fifty cycles later, when he had woken up as a young princeling in Pazhaiyarai and his dormant heart woke up with a loud thud at the sight of Vaanathi ; his Vaanathi in all her joy, glory and vivaciousness. He'd fallen headlong in love with her ; only for doubts to cloud his mind and prevent his heart from giving in to overwhelming love. Every time he'd tried to course correct , Samudra Kumari or someone else would steer him away with assumptions and conjectures and in the end , the Vaanathi he'd married ended up being a husk of the Vaanathi he'd fallen in love with ; her joy filled eyes , now full of distrust and her once joyous smiles full of disappointment. She'd wasted away that life as he had struggled to find a harmonious balance between love and duty. He had been heartbroken at her passing, even as moved on and lived out his life in dedication to his throne and people.

A few thousand cycles passed with him trying to balance love and duty , trust and belief, but each cycle ended the same way - it took him too long to trust Vaanathi and that left their relationship extremely unstable and vulnerable to the needs of the throne. At the end of one such cycle , he'd discovered letters that Vaanathi had written him , letters that had been ignored and unanswered , letters that had only received silence and neglect. He'd held those letters close to his heart and cried out loud. The letters had accompanied him on long, lonely and dreary nights through that life and the thousands of others that had followed suit.

After passing through tens and thousands of lifecycles where he never got to meet her alive , Arunmozhi had woken up in horror to find himself in a cycle where the balances had tipped unfavorably. Vaanathi had become some one else's pride and joy. Betrothed to Vaanathi out of his own choice , Arunmozhi of that timeline had forgone his vows , as doubts and distrust impeded his judgement and muddled his mind. Aditya Karikalan, surprisingly alive in that cycle had stepped out to defend the family's honor by marrying Vaanaathi and he , who had arrived a little too late, was forced to remain a bystander , watching Vaanathi and Anna build a life together .

Anna as well as Vaanathi had been miserable after their wedding , but their shared understanding about love and loss had given them common ground to walk on. Kundavai and Vandhiyar had meddled further , allowing for a beautiful friendship to blossom between the unwilling spouses and that friendship had grown from strength to strength as the entirety of Tanjai watched in disbelief and surprise.

In that life , Anna had left on a long campaign against the Rashtrakutas and timid , docile Vaanathi had followed him to war, defying all norms and conventions. When they'd come back to Tanjai after three years on the road , Arunmozhi had been surprised to see them enveloped in lightness , joy and newfound love. The seeds of friendship sown by his capricious actions had took root in their hearts and had blossomed into endless love and unyielding trust.

As he watched in utter despair , Anna helped his wife off her horse , held her suspended mid air , and laughed out loud ,as she'd whispered something into his ear. For the first time in a hundred thousand years , Arunmozhi understood what Vaanathi had felt every time he'd courted a new spouse for the throne and what Anna had felt when greeted by Nandini at the Pazhuvoor palace.

In that life , Arunmozhi wished for a speedy death . Death would free him from the twin fires of misery and jealousy , hopefully leading him into another cycle where Vaanathi was his to hold and love. But emperumaan had other wishes. Arunmozhi lived and thrived, long enough to see his brother ascend to the throne , crown vaanathi and shower her with love , affection and admiration.

The next hundred thousand cycles had been equally miserable. In some of them , his harsh words had driven Vaanathi away and in others , the floods took her away from him as Samudrakumari refused to life a single finger in help. In one such cycle where he'd lost Vaanathi to the floods , Samdura kumari had approached him with honeyed words of love , only for him to reject her with an expression of extreme disgust. In one other cycle , where his prior self had driven Vaanathi away with his hateful actions, Arunmozhi had attempted to make amends and confess his love, only for his idhaya raani to reject him and seek cloister at a buddhist monastery.

In the last cycle , he had finally managed to win his idhaya raani's heart , and shower her with his long pent up love and affections. But that respite has been too short and too late. As they were swept away by the furious floods of Mother Kaaveri , Arunmozhi prayed for one last chance. As his lungs filled with water and mud , Arunmozhi prayed lord almighty for one last chance ; one last cycle of the kaalachakkaram where he could prioritize love over throne ; a cycle where he could love and cherish Vaanathi every breath he took , every step of the way until they were tired of living and moved on to the next plane.

As his eyes closed in surrender to the demands of fate , Arunmozhi prayed and left the cycle , only to wake up in Naagaipattinam , for the 25678424th time. He looked around the room and finally noticed Vaanathi , curled up and fast asleep, by the foot of his bed. As he cried out in joy and relief, his maanvizhiyaal woke up , disturbed by the noise and disoriented by the location.

Tripping over the prayer mats , his darling rushed to his side, to make sure he was okay and Arunmozhi took her into his embrace as love and longing oozed from every single pore of his physical being. As tears and love choked his throat , he confessed his feelings to Vaanathi through that wonderful , long and never ending night. As daylight dawned over the horizon, Arunmozhi embraced a tearful Vaanathi and continued to speak to her words of love , ardor and trust , words that he managed to prioritize all through their life. That cycle , Arunmozhi stayed true to his heart , honoring the sanctity of their vows and purity of their love over any kingdom fate had to offer. That cycle , Arunmozhi had one true wife all through his life . Even after her passing , his heart stayed full and harem remained empty. That cycle , as Arunmozhi lay dying , he prayed the lord for one more chance - one more chance at a happier life , one more chance at contentment and a longer life with his Vaanathi. Arunmozhi was more than willing to remain in the endless cycles of the kaalachakaram , as long as he had a chance to shower his Idhaya Raani with his endless love and unfettered affection.

Note :

Parakesari Utthama Chozha Chakravarthy had died one day and woken up on the next as the ordinary boy who made a living by making garlands for the lord's feet. For the first day he'd woken up thus , Utthama had thought that he was simply dreaming about happier times from his simpler past on his deathbed and that the illness of mind and body that were wasting away his being had conspired to give him one last reprieve , even as they were stealing away his lifeline.

But the days that followed proved that this was no delirium. He was back to being Amudhan again - the simple and pious Amudhan whose sole ambition was to win Kuzhali's hand. There was no morning court to attend , no ministers to appease and no petitions to dispose of and Amudhan simply loved that.

In this newer, simpler rebirth of his , Amudhan didn't actively try and win Kuzhali's hand. He knew that her heart held another and felt it was a futile excercise to the plant the seeds of his love in a hostile heart. If anything , Kuzhali would only become his when her options were exhausted and what was left of her love was just dying embers of jealousy towards that simple innocent girl who'd managed to enthrone herself as the queen of his nephew's heart. It hadn't turned out well for any of them the last time. Kuzhali had become the queen of the realm , but Arulmozhi was not her king and that fact had continued to torment her through all of his nephew's subsequent and sometimes parallel marriages.

Arunmozhi had just settled down in domestic harmony with Vaanathi when Kuzhali had brought up the Pazhuvoor family's allegiences and the need to secure them for the well being of the throne and family. Fool that he was , he'd beseeched Arunmozhi to offer himself on the marital altar to Panchavan Mahadevi and in his reluctant pursuit of the pazhuvoor suit , his nephew had neglected his pregnant wife.

Vaanathi died of a broken heart in child bed . The royal doctor had ruled post partum disease as the cause but he knew that his lovely niece by law gave up her will to live upon hearing that her husband hadn't turned up or at least sent a word of concern when he'd heard that she'd taken ill. Vaanathi's passing and Kuzhali's hand in it had made him realize that wife was human - a jealous , scheming human who did not want any one else to gain the happiness she'd lost.

He had hoped that Kuzhali would move on as Arunmozhi did , but with every wife Arunmozhi married , Kuzhali became more upset , more disturbed and more cruel. In the life he'd crossed over from Kuzhali had become a living husk of her original self, always looking in to Arunmozhi's domestic life from the outside , wishing to be Arunmozhi's consort than his sole queen.

Amudhan was more than happy to stay away from her in this second chance , if that would leave her as the happy , content and smiling Samudrakumari. He only hoped that she'd take rejection well in this second life for Vaanathi would always reign supreme in his nephew's heart.

A few years ago , in that other life , their ship had caught on fire on one of their voyages and the first thing Arunmozhi had done was to rush to his chambers to grab an ivory box , ignoring the hot flames and falling debris. The ivory box contained letters that Vaanathi had written to him during their brief marriage, his nephew had mentioned later - letters he hadn't replied to but wished he had ; letters that he'd read and re-read in angst , sorrow and longing.

In a rare occurrence Arunmozhi had lamented thus : "En ekkamo , paschathapamo avalai meettu kondu thara povadhillai chitappa. En mandhanin raaniyai niragarithu naattin nalam naadiyathaal enakku meela izhappu thaan micham".

Amudhan really wished for his nephew's happiness this time. The Arunmozhi of this life looked smitten and deeply in love with Vaanathi - full of coy glances , loving smiles and hidden physical affection when the ladies of the royal families pretended to look the other way. He was aware of Kuzhali's affection but was smart enough to keep her at a distance and outside his circle of friendship and influence. He knew his nephew would do well by his niece this time.

His mother looked to be happy as well. He'd had the chance to meet her during Gokulashtami and all that he'd seen was Kundhavai's loving grandmother and a benevolent queen dowager. Her painful gaze at him , seemed to indicate that she was aware of who he was , but he was going to let hidden tigers stay hidden this time around and hope for the best.

Madhuranthaka seemed to be a decent person as well. A life long bachelor that had pulled his weight in governance, his desire to rule seemed to come from a need of acknowledgement than true malice to his cousin and his offsprings. If push came to shove , and Arunmozhi ended up crowning Madhuranthaka , he hoped this one would prefer to stay unmarried and govern rather than be mired into harem politics.

As his thoughts finally met his footsteps , Amudhan couldn't help but ask Kuzhali one more time "Ennidam vandhuvidu kuzhali , ennal unakku oru amaidhiyaana vaazhkaiyai thara mudiyum. Ariyanai vaazhvil amaidhi iraadhu". Thankfully , the kuzhali of this life refused gently equating the life he offered to a doomed and silent graveyard.

As Kuzhali walked away from him and the palace without a second glance , Amudhan hoped that distance and time would help Kuzhali come to terms with the loss of her one sided love and their entire family would fare better for the choice he made this time around.

A week had gone by since the terrible news arrived and took with it her will to live . A long terrible week where every minute felt a year and every day felt a yugam.

Vaanathi was surrounded by people she loved and people that loved him , but the absence of any concrete news about her favorite yaanai paagan made her existence hell. She was stuck in an erratic limbo oscillating between hope and despair with her feet itching to rush to the nearest ship one second , and her heart cautioning her not to do that the next.

The more inconspicious she tried to be in grief , the more evident it was which caused Akka and Sembiyan Paatti had to shadow her endlessly. More than once she had escaped he confines of the old palace complex , to become one with Kaaveri only to be caught and escorted back by the terinja kaikolaar padai.

With no hopes left and a long empty life staring at her, Vaanathi had begged Akka to let her retire to the Moovar kovil mandapam. There were no hazards there she'd begged , no river or sea where she could become one with her beloved , just hot neidhal naadu bare and barren like her heart.

She had hoped to waste away in this barren land she called home , but despite skipping meal after meal , her life force didn't leave her body - may be the fates wanted her to relive that moment where she'd brought rotten luck to her prince and repent the aftermath of her actions.

Vaanathi was someone that had arrived in this earth , with her hands tightly entwined with misfortune. Not long after she'd born , her father had died abroad in war and her mother had wasted away in grief , instilling in Vaanathi the mortal fear of bringing misfortune to near and dear.

It had taken Periappa and Atthai years and years of coddling to rid Vaanathi of that fear . She had come to accept that her nightmares were of her own making and then she'd dropped the vilakku thattu on a fateful evening.

She hadn't thought much of that then. Akka had teased her mercilessly for being stupefied by his handsome face and her yaanai paagan had gently smiled in reply. Oblivious to the stares , he'd then taken her hands into his and played with her bangles , as he stayed back for another naazhigai , whispering words that gently assuaged her fears , and enveloped her vulnerable heart in a cloud of love and safety.

That cloud of love and safety , long sustained by their secretive glances , rushed embraces and the infrequent olai messages had now evaporated , much like the clouds over their Neidhal lands. Those rain clouds could come back next season , but that divine love that had enveloped her in gentle smiles and warm affection was long gone from the mortal plains , never to come back. The olai that had come that morning confirmed the fact.

Akka had bid her to hasten to the buddha viharm at Naagai Pattinam, to serve the elderly and infirm. Vaanathi was to get there at haste and stay put until Akka , Paati or Periappa arrived. Vaanathi had accepted her sentence with all the grace she could muster in public and made plans in private.

This request to cloister was a sure indication that he had attained veera maranam. All that was left was for her to make concrete plans to join her beloved. With that glimmer of hope , she reached the viharam , submitted to the will of the bikshus and was promptly escorted to to the rooms where her service was needed .

Head bowed in respect and acceptance , she entered that side chamber , only to discover her safe haven writhing in pain , misery and delirium but very much alive. Stunned and speechless , Vaanathi watched the bikshus tend to her prince through his illness. 

As days blended into one another ,she tended to her prince , tirelessly toiling through the periods of his delirium, waiting restlessly for those few and infrequent moments of sanity where his eyes reassured her with a tired loving smile and his hands stroked hers in that familiar gesture of warmth and assurance - and then one fine morning , his fever broke and he went into deep sleep , his face calm , composed and devoid of his sunny smile.

Vaanathi lost her smile as well. Fear and terror found their way back into her heart and refused to leave despite Akka’s reassurance and Vandhiyar’s words of strength. On the third day of his endless sleep , she fainted in fear and then refused to see him , fearing that her misfortune would envelop him in its vicious claws.

As Akka fanned him and Vandhiyar stood watch , Vaanathi continued to wait by the window , prayers in her heart and despair in her eyes. And then , one fine morning Thevar woke up - eyes filled with pain and a sallow smile. As he slowly raised himself up from the bed to hug Akka , Vaanathi exhaled the breath she'd been holding , putting to rest with it fear , sorrow and tears.

He glanced at her direction from the corner of his eyes and turned his face back without saying a thing . His silent dismissal hurt her the most even when it left her dignity intact .He did not call for her again even though his face would turn towards her window from time to time .

Arulmozhi seemed to have realized that she was an embodiment of misfortune. His life and death struggle seemed to have drilled into him what superstitions could not and Vaanathi was rather thankful for the quiet dismissal than outright rejection.

That evening as preparations were made for Akka's return to Tanjai , Vaanathi bid her goodbyes as well. Akka was leaving for Tanjai tonight and so was Vanathi . It was the last place she wanted to be though, filled as it was with eligible princesses vying to win the hand of her golden prince.

Vaanathi entered Thevar's chambers well after he'd fallen asleep , hoping to stay her farewell in silence and darkness. Thevar was serene when asleep , eyes closed and hands in gentle repose . Vaanathi took in Thevar's appearance until her eyes brimmed with tears. Her hands inadvertently combed through his hair , winding her way through his lustrous curls. She had just turned to leave when Thevar's hand suddenly held her back , only to turn around and secure her in his embrace. A gentle voice then chided her thus :

"Naan kann muzhitha bodhu , nee en arugil illai . Oru siriya oodalil paaramugam kaatinen . Ennai thedi vandhu oodal murippaai endru kaathirunden , aanal neeyo enakku paara mugam kaatti odugiraai. Devi , nee indru Tanjai sella vendaam. Akka munne sendru angirkkum , sathuranga pagadaigalai agattrattum , nee ennodu naalai vaa"

As his hands tightened around her , Vaanathi relaxed in her lover's embrace with a gentle smile. She really did jump to the most inaccurate conclusions at crucial times. Her Thevar was just mad at her absence and did not blame her for his misfortunes.

As she settled into his embrace , Arunmozhi gently patted her back. His Vaanathi was lovely and innocent but she did tend to jump to the most innaccurate and dramatic conclusions when it was the least convenient. It was not a flaw by any means though. His Vaanathi was lacking in security and he was willing and patient enough to wait as she found her security in this love of theirs.

As the prince and his princess enjoyed their reunion , his sister and her beloved looked from above and smiled. As Kundavai said her goodbyes and reluctantly relieved herself from Vandhiyar's embrace , she glanced back at the other couple that were twined together like a flower bed , oblivious to a world outside their love.

Looking at her reluctant glance Vandhiyar couldn't help but comment : "Uyir ungal udayadhu devi aanal aanai thangal annan udayathu. Neengal Tanjaikku sellungal . Naan indha yaanai paaganaiyum , maadu meikkum kannanaiyum adithu virati udanukkudan Tanjai kondu varugiren".

The rumors had come with the late autumn rain. Patti had taken her along to visit shiva bhattar that evening , insisting on her presence multiple times.

As the saayankaalam poojai wound down , they had sat down to listen to some devarams and bhattar had then narrated the story of a shivabakthan who'd been saved from drowning by a raaja-nagam , and had escaped with his life intact , thanks to Shiva's mercies. Bhattar then mentioned that the Bhaktan had lost his mind and single minded purpose - and that hidden condemnation had left her angry and seething for what remained of that night.

Most of her anger had been directed at Nandini . That pazhuvoor paambhu had always been after the people Kunadavai held dear. First it had been Anna and then it had been Thatha. Nandini hadn't spared any effort when it came to turning away Anna and Thatha from her , leaving her bereft of support and paternal care and now she even dared to snatch Vandhiyar away from her.

It was odd how that moment of anger made things very clear for her. Initially, she didn't have any special feelings for her brother's commander. She knew he was her chosen intended , thanks to Anna's elaborate jokes from the past about how he would marry her groom to his sword in her place and then send him to Paazhaiyaarai as her house husband. She had been very impressed with his presence of mind and innate charm and her heart skipped many a beat when he had offered his life to her in service . Mature that she was , she had put that down to chemistry , attraction and interest because he was her Anna's choice.

Even as she bid him farewell with a message to Arunmozhi , she hadn't felt the longing she often saw in Vaanathi's eyes. He'd taken her olai , nodded his head and rushed away in darkness to board a vessel to eezham and she'd come back on her merry way to the palace. Poets often spoke of absence and longing but those feelings didn't strike her until she'd gone to Kanchi , as per Appa's biddings.

Kanchi was vandhiyar's home , in a manner of speaking. Everyone including Patta had amusing and interesting stories about Vandhiyar. Her brother , especially had a lot to say. She didn't know if it came as a peace offering or out of a sense of brotherly duty but Aditya Anna had a lot to say about Vandhiyar.

He told her about his valor on field and charm off it . He spoke of Vandhiyar's crushing loneliness and bruised heart. " Avan oru paavamana anadhai Kundhavai . Naadizhandhu , pugazh izhandhu , veerathai nambi nammai naadi vandha anadhai. Naadizhandha arasa parambarai vaarisaaga vaazhavadhu oru kodumai . Athilum , appadipatta parambaraiyin ottrai vaarisaaga vaazhavadhu innum kodumai, but he has never let that deficiency hold himself back from living his life honorably and pledging his sword to an honorable cause.

She also came to know that she obtained her beloved due to Ilam Sambuvaraiyar's folly. Kandhamaaran had apparently promised Vandhiyar, Manimekalai's hand only to withdraw it abruptly and leave Anna's army . " Muttaal. Sutthamaana Ponnai vazhiyil tholaitha maha muttaal" - Anna has bellowed , part in derision and part in laughter. Even that apparently hadn't affected Vandhiyar much and he'd gone on to the next mission , as if Kandhamaaran's insulting gesture had never happened.

Her heart had moved for Vandhiyar then and she'd maintained a complete poker face as Anna had rattled story after story after story about his beloved Vallavaraiyyan , and had expressed his anger at Patta wanting to get her married to Paarthiban. "Paarthiban nanban thaan , aanal nambikkaikku uriyavan illai - paavam kizhavarukku adhu theriyavillai" had been her brother's lament.

She had left Kanchi lighter in mind but heavier in heart. That morning as she'd left , she'd nearly asked Anna if he'd had a similar freewheeling chat with Vandhiyar but dignity and something akin to pride had let the question die within her heart and here she was , on a deserted island , seething with jealousy before her bound and blindfolded beloved.

Kundavai composed herself even as she prevented Vandhiyar from removing his blindfold. She wanted a minute , just a minute to regain her composure , even if her jealousy and turmoil didn't show on her face . Her arms eased , as did her heart and she saw her Thevar slowly open his eyes wider with a gentle , curious and loving smile on his charming face.

As her arms eased , his arms surrounded her , enclosing her in a gentle, loving , secure embrace and Kundavai finally broke down in relief and joy. Arunmozhi was alive and so was Vandhiyar . He was hers , truly hers - not Nandini's and definitely not Mekalai's. All her men were truly safe and a stone's throw away where she could see them and protect them. Even as her thoughts raced towards next steps , Vandhiyar's steady heart beats beneath her hands and his awkward, sporadic pats on her back anchored and centered her.

She knew they had to hurry to Choodamani viharam. For all that they knew , Arunmozhi was still in the grips of delirious fever and needed care and attention. Slowly, but steadily , her mind started whirring . There were travel arrangements to be made , spies to be planted and plots to be thwarted. She needed someone to send down a message to Vaanathi , a secret message , urging her to seek peace in Naagaipattinam. She wouldn't deny her friend the joy of reunion she herself had partaken in . Kundavai was called many an abusive name , but selfish she was not , especially towards a dear friend who loved her brother and who was equally and fervently loved back.

As she continued spinning her web of plans , her Thevar's chin came to rest upon her shoulder and he started whistling a merry tune that made her want to whack him one moment and kiss him the next. As she spun her web of plans , her beloved was content to hold her in his arms , waiting patiently and silently until all her thoughts fell into place.

Moments or hours later , they slowly drew apart and after one look at her face , Vandhiyar beckoned Semban forward from where he was hiding. "Devi , I knew you'd want to rush to Arunmozhi and therefore , I knew you'd bring Semban here for great minds think alike" , he said with that disarming smile.

I've often felt that people that thirst for power seldom know how to wield it which is why it is extremely satisfying when power and authority rests in the hands of ones that actively shun it, knowing that it corrupts from within . Kalki Krishnamurthy must have felt the same way.

Why else would he write that splendid ending for Ponniyin Selvan if he felt otherwise?

Ponniyin Selvan has so many painstakingly etched narrative arcs but the penultimate story arc where the cards are revealed and the lots are drawn is a masterpiece in story telling . For the most part of the novel Senthan Amuthan comes across as a naive , innocent and plain odhuvar whose single goal in life is to love his cousin with no hopes of winning her hand.

The readers don't realize until much later that this man has lived most of his life as a penance for a single lapse in judgment made by his mother. He knows he has a right to rule and claiming that right would give him love, power and a mother, but he just doesn't act. He is staid and calm, undisturbed and uncaring about the war of succession that's happening . He has no personal ambitions except for winning Kuzhali's hand and helping her where he can , even if it means losing her affections

Even when Kuzhali reveals her ambitions to be queen , he stays firm in his resolve and doesn't reveal the secret of his birth . Therefore , it's extremely satisfying when Kuzhali accepts his suit and it's revealed after that he's the original Madurantaka . This emotional heft carries well into the coronation ceremony where Vandiyathevan has to physically restrain Amudhan in order to crown him King.

The emotional center of Ponniyin Selvan is centered around Amudhan post Adithan's death and in discarding this story arc in favor of a war with the Rashtrakoota King Amoghavarsha and the subsequent crowning of Madurantaka (not Amudhan) , Mani Ratnam loses most of the emotional heft he's constructed for the movie. The fact that he teases the book loyalists with a lot of cues peppered through the narrative and then discards the same cues for that damp squib of a coronation ceremony doesn't help matters.

A stunning piece of story writing from the novel is reduced to a perfunctory under-thought ending accompanied by hastily undercooked music . Amudhan and Kuzhali are bidden hasty goodbyes and seeing the undeserving Madurantaka win the crown makes me wonder if MR wasn't invested enough in characters other than Aditya to think things through.

Like the much maligned Amudhan , I too bid a hasty good bye to this ending that reduces a stunning movie to a mere good one.

I will rewatch and revisit this movie multiple times . It is superbly written for the most part and carries its emotional weight in gold until the last narrative arc. But every time I rewatch this , I will always go back to the book and imagine an alternate reality where the movie was thirty minutes longer and delivered power to the one that actively shunned it .

I’m staring at a tiny smartphone screen , wondering what to write , even as I’m longing to write something .

Somewhere between this evening and tonight , things seem to have shifted on the bird site and my timeline is filled with good bye tweets and Linktree links and tweeps reminiscing about the good old days .

Somewhere , as I type my goodbyes to the bird site , I see myself waving goodbye to my tween self that met her friends and melded her adult self through twitter’s days of youth , exuberance and sense of community . I met most of my closest friends on Twitter and even as the site went through the seven levels of hell , the presence of these friends made my experience on the bird site tolerable .

I’ve since moved to other mediums of expression , but I will continue to miss the heydays of camaraderie and community that helped a struggling twenty year old , discover herself , find her footing and express herself to and learn from the society . But at the same time , my time there has made me lazy , with my self expression limited to bursts of 240 characters and retweets and quote tweets and I miss expressing myself in long form.