Unmögliches versuchen um das Möglichste zu schaffn

I just want to be with you. 

In the rawest sense 

of that sentence. 

with every single one of my 6 senses.

and to watch you, without any lenses 

not even through rose-colored glasses 

but you, the pure version of the atom-masses 

that form this beautiful face

moving with such unique grace 

and realizing I’m not sure how I got here

and here I’m sitting unbelieving this sheer 

madness that even if I don’t know how 

I’m with you and every day I wake up and think wow 

this is what I always wanted 

and it’s even more, and although I’m haunted 

by my not so fairytaily past 

 you show me that there’s a reason to call it past 

because it passed 

and so will all this stress 

and all this mess. 

I know it’s hard 

to live on a building yard 

to see hundreds of this card-

board boxes, this trash, rubbish, waste

the leftover that remains 

and not being able to clean that topsyturvydom

and not even knowing where it comes from

to be clueless of what to do 

and how to do it 

or even if there’s something to do 

but you know what? 

I guess it’s a fact that 

it’s always improving 

someday you’ll come home 

and you won't need to furnish some 

stuff. and even though I can't guarantee

that it will be the same with me

I can promise to do my best

to not request 

so, so  much attention

that there’s even tension 

because of that 

because I cannot let go of you 

not even for 3 minutes of tobacco 

because I’m so scared of not having you one day, 

I want you so badly to stay

with me for a very very long time

I want so badly to do fine 

to be such a perfect girlfriend 

to always amend 

and I guess I have to learn that it’s not realistic

even if I’m very optimistic 

I will hurt you one day

but you’ll hurt me, too and that’s okay. 

You will hurt me 

and that already 

said Saint-Exupery

that this is the very condition of existence 

presence, accepting the risk of absence 

and it’s hard and it will be harder

but I will get further 

every day 

you tell me I’m okay

I start to believe you more and more 

and even if I’m still quite sore

still anxious of this huge thing 

that sometimes I cringe

I’m gettin back 

step by step 

to my girly

romantic fantasy 

that true love exists 

and through weird twists 

I found it. 

and that my dear is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever got. 

and I’m babbling a lot 

but how I told you yesterday

love’s not accepting just okay

it leaves us striving for a better version

of ourselves, without any weapon

but I gave that one already to you 

so now that’s me, nude 

and I guess that’s all I have right now 

and even though how I told, you’re wow 

and I’m not feeling 

like competing 

but I’m striving to be a wow too 

not even a wow for you 

but a wow for me. 

to look in the mirror and see

the best version that I can be

and you are making me. 

with every compliment 

every suggestion for improvement 

every criticism 

shutting down my alarmism 

living altruism 

is and aphorism 

so I want to do exactly that 

get as tidy as our flat

and sorting out the chaos in my mind 

to relax, unwind, 

get rid of the mess

disband the gloominess

and believe in us.