French Fry Connoisseur

sir please calm down i didnt "edit" crash bandicoot into your wedding pictures he was an invited guest

these days the circus isn't funny and the bread kills you

Yeah sorry I can't come into work today. I accidentally heard Primadonna by Marina formerly of and the Diamonds. So I need the day to be a primadonna girl. Yeah it's going to be the whole day.

for a long time now, one of my go-to phrases is "shake it like a can of beans." im not really sure where this came from, but i've been saying it for three years or so. it never really occurred to me that this was unusual until yesterday when i was bouncing a baby in a rocker a little too violently (he was having a great time, it just wasnt exactly sending him to sleep) and i went "sorry, im shaking him like a can of beans over here" and both my coworkers reacted like i had said something insane

one of the babies was getting picked up and started screaming as soon as her dad pulled her from her crib (where she'd been sleeping) and i instinctively said "that's what we in the industry call: baby moding" and he started laughing so hard he almost dropped her

i also cannot understress the importance of being able to say "wooooaaaaahhhhh booger boy in baby world!!" whenever a baby has a runny nose

Lord help me I'm playing bg3 again

Honestly fuck AI for making me have to go on and on defending the dignity of toil like I’m some kind of protestant

My mum sold mlm stuff while she was pregnant with me

my fujo mum

Multi level marketing!!!!!!!!!!!