lovesickpuppy🦑🐇

My styles are: cybergoth, military goth, mall goth, jiraikei, gothic lolita.

My preferred names are: Kokichi/Makoto or Hajime (I just feel comfortable with those names.) alternatively you could call me Jimmy.

Bands I like are: Orgy, Nine Inch Nails, Skinny Puppy, KMFDM/MDFMK, Static X, Machines Of Loving Grace, Marilyn Manson,Jesus Loves Junkies, Chemlab, And One, Rammstein, Mindless Self Indulgence.

I like horror games and movies such as the conjuring movies, 28 days later (as well as 28 weeks later/28 years later and the bone temple) i also like Se7en (seven) and spree.

Please do recommend me more horror games!! (I love chila's art games)

Fandoms I'm in: PJSK, Danganronpa, vocaloid, House MD, Poppe the Performer.

I go by he/him and it/its pronouns.

I play keyboard and love music a lot.

I yumeship Kokichi Ouma and Kaito Shion (vocaloid) I am non sharing. So dni doubles. (Although I don't usually engage in the yumeship community)

I kin Kokichi Oma and Nagito Komaeda.

I nearly killed myself listening to fetisha by orgy as the cord around my neck slipped and I nearly passed out. I'm lucky it didn't leave marks but I almost wish I died actually. I also don't want help to get better and I find myself wanting to get worse instead because I love to romanticize my self harm and suicidal ideation.

I'm not used to being genuinely loved.

All my life it's abuse. I'm so used to it that I believe I deserve it. I'm used to people loving me then turning their back on me. It's all I ever got. I feel like I don't deserve love at all. Only abuse.

No one ever cared how I felt. What I thought. They'd always use me for what they want regardless of how I felt.

Then discard me like trash after.

I don't feel like I'm a person anymore. I feel like trash. So completely worthless

I'm either trash, a toy for their self pleasure or a helpless victim. Never human.

I want people to like me so badly. I'll pretend or tear myself apart just so they like me. I'll change things about myself so they like me. I just want them to like me. That's all I wanted.

And it doesn't matter how I feel or what I say.

Even if I was no they'll still take what they want. I give up.