This is my design.

AUGH posted early wtvr…

okay so…!!! Ace!! I talked about him in my last post before i redid his sprite THREE TIMES.

He’s was out with some friends for a vacation when the whole end of the world thing started happening, and he got separated from them after they had a huge fight over what to do, he realized too late that they had his backpack with his phone, so he can’t call his brother to come get him. He comes to yuu’s house to use their phone, but his brother’s phone goes to voicemail, so he decides to stay and try again later. (Spoiler: his brother’s not going to come pick him up. His brother is dead.)

Deuce had a fight with his mom, he had promised to stay away from his ‘friends’ (read: gang he was a part of) after he had been arrested a few too many times, and he went back to them, she found some drugs and knives in his room, and confronted him, to which he got upset, and ran away. He stayed with his ‘friends’, and was planning to go back, but this pissed his ‘friends’ off, so they beat the crap out of him, and abandoned him way away from his hometown. He has to hide in a small brick house for a few nights, where he gets into a fight with a visitor, and then has to run until he finds a house to stay in, which happens to be yuu’s. He lies about this and just says that his friends had forgotten about him when travelling.

🦐 yuur_grace

❤️ 23.2k 🗨️ 2.3k 🔄 442

𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 Decided to pay our octobuddy a little visit at the @mostrolounge this afternoon 🐙🍹What a face! (also, wow where did all of you come from?? Was Leona's sleeping visage that baffling of a prospect? ùᴗu,, actually, I'm now realizing that I hadn't even set this account to private...oops.)

🐬 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁𝘀.𝗮.𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘆 ahahah!! oh man look at his face! little shrimpy's got guts~

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ¬🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 thanks for being the cameraman buddy ùᴗu ͙͘͡★ 7 replies

❤️ 𝗮𝗰𝗲_𝗼𝗳𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀 I'm surprised you didn't get ptsd just from walking into that room LMAO

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ¬🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 @ace_ofhearts hm okay how about you join me next time

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ¬❤️ 𝗮𝗰𝗲_𝗼𝗳𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀 @yuur_grace no thank you <3

🐬 𝗷𝗮𝗱𝗲.𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗰𝗵. hahah. how swift. perhaps i may join you one day to capture such riveting images. 3 replies

🌐 𝘁𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗻𝗽𝗰 ok no I'm actually so invested we can't just move on from the fact that this guy showed up all of a sudden and just KNOWS Leona kingscholar personally?!?? 200 replies

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎.𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ. ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲

❤️ 530.5k 🗨️ 221k 🔄 138k

𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 Another face cradled! And a dear friend hugged! Had a blast at this wonderful get-together in Scarabia dorm ☀️🏮🎇 I think I'm ready to sleep for a week though hahaha ^^;

☀️ 𝗸𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗺✪ I'm so glad you came! I don't think I've had that much fun with friends in a while! You're always welcome whenever you feel like visiting 😊✨

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎¬ 🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 @kalimalasim always!

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎¬ 🌐 𝘁𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗻𝗽𝗰 ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME 1240 replies

🐍 𝗷𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹_𝘃 There's still some leftovers if you'd like to take some for Grim. Or yourself, really. 2 replies

🌐 𝘁𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗻𝗽𝗰 oh okay so there's even MORE. why not. SURE. 212 replies

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎.𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ. ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲

❤️ 970.6k 🗨️ 596.3k 🔄 502k

𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 Nothing better than a long evening spent with the beauty queen himself @vilshoenheit. And look, he reciprocated! How sweet~ 💜✨ A wonderful idol, an even better friend.

👑 𝘃𝗶𝗹𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗲𝗻𝗵𝗲𝗶𝘁✪ How precious. Do take good care of that manicure.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎¬👑 𝘃𝗶𝗹𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗲𝗻𝗵𝗲𝗶𝘁 Wait, Grace, is this a private post?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ¬🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 will do! 🤍 2304 replies

🍎 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗹_𝗳𝗲𝗹𝗺𝗶𝗲𝗿 man you're better than me, i can't stand a second doin any a this balderdash

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎¬🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 your loss,, it's sooo relaxing 🙂‍↕️

🌐 𝘁𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗻𝗽𝗰 YOU GUYS I CANT COPE ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEEEEE 784 replies

🌐 𝘁𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗻𝗽𝗰 is this guy some sorta undercover cop or sum?? how's he got all these crazy ass ties??

🏹 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗵𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗸 oh, là là... quelle beauté, the calm before the storm~

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎.𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ. ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲

❤️ 60.3k 🗨️ 43.4k 🔄 22.5k

𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 Seems like I've been graced with this nice little picture from @0r1h0_shr0ud2 during a visit to Idia's dorm! No face hold unfortunately, but it's quite cute!🩵🤍 Very rare, it seems Idia has yet to realize the photo being taken ^o^. Peep the adorable little PreMo gacha figure I got for him...? 👀

🩵 𝟬𝗿𝟭𝗵𝟬_𝘀𝗵𝗿𝟬𝘂𝗱𝟮 I was so happy that you decided to stay and keep my brother company, Grace Alexander-san. Idia doesn't show it, but you really made his day!

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ¬🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 @0r1h0_shr0ud2 awww! I'm always happy to spend time with you both! 🤍 3 replies

💙 𝗴𝗹𝟬𝟬𝗺𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗶 woah when was this?! you can't just spring such a rare event out of nowhere! delete, delete!!! 5 replies

♦️ 𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗱_𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 oh my Seven!! you both look so dope! truly inspiring— and can we talk about how *adorbs* you look with that biscuit hanging from ur mouth?? (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎¬🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 @diamond_mind brothaaaa keep this up and you'll be fighting off rumors for days LOL ùᴗu ahuahu

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ¬❤️ 𝗮𝗰𝗲_𝗼𝗳𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀 @yuur_grace OH U WANNA HEAR ABOUT RUMORS??? HAHAH

🌐 𝘁𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗻𝗽𝗰 Am I tweaking or is that like. *The* Idia Shroud from the family Shroud part of the largest technological pioneers in Twisted Wonderland. Or am I insane.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ¬🌐 𝘁𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗻𝗽𝗰 this HAS to be a social experiment atp?? What in the world is this guy's power??? 467 replies

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎.𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ. ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲

❤️ 2.1m 🗨️ 740.3k 🔄 680k

𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 it felt almost special, leaving my vest off. Maybe it was the winter breeze. Tsunotaro helped me with his cape, though, despite my insistence. What a sweet personality! 💚🐉 We took a long walk through an abandoned woods, found some gorgeous gargoyles. To end my little series, I asked to hold him as well. He doesn't own a magicam account so I can't tag him... But at least he can keep the pictures :) Hurray! It ends! 🤍✨

🌐 𝘁𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗻𝗽𝗰 THERE IS NOOOOO FUCKING WAY I REFUSE NO NO ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THIS IS AN EVIL PRANK WHAT WHAT WHATTTTATSYSYTHJDHJ WHO IS THIS GUYYYYYY 1204 replies

🌐 𝘁𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗻𝗽𝗰 OH YES DROP THE BOMB ON US WHY NOT. OKAY. THREE OTHER CELEBS WEREN'T ENOUGH I GUESS. 762 replies

🦇 𝘃𝗮𝗻𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗲𝗲 Grace, you must know I have never been so entertained in my long life. Why, Malleus himself sits beside me and stares down at the screen in bafflement!

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ¬🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 @vanrougee ???? Explain?? ToT

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎¬♦️ 𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗱_𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 @yuur_grace you sweet summer child 😭✋

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎¬ 🐊 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴.𝘇𝗶𝗴𝗯𝗼𝗹𝘁 @yuur_grace YOU ARE ENTIRELY UNCONNIVING. YOU PLACE MALLEUS UNDER INTENSE SCRUTINY FROM THE MASSES AS WELL AS LADY MALEFICIA! YOU SHOULD BE MORE MINDFUL, HUMAN!!

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ¬🦐 𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗿_𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 OH my god.

It is an honest attestation to humanity—a primordial inheritance that has bled through one’s flesh and bones since breath was first given, and dust became living. 

The phrase has always been bracketed for conquerors and geniuses, for those who have stood on the precipice between will and subjugation—life and death. It is a consensus that has outlived empires, etched onto monuments, and passed down through blood and scripture—scrawled in the handwriting of sleepless architects who drew lines until the graphite snapped, and in the frantic, ink-smudged margins of poets who starved just to feed a single verse.

It is also laced in the mutters of delusion posed by lovesick fools.

“You’re utterly pathetic, do you know that?” 

Ace waves his hand absentmindedly in return, not even bothering to look up from where he has draped himself across your lap in a boneless and shameless manner. He leans his weight entirely to your side with a heavy sigh, polluting the air with the violent smell of cheap roses and synthetic hibiscus.

The air around him is thick with a scent so aggressively floral that it feels like being hit in the face with a funeral wreath. It’s a cloying, syrupy catastrophe of concentrated sugar that seems to radiate off his blazer, making nearby students cough and retreat—even Grim had abandoned you ten minutes ago after loudly declaring that his “snout hairs are being burnt through.”

“I’m touched by your concern, really,” Ace sighs dreamily, his voice dropping into a honey-thick register that makes Epel look like he’s about to physically gag. “But love is just a cruel and incurable affliction.”

“What in tarnation are ya saying?” Epel replies, horrified. “You… you reek of perfume from Sam’s shop!”

“It’s a love potion,” Ace corrects solemnly. “Get your facts right.”

“I told you, it was a complete accident in the lab.” Ace murmurs, his fingers tracing idle, lingering patterns against the lines of your palm. He’s been “unable” to let go of your hand for the last forty minutes, yapping about how the warmth of yours grounds the hazy territory of his tangled mind. “One minute, I’m just stirring the cauldron, the next—bam—pink smoke right at my face, and suddenly, the Prefect is the only person in the world that matters—it’s a tragedy, isn’t it?”

He tilts his head, resting it on your shoulder and peering up at you through his lashes with a gaze he clearly thinks is “smoldering” but is actually just intensely focused on making sure you aren’t suspicious. 

Epel stares at him aghast, disbelief painting his countenance as he tries to blink away the ridiculous sight in front of him. Deuce stands slightly farther away from the scene, partly to stay away from inhaling that biohazard and mostly to save himself from embarrassment, looking deeply conflicted about whether he should intervene or let his friend continue to descend into social suicide.

“You really should pay attention to the steps Professor Crewel gave us.” You sigh, trying to steady him as he practically melts against your form. 

You do not notice the collective agony radiating from everyone else.

Ace suppresses a smirk against your shoulder. He’s a fencer—he knows all about finding an opening, no matter how cornered or tight it might be. If he can’t find a way to your heart through normal, non-embarrassing means, he’ll simply build a bridge out of lies and stinky perfume.

He slackens his shoulders, his gaze turning glassy with manufactured devotion, and with devastating overcommitment, he squeezes your hand like a maiden grasping her final earthly tether.

“Prefect,” Ace calls out softly like he’s moments away from collapsing into an early grave (you swear you can see Deuce grind his teeth in cringe). “I don’t think I can survive this cruel affliction alone.”

Deuce makes a strangled noise. “Ace, it’s not possible to die from a love potion!”

“Oh, Juice… You truly don’t know anything.” He sighs, burying his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply—unfortunately, it turns out to be a massive tactical error on his part, because he ends up breathing in a mouthful of his own gas chamber of a perfume. He chokes for a split second, but he recovers with the terrifying tenacity of a man who could take on Lebron in a match.

“See? Love is the most twisted curse of all.” 

Epel physically recoils. “Oh, no way you said that.”

“Ace,” Deuce hisses under his breath, face impressively red from secondhand embarrassment. “You said you were only gonna act a little weird!”

“Well, excuse me for being committed to the role.” Ace shoots back before instantly melting back into his lovestruck persona the moment your attention diverts back to him. His expression softens with almost terrifying speed, eyes half-lidded as he gazes up at you, as if you personally hung the stars, the moon, the sky, and everything under heaven. “Sorry, Prefect… loud noise makes my symptoms worse.”

You, completely oblivious to the fact that a standard love potion doesn’t require a daily application of five ounces of lavender eau-de-toilette, merely pat his head with a sympathetic sigh. “Does your head hurt? Maybe we should go to the infirmary…”

“No! No infirmary!” Ace stumbles out quickly in a panic, his voice cracking slightly before he clears his throat and drops it back into that low, dramatic purr. “The school nurse doesn’t have the cure. Just… let me stay like this for five… or fifty… more minutes.”

He is, without a doubt, a top-three fumbler in the history of Night Raven College. He has alienated his friends, ruined his favorite blazer, humilaitingly seen by a handful of his upperclassmen, and smells like three different air purifiers in the dead of summer—but as he feels you wrap an arm around his shoulders to keep him from sliding off your lap, Ace decides that not even Sun Tzu can outsmart him in a strategic battle.

Ace is a genius—holy shit, he’s for sure one hell of a tactical genius bastard.

He presses closer, a smug and completely hidden victorious grin stretching across his face against your shoulder.

Epel mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like “yeah, bet the nearest mental institute might help ya instead,” but he doesn’t dwell on it.

Unfortunately (or fortunately?), Ace’s “condition” unsurprisingly somehow follows you everywhere.

EXHIBIT #01: THE HEARTSLABYUL UNBIRTHDAY PARTY.

You can feel stares drilling straight into your soul, but you try your best to feign ignorance, opting to enjoy a slice of tart in lieu. Beside you, your sticky parasite doesn’t seem to get the memo, as he effectively continues to paralyze you by using your shoulder as a personal pillow, his arm looped tightly through yours.

“Prefect… the tea is too bitter,” Ace whines, his voice dropping into that theatrical cadence that nearly makes Trey drop his spoon. “The only sweetness I can tolerate right now is your presence. Feed me a forkful of that strawberry tart? My hands are just… so weak from the potion’s tolls.”

“If your hands are weak, Trappola, I can detach them from your wrists, if you’d like.” Riddle seethes from the head of the table, his teacup trembling with a dangerous clicking sound. His face is a shade of red that rivals his cape—half from the sheer, unadulterated public indecency of the display, and half because the sugary foulness permeating through the air is ruining the aroma of his Earl Grey.

“A—Ace, please, Housewarden Riddle is looking right at us,” Deuce whispers frantically from across the table, looking paler than paper. “You said you were just going to ask the Prefect to walk you back to the dorm!”

“I can’t help it,” Ace sighs dramatically, tightening his grip on your arm and leaning his head further on your shoulder. “If I’m not near the Prefect, I might seriously stop breathing—it’s the potion doing it, I’m telling you! You wouldn’t want to explain a corpse at an Unbirthday Party, would you, Housewarden?”

His fellow dormmates look the other way with varying degrees of expressions that encapsulate their desperate prayers of coming out of the party alive.

“I am going to count to three,” Riddle says, his voice lowering into a terrifyingly calm note as he pulls his magic pen. “And if you are still doused in that unsavory cologne and violating personal space boundaries, I will see to it that it will be Off With Your Head for a straight month!”

EXHIBIT #02: THE LIBRARY.

“Look at this section, Prefect,” Ace mutters, his warm breath hitting your neck, sending a shiver down your spine that he definitely notices, given his shit-eating grin that he doesn’t bother to conceal. “See, the ancient kings fought wars for land and territory, but I’d give up the whole world just for a single glance from you, y’know?”

From across the table, a poor Scarabia student groans into his hands. Genuinely, get this corny shit out of my face.

Seated in the quietest, cramped corner of the library, as dust motes dance beneath the dim lights, the supposed “study session” for your upcoming history quiz is completely overturned the moment Ace decides to sit so close to you that he is practically in your skin. His chin rests heavily on your shoulder, his chest pressed against your back, while his hands “helpfully” guide your fingers across the page.

So much for trying to pass Professor Trein’s class.

Suddenly, a shadow falls over the table in the form of Sebek Zigvolt, who, with his arms crossed, stares at the two of you with a snarl of pure, righteous indignation.

“Trappola!” Sebek starts to bellow, before remembering where he is and dropping to a harsh and aggressive whisper that still rattles the desk. “What is the meaning of this indecent display?! Get off the Prefect at once! Your vile stench insults the very air Lord Malleus breathes!”

“Ugh, talk about bad timing. It’s called romance, Sebek. Not everyone is emotionally repressed.” Ace doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed, dropping his chin back onto your shoulder and tightening his hold on your waist with an arrogant, proprietary tug that cements his position. “Prefect, my head hurts… tell that loud pipsqueak to go away.”

“Loud pipsqueak?! Why, you impudent, malingering fraud—”

Before Sebek can burst a blood vessel, you hurriedly lift your hand to Ace’s forehead, your fingers brushing against the fringe of his bangs as you press the back of your palm gently against his skin. 

Your brows knit together in concern, your thumb unconsciously smoothing a strand of his hair away from his forehead. “You do feel a little warm… maybe the potion is affecting you more than we thought.”

Ace nearly fucking ascends.

The moment your cool fingers brush against his forehead, his entire brain short-circuits. The smug grin completely vanishes, replaced by a bright red flush that creeps up all the way up to the tips of his ears. Your thumb idly smooths down his hair, and Ace suddenly realizes that playing dead might actually become a reality if his heart keeps hammering against his ribs this thunderously. 

Sebek merely gapes at you in utter, speechless cosmic horror, his chest locked mid-breath as he watches your hand actively comfort the enemy. His mouth opens once, then closes again with an audible click as he struggles to process the cataclysmic level of gullibility unfolding before him in real time.

“Prefect,” he says slowly, voice immensely strained with the effort of remaining civil, “surely you cannot be believing this buffoonery.”

Ace gasps as though Sebek has just insulted his entire lineage. “Why are you all against our love? Is it a crime to yearn? Is it a cardinal sin to be entirely consumed by the most profound and inescapable emotion known to mankind?”

Ace clutches weakly at your sleeves with the grace of a tragic heroine abandoned at sea, his eyelids fluttering with a level of vehement agony that is likened to a mourning opera singer. He blind-grabs your free hand from the desk, clutching your knuckles against his chest right over his furiously beating heart.

“Don’t look at him, Prefect,” Ace pleads, his voice trembling and delicate like spun sugar—so terribly artificially sweet just like the overwhelming wave of vanilla floating directly up Sebek’s nostrils. “If the world stands against us, then I’ll stand against the world.”

Sebek’s face violently transitions from an offended purple to a vein-popping, volcanic shade of crimson.

EXHIBIT #03: THE CAFETERIA 

“Ace, I genuinely wish from the bottom of my heart that you will fall into a ditch and never be seen again.” Epel deadpans, his fork hovering precariously close to his plate of baked potatoes. 

His knuckles are white from his grip, and his face is gnarled into an expression of raw visceral disgust that is worse than when he’s talking about lifestyle lessons with Vil.

Across from him, Jack quietly nods in agreement while trying—and failing—to eat his lunch through the suffocating floral fog emanating from Ace’s blazer.

“I can taste the perfume.” He says, disgruntledly, his ears flattening so far back that it’s practically pinned to his skull.

“That sounds like a personal problem,” Ace replies without shame.

The humid midday heat of the cafeteria has essentially aerosolized Ace’s three layers of perfume, turning your circular table into a high-concentration chamber that can suffocate a small woodland ecosystem. Nearby students have already cleared out, dragging their trays three tables away just to escape the fumes, leaving the first-year gang isolated in the red zone.

Poor Jack, being a beastman with heightened senses to top it all off—it’s a miracle he hasn’t passed out yet.

“Prefect,” Ace pokes your arm, his tray sitting almost untouched in front of him because, apparently, lovesickness has also robbed him of the ability to feed himself, “can you cut my omelette and feed me? I think I’m going to faint…”

Epel massages his temple. “Please stop talking.”

You glance between Ace’s sprawling state on your shoulder and his untouched lunch. “Is it really that bad?”

“See? Prefect gets me,” he sighs. “Unlike you heartless people who mock a man suffering through the torment of forbidden love.”

“There’s nothing forbidden about it!” Deuce whisper-yells, looking seconds away from ripping his hair out of second-hand humiliation. “You literally made this whole thing up!”

Ace gasps loudly enough to earn several irritated looks from nearby upperclassmen.

“Deuce…” he breathes out quietly, eyes full of faux betrayal, “how could you expose my medical history in public?”

“That is not what medical history means!”

“Wow, look at him trynna act smart.” Ace snickers near your ear, completely unfazed by the fact that Deuce looks like he’s about to pop a blood vessel. He slides a fraction lower, his shoulders slumping deliberately as he lets his weight anchor completely against your side.

“You were the one who asked me to help you!” Deuce hisses, lurching toward his direction with a desperate tone of someone attempting damage control, his voice pitched low enough as he jabs an accusatory finger toward him. “You said—and I quote—bro, it’ll just be a little joke for like ten minutes. Ten minutes, Ace!”

“Well, plans evolve, Deucy Juice.” Ace merely shoo’s him, letting his head drop onto your shoulder again, his hair tickling your neck as he shifts closer, shamelessly stealing warmth and attention as if it’s his God-given right.

Jack looks greatly disturbed as the seconds tick by. “You’re making us lose our appetite.” 

“That sounds like jealousy.” Ace replies instantly before reaching his fingers over to play with the hem of your blazer. “It’s okay, I get it. I’d be jealous too if I saw us together.”

Epel slams his forehead directly against the table.

EXHIBIT #04: THE BOTANICAL GARDEN. 

The golden sun bleeds a heavy, bruised orange through the glass panes of the Botanical Garden, but the natural fragrance of rare flora has been completely eradicated. 

By evening, the entire first-year population has become unwilling participants in Ace’s one-man theatre production.

You sit on a stone bench near the temperate zone, trying to review your notes for the day, but it proves hard in practice when Ace is practically poured over your lap, his legs stretching across the bench, while his face is buried into your side. 

He lets out a drawn-out sigh loud enough to constitute a public disturbance.

“What now?” Grim groans, his paws clamped so tightly over his snout that his voice sounds like it’s coming from underwater. “You’ve been leaking that fake flower juice all day! My ears are ringing from your whining!”

“Nothing,” Ace replies, his voice a lazy murmur that rumbles right against your ribs. He shifts slightly, dragging his cheek along the fabric of your uniform. “Just thinking.”

“About what?” You ask, not looking up from your notes.

He cranes his head up to gaze at your eyes, looking at you through the messy, unstructured fringe of his bangs, lips curling into a devious smirk. “...You.”

“Oh, how touching.” Grim snarls right back at him.

“Ugh, just throw that damn ginger back to his dorm, henchhuman!” Grim’s muffled voice wails from behind you, now burying his face into a nearby bush brimming with exotic plants to save his nostrils.

Before said ginger can concoct a two-page excuse for why the scent of Heartslabyul’s air—especially if away from you—would further detonate his predicament and cause the fall of NRC, Ortho's buoyant voice beats him to it.

“Incredible!” Ortho chirps cheerfully, his mechanical voice cutting through the (frankly repugnant) air. “My atmospheric sensors indicate that the floral fixative concentration in this exact three-meter radius has nearly reached the level that is technically classified as a skin irritant! Ace, are you attempting to pheromone-bond with the Prefect?”

What the fuck.

“...Pheremone… bond?” You repeat, weakly.

“...Ortho,” Ace says carefully, in the tone of someone who’s trying to lace an emergency exit out of a conversation. “Look, buddy, my guy.”

“I’m just curious!” Ortho continues, his eyes blinking with the bright, faultless energy of someone who has absolutely no idea of the scale of the bomb he just dropped. “Pheremone-bonding is a documented cross-species courtship behaviour—I read about it in volume three of Advanced Magical Biology—where one party attempts to establish a scent association with a preferred individual through sustained proximity and repeated olfactory exposure!”

Ace nearly faints for real this time. The absolute, paramount confidence that he’s been riding all day as he flaunts it right at every possible chance shatters into a million jagged pieces. A violent, red blush erupts across his face, spreading from his cheeks down to his neck and up to the tips of his ears.

“Ortho, shut up!” Ace panics, his voice cracking spectacularly as he scrambles out of your embrace. He bolts upright, stumbling over his own legs as he storms right up to the floating guy.

He stands on his tiptoes, his face completely ablaze as he frantically swats at the glowing holographic charts floating in the air. “Why do you even have graphs for this?! Delete them! In fact, burn them!”

“But these are important visual aids!” Ortho protests, dodging Ace’s flailing hands with effortless ease as he floats higher into the air. “See? This chart clearly displays the increase in physical clinginess whenever the Prefect directs positive attention toward you! Would you like me to print a comprehensive report for your Housewarden?”

“What?! No! No one is printing anything!—”

While the two of them are locked in a high-stakes, hyper-panicked screaming match—Ace frantically jumping up and down to try and drag the other out of the air—Grim slowly peeks his head from the shrubbery. His blue flame ears twitch as his eyes dart between Ortho’s glowing charts, Ace’s crimson face, and your completely serene countenance.

Grim blinks—he looks at Ace, then looks back at you. A sudden, sharp realization strikes his brain, and he waddles over to your side on the bench, completely ignoring the chaotic noises in the background.

“Wait a minute…” He mumbles, pointing a paw directly at your face. “Henchhuman… you knew from the beginning, didn’t you?!”

You look at Ace, currently yelling at the robot three feet away, entirely stripped of his cool-guy facade and looking thoroughly like a thief caught red-handed. You let out a small, amused huff and calmly reorganize your books.

“Mhm.” You hum noncommittally.

Grim’s jaw drops, his tail snapping wildly in the air. “You knew?! And you just let him drag you around all day?! You let him ruin my nose hairs with that cheap flower juice for nothing?! Why didn’t you just punt him out the window?!”

“Well,” you reply smoothly, leaning back against the stone bench as you watch Ace fervently try to jump-kick Ortho’s thrusters, a soft smile tugging at your lips. “He just looks so cute trying so hard to find an excuse to cuddle with me. I figured the least I could do was let him have his win.”

Grim drags his hand down his face so hard it might as well leave a physical mark on his face, groaning loudly into his paws at the realization that he is trapped in a greenhouse with a shameless yearner and an absolute enabler.

When choosing the class and race, I primarily thought about what the characters themselves would choose, so some of them look quite different from their real selves.

The outfits were chosen in the same way. Of course, I tried to incorporate references, and I hope I succeeded, but mostly it's how the first years see their characters.

When I was thinking about how Ace would play, I was torn between a bard and a rogue. I mean, the Vicious mockery is something in his DNA. But I think he's the kind of person whose character is built on pathos. A lone wolf. A dark-cloaked figure in the corner of the tavern. So a Roque it is. He would have chosen a tiefling for similar reasons—a dark backstory, hatred of humans. It's just a shame this image doesn't last longer than the moment he opens his mouth.

I didn't have this problem with Deuce - one look is enough to understand that he is the ideal paladin. He himself really likes this class because it allows him to play the hero in any situation, something he is often proud of. It might seem like he'll be a kind of babysitter for the group, but in reality, he's just as capable of getting into a fight as anyone. His shield more often ends up hitting someone in the teeth than serving its intended purpose.

I didn't even have any doubts; I knew right away that Epel would choose. The biggest, the strongest, the most powerful - of course he would be an Orc-Barbarian. I was thinking about changing his hairstyle, but i suppose he likes it in general, he just wants to be more muscular. Moreover, it gives him the opportunity to finally speak comfortably with an accent—he simply gave his character one. The most understandable language is the language of violence and fists.

I knew Grim would choose a mage as a class, but I had to think longer about the race. In my opinion he would have appreciated the Dwarves' love of shiny things and a good meal, it's literally his philosophy of life. When I think of him and mages, it's obvious to me that his character is exactly how he imagines them - bearded, old, in long robes and triangular hats. Besides, he plays the character with all his heart, which is really important. If he didn't also launch fireballs at everything movable and immovable, he would be perfect player.

Jack was difficult, I admit. The monks were a pretty obvious choice; I think he would have liked their philosophy and approach to combat. But his approach to acting was questionable. He's a pretty serious guy, so I think he's terrible at roleplaying. Absolutely terrible. He'd also often ask logical questions, which could ruin some scenes. But overall, I think he would enjoy the game, he just needs time to relax and get used to it.

Initially, I wanted to make Ortho Warforged—I mean, it was the obvious choice. But I think this game would be an opportunity for him to try himself in a new role, so I went the other way. Druid, gnome - maximum connection with nature. Besides, in my opinion, he would be the one who would help with the creation of figurines and miniatures. I mean, he's a huge box cutter in that regard. Oh, and of course his companion is Cerberus.

It's oblivious to me that Sebek wouldn't have even had a second thought once he found out that you can be a dragon in this game. I think he would have made a good paladin, but he refuses to follow anyone but his liege, so he is a knight. I mentioned it, but he takes the game too seriously - but he is a great advisor on many lore and atmosphere issues, so everything is fine. I just wish he'd be more toned down when it came to them.

Pierre (my Yuusona, who didn't appear in the post) would obviously be the GM. I mean, she's the one who gathered them all here. Even in everyday life she acts like some kind of voiceover, but this game turns it up to the max. But that's precisely why the game with her is so well-presented, even though she is completely neutral toward both NPCs and players. Only the consequences of their actions, no divine retribution. And also the rule of coolness.

Overall, I would say that they have a pretty good party in terms of balance, but they clearly lack mutual understanding.

I had a lot of fun doing this! I plan to make the rest of the students later.

"But the point is, you can't ideals," said Kamimura, screwing up his face. "Ha ha. Of course you can't. They're not beefsteaks!" laughed Takeuchi, opening his huge mouth. "But that's exactly it. Reality is a beefsteak. Or stew if you like."

As the title of the story suggests, meat and potatoes are compared to reality and ideals. In fact meat can go farther than just reality; it's an implicit description to the hedonistic life.

In the franchise, it can be said that Dazai is very much Team Meat rather than Team Potato. He does as he pleases and wrecks the world of the then highly rigid member of Team Potato, Kunikida.

This was the third day of being paired with Dazai. I knew no peace for even an hour, nor could I focus wholeheartedly on work, and the number of complaints pouring in on the phone continued to climb higher. Whenever I took my eyes off of him, he would say he was going to drown himself and then fling himself into a river, or say to be careful and then go off to drink at a bar, or say he received a divine revelation and run off to flirt with a pretty girl. Quite fittingly for a twenty- year-old man-child, he only did what suited himself and smashed my schedule to bits.

Kunikida's sanity has been compromised since then, yes, but Dazai's erratic personality doesn't deter him from his determination to follow his ideal.

In Meat and Potatoes, there are two major disillusioned idealists: Kamimura and Okamoto.

Kamimura's transfer from Team Potato to Team Meat is, I suppose you could say hardly significant. He switches with a "oh to hell with it" attitude and abandons the ascetic potato-only life for meat-filled enjoyment. Why is it so? Simply put, his desire to be in Team Potato was never serious. His fascination with his Christian faith and scorn for the "fools in Tokyo" were what drove him to his rural potato-farm life in Hokkaido.

"Kamimura and the rest of you were members of the Potato Party at first, but later changed your allegiance to the Meat Party. In other words, you're all weak-willed."

Kondo's words, I believe, mirror Kunikida's initial thoughts of Dazai. I'm not so weak as to give in to someone like him!

On the other hand, Okamoto's disillusionment - but not transfer to Team Meat - was far more serious. This is where Kunikida's own disillusionment can be linked to.

It was the death of the woman Okamoto loved that made him curse the very world he lives in. The intensity of his love had made its loss so great. In Kondo's words,

"[Men] often weary of life and if they encounter love in such a state, they find in it a means of escape. For that reason they throw their whole hearty into the fiery furnace of love."

Okamoto does not rebuke nor confirm this, but we can assume that Kondo hit the nail on the head.

Kunikida, too, loved a woman deeply: Sasaki Nobuko. Now the parallels isn't too surprising since both stories are based on Kunikida-sensei's real life heartbreak with his wife of the same name. Fortunately she didn't actually die (she just left him 5 months into their marriage) but the pain is so immense that her memory is essentially a ghost haunting the three of them.

"I want to have her back again and so intensely do I feel about that that I don't care what happens to me. I freely admit that I've cried over her many times. Over and over again I've called her name and looked up at the sky. Of course I wish that she would come back to life."

This resounds their feelings for their woman so well. Their hopes and dreams were built for and shattered by her - for Okamoto, this was his fall into indecision. He is not Team Meat nor Team Potato. He is not a realist nor an idealist. He is not a optimist nor pessimist. He's just a broken man.

In fact, Dazai alludes to this fall after Sasaki's death.

“Tell me, Dazai! Was it right for her to die? Is this the ideal world I’ve sought for...?” Dazai stared at me and whispered, “Kunikida. There are those who believe in your just, ideal world, and thus they grow to resent this one. The Azure King was one such person. While championing his causes of justice and idealism, he hurt the weak around him.” He looked far off into the distance. “The phrase ‘seeking justice’ is a weapon. Once it hurts the weak, it can no longer be a force of good. This justice the Azure King sought was what killed Sasaki. His accusation wounded me. Seeking a world of justice and ideals, indeed. All this suffering had come to pass by seeking to manifest ideals. “Kunikida, as long as you continue to eliminate those who would thwart your ideals in your quest for the ideal world, the flame of the Azure King still burns inside of you. And it will consume those around you. I have seen this happen many times before.”

There is no "but I'll still pursue my ideal!" in the original text. Kunikida said nothing in reply for he "understood what he said."

Now by the time Atsushi popped up, not much is shown about how exactly far Kunikida's disillusionment had gone. When he was picked up Kunikida proudly states that his schedule was "not just a schedule but his ideal" and from then we are given an impression of his drive.

We are only shown the truth starting with Kyouka's case and Atsushi's kidnapping.

There are already discussions on these scenes, but in the context of this essay thing with Meat and Potatoes what I want to point out is Kunikida's disenchantment. Also note that in both scenes, his facial expression is not shown. He only says these things out of defeat while his idealist self screams something else.

At this point, he has not reached Okamoto's level just yet, but it's possible that it won't take long for Kunikida to find himself in the same place.

It is Atsushi that woke him up from his nightmare.

What made that difference?

Atsushi wasn't abandoned by the Agency because of one thing: love. It's the very same thing that killed both Okamoto's and Kunikida's ideals.

But unlike Okamoto, Kunikida's ideals were not only born out of love but are one and the same; then following Kondo's reasoning, Kunikida's love, ideals, and life are all one and the same.

Here is another quote from Kondo:

"There are many types of boredom. Two of these are particularly tragic and hateful. With one, you weary of life and with the other you weary of love... The first is the most tragic and the second the most hateful."

The current manga arc (ch 104 is the latest release at the time of writing this) challenges Kunikida once more. Being a member of the Armed Detective Agency is difficult, and with all the death and near-death recently happening around him his will had taken several critical hits.

Had Kunikida grown weary of his lofty ideals, with means he's weary of both love and life, that his fate is tragic and hateful?

Fortunately, not at all.

He doesn't give up any of the three. "But what about life???" Well, I would say that here he does not lose life but rather his death. Idk how to explain to be honest, but in short it's rather that he sacrifices his physical life for the sake of living; that is not having a spiritual death. He is able to live his whole life following even only the shadow of the ideal - to him that is his goal anyway.

Kunikida overcomes Okamoto's plight of looking for "surprise" in the world as nothing interests him anymore.

"Life and death and all the phenomena of the universe become commonplace in the end."

He does not fall for this interpretation of Wordsworth's "Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting."

We can only hope for the best for him in the upcoming installments.

S tier:

Atsushi(he’s shown to be very nice, always helping others, and in that one scene he bought a bunch of stuff for for koyaka to make her happy even though he didn’t have much money, he also help everyone without thinking and saves everyone despite their past EX: Koyaka)

Oda(Oda is shown to be a very kind person, who’s extremely kind Ex helping taking care of Dazai and watching over him, while having a strong moral compass, not wanting to kill anyone while having normal goals like wanting to be an author/wanting to wright, he also shows a lot of love for others, such as trusting Ango and jumping out a window and being completely ready to save the kids he was taking care of while before that making regular visit to them, probably one of the most normal people in the entire series. I don’t believe there would be many issues with him other than the fact he is dead. You could probably have a very healthy relationship with Oda.)

Tetchō(Tetchō is shown to have a lot of empathy and loyalty, such as when he stops Jouno from antagonizing Aya and when he fights Kenji so he can find Jouno to make sure he is alright. I honestly believe that Tetchō is probably one of the most normal characters in this series as of now. Of course there are the normal issues that I will be bringing up again and again such as you probably won’t be able to see him much etc etc, but relatively normal in my opinion. )

A tier:

Fukuzawa(Fukuzawa is shown to be someone that helps others and gives them a chance no matter what EX Ranpo and Yasano, But he is also a work alcoholic Ex that one scene that fukuchi said that Fukuzawa was still married to his work. It really depends on when you would start dating Fukuzawa but if it was earlier in life I believe he most likely would have broken up with you for his work(and also for you safety) but I think he would be on of the healthier options out of BSD cast)

Kunikida(other than Kunikidas long list of things he wants from his ideal women, I believe he would be a healthy partner. Kunikida is shown to on Multiple occasions to save multiple kids and risk his life, he also canonically makes sure to take care of Dazai and his other friends EX Katai. I honestly believe he would be a very caring person to date as long as you like a lot of plans and schedules.)

Yasano(I believe Yasano would be a very kind and caring person to date, though I believe she would be a bit of a handful at times, you would probably have to carry her bags around but I believe she would do anything to save you in a time of need, Yasano is shown to not be afraid to stand up to others EX that one scene where that one businessman was picking on her, asking if she what her job was and she said she was a doctor and she was about to break that man’s hands. Yasano is also shown to care of others she is close to EX that one scene where Ranpo and herself are in one of Poe’s books and she gives him her glasses to give him the motivation to solve the case in the book. I believe Yasanos love be more quiet but she would still make sure to show it.)

Ranpo(I believe there are many misconceptions about Ranpo, a lot of people mistake Ranpo as some super cocky at everything character, but they forget that Ranpo is not ashamed to say that he doesn’t know how to do things alone EX ride the train even though Ranpo is an adult and he’s not afraid to admit he can’t go alone on the train or that he’s not fit to be the boss of the ADA, he is only cocky in the means of his detective work, because he KNOWS he’s good, he’s not being cocky, he’s stating a fact, because Ranpo IS better than everyone else when it comes to him deducing things. Though Ranpo does have a blunt and sometimes arrogant attitude he can admit his short comings, like admiring that he couldn’t figure out one of the cases he was doing, or when he was 14 he admitted that he didn’t understand others. I think he would be interesting to date but he could be slightly overwhelming at times because he may sort of lazy, but I believe he would respect anyone he was dating like he respects Fukuzawa or Yasano.)

Gin(probably out of the two Akutagawa siblings, the least affected by their trauma. There isn’t much about Gin that is known to the anime and I Haven’t watched the BSD wan in a while, but Gin Is a very kind person and you can see in I think the fourth or fifth season she protects everyone from herself when she lost control of her knife. over all when she is seen with akutagawa in that one scene (and including the episode where Higuchi is chasing after Gin) she seems to be overall quiet and respectful.)

B tier:

Chūya(Chūya is kinda of a mixed bag, on one hand, he is a red flag (I swear to god if I see one of those jokes where it like “Chūya doesn’t have any flags, I’m going to find your house and beat you, I’m so sick of that joke, I see it in every comment section talking about Chūya, can we please get a knew joke BSD fandom, all the jokes we have are dead.) people often say Chūya is a red flag since he is in the mafia, which is Valid, which is why I have him so low, other than the fact that he is the mafia I believe Chūya would be in A tier maybe even S tier but I may be a little biased , but, excluding the fact Chūya is in the mafia, Chūya is probably one of the most loyal characters in the ENTIRE series, since it was exclusively said in Stormbringer that “Master Chūya is the kind of person who will never abandon those who have helped him, even if they end up betraying. That is simply who he is.” Chūya is the kind of person to keep a promise no matter what, Chūya is also said to be respectful to women, and from what we see from the show he is respectful to everyone but Dazai but Dazai purposely makes Chūya upset, so I don’t hold Chūya to blame. I see Chūya as a loyal and kind partner, and who would be pleasant to date if it weren’t for the fact that he was in the Port Mafia, so you would have to be in the mafia you to if you wanted the relationship to work. I do also see people say Chūya would be violent because Chūya is often shown to be angry, but, when Chūya is shown to be angry it’s usually for a valid reason, such as Dazai insulting him, or for him to be put in a life or death situation, such as in Dead Apple, which most people would also do, since there is a risk for so many people dying or being around people that purposely try to make you angry. So I think Chūya is that bad to date if your ignore all the crimes, but everyone ignores Dazais crimes, so I think they can do the same for Chūya.

Higuchi(We haven’t seen to much of Higuchi in BSD, though I would like to, and it is a shame that we haven’t, from what I have scene in the anime, manga, and BSD Wan, I think Higuchi is somewhere in the B to C tier, though love her. The reason I place Higuchi so low is because of her intense jealousy around Akutagawa, someone she is not dating. It is seen In the first season that when she sees a women with Akutagawa (it was Gin, which she did not know at the time,) she gets extremely jealous, going as fare as to stalk the two of them and chase after Gin, which is very possessive. The loyalty of Higuchi is also seen in the first season when she does everything to for Akutagawa with zero regret and brushing it off as it just being her job. Higuchi would probably be a very loving and nice girlfriend to be with but a very possessive and jealous one, which isn’t the worst thing to be on this list, considering some of the other BSD characters. While researching this list, I remember how funny Higuchi can be, while partnering up with Atsushi to find how who the women Akutagawa is with she was very witty and she really funny to watch, along as in the wan she was also pretty funny.

Edger Allen Poe(Poe is a decent person, he is shown to be kind, ambitious, and smart, though he clearly thinks of himself less than Ranpo. Poe is a shy person which is shown clearly through out the anime and manga. Poe is arguably a red flag since he did try to kill Ranpo, but he does show some concern if Ranpo does die, so over all I think Poe’s fine except his a little off his rockers sometimes, but who’s not anyway. I believe Poe’s one of the characters that could date someone outside of his own job, but he is pretty shy, so I think you would have to be introduced to him in order for anything romantic to happen.

Sigma(I honestly think Sigma would be okay, but the main issues would be his A, his inexperience with life, I think he would be very stressed because he only has the memories of the past three years of his life and he really wouldn’t know what to do, and B, he is part of a criminal organization, which considering this list is pretty normal, since it’s seems everyone in Bsd has at some point committed at least one minor war crime or killed at least one person. The main issue with Sigma being in a criminal organization is that Fyodor is there and if Fyodor knows about you you’re already dead and will probably be used to manipulate Sigma. Overall, Sigma as a person, though inexperienced would be an okay partner, but because of Fyodor dating him could be extremely risky for the both of you, so for the better, it would be better to have a unspoken close relationship that would only work if you worked closely to Sigma, but this would still inevitably be found out by Fyodor.)

C tier:

Dazai(I’m pretty sure this is a hot take, but, dating Dazai would not be that great, but before Dazai Stans come for me let me explain: Asagiri (the author of BSD) said that in what ever relationship Dazai was in he would manipulate them, so it is canon that he would be a little toxic, but looking at his other friendships, you can kinda see how he acts, he’s a womenizer, flirting with pretty much anyone he sees and offering them a double suicide, he also doesn’t let anyone in on his past or his secrets and is overall distant. I believe Dazai would manipulate his partner so they don’t figure out about his past, and if they somehow do, I believe he would always keep them at arms length and you would have to be someone like Fyodor in order to figure him out and make him actually exspress himself, and I think if you could figure him out one of you would leave (because you deserve better) or Dazai feels threaded and he would find a way to manipulate you into breaking up the relationship for him or he would just disappear. But I don’t want that to discredit the fact that Dazai can be a a nice person, but everything nice about him has an equal and opposite amount of evil, which is the issue about Dazai, you would have to be able to tear him apart so you could get close to him, but he would always try to keep you away or you would have to be stupid enough to date him and think he truly loves you. I honestly think you would have to take up a caretaker role for Dazai and you wold have to have known him since his Port Mafia days and be able to corner him and dissect his character for him to let you be close with him, overall, toxic relationship.)

Akutagawa(canonically, I think Akutagawa would be hard to date, Akutagawa has been shown in the past to be violent and cold to others, at one point even hitting Haguchi in the first season, though. I believe Akutagawa has had character development since then, and has started to become kinder, I still believe Akutagawa has a lot of healing to do before he can ever have a healthy relationship with others. I do want to mention the fact that Akutagawa does have a heart, he did say he was happy for Koyoka, and MANGA SPOILERS he was assigned to take care of Aya after Bram died, so I believe we could see him heal more in the future of the show. MANGA SPOILERS DONE we have seen Akutagawa be able to work with others more, and better, so I do believe he will rise the ranks of this tier list soon.)

Tachihara(Tachihara is a pretty nice person that looked up to by some from what I have seen in the anime and manga, though he doesn’t have much screen time, but from I have seen, he’s a really troubled person who is emotionally driven, he spends most of his life trying to get revenge against Yasano, and he often argues with Gin, though him arguing with others and acting all hard could have been part of the ruse he had been doing when he was a spy for the hunting dogs. Tachihara is a kind person though he has a lot of internal conflict, with the constant internal battle of if he was a hunting dog or a port mafia agent, though when does choose a side, he sticks to it. I believe Tachihara would be someone who would have trouble starting a romantic relationship do to his job, but the same goes for every port mafia agent of hunting dogs member. I believe Tachihara would be a protective partner, I believe this since you can see that Tachihara has dedicated his life to someone he loves dearly (his dead brother) that he would do the same for someone he truly loves.)

D tier:

Ango(I hate putting Ango here because I love him so much, but I’m not putting him here because I don’t like him, I’m putting him for other reason I will explain. I am putting Ango so low because of his job, I love Ango, as he is my favorite character in the entire show, but because of his job he often betrays people, and I believe he may carry a lot of guilt and shame for what he has done, which I believe is shown when he helps Dazai out of the port mafia, by erasing all his crimes. From what I can see Ango is a hard working government official who does care about others deeply and he struggles to not grow attached to people on his undercover missions Ex Dazai and Odasaku. I believe with Angos constant betrayals he would have many people after him and dating someone would only add more stress to him, and if someone he loved died again I believe he would never forgive himself and he would try to make up for what he did like he does Dazai. Like most of the other characters in this list I believe you would have to work with Ango in the government in order to have any relationship with him, since in any other circumstance he would most likely betray you. I don’t mean to display Ango as only a traitor, since he’s not, you can see he is an actually kind and caring man, but he is often put in the position to make hard decisions, though when he helps Atsushi and Koyaka escape in season 4/5 you can see him choose the side that he knows is innocent and to work for his own personal motivations instead of a company’s.

Jouno(in the show Jouno is shown to be pretty sadistic, though he doesn’t join Fukuchi when he offer Jouno to help him, and instead chooses to help others, though he does torment Aya. So I do believe that Jouno is a good person but if you had to date him I’d say it would be difficult, especially with his job most likely keeping away from you for long if you don’t work with him, so I would say another character where you would have to work with him if you wanted to spend any time with him.)

(We’re skipping E tier because everyone that’s going into F tier doesn’t deserve to be put at a higher letter like E. It also messes with my my color coordination system so I’m sorry if you love the letter E and I didn’t mention it.)

F tier:

Mori(the only way you meet this man is if he found you in the hospital nursery, no other words, the only reason people like him is because Bones(the studio that animates BSD currently) gives him pretty privileges instead of Fyodor, though for the three people that actually find his character cool because of his past are chill, but still, Mori isn’t some hot mafia boss, he’s legit a manipulative pedophile, the only reason Mori is ever good is if he can be used for the plot.)

Fyodor(Fyodor may have a nice voice and he may be attractive but don’t let that distract you, that man will kill you. He will ruin your life and make you depend on him (I’m taking that from the fact that during the prison arc he told Dazai to do that.) Fyodor would most likely use you for everything you were worth or keep you around because he’s fractionated by you, in the best case you are as smart as Fyodor so you can entertain him, any other way your probably going to get killed petty quickly by him since for most people he doesn’t show much care or interest in except for Dazai since Dazai entertains him, and and any other person he just uses Ex Nikolai or sigma.)

Nikolai(Nikolai would most likely have an unhealthily obsession with you and then kill you, in the show it states that he wants to kill things he loves because he wants them to be free. I would say Nikolai has a good heart but he also is Insane, he’s done some of the most graphic kills in the show, but he does show sadness when he think Fyodor died, so he has some empathy but if you were to date him your gonna have a nice knew head piecing with a 15 caliber built in your skull.)

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