The Year Of The Purge

2. MONEY

I know people don't like to talk about money much. But you know what, this is real life. Some people have also said only single types and rich people can KonMari their lives, or go organic, or be sustainable, or a whole lot of this and that. Hey. I just don’t agree. But for me to argue that, I guess I need to explain our circumstances.

My husband earns good enough for us, but I wouldn’t classify us as wealthy. My two careers have been in journalism and teaching. They are wonderful and fulfilling jobs, but let's face it - one will never be wealthy in these lines, unless one is in the field for the long run, achieves fame, or ... does dodgy things. I love these two jobs, so the money aspect has never been a problem for me.

Since I’ve moved countries to be with the Londoner, my earning power went all the way down to ‘starting from scratch.’ It was nothing at all for a while. I’m not having a moan, it’s just the way it is. It was tough for a while. We both took a beating financially when previously we had quite solid disposable incomes on our own.

But we are totally fine and very happy. Husband not only looks like a baby ewok at times, he is as loveable as a panda bear, but far more efficient - all his clients think the world of him. He is doing well. (I think I have to stop talking about him in animal terms like this or he will make me do some edits soon.)        

- Athens, 2011. Truth be told, our long distance relationship at the start - our travels to be together and escape immigration concerns - wiped out a lot of our savings. But worth it, no?

backgrounds matter

Our families, bless them, are always supportive. Their support throughout our lives meant that we were and are incredibly privileged. Both sides have come from very humble beginnings - no connections, no elite backgrounds - and they have done well.

My dad has come a long way from drying rubber tapping sheets in Batu Pahat as a child and using just one small Nissan Sunny for our little family back in the day. To this day he is still a workaholic businessman. The only time I ever tangled with a reader as a newspaper reporter back in the noughties was when one Internet troll spewed utter nonsense about my father being an MCA supporter benefiting from (this political party’s) largess. I seem to only get triggered or really bothered by fucktard trolls, but I somehow managed to write an email to this reader, calling him out on his fiction. I was civilised. He thoroughly apologised. Before this segues into another story about my father or trolls or DON’T MESS WITH MY FAMILY, basically what I am saying is - my father is a self-made man and has worked so hard for our family. When he treats himself, I am very happy, because he thoroughly deserves it.

My husband's family were refugees from Vietnam. My husband spent his young childhood in Covent Garden, where he would sleep in a suitcase under the table while his parents worked. They worked so hard to get where they are, you would just marvel at their story. Self-made just doesn’t even begin to cut it. Our children will have to learn these stories well.

I have to stress that we are well aware we are not poor, we will not starve, and we are so damn lucky to have a good roof over our heads. We can travel and buy our friends a meal or present or two. So yes, we are good, but I guess we are saying, we aren't ... wealthy. We are just your regular middle class dudes trying to build foundations for our little family, and money is always a concern. As our families have been through rough times, they have instilled some monetary discipline in us quite well. My husband is solid and careful with money. I am not as careful as him (OMG IS THAT AN ANTIQUE TIFFIN CARRIER?!), but I can save ferociously when I want to, I loathe debt, and I have not had a credit card for years. I’d like to think my husband and I have distilled the very best from our families’ lessons - we know the value of money and working hard, but we also know that it is nothing if we do not spend it on things that truly matter.

So I guess to sum up where we are:

We are rich enough to have a good house over our roofs, and live our lives comfortably, without hardship. We are not wealthy enough to eat out that often (meals at restaurants here average from £15 - £25 per person), consider Business Class flights, have our house look like an interior design catalogue, or spend money in Chanel. But that isn’t our lifestyle anyway. Yes, we had a wedding celebration in Tuscany, but that was our honeymoon combined into one, and we really had to cut many corners, let me put it that way.

 - In Argentina, 2014. We’ve been so lucky to have travelled the way we have.

HABIS TU, AND THEN?

Here is the problem. Or issue.

Childcare here in London. It is so expensive. We only just recently put our child in for three days week into nursery so I could teach again. That costs us about £800 a month. The thought of a second child, and having to stretch that three days to five for our first ... it was enough to spend our one precious swanky date night in Singapore recently talking about budgetary concerns for this year. We even had meeting nights later, complete with notepads and bullet points. I guess this differentiates a bit from some of our friends here, who have double incomes in the finance or money sectors.

So yes, money is a factor when it comes to me not wanting to buy anything this year. With a Little Two on the way, I won’t be able to work for a while. Little One will probably have to be in nursery five days a week. The math is real. We noticed when our favourite restaurant hiked up its prices recently, and we don’t even go often. I had to have a rethink about how we consume if we are to keep living the lives we want - comfortable, with a few treats here and there. And this money spent on ... stuff. It’s bullshit! It’s just ... why do we have all this stuff? Why do I have to buy more when I already have all this stuff? I don’t expect my family to be a holier-than-thou, hippie organic minimalist, let’s go vegan-type of family. I’m a weak creature of habit with passions and flaws. But I’d like to try to see how best our family can fare with this. I don’t want to teach my kids, I want to show them and let them learn for themselves. Our families’ immigrant and refugee backgrounds are even more reason for us to try and keep this awareness about work, money, savings and prudence, and pass it on.

My no-consumption goal did not materialise from this financial consideration of things, but it certainly fit perfectly into my overall mindset. Everything has been clearer for me. These considerations made me happier I was doing this in 2017.  

I don’t know why I am sharing all this, to be honest. Perhaps I also felt from some comments that some people thought we were rich enough and this goal of mine was just some flight of fancy stemming from boredom or something. I also think I felt all over the place for a while for a number of reasons, and this goal has rooted me to some core lessons that are real and true. But this is not the main reason why I am doing this. The main reason .... is in the next posting. (sorry!)

I must first say this. 

I used to blog, and I used to write very long and winding posts. I annoyed even myself. My new writing goals this year are to write what I want, without care or abandon, but only in shorter bursts. None of the mega rambling I used to do. So my apologies in advance, if a post seems to leave things hanging and needs to be continued on to another post. It is because I have instituted a WORD QUOTA for each post. (Yes, lots of rules this year, kill me now) 

WHY THIS GOAL AND WHY THIS YEAR. 

When I told friends about my no-shopping and decluttering goals for the year, there were usually one of two comments - one would be Wow and Why? and Why so drastic? The second comment (usually online) was that this was either their lifestyle or they had done this type of thing already. The Malaysian aka cynical side of me would go 'Sure boh?' inside, I mean, seriously? 

The nicer side of me just marvelled at that kind of discipline - I know some people are definitely capable of being such sustainable citizens of the planet already.

I, though, am a shitty, unsustainable, weak-ass morsel who allows leeks and spinach to rot in the fridge. Who has thrown away something bought but not worn, more than a few times. I am that idiot who buys bottled water every where even though I have perfectly good water tumblers at home. I have tossed things aside when they had a hole or imperfections in them. It's a tiny fucking hole in your top, woman, it is not a fungal infection.

Anyway, so this posting is how I've come to this year with this goal.

4. WASTAGE

As you can probably guess, I really had enough with myself and this crazy amount of wastage that I knew was just my fault. My husband is better at this than me. I go into Tesco and suddenly feel like I am Bourdain or Chef Wan, able to whip up this and that dish this week - Oh how wonderful, let me get that galangal, let me get that fancy yoghurt to see if I can whip up a healthy curry. Healthy curry what the ... what nonsense are you talking about?

The reality is that a week later I have no idea what or why is in my fridge and they look or smell rank and they need to go in the bin pronto. My husband has a sweet face, sometimes like a baby ewok. He very rarely scolds me, but when he throws away a whole bag of veg or meat sometimes .... He does not need to say much really, his baby ewok face turns into a WTF-KohLayChin-face. And you know full names (in proper Chinese order) are only used when you are a turd. 

So yes, I was a turd often. Not a big one, but yes - a turd is a turd.

3. FAMILY

I am not living by myself anymore - somehow things were way more manageable with just my things. In this house, we have a little tornado running around, and with another on the way, I was having a little anxiety about how I would keep everything in order. 

We have no help. And this is quite a big house for us! Unlike other families we know here, we haven't even had a part-time cleaner for a long time. I have said previously I am not a minimalist, and I don't think I could ever be one - it is just not me. But I know there is a reason why you enter a tidy and uncluttered hotel room and you feel like all sweet and happy and relaxed inside. It doesn't have all your stupid crap, that's why! It's just got what it needs! Feel the zen! Feel the zen! 

I know with two kids, this zen was going to be hard to find. I just had to try my best to make things more manageable, as sweet and happy and relaxed as I could make it. You know, something that does not involve this kind of beauty: 

Less stuff, less wastage, less costs.

When I said I would buy nothing this year, I really wanted it to be as practical and realistic as I could, considering I have a toddler, and another baby on the way. So there are obviously disclaimers, because well, we have to live. The following are my new rules for this year. I am journaling all this to be accountable to myself - I am not perfect, I am absolutely not a minimalist, I like fashion and nice things, I love hoarding mementoes and books too. But I think I am quite privileged and living comfortably enough to be able to do this. I need to know I can do this and live happily.. even live happier?

NEW RULES:

Food: - No take-outs unless absolutely necessary (aka starving/dying/no way out) - No buying in bulk for ‘sales items’ - Meals every week to be planned. - Thus weekly online grocery shopping to be planned.

Toiletries: - Only allowed: Medicinal products or things required so as not to be gross to the public. (aka general hygiene and cleanliness) - But no luxuries: No special brand body oils or exfoliating magic body scrub nonsense etc. Husband & I will share same basic brand = Dove & Head&Shoulders. - No make up - No perfumes - No face creams etc - No bath salts and 'treats’ etc. - Body moisturising lotion allowed, but just one.

Clothes: - Absolutely no clothes - Even if you are knighted by the queen herself you will wear something you already have, damn it. - Absolutely no accessories - No shoes. - No new underwear. (Unless somehow things fall apart and replacements are required - in line with 'things required so as to not be gross to public’)

For Babies: - No new toys - No new clothes. Unless required. - Things required for baby’s health, safety and nourishment are exempt.

Extras: - No magazines - No newspapers - No bottled water (unless dying/absolutely necessary)

Time: - You shall only read the news online or connect with friends for a total of an hour a day. All inclusive, all platforms. But you may not comment, unless to reply when absolutely necessary, or provide crucial/necessary information. If you have to comment, you can text or Whatsapp your friend. - You may write as much as you like on your blog. You shall disable comments. - You will not Like or Love anything. If you Like or Love it so much, you can text or Whatsapp your friend. - Work-based internet time is allowed only if required. - When baby is around to play, the phone is not.

Allowed are: - Buying presents for friends are allowed but only in the form of one book. Existing arrangements to contribute money for a present allowed. Flowers only when expressing sympathies. - A maximum of a book a month for myself is allowed, but only if I cannot get said book from the library. - Spending on charities to be nipped this year unless absolutely necessary: to be replaced with volunteering with time or effort. - Art materials (replacements) for me and baby allowed if needed. - Experiences: Travel, Special Meals with Friends, Music, Movies, Hosting at Home, etc. For these things, have a ball <3

Principles: If things you don’t have are required, ask or source or borrow. If you can fix it or live with it, do not replace it. Your family may follow in the spirit of these rules but are not subject to them aka you are not a tyrant aka no nagging.

If you fail in any of the rules above, keep calm, note the experience, forgive yourself, and carry on.

As promised, my husband’s new Konmaried wardrobe. Except for the fat winter jacket he has downstairs, this is everything he has. In the boxes are perfectly folded tees and other clothing.

Once he was done, I was a little dejected because I had so much more than he. I just couldn’t understand it - how and why is this? Is this a male - female thing, and why is it so drastic? I’m not even a very vain (I think) and I’m no shopping addict or whatever! (Though I obviously have had my moments)

But I persevered, and will show you my wardrobe soon. It’s done, and I’m proud of it. I’m not taking my time to show the results because I’m trying to perfect it - I just haven’t had time to write as I started working and Luca is getting used to nursery after our Malaysia holiday again. We are committed to the whole method that Marie Kondo has recommended - so we aren’t just doing a ‘take bits’ from her book. We have done our clothes and today we finished shoes, and now we are doing Luca’s clothes. Oh my god our living room is bombed again, and this is all from a one-and-a-half year old. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

This is Kondo’s recommendation for the order of tidying: 1) Clothes 2) Books 3) Papers 4) Komono (Miscellaneous Items) 5) Sentimental items

The Komono section is massive, HUGE. There are categories in there too, including kitchen goods, electrical items, skincare etc, so you can well imagine that will take quite a while.

Can we do this? My planned starting date for Not Buying Anything begins Feb 1. I was meant to sort out the entire house, figure out if we had to purchase anything else in preparation for the year ahead, and then ‘close the books (or purse!)’ for the year, as it were. Because of our daily schedules, we have only been able to seriously tidy during the weekends, and we only have so many left before Feb 1.

It’s 10.50am, and it is still a jungle in our living room. Anh says he has finished his pile! Men! Minimalistic shits! (Just kidding, I love you, this was my idea, yes)

Have received plenty of feedback about tidying and Konmarie etc, which I am grateful for. I suppose everyone is looking for a tidier life? I stress though that this year wasn’t meant to focus on tidying and Marie Kondo, it was meant to focus on changing my habits as a consumer.

The tidying is actually secondary, but yes, it is a related process. In fact, the main focus for this change has been the documentary The True Cost, which you can currently watch on Netflix. It basically encapsulates all I’ve been troubled about and thinking about since 2011, the year Anh and I went on a four-month adventure to China.

But more of that later. For now though, in order to work on how I aim to behave this year as a consumer and ethical human being (cue dramatic music), I need to know what we have. What I have. Because when I know how much I have, which is a lot, I will know what I DO NOT NEED in my life this year.