knotworking

[mysterious campfire of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i have a new tasssk for you Rowling: and thisss isss one that even a gaggle of buffoonsss like you can accomplish Rowling: i'm looking at you allisssson Allison Bailey: [sweating, clutching briefcase]

Rowling: desspite our iron grip on all the leversss of power Rowling: people sstill think that we're a bunch of weird losssersss Rowling: judging usss for our very normal dessire to inssspect peopless junk Jesse Singal: and childrens junk too, don't forget that mommy Rowling: of coursse i wouldn't forget that jessssse Rowling: inspecting childrenss junk is the most important part

Rowling: as you know, pedro pascal called me a heinous loser Kathleen Stock: a monstrous slur, dark lord! Stock: why, someone should turn him into a blueberry for that! Rowling: Stock: don't you think? i mean don't you think? Rowling:

Rowling: why is blueberrification always your go to thing Stock: i just think Stock: i just think it would be interesting Stock: a big round sexy blueberry Allison Bailey: [briefcase flies open, spaghetti explodes out] Bailey: i'm sorry i'm sorry Bailey: i tried to hold it in Bailey: i really did

Rowling: i want you to start a smear campaign against pedro passcal Rowling: i know that sstrangely our extermination campaign against an unpopular minority hassn't endeared uss to the public Rowling: but i'm certain that a bullying campaign against a popular actor will be different

Rowling: the people will have to choosssse Rowling: who do they love more -- pedro pascal or jk rowling? Rowling: i'm pretty confident Rowling: how could anyone NOT choosse me? Rowling: i made your insssufferable millenial parentss' childhoodss magical, after all!

Allison Bailey: b-but dark lord! pedro pascal... he is friend to all children! Rowling: bah! Jesse Singal: he is beloved all the world over! Rowling: Feh! Kathleen Stock: he would be so sexy as a blueberry Rowling:

Rowling: again with the blueberries Rowling: why are you on about the blueberriesss Rowling: i don't like when we talk about booksss that i didn't write Rowling: you should be talking about harry potter, the only relevant book every written Rowling: which you did read, right? Stock: i Rowling: it was required reading for entry into the circle Stock: Rowling: oh my god did you not read it