“* Shock and denial. This is a state of disbelief and numbed feelings.
* Reconstruction and working through. ...
-Healthline - Kimberly Holland
Grief looks different for everyone I presume
First there was shock accompanied by a lot of “I can’t believe you did me this way.”
In awe that after confiding in you, letting my guard down, and really investing my time & interest in you, you would do me just like everybody else....
Then there was the pain I felt in my chest along with thoughts like how could I do this to myself.
It’s my fault that I even trusted you enough to open my door to my already fragile heart.
You poked at my heart like a curious 7th grader, in front of them a dead frog.
Maybe you were just curious what was inside. You bitch! Who goes around tip-toeing in the night just because you wanted to see something. What the fuck kind of person are you!?!
Well maybe you didn’t mean to, maybe you didn’t know you would cause me to feel that way. (Bargaining)
Next there I was wallowing in my own deeply suppressed emotions.
Swimming good until I took a turn, dip, flip, and then boom.
There I was alone with myself, willingly secluded for my own good.
Arms out in my darkness searching for the light that is now dim.
Needing desperately a (re)source to brighten my own light.*
Telling myself you have to get better.
It’s okay to be down but eventually you must get up!
In the depths of my ocean of wading negative thoughts I saw a beam of light!
My eyes were open and I could see it, the sun.
It has always been there but I was seeing it differently now.
My mind had been poisoned by my own thoughts but being alone with myself allowed me to truly figure out the roots of all the ill feelings.
My tree wasn’t planted in the proper soil that it needed to flourish and grow!
I had to shift gears and realize that I am a product of my thoughts.
What I spend time thinking about will manifest in my life.
I use to let my mind go astray but now I focus heavily on the good in my life.
Finally I stay grateful & patient knowing that I am always living my best life; I am doing the best that I can.
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