美的は何か❓

I belonged in a place I didn’t belong, and the place I thought I belonged to was also not for me. 

When I let my mind wander or when I try to put my thoughts into a different medium I find myself catering to a certain audience. I’m afraid to be judged. I’m afraid to be seen in a certain way. I haven’t really found my voice to the point where I don’t care about stating my opinions. I want to be able to say fuck it, fuck off without fear of the repercussions and backlash. I guess it’s due to not being able to find my identity. I know I’m not the only one feeling this way, but at this point in my life I’ve only found a very very select few of people to entrust anything with. I don’t want a large following. I just want to find myself in someone or find a complete opposite that I can confide in here. It’s becoming so difficult. It’s pathetic and self deprecating to say I need to find someone but I’m going to start with that. I’m done comparing myself with other people. I’m not better or worse than my past peers, acquaintances or even friends. I’m not going to care about what they may think of me. It seems like I lost so many people already by trying to put myself within groups in the past. I'm tired of being the only one who is considerate of others. I’m going to be free. I’ll find strength and courage to determine who I am.