LIVING ON VIDEO

Happy new year! Here's the end of the 1953 EC Comics adaptation of Ray Bradbury's "There Will Come Soft Rains," first published in Weird Fantasy #17.

Sure, it might not seem faster, but that's just a side effect of having so many cars. Even after I find the keys, there's some fumbling to remember exactly what car this set of keys go to, and a little more fumbling to get a battery in it. A quitter would assume that's more work than just putting the keys to a single car on a hook next to the door, but they're missing out on one of the greatest aspects of life: owning lots of cars.

Another benefit is that the lock cylinder on these babies is usually so sloppy that I can start them with a different car's keys. For instance, that Savoy over there? Starts with this set of keys, which you'll note have a Ford logo. Oh, this Belvedere? It's keyless ignition. On all the time. When you're done driving it, you have to unplug the battery really fast before the alternator catches fire. Keep meaning to figure that out, but it is really convenient as long as I don't get stuck at the lights for over thirty seconds. Clock runs a little fast, too, now that I think about it. Where was I? Oh right, keys.

I know that people with new cars are terrified of cyborg-enhanced teenagers copying their wireless keys and then driving their Lexii away. That will never happen with these vehicles: even if today's soft-handed carjackers are brave enough to get inside these tetanus-riddled deathtraps, they will have to contend with my security system.

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