tears are streaming down my face, staring and waiting for a response.

it’s 4am.

thoughts keep racing over the worst or best scenario,

best scenario is hoping that she left already and you just stopped responding because you fell asleep.

but how could i even think of the worst case scenario?

i loved you. how could you do that to me? you would never.

i’d waste countless hours of sleep over you.

i’d waited many nights just for one text message back from you.

i was kind, gentle, and patient. i gave up my immaturity for you to love me.

oh how i would kill to have someone love me the way i loved you.

how i would love

i used to think that i was a bad person. a bad person who went through bad things for a reason. i never really tried to fix these things or wonder why my life isn’t any different. everything that was happening throughout the years was just something i accepted.

something clicked.

i’ve always been such a passive person. someone who just listens when being told. that’s how i was raised in a religious immigrant household. but suddenly, i realized i have the power to make my own decisions. not to be that passive 15 year old years ago. i thought maybe, i was an okay person going through bad people. people are rude, selfish, self-centered, and petty. i’ve never had those feelings and maybe sometimes i was selfish, but someone taught me that sometimes, it’s okay to be. being selfish made me happier. but sometimes i wonder, why are some people so selfish yet still so miserable? that leads to people who are inconsiderate.