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Avpd culture is alternating between yearning for connection because you hate feeling lonely and feeling disgusted by connection because you are used to being alone

AvPD + (maybe this is also) StPD Culture is trying to find connection, even with those who could understand you, but their words feel like they hold no meaning. They don’t actually care about me, and I am not even convenient for them to keep me around.

avpd culture is like waiting for a natural distaster that feels inevitable but might never come, but like hell if you're going to be caught unprepared if it is, so you have to stay constantly vigilant forever.

AVPD culture is thinking "I'm scared of you but please don't leave me" with everyone

AvPD culture is wanting to kill yourself but you don't because it would be so fucking embarassing

avpd culture is wanting to give a shot at trying to make friends again but being held back by memories of how all previous attempts went

Avpd culture is having that depressing realisation that you actually need relationships and friendships in life to feel fulfilled more than others. But as much as you want it you just know you won’t ever fit in so you’re just bored and tired of life every single lonely day.

AvPD culture is feeling alone even when you have friends; and feeling guilty because of it. I should feel grateful people are willing to put up with me at all, but it's just never enough.

AVPD culture is losing your will to live because you feel so isolated and irrelevant to anyone.

Avpd culture is giving up on socializing after too many failures. Nothing I say or do matters to anyone. There's always someone better, smarter. I don't know what I can contribute that would be of worth to anyone. Very very rare some things I say are meaningful to someone but most often they're not. Maybe I'm just a useless, embarrassing person that isn't meant to be seen? I'm so sick of living like this. I don't know how to change or become someone of worth. Someone that people would remember and care about. Would anyone even notice if I'm gone? Am I just a ghost trapped in a body?

suspected AvPD culture is dipping my toe very cautiously into the waters of vulnerability by saying something to my online best friend (pretty much my only friend and the only person I truly trust) to casually and lightheartedly (masking the seriousness) express my secret level of devotion towards them, only to have them be caught off guard by it and they go "OH" "WHAT THE HELL", and then I proceed to go invisible on discord for the rest of the day and avoid talking to them because I'm now convinced that I'm too much, and strange, and will never be able to have someone that truly accepts all parts of me and that won't be weirded out by the things I say. (but I can't express that being reacted to in that way felt like being stabbed in the heart because then they'll know that I'm sensitive and overreacting, especially since I can't just expect them to read my mind to know it was significant) even though I KNOW (because they told me so themself) that they only reacted to what I told them in the way they did because they were just caught off guard.

(Probably) avpd culture is being ostracized your entire life. Not bullied, but ignored, dismissed, barely acknowledged. And not knowing why.