Kitty

Why haven’t they replied to me? Why are they ignoring me? I must have done something wrong? Maybe they don’t like me? I’m so annoying, they don’t want to have to deal with me. I’m so shit at my job. Why can’t I do anything right!? Is he going to leave me? Why wouldn’t he, there is so much better out there for him.

The above, is only a snippet, of what goes through my head, every second, every hour, of every day. I am, an over thinker.

Some days are worse than others, some days I can manage. It’s exhausting, constantly over analysing everything. I panic, every time I send a message and it’s read, but they don’t respond. Or I get ignored completely, and/or the conversation is changed completely. When I’m with people, and I speak, I sometimes wonder if I actually said what I wanted to, out loud. When no one responds, until a few seconds tick by and someone says “oh sorry, did you say something?”. I become an attention seeker, I talk more, message more, then I panic. I’m going to get annoying, they’re going to get fed up with me. So I pull back, then I get mad when no one notices.

I feel alone, with all my thoughts. I feel confused, upset, angry. I feel sick. I get headaches. I worry about everything. Will I make it there on time? How can I get through all of this work? What happens if I say no?

I can’t stop, I can’t quiet the noise in my head, there are occasions when my mind is quiet. There are occasions when the noise isn’t as loud, and I’m able to get some form of reprieve. There is just so much noise, so much conflict, so much going on in my head. Even when I’m kneeling, it takes so much energy out of me, to focus only on my breathing and not think. It makes me so tired.

I am just, so tired. I wish I didn’t care about what other people thought, but it influences my decisions, my thoughts, every day.

My overthinking brain…..

Hearing me out even when he disagrees with me.

Backing off when I say something is really too much.

Keeping his ego in check when making decisions for us. 

Respecting my limits.

Loving me for being me.   

Handling tough discussions with care and a calm tone of voice. 

Being my safe place. 

Staying on top of his responsibilities within our relationship.

Seeing value in my personality, including the soft, cautious and sensitive parts.

Double-checking his views or decisions if I voice concerns.

Following the D/s hierarchy. 

Recognizing and accepting our differences. 

Working hard to earn my trust. 

Holding me accountable. 

Understanding that somedays submission is hard. 

Using D/s to help me grow in ways I find meaningful.  

Believing in me.

Showing up to support, guide, or discipline me as needed, even when it’s hard.  

Trusting that I am trying even when I fall short. 

Giving me boundaries. 

Protecting my sensitive heart. 

Being patient with me. 

Setting goals for me that are achievable. 

Building me up. 

Considering his impact on me. 

Trusting me. 

Being dedicated to me. 

Encouraging me to say ‘no’ when I need to. 

Doing his best to make the best decisions. 

Staying loyal to me.

Speaking kindly of me.  

Advocating for what is best for me. 

Caring about my pleasure. 

Being clear about what he expects from me. 

Analyzing his perspectives, beliefs, and actions regularly. 

Being open and honest with me.

Forgiving me when I make mistakes.

Viewing us as a team.

Keeping his promises and commitments. 

Well this day is cursed. Made a pot of coffee. Forgot the fucking coffee. I’m not leaving house unless it’s burning down. And even then. I’m waiting till the last possible second. Cuz this day is cursed I tell you.

Good morning Tribe! Happy Sunday! Wishing you a wonderful day!

Love to All

Kitty

Oh crap, time for that second pot…☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

Because there are people out there who need to know:

You are NOT a lost cause

You are worth it

You are loved

You are wanted

You are needed

Your life is precious and important

You have value

You matter

You are not too much

You are not too needy

You are not alone

You can do it

You have a voice

We believe in you

Things will get better

Everything is going to be ok

Please add more if you wish!