Having bad anxiety is like being trapped inside of a room with a door that's been sealed shut. There are no windows, no light. Every square inch of this room is pitch black. You aren't sure how big this room is, you aren't even sure how you got inside of it. There are speakers in the room, and you can hear your family and friends tell you to look at the painting on the wall. "It's a beautiful painting!" they say, "all you have to do is look at it! You won't regret it.". But how do they seriously expect you to see a painting on a wall in a pitch black room? You can't even see your hand two inches from your face. They tell you not to focus on the darkness, and instead, focus on seeing this painting. You keep trying to tell them that you aren't focusing on the darkness. The darkness is just there. And while focusing on the darkness might appear to make the darkness darker, not focusing on the darkness isn't going to make light appear. But they aren't listening. "I can't see it!" You yell out of frustration. "Nothing you are saying is working!" But they aren't listening. Why aren't they listening?! You soon realize...there is no microphone in this room. They can't even hear you. You truly are alone, in the darkness, with a beautiful painting you just can't see. And now, everything in this darkness is terrifying. And what's scaring you are things that wouldn't be so awful if there was one fricken light in this room. Every noise is a dark noise. Every small draft is a dark draft. Everything around you is dark and wrong and uncomfortable. Everything around you is threatening. You frantically start to search the room for a light switch you know isn't there. But at least you can fool yourself into believing you tried, right? But acting crazy and being frantic isn't going to help this room get any brighter so you sit on the floor and sob. Finally, the door opens. It takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust. You see an empty, well light hallway and step outside of the room. And as you look behind you to the dark and threatening room, you realize that you've seen that door frame before. Many times, actually. You turn back and face the hallway, remembering that you still have to make it through another door to be able to walk outside and see the sun. Sometimes the path to your next door is well lit and easy to follow. But sometimes...sometimes every light that is guiding your path seems to flicker, some even go out completely. But all in all, you make it to that second door. You take a deep breath, wrap your hand tightly around the handle and confidently open the door. The light of the sun floods your vision, and your eyes take another second to adjust. You take another deep breath to enjoy the fresh air surrounding you. You suddenly remember that you never saw that painting your family and friends wanted you so badly to see, but you're absolutely sure you will end up back in that room some day. You don't know when. And you don't know how long you'll be there. And I guess that's the worst part of it all.
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