living dead thing !!

I casually informed my gastro about this phenomenon near the end of our next appointment because I hadn’t been informed that was something that could happen and I thought it might be important to note, possibly a sign of a deeper problem with the way my body was reacting to the medication or sometime like that. Instead of responding with ‘That happens sometimes.’ or even ‘Huh. Weird. Didn’t know it could do that.’ he turned around and looked at me and said in the most condescending and judgmental voice imaginable “Your colon is more important than your hair.”

Which is a really funny one liner out of context and if he had said it with any other expression and tone, I might have laughed. But he was so fucking serious. I was taken aback and immediately tried to explain I just thought it might be of medical relevance. Like, yes, I fucking know my colon is more important than my hair and it seemed like this man was prematurely annoyed with me and (I assume) he thought I was going to try to switch treatments for my severe ulcerative colitis because my fucking hair was falling out. Far from the cruelest thing a medical professional has ever said to me, not egregious enough to make me feel the need to comment on it or try to switch providers, just demoralizing in a way that felt like a branding. I left the appointment feeling so fucking small. I thought, oh, he thinks I’m stupid and vain. This doctor, who has seen me at my most vulnerable and heard me have to describe shitting blood so much I needed iron infusions for the anemia, this man who has shoved a camera up my ass on multiple occasions thinks I am a vapid dumbass who would value my hair over not being in fucking pain and incontinent and sick and bleeding.

ages 7-12: be an ‘old soul’

ages 12-16: allow the darkness to consume you

ages 16-19: be a kid for the first time ever

ages 19-30: develop dad lore

ages 30-35: court a beautiful lady

ages 35-40: get married, start a family

ages 40-55: promise to clean out the gutters and never do it again

ages 55-60: allow the darkness to consume you once more

ages 60-75: swinger cruises with your beautiful wife

ages 75-86: be an eccentric grandfather