love me dead

I seriously hardly ever drive, but I’ll avoid you if I ever see you on the street, complainer.

My future self thanks you.

Anais Nin, Henry Miller... or literally anybody that didn't get their start writing Twilight fanfiction. 

Oh hush I hardly ever drive. What’s life without a little adventure?

While I agree there needs to be some excitement to life I don't really enjoy it in the form of vehicular manslaughter...

More of warning to watch out for me. I usually walk or run everywhere though. It’s cheaper.

Well.... I am starting to see more of a reason to stay inside.

I promise I’m only a partial concern to society. I don’t hit things on purpose most of the time.

Was that supposed to make me feel safer?

Don’t worry, I’m a moped girl. But it’s still advised to stay out of my way. I can fuck people up.

Well even at the thirty to forty miles a moped can get up to I could very well be dead. I would hate to be a mailbox around you.

I'm just going to lie here on the floor as a sign of protest

I feel so torn. On one hand people should read more, on another... They should read anything else. I'm not saying it's terrible, but I am saying Dr. Suess could write better erotica. 

What part of it doesn't sound like a good thing?

Oh…is..uh, is everyone okay?

Well my mom's fine but I have no idea whose mailbox she hit.

Holy doodles! Is she okay?

She's sleeping soundly on the couch so I would say so.

Your mom sounds like my kind of driver.

Okay. Remind me to not get in your way.

Pleasure is all mine. Are you from around here?

Please, by the time we’re old, they’ll have invented something to keep us fresh and healthy. Plus, sixteen is not the time to worry about dying early. We’re supposed to be all…YOLO.

No. Just no.