KonfusionKloud

Where are my thoughts taking me these days?…

Tell me why I even post on this damn thing

I fucking love you so bad that I hate you. Fuck the names and fuck the i don’t knows!! I love you and that’s all that matters. Whoever you may fucking be in the end of it all, I fucking love you!

I’ve lost myself somewhere in the middle of all that is…..

Something is just missing…

When I think about letting go, I’m filled with this feeling that it’s wrong. Like I shouldn’t be letting go… I put so much “love” into it that it’s hard to just give it up and act like it doesn’t matter anymore. How can I just cut it out of my life? I struggle every day with this. Some days are easier than others but at the same time I’m still dragging myself through the thoughts. Where are you now that it’s been what feels like forever? Why did u leave me alone? I’ve been questioning life ever since. There has been a moment or two that I’m taken back to what was and all felt right, but after it’s all said and done you go ahead and leave me again. I should’ve learned by now that you’ll always leave me. To live without you seems so mundane. I miss all the happiness that I feel with you. I can’t shake the feeling that me and you missed our time… I want to believe again. I want to live the way I do when I’m with you.

I want to dream of you…

I miss My Whisper…

What has become of me…

My mind isn’t where i want it to be….

Hey I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, I feel happy like everything ok and there's nothing to worry about but every few minutes or so there this recurring flood of emotion that just drowns every bit of my existence... I need, I want, I just can't shake it.... then.... it drains bone dry, empty... I miss u I love u I want u I need u!!!!!

Benjamin, it's been awhile since I've last missed you this much. This city holds a different feelz beginning again... or maybe it's my loving situation that makes this all feel different. I'm not sure which it is. Sleep is worse than before, now I find more feelz in the night that captivate me thru the morning binding me to the realm of dreams stronger and longer than before. The asshole has officially stop wanting to be worth a damn, though he does resurface from time to time. Personally I just want his money for the kids cuz there is no way I can manage this all alone, honest, I'm not mentally capable to run solo like this. Especially with so many other factors in play.... Fort worth I was alone but I turned to you when I needed to and you kept me going. Here I've neglected to hold you as close as I should be so here I find myself in a mental crisis fighting to stay afloat.... lunar new year is tomorrow, yesterday I made 30days clean... Benjamin my beloved, inside I'm at odds with myself with idk what exactly... I miss u I need u I luv u!! Please help me find what I so recently have lost...