Slapping-da-bass

At this week’s Life Group the topic that was shared upon was pride. And wow did it smack me for 6! 

The message and what was said about pride, you couldn't help but first be like “oh this person was acting this way because of pride” but I soon became overwhelmed with the sense of “hold on, what about you?” 

When I allowed myself to pay attention to that feeling, which I believe was a strong conviction from God, He just started showing me the different aspects and scenarios in which I was acting out of pride! 

I always thought that my main issue was that I am a selfish person which is my pride manifesting itself in that way and as much as I have tried to deal with my selfishness and as my best friend, Camilla said, it will be a short-lived kind change. 

Even in those moments, when she would say that I know of times when I think to myself “lets see about that” or “you’re wrong” responses from a place of pride. 

But the underlying problem is that Im a prideful person. 

I said I am going to change yesterday or rather in my previous post and I know to change I need to not think less of myself but to think of myself less. 

So a constant theme has been running in my mind all day.

The theme: Change!

And two songs were resonating in my head both titled Change by two artist who don’t shy away from telling their truth in their music, J. Cole and Tracey Chapman.

“Life is all about the evolution I give up, I give in, I move back a little I live up, I look up, now I'm back for more You can dream but don't neglect the execution I give up, I give in, I move back a little I live up, I look up, now I'm back for more Time is short that's what somebody told me I give up, I give in, I move back a little I live up, I look up, now I'm back for more Too short to keep following your homies I give up, I give in, I move back a little I live up, I look up, now I'm back for more” - J.Cole

Life is truly about evolution and though it feels that progress has been made in personal growth when the stumbles or the **** ups happen it just feels that its 2 steps forward and 5 back, but the worst thing is gaining back that ground, because time doesn't stop and wait for you to gain that ground back but it keeps moving and you have to juggle everything. 

But the only real change comes from inside! - Don't forget

“If you knew that you would be alone Knowing right being wrong Would you change? Would you change? If you knew that you would find a truth That brings a pain that can't be soothed Would you change? Would you change?” - Tracy Chapman

I would and definitely want to change because continuing the way that Ive been carrying on is detrimental to my personal growth but it impacts everyone in my life, from my daughter to my relationship to friends and colleagues. 

The simple answer to the questions posed by Tracy in this song is yes! easier said than done but nothing worth having is easy. 

This is Day two of a life that 1, I’m not accustomed to and 2, a life that I don’t want to live.

I don’t want to live a life without my life partner, as cheesy as it sounds she is my better half, she truly completes me.

But being a selfish partner has resulted in me mistreating her and hurting her to the point where we are now currently on a two-week break from each other to figure out what going forward means. Does going forward mean we do it together or are we calling it day on our relationship.

I miss her so much, she is all I think of and all I want is to hear her voice, see her name pop up on my screen, tell her I love her, say goodnight and good morning.

Coming between her and her mother is something I could’ve never seen happening and yet it has by my actions, and it’s something that I have to change even if it means that’s the last decent good thing I do for her.

I am a good person and yes I have done bad things, hurtful things but those don’t define who I am and the man I am, or the man I my partner deserves!

my goodness but I forgot how much I enjoyed listening Fourplay! The music is great but the musicians are ridiculous! I remember after watching “An Evening of Fourplay” for the first time and Nathan East’s solo on 101 Eastbound inspired me to learn the bass! Then there is Lee Ritenour who is just another animal on the guitar and I think its his intro on Monterey, if Im not mistaken, that is absolutely jaw-dropping!!

listening to an awesome playlist on Apple Music, recommended by a colleague. 

Artists to watch in 2016, and my word, I am hooked on the first track 

Check the link out - https://itun.es/za/Dmzt7?i=994939679