The King

I saw this documentary yesterday night. I was completley in shock, because of what I saw. This family had a fucked up life. You can ‘t trust people and especially not the neighbours. But I think it’s sick to manipulate a girl of 12. She had it so hard to believe all the things what the man said. It was hypnosing a little girl. Everytime I see the world gets more crueler and crueler.

C ya

Goodnight😘

Well, I am very late. But I just want to say to everybody who reads this that I am very happy to be 19. And so much appreciation of the things that I have and what I achieved. So very happy with my life and with myself. It’s always been a struggle. But everyday I feel much stronger and prouder.

Insecurity is such a poison. It can twist your mind in just one second and it goes on to a certain point when you don’t even know what to think. Or the most worse thing of all is that we people give the insecurity to each other, because you don’t want to feel like that. It’s sickness to do that.

This morning was a stressfull morning. I needed some music sheets, but forgot to print. And I don’t trust my printer at home but just took a risk. And my risk was joyfull, it printed my musicsheets. But I didn’t used it because my vocal teacher was sick today. We had the lessons Song and Dance, Jazz/Tap, Ballet and Drama lesson. Well our S&D lesson didn’t end very well, because the people came from an event at the 19th. So we took the clothes, took it on and did the dance for that day. Well bye lesson 1. Jazz/Tap was harder than the other days. For Jazz I need to train my legs more and Tap went very well. Just need to exercise it more, but it went great. And then the lesson Ballet. It sucked. We did all the exercise with our eyes closed and nothing went well. So I was irritated and frustaded. But we need to carry on, tomorrow the same thing again. We had one hour nothing before Drama. So I bought some ice cream, because I needed it. Well 3 hours of drama, it was worth it, but he said that we need to come with more stuff and need to rehearse the things what we have. After that I went to my rehearsels and went home. Watched a video of Nienke Plas and now I am here in bed. Just chilling and almost falling a sleep. It’s time to go. Bye. Sleepwell😘

I just want to say something. But I don’t know what I want to say. Had a great day. Was with my bestfriend to cheer her up. Than had 1 school lesson. That went very well, so happy with that too. And had some sush, needed that for a very long time. After the meal I went to rehearsel. It was very intense, so intense. Went back home and rehearsed the lines of Romeo and Juliette, took a shower and here I am in bed. Alone. Miss someone...

I feel very bad when I have foodcravings at night. Like now... Should I eat something or not? A better option is sleeping. I am sticking with this one. Goodnight you all and bye foodcravings

Lord, have mercy because they murdered me today with those classes. Can not even tell how happy and excited I am. The moment you see that you grew is the best feeling in the world. And I am happy, but have much work to do. So chop chop, let’s go!!

I am doing a play. But in the play there is a moment that I will be naked. I invited my sister. This will be awkward. It is the very first time that she will see me kissing with a boy. But happy that she supports me.

Yesterday my granni send me voice recorders about how she is and what she is doing. She said that she misses me and that I am everything for her. So happy with her❤️

I entered the train and sit next to someone. A boy walks by and he searched for a place, but there wasn’t any so he walked straight ahead. A passenger later said: “Faggot.” So rude. So disrespectful. Cause why would you say that?

Well I went home from work. And I opened the door went to the living room and I saw my little brother laying there. But I turned the lights on. So he was mad and he said to me that I need to turn the lights off. But I said No I won’t. And he said that he will hit me if I didn’t. So I didn’t. And he walks towards me, but I walked upstairs to my dad. But my dad already woke up and asked what was happening. And my little brother was yelling at me and saying that I was a faggot, a scared boy etc. And he said to me that I need to wait when my dad is not around. And he said I am threathening you right now. So I was scared and said to my father and myself that I need to find a house to live in. I don’t feel safe anymore. What will he do? What should I do?

He stole my charger today. So I took it back and he was mad at me, because he thought that it was his. But his charger was at his desk. It is just annoying that you take something what’s yours, but still being afraid that he will beat your ass.

This is the first time that I talk about my family. I have one little brother and two older sisters. My parents are still together, but they said to me that they gonna divorce when I was born. I don’t talk with my brother and my youngest sister. My oldest sister is the best. I can say everything that I want to say. She is the only one who knows that I like boys. Because my parents are very strict christians, so they wouldn’t accept it.

It is the second day at school. And I even didn’t got a break. And it’s like 00:41. Tomorrow another school day and a work day. Sucks to be me.

How can you talk to my ex? Like what is the need or the reason to talk to my ex? Even if you know that I don’t like it. And for you my ex: you are a bitch. 😘