I trust this sea

here is my comfort when my life is spread out over years and state lines and too many kinds of heartbreak, too many kinds of restoration, when i want to share it across boundaries, explain a dynamic or a story or a person to one who exists in another chapter. it can’t ever come out in full and no one can ever fully hear what i’m trying to say, try as i might, even when i adjust my language and cadence for each set of ears. still not heard, still not with me to acknowledge the fullness of my broken and healing heart and the laughs and oddness along the way. no one gets it. it is essentially incommunicable.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

“Just imagine living in a world without mirrors. You’d dream about your face and imagine it as an outer reflection of what is inside you. And then, when you reached forty, someone put a mirror before you for the first time in your life. Imagine your fright! You’d see the face of a stranger. And you’d know quite clearly what you are unable to grasp: your face is not you.”

“In a place where no one could really understand my life or my circumstances, God had allowed a holy loneliness that compelled me to run to Him and confide in Him more than ever before. Surrounded by people who loved me, intentional, thoughtful friends and community members, I often felt completely alone. …Certainly God places each of us in situations that, though others look on with support and love, they cannot fully understand. In the past year, loss and life had left a big void that only He could fill, and He did. In His presence, I didn’t have to explain myself or recount the struggles of the day; I didn’t have to try to describe my feelings in all their complexity. He knew. I didn’t have to summon up trite answers or insincere piety. He knew me and He loved me, and I could rest in Him even when my mind raced. He was The Lord Who Provides all over again, providing me with a true companionship that no human ever could.”