勤勉になりたい

Things have become a little hectic lately to the point at which I’ve moved most of my goal-planning and adjustment to a written journal, but because I need an accountability buddy to help me through this summer, here I am again, with a single specific goal in mind: Operation Spite My Grandpa

This evening I’ve had to tolerate the most viciously intolerant tirade from my grandpa I’ve ever experienced - he’d already set a pretty high bar for himself, too. As the family interpreter, I can’t argue with the man no matter how venomous and hateful he may be - it’s important to avoid any direct conflict with him, because if he cuts me out, my parents won’t be able to communicate with him except via letter or, even worse, via my brother.

So, option A (tell him he’s wrong and I’m disgusted to be associated with him in any way) is out of the question. Option B, aside from preventing any direct conflict, would be far more constructive in the long run: work against his views.

Step 1: Find a constructive volunteering project to help those my grandfather so viciously hates

Step 2: Contribute to the project

Step 3: Assess future steps necessary

Slept well, got up before 7am this morning. Have found Gilmore Girls is the perfect show to fall asleep to. Planning on getting to sleep early again tonight to keep the cycle going.

Went to uni! This is a big thing to me, as my anxiety is very good at keeping me from going to classes with other people in them. Didn’t achieve much with studying otherwise, but I’m getting there

Have found it difficult to keep up with JLPT prep mainly because I’ve lost access to textbooks, but will resume tomorrow

Bonus: didn’t snack between meals / drink fizzy frinks today

Right now I’m struggling to fulfil my short-term goal of rising before 7 for 14 consecutive days. I’m struggling to rise before 7 on any day at all. In addition to this, I’ve not been working that much on my long-term goal of getting a 2:1. Why is this? I have the worst time management of any person I know.

For the past three days I’ve been up past midnight just making sure I get my JLPT prep for the day done. This is mainly because I’m not entirely sure how much time my JLPT prep schedule takes and start working too late. I also get distracted from my work easily and am terrible at single-tasking.

I’m also struggle with the sleep hygiene stuff because everything feels urgent all the time and an entire hour without work or internet is booooooring. If I’m working until 12am I don’t see the point in taking out a quiet hour, so new rule: stop working at 10pm, regardless of whether it’s done or not. I should also schedule in interesting non-screen non-work activities so I’m not tempted to ignore my sleep hygiene rule.

So, things to work on from here:

> Time how long it takes to do the Nihongo Sou Matome work today as a guideline for future work

> No working after 10pm - this will be hard for the first few days, but as soon as I get back into a waking-up-before-7am routine it should be easier

This is a reaaaaaaaaally big goal, especially considering I’m on the borderline with my classification,  so I’m breaking it down into smaller tasks and recording it in a separate journal. The main challenges are completing my essay for politics of memory and contemporary culture in Spain and succeeding in my Japanese exams, so those are going up as short-term goals at a later point if I feel I’m struggling.

Reward?

I failed N3 last year after a mental health episode and the motivation-draining aftermath preventing me from getting any studying done. This year, however, I feel far more confident in that 1. I have the motivation to do work and 2. I haven’t had any memory lapses spanning several weeks this year so far.

How am I going to accomplish my goal?

For now, I am going to be working on the Nihongo Sou Matome prep books each day. I have a journal in which I’m recording my progress on those, and when I’ve completed them, I’ll start working on practice exams.

What obstacles do I expect?

I’m going to have to prioritise my degree over the N2, no matter what. Luckily N2 prep and prep for my Japanese exams go hand-in-hand, but I can’t allow my N2 prep to drain from other subjects.

If I have a mental health crisis, I have a mental health crisis. I’ve got all the prevention measures, as well as a plan for if things get Really Bad, but if my mental health is too much for me, I’m going to have to stick to bare-bones on my goals and give up on the N2. I’ve got to focus on prevention measures to prevent that from happening.

How am I going to record my progress?

I’m mainly using my JLPT journal and bullet journal to focus on my progress.

When is the exam? 

2nd July

What’s my reward?

The sweet satisfaction of knowing I worked on this. Last year when I got my results, I was simply disappointed in myself for having been so ill-prepared.

If I get to the exam feeling I’ve done what I can, I’ll treat myself to a weekend away somewhere nearby.

I’m terrible at falling asleep, but even worse at waking up, no matter how loud and persistent my alarms (phone, ipad, mother) may be. Waking up late doesn’t make me any more well-rested and invokes a lot of frustration, which includes cycles of self-deprecation. Getting sunlight is good for me emotionally and waking up early motivates me to be more productive.

How am I going to accomplish my goal?

I’m going to practice sleep hygiene, more specifically by turning off screens and stopping work an hour before bedtime. The aim is to attune my circadian rhythm to waking up at a reasonable time.

I’m also banning myself from listening to TV shows to ‘help me fall asleep’. It doesn’t work at night, and I know this. I’m adding this to the habit tracker in my bullet journal. 

What obstacles do I expect?

I’ve had insomnia on and off since childhood and my current medication has triggered a recurrence. This is something I can deal with privately.

I have ridiculous issues with prioritisation, which has made me struggle with sleep hygiene in the past. I confuse urgency with importance, and this has compelled me to continue working/chatting/watching TV into the small hours. So I’m going to be strict with switching off screens by a specified time each night.

I am also using this as an opportunity to practise boundary-setting. Especially when living at home, I find the boundaries I set between daytime, winding-down time, and bedtime to be challenged by others, and this drives me off-track. I’m going to say ‘no’ when people want to ask me for help or to talk after 11pm (unless it’s absolutely urgent, of course) because I should be allowed eight hours a night of not being bothered by the outside world.

How am I going to record my progress?

I’m going to send my accountability buddy a message each morning by 7am demonstrating that I have left my room. Waking up early is already recorded in my habit tracker.

What’s my reward?