ShawnyHats

(this is 4 u my wonderful melly love u girl @scrmqwn)

Craig Cody isn’t the smartest man in the world, but when he’s with her, his best friend since the second grade, he seems to get a whole lot dumber — they collectively seem to get a lot dumber. And they’re together a lot.

They probably haven’t gone three days without seeing each other since the first time she came over. Her mom brought some new guy to the house and told her to go play outside; Craig had been running from his brothers after pulling some stupid stunt and found her laying in the grass, plucking at strands.

Confused, he called her name in between pants while he stomped up her yard.

“Oh, hey, Craig.” She’d looked over, watching him plop down in the grass next to her. “What’re you doin’ here?”

“I live that way,” He pointed down the street, like that explained why he was in her yard. “Whatcha doin?” He asked, moving his hand back and forth in the grass while she flipped over to lay on her tummy.

“My mom told me to come play outside, but nobody wanted to play with me.” The other parents on the street were aware enough of her mother’s habits to not want anything to do with the small family.

“Oh. That’s stupid.”

She nodded in agreement against the arms folded under her head.

“You can always come play with me.” Craig shrugged.

“Really?”

“Yeah!” He grinned, and the hair he wouldn’t let his mother cut even then moved along with his nodding head. “C’mon, we can go swimming and my mom got popsicles.”

They clambered up from the grass together, running off to Craig’s house full of giggles. That had been halfway through third grade, around two decades ago.

She’s basically part of the family now, Smurf always makes sure there’s enough dinner for her. The older woman loves her dearly, unlike the rest of the relationships she has with her sons…womanly counterparts. She just worries about those two, sometimes, with the conversations she’s overheard throughout the years. It was worse in their teen years.

“How does that even work?” She’d heard Craig ask as she passed by his room with a basket full of clean laundry. Smurf paused, looking in the small crack left between the door and its frame to find the two starfished out across his bed with confusion written all over their faces. Closed doors wasn’t much of a thing in the Cody house, privacy wasn’t ever a concern.

“What do you mean, dude, like, the fishes?”

“Yeah, why don’t they all freeze and die when stuff gets all icy? How do fishes still exist?”

They go quiet, and Smurf watches the girl try to think up an answer with wide eyes and furrowed brows. After a minute, she shakes her head.

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“…fish magic.”

They burst out giggling, and Smurf has to close her eyes and walk away to stop the sigh that wants to leave her mouth. Fishes — fucking fish magic. Dumbasses.

J meets her the first day he spends at Smurfs. While the boys jump around the pool she’s laying in a lounge chair with a football in her hands.

“Go!” She shouts to Craig from where he stands on the diving board.

“Gimme a minute-“ He pleads, taking in gulps of air.

“No, go, dude!”

With a groan, he starts to run off the diving board. Clearly not fast enough for her, because she pelts him in the stomach with the football.

He drops into the water with a moan while she cackles, resurfacing to throw the ball back at her.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” She tries while watching him climb from the pool with a gleam of trouble in his eyes. The giggles in between sorries doesn’t make it seem very true.

“Yeah, you better be,” He grins when she stumbles from the lounge chair and starts running around the pool.

“No, no, no,” She dashes around Deran, when suddenly Smurf storms into the backyard with a boy by her side.

“My cupcakes are ruined!”

Unaware of his surroundings (as usual), Craig manages to grab ahold of her from behind, pulling her into his chest and off the ground.

“You remember your uncles, J, don’t you?” Smurf asks the young boy. It stops Craig from hauling her back into the pool. They pay no attention to the rest of the conversation while he let’s her back down and he stuffs her under his arm. Smurf says her name, so she throws J a wave and a grin as she wraps her arm around Craigs waist. “This is Craigs…good friend.”

Before they can stop themselves, she’s wrestling for the football in his hand. He’s too strong though, like every other time they do this, and soon she’s hauled back up into the air and he’s making a running jump into the pool.

pope doesn’t like being called “baby.” 

he doesn’t say it out loud, but the first and only time you ever said it, you felt the shift in him. it was as if a blackhole had opened up in him, and he got this far away look in his eyes. 

it confused you for a moment, until it occurred to you that smurf calls everyone baby.

you should have realized it before, honestly. you could still remember the uncomfortable way your insides twisted up the first time you heard that word coming from smurf’s mouth, the ugly way she drew it out while leaning towards her sons.

after that, you decide to never call pope that again. instead you find yourself thinking up new names for him, ones hopefully untainted by his mother. 

you already know he likes to be called andy. it makes him smile ever so faintly when you say it. he tries to hide his smiles, something you’re trying to make him stop doing, but you can pick up on his subtle tells. a tiny little “good morning, andy” will make his mouth twitch up ever so briefly, his eyes squint just a touch. 

when you call him handsome it is when you’re getting ready for a date. he’s put on a new shirt, it’s lavender, and as you watch him do the buttons up you can’t help but go up to him and finish them for him.

“look at you, my handsome boy” you say in a low teasing voice, and  he actually blushes. his cute cheeks blossom into a pretty shade of pink, his gaze avoiding yours. it makes him mumble some nonsense about that not being true. you just shush him and promise that after dinner, you will show him exactly how handsome he is. 

you call him several variations of “pretty,” as many as you can think of. pretty boy, pretty angel, sometimes just pretty. it has a similar effect as handsome, but amplified. it’s as if the words make him try to crawl out of his own skin. he squirms and tries to hide his face from you. it makes you grin and try to uncover his hands from his face, telling him every pretty thing about him. 

“i mean it, pope” you say, grabbing his cheeks, feeling how warm they get, “you have pretty eyes. a pretty nose. pretty freckles on those pretty cheeks and shoulders…” you trail kisses down each feature as you go until you have him undressed and whimpering for you, “you have a pretty cock,” you tease before wrapping your lips around the tip, bringing soft whimpers from him.

-dutch, hosea, and molly are OBVIOUSLY living in the same house lets be real. i think there would be an extra guest room though that molly sometimes sleeps in or the other members if they dont wanna be in theirs. when trelawny visits, he stays there.

-arthur, charles, and sadie would live together. it would be the most peaceful household but i feel like they would keep forgetting whose doing what chores and their place would get messy quick

-abigail, john, and jack get their own place with uncle bunking, what did you expect? probably the cosiest on the lot too.

-mary-beth, tilly, and karen would have the nicest furniture in their place i reckon. theyre always having fun, doing gossip seshs, and inviting others over for sleepovers. grimshaw regularly bursts in to lecture them on keeping their place tidy.

-lenny, kieran, & sean share their space together but sean NEVER cleans or helps around the house so lenny is always sleeping over in the guest room by invite of hosea and then complaining to arthur. kieran ends up doing most the chores.

-grimshaw, strauss, reverend, and pearson share their space. its definitely the tidiest and theyre always out of the house working around the area and helping others out (apart from strauss whose more of a recluse)

-lastly, bill, javier, and unfortunately micah share their cabin. for the most part, bill and javier can be civil but there are a lot of arguments in that place and dirty dishes they fight over regularly.