11 PM, como?

“Fuck this, seriously. I don’t need to stand here and let you tell me what I was doing when I was with you. I challenged you because I knew you owed it to yourself and the only way that you were going to do that is with someone who didn’t give a shit. Who you didn’t think cared when it all came down to it. I mean, at least if you told me I wasn’t anyone really all that important, right? Listen, I don’t need this shit, okay. I do mean it, and that’s the issue. You’re not listening to me literally tell you that I mean it. When we first met, I didn’t think you gave a fuck. Hell, I didn’t think I gave a fuck either. I’m not going to say sorry for leaving, because I figured shit out. I’m saying sorry for not telling you. But, continue to believe what you want. Because a guy like me could never change,” he exhaled, loudly. There was so much passion, and rage in his words. They spewed from his mouth faster than he probably even realized. “You know, what? It’s okay. Be mad at me. Put the blame on me. I’m used to it – It’s always my fault, even now. I know that, I own up to it, truthfully. You can’t act like you’re not lonely as hell with that wall you’ve got up. Own up to your own truth, would you?” Before he could let his words sink in for Kim to respond, Ben turned around and started to walk away, hiding any signs of emotion or weakness that had fallen to his facial expression. 

”Welcome home.” Rosalie wrapped her arms around the girl to hug her back tightly. “I’m glad you’re back. I knew you couldn’t stay away from me for too long.” She teased the other with a smile. “ Yes, please do. Where do you want to eat? I’m starving and I know whatever you pick will be great.” 

“i’m just being kim. you’re good at what you do,” allie responded with a soft smile. she admired how her friend went for what she was passionate about and genuinely enjoyed what she did for work. as much as allie like being a nurse and helping others through that, she still felt like there was something missing. “i don’t even know anymore, honestly. i just feel like it’s too late in the game to switch it up, you know? or i’m just scared,” she admitted with a sigh before a smile came on her face again. “his name is james. he’s so great, i can’t even believe it’s real. which is another thing that scares me. i tend to screw things up and i don’t want to do that with him.”

Hearing Kim stand up for herself only made Ben feel even more like an asshole for doing what he did. Ever since he arrived in Springhill, he had begun allowing people open up to him and there were others that he opened up to himself. No matter what side of it they fell on, it was a connection he hadn’t had with anyone in his life in a long time. His jaw was practically on the ground at this point. His eyes moved from her eyes to the finger inching its way closer to his chest, and then his own chest. Ben was waiting for something bigger to happen but, honestly no matter what came next he couldn’t be prepared for. “That’s the issue with this. There was no fucking game involved. I didn’t metholodically plan out that when you felt comfortable with me that I was going to be like a fucking rug and pull myself right out from underneath you. I didn’t decide that I wanted to hurt you. I didn’t think I needed to say anything because I didn’t think it mattered whether I was here or not. Just because we’re friends – or whatever. We weren’t best friends, Kim. I didn’t need to tell you that I was leaving. But I did need to apologize for not telling you now.. At the time, all those months ago, my perspective on friendships were completely different. They were all temporary. Most of them in my life have been. It wasn’t until living in Springhill that I realized friendships mattered. They’re meant to last, no matter where you go. As I said, I fucked up.” Ben sighed, his entire body tense, tight. He wanted to just scream, but he had no reason to at all. He felt rage and saddness and so much more. Not because of Kim, but his own decisions. 

Kimcastro: “don’t you know? True friends stab you in the front.”- pulp fiction

hearing her friend gush about her travels made allison happy. she never traveled before but it was something she wanted to look into if work ever slowed down for her. “well, if that was a first try with freestyling, you did good,” she offered some supportive words with a smile. “i’ll put thailand on my list, then. if i ever actually get to go through with it. uh, not a lot. i mean, i met someone and just been working. you know how that goes,” she said with a sigh, sometimes wishing she had a different career, less demanding.

”Not too long.” Rose was glad to hear that Kim was back in town. She thought she would drop by the dance studio to ask her if she wanted to catch a bite to eat. If not Rose was happy to get something by herself. Looking at the dance studio brought back fond memories. She loved going to her local dance studio and spending hours in the room creating art. However she had given up dance a long time ago. “Are you hungry? If so it will be my treat.” 

“trampy–as in tramp, as in lady in the tramp! god–kim, catch up!” she groaned rolling her eyes, the alcohol she had consumed slowly hitting her head with a banging drum against her ear drums. “i don’t want a cat–cats judge me!” she groaned like a teenager pouting her lips. “—he’s coming home with me kimmi, and then we can have a cuddle together and–” she then started to get emotional, tears started pouring but this was purely alcohol induced.

Arlo hadn’t meant to stand there staring. He’d only ducked back in from the car because his nephew had left his water bottle in the studio. He could see it on the opposite wall of the dance studio. He’d meant to just slip in and grab it but Kim had taken the floor and now he was propped up against the doorframe. Watching her and called out like a creep, too. “Oh, uh–” He felt the heat pooling in his cheeks. “Not that long.” Arlo lied, as he’d been there the entire time. “Pip just left his drink bottle and I, uh–” Gesturing just past Kim with a nervous laugh, he began to meander to the lone bottle. “That was choice. You’re a, uh– you’re a talent, eh?” 

There was so much hurt in her voice. He should have expected this, but there was the part of him that was hopeful that maybe she hadn’t taken their time together as seriously but he was wrong, so wrong. He clearly made her feel some type of way and there was no way he was going to be able to take that back. Ben was sure that her life was better without him in it, but he enjoyed so much getting to know the woman that she was with him. “I should have said goodbye, I know that now. I didn’t think that you really would have given a shit. Hell, wasn’t I just some fuckin’ guy who made you do everything you didn’t want to do anyway? Couldn’t have been so bad that I left.” Ben was now showing in his own way how hurt he was for the mistake he made, for allowing himself to think that’s all it was. He cared for her, truly. “I had to force you to be around me anway. Can’t you see how I would think that I didn’t need to say anything to you?” 

allison heard kim was back and she knew she couldn’t waste time without dropping in on her, knowing exactly where she would be too. the two met when allie was new in town and kim was one of her friends. she would always appreciate everything she did for her and how welcoming she was. when she got to the studio, she couldn’t bring herself to interrupt her friend so she just waited there. she smiled when kim noticed her and shook her head, “not too long but you seemed to be in the moment. i couldn’t interrupt. and i couldn’t wait any longer to come see you! how was time away?” she asked, walking closer to her friend and giving her a hug.

“don’t talk to trampy that way-” isabella spat back out raising a curious eyebrow. “–i mean, what if you were a lil’ dirty with some diseases, abandoned, would you want me to leave you, hm?” Isabella was aware she did come across quite aggressive when she wanted to be. “Kimmi, i’m just letting you know–your cat…does not like you. I’m sorry to break it to you, but—you can tell…Look it’s even giving you the hissy eyes.”

Ben could admit that what he did was wrong, and that took a lot for him. If you were to have asked him years ago if he would have aplogized for getting up and leaving without telling anyone, he wouldn’t have. But now, he realized that there was more to his relationships, he really cared. Sure he was still a man from a tough background and had a hard time moving from that, but he was getting better at being honest with himself. Except it was almost a little too soon for others, like Kim. “Well, not the only thing I have to say but,” he hestitated, sighing, “– I know I fucked up, Kimberly, I know. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to say to make this better. I’m sorry.” Ben combed his fingers now through his short locks, a nervous habit that he had. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. There was nothing he could do to make up for leaving. He didn’t think she would have been as bothered but, he was wrong. 

Ben had made so many mistakes in his lifetime. One mistake he appeared to make over and over again was making the conscious decision to leave people after her gets to close to them. He dropped out of high school to travel, leaving his younger brother. He traveled and got close to people in those places and left them behind. He arrived in Springhill, thinking that this habit was better than him and he was doing it again – he left just when people were opening up to him, and he was opening in return. It was that fear of getting to close to anyone, as if saying goodbye was harder than letting them know. Ben contemplated if returning to Springhill was the best idea, there would be so many people that would be frustrated with him, upset. He was walking the streets, contemplating who to contact. And then, before he really had the opportunity to decide who to let know he was back – his eyes had fallen on his spray paint accomplice, his classroom hook up – Kim. But, she was so much more than that, and he knew that whatever they had going on between them, he was no longer in her good graces. His hands rested in his pockets, looking at the ground for a moment longer, going speechless. “You look real good, Kimbo. Real good,” was all he managed to get out.