Personal Blog

Ahoy.

We always say what comes around goes around. Or that Karma is a bitch. Or that everything is the way it supposed to be. Or everything happens for a reason.

And it’s all true. And it’s all just a different interpretation of the ultimate law of cause and effect.

We think it doesn’t apply to all we do. But it does. Even the smallest action will receive the reaction, maybe small. But all those “small actions and reactions “ will in the end of the day create the big mess or the big outcome of our daily lives. The manifestation of our life is in our hands. The right or wrong doing can not be blamed on anyone else but ourselves. The kindness or cruelty is only our own doing and our decision to make.

It’s not an easy task to stay kind and nice and always positive. To stay polite and just walk away from people who are evil or trying to hurt you. Our natural mode for survival kicks in, our body gets activated and we want to defend ourselves. But defend in front of whom, really?!

It took me a long time to realize that it’s pointless and impossible

To try to wake up a person who is pretending to be asleep.

All we all can do is just to smile and be the best version of ourselves. Because, that Karma girl will give you what you deserve. Whatever that is, you gonna have it served.

Work hard on yourself and act the way that you can look at yourself in the mirror every morning and not feeling guilt or hate or worse. And if you do then just change it. Change the way you think, the way you do, the way you show yourself to this world. Change begins within and only we can change who we are.

I’m grateful for every and each new day , for the chance to be better and do better.

Let’s feed the good one.

And when we feel trapped and think that we have nothing good to offer and we feel like there is only anger ... just keep going , keep trying because

The only way out is through.

N.

Ahoy.

When something challenging is happening in your life and when it feels like it’s all happening at once. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat, you can’t focus, you become overwhelmed.

This world is spinning and it’s out of control. The last thing you need is to be stressed out. People are frustrated and angry and it shows. Reality might be harsh but it’s important to face it. No stress or negativity will help it.

The question is what to do when you feel like you can’t hold your head up anymore? What to do when you want to simply run away from your problems and madness? What to do to be able to forget and deny and have no evidence of the tough life around you?

...

Inhale.

Count to 5.

Look down at your feet, notice how they touch the ground.

Take a break.

Rest.

Exhale.

...

Never quit! Do not quit! Repeat these few words until you understand the importance of it. It will always !!! get better.

Whatever it is you have to go through, there is always a way how to overcome it. No matter how unpleasant, how difficult or draining the situation is - it will be over.

Because the good news is nothing is forever and the bad news is that nothing is forever.

And remind yourself ...

The only way out is through.

N.

Ahoy.

As we all know and have experienced it, heart is a strong force when it comes to deciding over life’s steps.

It’s like a GPS. And like a real GPS it can navigate us to the wrong destination. To exits and to highways what no longer exists or make us take uturns and give second chances. Our hearts make mistakes. Period.

Therefore we must take our brain with us, every time that little red things skips a beat or just makes a flip over someone, that’s the moment when we have to check on our brain software. Making sure that we see red lights/flags, all the stop signs and all the warning signs.

We have to be able to have our eyes wide open when our heart runs blindly towards the person with open arms and or spread legs.

It’s soooooo easy to fall when you don’t look where you are going. Though it’s beautiful. Falling for someone. Living on the cloud and being all hopeful. And I’m not trying to be sceptical or negative.

Despite everything ... I still believe in true love.

It’s there. Patiently waiting for us until we are ready to fully experience it. When the lessons are learned. When the mistakes are no longer repeated. When the naive silly heart is healed and the only memories we have are the good ones.

But it’s there.

And next time my heart will start pumping blood just a bit faster I will stay calm. I will smile and ask my brain - What does “she” think?!

I love to love. I love to be loved. I can’t wait to love again.

But this time I will take my brain with me.

I hope ...

But still, the only way out is through.

Have a lovely night,

N.

Ahoy.

Let me start with something what will hit you straight away. There is nothing worse than being a “single mom” and still being married to and live with your partner. That is just suuuuuuuper challenging, not just physically but more importantly mentally and emotionally.

I lived like that for months. I became the worst version of myself.

I need love.

Let me explain ...

Try to imagine you are just about to have your first baby and you are looking forward to it. You are overdue and overwhelmed. You had to move twice in last 5 months- packing and unpacking 2 bedroom apartment basically by your own. Because your “soulmate” is busy at work and then tired because he was at work. You are hormonal and a mess but still trying to stay positive and strong - for the lil one within you.

The baby girl is here and you had emergency c section after 17 hours of active labor and have to recover. No help. Nobody is around. Nobody can do stuff for you.

1.Pros are that your brain automatically goes to supernatural survival mode for your child and all of a sudden you have way more strength and energy. And also pain killers helped. All good.

2.Cons are that you are fucking lonely. Scared. Exhausted and brainwashed.That you never imagined that you will not have the man you married next to you when you need him in times like these. That you are starting to realize that you are alone in the relationship. Nothing feels worse.

...so I left. It’s recent. BUT! We were living “separately” for a months. That is something I will need to talk to my consellor about. Please, if you are in the situation where you can leave a toxic relationship - when you aren’t a visitor in the country and you have financial resources and place to go and don’t have a baby in your arms - Run, Crawl, Walk - just leave. Don’t wait. It’s pointless. It won’t get better.

Love yourself. You don’t have to love yourself the most or the best. But you always have to love yourself first !

I had to wait. I had to wait for the transition house to be ready. For all the legal aid to be sorted. For support to be found. For a safe place for my daughter, most importantly. For this quarantine to get better.

But ultimately ...

I feel somewhat free. Not even close to the end. Not even knowing what will be next. With all the unknown I still feel calmer and in peace than when I lived with the man I once loved hard and truly. My heart is broken. My soul is sick. My mind is hopefull. And that’s where all the power comes from. Keeping your mind healthy and feed it with good stuff.

This entire post is dedicated to my healing. To your healing. To everyone who needs to find this. It’s a really small part of the whole story but I will vent again, do not worry. This is freeing and when your freedom was taken away from you and you got lost in someone else’s power game you hold onto anything what gives you even an illusion of doing whatever you want and whenever you want to.

No more lies, heart aches, betrayals or let downs.

One day at a time.

For myself. For my child. For a better life.

.... Because ,remember - The only way out is through .

Have a lovely day,

N.

Ahoy.

I’ve spent last 7 hours of my very precious free time with searching and seeking and looking for all kinds of advices from the best of the best bloggers. I even created a domain. I changed it 3 times. So, overall, I created 4 domains. Didn’t pay for any. I just wasn’t sure if going to the main stream with all the fanciness is for me.

Everyone is just talking about how to make money and actual living out of blogging. The urge and need of getting shit outta your head or shaking off pain of your shoulders or just simply share your joy and daily struggles- that is somewhat gone, in my opinion:

But to their credit they all said one thing : “Just start ...”

I just simply need to write down the thoughts. Maybe this will be my journal of my journey.

They say start with the good introduction ...

... Where the hell should I even start?! I’m a mom. Let’s start there. Priorities, right?!

Mama to the baby girl who is almost 7 months !!!!

She is my everything. She is the reason why I left her father. She is the reason why I will never settle for less. She is the reason why I love mornings and she is the reason why I want to be the best version of myself. She would also be the reason why I would kill if someone wants to harm her ☠️🤡.

So In order to get my head straight again I got to start talking more and just share it with whomever needs to find it.

I decided to share my story/ies. They are mostly heartbreaking but those are the best ones. They made you damn strong. I will be trying to learn consistency /which I’m not that good at/, while doing something beneficial for myself. Frankly, I don’t even know if anyone will ever read this. I just feel like making something so vulnerable and completely honest publicly gives me extra motivation and strength.

I Will be covering all the emotions and probably on daily basis. With all kinds of lessons, tips and tricks, followed by jokes and sarcasm. I want to talk about my ex, about my parenting style, sex,’about being single and the lifestyle that comes with it. About art, diy, hauls and decor. About everything and nothing. About life.

Aqnyone who needs to hear this -

“The only way out is through ... “

- Robert Frost

Have a lovely day,

N.